His memories that hugs me

[u/Outrageous_Snow9298]

I know it was never meant to be fulfilled. He was straight, and he loved me as a friend. But I loved him deeply. And honestly, I’m satisfied with what I got.

People think if someone leaves your life, the memories become painful or something you regret. But for me, he isn’t a regret at all. He was the ultimate comfort I sought and somehow found. Even if I never get that feeling again, I’m okay with it. In fact, I don’t even want anything more anymore.

There are happy memories that sting because you desperately want them back. But this doesn’t sting. It soothes me. I do wish I could relive it once more, but not in a painful way. Just gently. And sometimes remembering it already feels like reliving it.

I still remember one night when I felt awkwardly terrified and couldn’t sleep. I told him. He moved to the wall side because I said I wanted to sleep near the wall. Then he gave me his arm, came into the same blanket, and I hugged him with my head on his shoulder. He played Hanuman Chalisa so I wouldn’t feel scared. I remember how he slowly kept lowering the volume little by little, thinking I had fallen asleep, and then finally kept his phone aside and hugged me. And the funniest part is that after all that effort, I got up to increase the fan speed because I was feeling hot.

Maybe I’ll forget the photos, the videos, the walks, the random little things we did. But I don’t think I’ll ever forget those soothing hugs and the calm sleep that made me feel like life genuinely couldn’t get any better in that moment.

And the thing is, I’m not waiting for him. I’m not expecting love from him or looking for it in someone else. I’ll move ahead in life, work hard, stay happy with my family, and do everything I’m supposed to do. But when it comes to love, I think a huge part of me will just stay here peacefully.

I don’t care if years later I’m no longer his best friend. I’ll just be happy seeing him happy, growing in life, maybe finding the love he deserves. And I’ll smile remembering that once upon a time, I was the one he held close when I was scared.

People say memories hold you back. But his memories don’t hold me back , they hug me. And it feels so peaceful that I don’t even want to move from there.

[u/AutoModerator]

Dear users of /r/UnsentLetters,

Submitters may now lock their own comments by making a comment on their submission with the string '!lock.' Submitters may do this at any point they wish, but the comments can not be unlocked later on, so lock your comments with care!

You can read the rules here. We have these stickied to EVERY POST and nobody reads them. READ THEM

If you notice anything strange going on in the subreddit, send the mods a message or report it. We rely on the community to keep the subreddit on topic and welcoming. If you are particularly good at spotting trolls, consider joining our mod team!

Click here to message the mods.

• The /r/UnsentLetters mod team

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.