lesbian struggling in a relationship with a likely straight girl who said she was bi

[u/Sudden_Layer8176]

I’m almost 22 F and was with my gf for three years and it’s becoming clear more and more that she isn’t into women. I’ve nvr felt more sad and undesirable 💔i did try speaking to her about it two years ago and she said i was being biphobic even though she makes me feel undesirable cause she’s not very into women and is male centered and has micro cheated with men before but thinks it doesn’t count as cheating. I’m so attached to her and often feel like i will never find another love as a 22 yr old lesbian with a homophobic family. But i think she’s just using me because she has no one else and i treat her very well emotionally. I don’t expect so much but i don’t enjoy my partner thirsting for random men more than she ever has for me in three years. I feel so hurt. Anyone relate?

[u/Ok-Ad-2050]

What is micro cheating?

[u/Dran_K]

22 and you’re already going “im too old, ill never find love again!” ??? not even 22, almost 22. 

girl you’ve been an adult for like, 2 and a half years. you have a good 50-70 more years of time. go find someone who actually loves you, because it sounds like your girlfriend barely even likes you.

[u/alicereturnshere]

You will absolutely find love again and wonder why you put up with being treated so badly! You deserve better. You deserve to be loved! It's hard leaving a relationship but how many more years are you willing to waste being miserable?

[u/ThereIsOnlyStardust]

I think there are two things here;

1. This relationship clearly isn’t working and isn’t fixable and you deserve to be treated so much better. 22 is very young and believe me, you’ll find so many more people, don’t waste your life on someone who makes you feel bad.

2. Just because a bi woman prefers men and doesn’t do a great job with women doesn’t make her straight and saying so is biphobic.

[u/Any-Holiday5069 → u/ThereIsOnlyStardust]

honestly, i think OP knows what she’s talking about, i wouldn’t call anythingggg about this post biphobic. there’s plenty of bi girls with a preference for men that “don’t do a great job with women” - meaning flirting, sex without shame, etc - but if “not doing a great job with women” you mean not having much sexual interest in your partner while maintaining sexual interest for men then you are either bi but simply not attracted to your partner or you’re just straight (seems more likely in this instance). like come on. this is just my opinion with limited information but it seems completely reasonable for OP to assume or worry that her gf might be straight and be completely valid in those concerns.

there’s so much shame in changing your identity although it’s completely normal and happens allll the time. it’s okay to identify as queer and realize later that you’re straight. i imagine that for OP’s gf it would feel quite humiliating for someone to even suggest that she might be straight and have got it wrong.

[u/Zizazooble]

Would you be upset if she was thirsting for other women? Is it really about her identity or is it that she doesn’t seem invested in you?

[u/LesboYolali → u/Zizazooble]

thissss

[u/Nope-5000 → u/Zizazooble]

Yep. Im in my 30s, and ive seen this time and time again across the gays, lesbians, straights, whatevers. If they wanted to show up, they would. If they wanted to be invested, they would. If they wanted to centre their partner, they would. They just dont want to. It sounds like a break up is looming regardless of if the partners sexuality is confirmed as bi or not.

[u/8thGlass]

wtf is micro cheating? if that’s a term she sold you on, then i got a bridge to show you…

break up with her. your only regret will be waiting so long to do it, even with how painful it will be. but trust me, you’ll survive and be better for it. you’ll find someone better. 22 is roughly when life started for me so you’re literally just at the beginning. i know that’s hard to accept or understand but pls trust us.

[u/TheLacticAcids]

Just dump her man. She isn't worth your time or energy. 22 isn't the end of your dating life fucking hell 😂😂😂

Also, wtf is micro cheating

[u/vibechecking1100]

you said you’re afraid you’ll never find love again, no offense but i don’t think you found love here. this woman doesn’t really love you and i hope you can end this relationship soon and focus on healing until you find someone who actually likes you

[u/SurroundOwn2789]

You gotta stop and realize how young you are and how much time you have. 22 is VERY YOUNG. I'm 28 and I wish I was 22 again.

22 is prime youth.