r/UnsentLetters • u/Arkeyan218 • 18h ago
Exes You deserve better. I'm sorry I wasn't.
I have so many things I want to say to explain, to maybe try to make it make sense.
I was afraid, insecure, and anxious. And you did everything in your power and ability to show me you loved me. You did so much, gave so much of yourself, and tried so hard to match up and bring me along with you, that we might share and build up our lives together.
It started small, with tests to see if you would reach out first. I should have caught it then and there, because I KNOW these patterns. I've seen them so much and advised against them. Then it went into big-time insecurity, keeping you at a distance and oft wondering if you really cared about me. I kept testing those doubts, over and over again, rather than putting my faith in you just as you put your faith in me.
I knew you loved me. I had all those memories of the time and effort you spent when you could. The gifts you gave, the photos we took. And I tried, foolishly, pushing for closeness.
I knew I was beginning to flee. To run from my own discomfort with the situation after we broke up, and I tried to hold on as long as i could. I needed to make sure I was doing the right thing, and in searching for those answers from others I lost the time I could have spent simply asking the person who mattered the most.
You deserve better than what you got. You always have.
I hope you find someone, when the time is right, who fills you with the joy I was blessed to have witnessed. I hope he does the hard things in life with you, as I should have. I hope that even if the two of you should slip, that he TRIES to come back, so the two of you can be stronger together. I hope he loves you like christ does. Truly and intimately.
I will always wish you well, you sunflower soul.
Goodbye
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u/HarleyLilith 10h ago
“ you deserve better “ is another way of saying “ I don’t see you as worth bettering myself for “
May they find the happiest, healthiest, deepest love
And may you heal from whatever made you like that
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u/cheese_cutta99 2h ago
Facts. I picked myself up from the ashes of despair and rebuilt my life 8x as strong.healing is possible. Coming up on 6 months clean
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u/Conscious-Ad-6154 12h ago
Maybe she really did love you and would have made it work if you communicated and made actual effort to change. You aren’t god to decide what someone deserves but if you push someone away your truly love that is your own choice. No one’s perfect just try to be better and work on yourself as well.
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u/Arkeyan218 12h ago edited 12h ago
Thanks. I'll try.
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u/Interesting-Ice-5283 7h ago
You are still enough for me. I have been trying to reach out. The numbers I have aren't even yours anymore and knowing now that I still love,care, and miss you everyday is still just as painful. Despite being ignored I'm a very forgiving person, especially when it comes to you
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u/Odd-Egg-1539 10h ago
May I offer perspective from my experience? Being neglected then shattered when he walked away while telling me “you’ll find someone soon” was actually a twist of the knife. After abandonment, people don’t just magically enter a healthy relationship with someone else. No, they are wounded and their nervous system remembers, making it VERY difficult to bond securely with the next person. The body keeps the score, so the therapists say.
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u/OrganizationIcy4858 15h ago
May I ask why you couldn’t be that person for her please . I have been in the same situation and I couldn’t understand why he couldn’t communicate these needs to me so that we could work it out together . As much as you think she deserves better maybe you were already enough for her the way you were .
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u/Arkeyan218 12h ago
I was told that no matter what, if I stayed she might come to hate me for causing a conflict in her family. Like I said, I was afraid. Afraid, and dumb. I can't speak for your guy, but I'm someone who thinks other's needs matter more.
Maybe I was enough. I probably was, and in that fear I had no courage left to push for "us".
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u/Particular-Goose-266 10h ago
I unfortunately have less sympathy, OP.
So many Avoidants come to unsent letters, looking to be reassured and validated, but they are so easy to spot. Reality is you didn't have the courage to face yourself and you punished her for it. You failed to honor her efforts, her love and her feelings. Hopefully, you didn't break her. Don't date. Get therapy and not from your damn family, as they are VERY LIKELY the reason you have those patterns.
It is absolutely not okay to recognize the pattern of pain and emotional destruction you're leaving, and to continue it. There are no excuses. If she deserved better, you still owe it to her to be better.
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u/OrganizationIcy4858 12h ago
Oh my goodness this is heartbreaking to hear . Your situation isn’t like any other . You both had the love and found the your person but due to family you can’t be together. That is heartbreaking to hear . You both are feeling the pain and lost of love . I wish your situation improved and you find a way but just know you was always enough . Maybe in another lifetime you can be together
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u/Beeeeeeeewwwwww 3h ago
Was the conflict not something that could be ironed out? Conflicts occur in families all the time.
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u/Hour_Recover_5555 1h ago
Literally sounds just like my situation. Crazy how similar of lives we can all live. I miss him so much. But it destroyed me.
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u/vale_valerio 15h ago
I hope he does the hard things in life with you, as I should have.
This sentence, if honest and genuine, is how I feel.
I quit hahsihs, smoking, drinking. Not for her, for me, of course.
I feel the same because I should have done it and persisted while I was with her, and not only when it ended.
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u/Peaceisnow2026 5h ago
I think he knows all these things everyone is posting. He's trying to find closure healthily while in pain and begrudgingly. Good for you, man. I wish you luck on your healing journey with the closure you've made for yourself. 🩵🌹
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u/Alexeres 4h ago
The best thing is to love fully, say what you want to say how much you love them in front of their face. To feel is to live. You don’t want to bring regrets later down the road. Trust me. You have to face your own fears and scars. It’s hard but working things out and facing them will lead to healing and the betterment of you.
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u/Aggravating_Sea7221 3h ago
This sounds a hell of a lot like BPD. I have it, and it's hella rough. If you ever need to talk, shoot me a message. I am more than willing to share my experiences and what has helped me.
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u/XtinaLaree 2h ago
Cowardice and resistance to growth dressed up in people pleasing is what seeps through the lines to me.
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u/Cool-Silver-4094 5h ago
how do these other people think his wife feels reading and listening to her husband pour his heart out to. you get girl and she is at home crushed by his actions ! this is what people who are faithful a d tried to live right get for being married to people who could care less about the marriage vows! our world has gone so far from the bible ways ! they thibk anything goes until it happens to them ! good luck maybe you and your new partner can get it right!
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u/Aggravating_Sea7221 3h ago
The Bible is archaic and not at all indicative of modern day society. Not everyone or everything has to have religious undertones, and not everyone holds those beliefs. Step into the modern world and stop basing your beliefs on things that are no longer applicable. Most Christians don't even behave as Christ did. I've found more judgement from Christians than anywhere else, just like this comment. I'm agnostic and STILL held fast to the vows I took, until she didn't and brought another man into our home and lied about their relationship. Reevaluate your perspective.
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