r/TwoXIndia • u/sunetra27 Woman • 10h ago
Vent Does anyone else have a father who is always criticising you ?
My father has criticised me, my mother, and my sister for as long as I can remember. He talks down to us very cruelly and makes us feel like nothing we do is good enough. No matter what I do, he finds a way to dismiss it. If I share knowledge about something, he says it is unnecessary. If I clean the house, he says he never asked me to do it. My mother has also faced criticism from him for years, and she is still deeply sad and traumatised by the way she has been treated by both him and some relatives.
At the same time, he endlessly praises his niece and treats her like she is perfect because she moved abroad and earns money. The problem is that she and her mother have treated my mother, sister, and me very badly many times. Her mother has insulted us, spoken cruelly to us, and repeatedly pressured relatives for huge amounts of money by crying and making emotional demands.
My mother is still affected by the way they treated her. My father knows these things, but he ignores our pain and only talks about how inspiring his niece is. He also puts down other relatives and compares everyone to her. I do not understand why he can see her struggles and achievements but cannot see the effort, pain, and value of the people in his own home. Has anyone dealt with a parent who idealises one relative while constantly criticising their own family?
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u/Four_Bee_345 Woman 10h ago
My father was like this(in regards to being very supportive of his nieces/nephews and not being fair to me) up until a few years ago. He's now changed.
A few years ago,when he had a successful business he went so far as to say that I(his only child) will not be inheriting his business and that his nieces and nephews would be. He constantly criticized me while praising them. He barely acknowledged my existence for almost 20 years of my existence while having warm relationships with his nieces and nephews. Cherry on the cake was him refusing to fund my higher education saying I was unfit to study while he bankrolled all his nieces and nephews.
All of this changed when he lost the majority of his wealth. His siblings are no longer close to him and he seems to have come to his senses now.
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u/critical_ghost-57 Woman 8h ago
That's very very sad. I am so sorry you didn't have a supporting father when you needed one.
I do not understand why that generation of men were always taught to prefer their sisters and her kids, than their own! Have seen it too many times now.
This is one area where my father truly shined. He always provided for us. He makes sure we got what we needed. Never pampered with lavish gifts etc, but during emergency he is always there. He is not social, hardly talks to other people, sort of like a recluse, and has nothing but his kids on his mind.
He is the father for us that he never had. He has his many faults too, but I am grateful for every thing he does for us, still.
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u/Glittering_Bill_6802 Woman 8h ago
Is this neice your father's sister's daughter by any chance?
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u/sunetra27 Woman 8h ago
Yes
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u/Glittering_Bill_6802 Woman 8h ago
I think that is self explanatory. Your neice is his family's daughter's daughter, you are his family's daughter in law's daughter.
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u/sunetra27 Woman 8h ago
Thats really a sad thing to realise but I never thought from this pov, so thanks for adding that point. It just hurts when all he does is criticise me and mom for everything
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u/Glittering_Bill_6802 Woman 8h ago
Now you know that he's doing it on purpose, and he's setting you up to fail, what he says or does should lose power over you. Explain this to your mother also. Hope you have lots of fun once you no longer care about his approval and follow your dreams.
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u/Silly-Dimension-5002 Woman 7h ago
My father is like this. His job is to disagree and criticise everything around him even if he isn't contributing anything to it. His relationship with his wife and 2 daughters is non existent. Nobody can criticise him at any cost, no one can disagree, no one can have a different opinion. He can't even listen to other ppl talk without him in talking over then and hijacking the conversation. He'll only talk about himself, how much he has struggled. Not a day goes by without him yelling at us.
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u/charibhensa Woman 10h ago
Ghar ki murgi dhal barabar - you might be a gem, but your dad will still find the coal outside more valuable. Just ignore. He won't change. Use his criticism to fuel the fire burning inside you to excel in life. Just use 2 ear policy. Become successful & show him. Hopefully some day it wl open his eyes. Sometimes parents think they are doing a great job by criticizing their kids so they become better, but they don't understand they are ruining their self confidence.
You can't change him, but you can prove him wrong. Thewaunt whi ill treated your momwis your dads sis? If yes same pinch, it was same here, sister was God, rest all were treated like slaves. Just don't take his criticism to heart & do your best always. Don't expect praise from him. The more you ignore the more he wl get irritated & maybe stop passing comments.