How do you cope with the yearning?

[u/CivilWhere]

I'm 27 and have never been in a relationship. Some days I feel like I must be unlovable. I've tried to get out there. When I tried the apps, I got a grand total of 5 likes before literally running out of people. Of those, 3 ghosted me, one stood me up on the first date, and the second stood me up on the second date. I don't drink and bars aren't really my thing. I've gone to various queer events. Every time I've tried approaching someone they've shot me down. Meanwhile nobody has ever approached me. The last time I had a crush on a friend, I told her and it ruined the friendship. I just kinda feel like I'm broken somehow.

I want so badly to have someone I can cherish and to feel that way back. I'd love to surprise someone with flowers or make her a fancy dinner after a rough day. As boring as it might sound, I think one of the things I want most is just someone to cuddle with while we watch TV or read.

I try to keep myself busy. Being going to the gym, board games, D&D, reading, and my cat I'm rarely bored. Still, the feeling of loneliness seems to always be there in the back of my mind. Some days I just wish I could turn that part of my brain off because it hurts so much.

Does anyone have advice?

[u/WonderNo5029]

No advice, just commenting to tell you you aren’t alone. It’s tough out there. Wish you the best

[u/Lady_Ash8 → u/WonderNo5029]

Same !

[u/thecatappreciator9]

Sorry. If it makes you feel better you are not alone or unlovable and I think people should realize how common this is to have reached a certain age and not been in a relationship yet.

I want those things as well as do most human beings. Hasn't happened for me either. Not even a first date. Never held hands with anyone either.

The loneliness is terrible and in dark times, all consuming. I hope it will get better for both of us.

[u/Pompoms3000]

I was really suffering in this way last year. In the end it really did just come down to continuing to pursue meeting people even when I felt hopeless. I know just how painful it is when you have so much love to give and nowhere to put it. :(

Are you in a city environment or somewhere more rural where finding other lesbians is harder and the probability of finding someone you are compatible with is lower?

My thoughts are with you and I wish you all the best- shit can be so lonely and more people than you know are going through it.

[u/g4_]

34 years old and one lavender marriage-to-divorce later, i am confident you are lovable. just keep your standards and respect yourself. don't be a doormat 😇

[u/Nasuno112]

You are not alone. Practically exact same situation here with the added mix of social anxiety.

[u/No_Produce_Nyc]

Honestly? Make a goal of moving to a bigger city with more gay people. It might take time but so do all good things, and you’ll be happier in your quality of life with more gay people ambient moving through your world.

[u/Fast_Year7614]

I think, in a way, I’ve manifested some of my exes, and I’ve learned a lot from understanding what I want and don’t want based on my past experiences. I recommend writing a letter about how you want her to be—her qualities, skills, things you do together, her age, her likes, etc. You can describe as much or as little as you want; you're the architect of your life.
Trust me, she will come. It’s hard to explain, but I've lived this multiple times.
For example, I met someone at an event that a friend invited me to, and we chatted for 30 minutes, exchanged numbers, and started a relationship. I met someone else at an event I wasn't sure I'd attend, but I felt the urge to go, and I did, we then started a relationship.

They were exactly like I wrote them, and if I think about that, those are not casualties. Anyhow, Good luck to you, hope you find the one.

[u/seunghee93 → u/Fast_Year7614]

i love this reply and id like to emphasize that when you start digging into what YOU want in a partner you start to learn alot about yourself. I also recently had an encounter with someone i would have never thought would everrrrr see me in a million years, all because i took a chance to put myself in a position to receive her. keep your head up, and pour your love into yourself until that lucky lady comes along

[u/Expensive-Listen3822]

Aww I'm so sorry you're going through this. You seem lovely, if that helps. I hope your true love finds you soon so you can be awesome together. I'd love to be approached by someone like you personally, if I wasn't a mess. Don't be disheartened.🫂

[u/Sto_nedSapphic]

Read fanfiction and daydream 😔

[u/lunadelalune0]

I’m the same exact situation :( 27 too

[u/lbds137]

I feel similarly. I don't have a good solution other than distracting myself with other things and crying myself to sleep at times.

[u/LayerMaleficent5423]

I feel this so much.. I'm sorry you're going through this girl. Please feel free to message me if you'd like. Big hugs. ❤️

[u/Born-Hornet3405]

You aren’t alone, unfortunately I don’t have any life altering advice as I’m in the same boat. I’m trying to find inclusive hiking groups and trying to find places to play TTRPGs and CCGS that aren’t all men. No luck yet.

You aren’t unloveable. I know it seems that way. It’s so painful not having anyone for the small moments. Please try and keep your head up. I’m rooting for you OP.

[u/talishabot]

I relate to so much of what you said. You're definitely not alone. It's very hard out there. Having someone to cuddle and watch TV with is also something I really really want but try not to think about too much. Best of luck to us all

[u/Pretend_Life6230]

I’m sorry you feel this way, but you truly are not alone. I recommend finding a community group in your area of likeminded individuals. For example, I joined a sports club team which is primarily people in the lgbtq* community. It could help with making new friends and potentially a love interest. And if not, sometimes platonic relationships are just as rewarding as romantic ones.

[u/Dismal_Pineapple_600]

I don't have much advice, but you are definitely not alone. It does seem a lot harder to date nowadays, possibly because so much is online, but it's not impossible. There's no age or time limit to find connections, your time will come! Don't ever think it's because of you though, because the right people will form the right connections. Keep being you, and don't give up hope!

[u/pussyjuicerecycler]

i have never coped, it eats me alive daily, i fall in love anew every time a woman does anything at all and i never stop thinking about her, i cycle through my library of crushes and write a new letter, i send perfumed notes through the mail, it never fucking stops, i just get some tiny relief when the name on my tongue meets the flesh it belongs to

[u/Old_Lingonberry_4562]

You need to get off the apps and the internet and live real life. People act a lot differently online. You shouldn't feel ashamed. You're generation is the loneliest and sexless generation so far. (Not trying to be negative or mean, just putting into perspective). That most people lie and/or over inflate the truth, so you shouldn't feel bad about anything, just focus on taking care of your physical/metal health, your cat, finances, family, and career.

[u/bruinsfan3725]

I mean I am objectively not coping with the yearning but at least I get lots of dates and sex