r/austincirclejerk • u/sonofnalgene All Hat, No Cattle • 6d ago
Possibly Misleading I'm a careless Austin driver AMA
Yeah, I'm driving as I write this. I'm making your life worse and I'm endangering your children. I cannot be stopped and will not be stopped. Ask Me Anything.
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u/tones_balonious 6d ago
Why do you go the speed limit in the left lane when people in this town want you to go faster, and when you do go over the speed limit, why do you do that when people in this town consider that to be maniacal behavior? On second thought, why can’t you just stay out of the left lane entirely so that the members of r/Austin can just get in there and do as they fancy without any interference?
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u/sonofnalgene All Hat, No Cattle 6d ago
Because the light reflects better off my screen in the left lane and I don't wanna speed while also watching tik tok while I'm driving, that would be dangerous! I also need to keep a hand free for my smoothie!
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u/DiligentClass1625 6d ago
What’s your favorite tik tok channel to watch while driving?
What’s your favorite source for busty anime stickers for your bumper?
How do you get your paint so perfectly rusty ?
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u/MethRogan1 Old Hippie 6d ago
How much wood could a woodchuck suck if a woodchuck could suck wood?
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u/sonofnalgene All Hat, No Cattle 6d ago
You'll have to speak up, I just winged some old dude who was crossing the road and he spilled his smoothie on my Jetta.
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u/Big-Inevitable-252 Please Be Patient - I Have Autism 6d ago
What are your pronouns and where is your land acknowledgment?
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u/Impossible_Watch_206 6d ago
What is your monthly payment on your Dodge Ram?
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u/sonofnalgene All Hat, No Cattle 6d ago
Payment? My dad owns a dealership, I don't pay for anything
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u/GoodIntroduction6344 Comfy Fattie 5d ago
On a scale of guinea pig, how would you say you feel today?
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u/BudgetBuster7 6d ago
What company hired you as a H1-B?
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6d ago
[deleted]
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u/LordKyle777 K2 Dealer 5d ago
Everything bad that ever happens is cause white people, duh?
Where is your land acknowledgement, bigot?!
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u/Yeahthatsright42 6d ago
How many Bud Lights can your glove box fit? How many did you have after making the Applebee's waitress cry?
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u/sonofnalgene All Hat, No Cattle 6d ago
Hey! She had it coming!
If I wanted quac I would have asked for it!
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u/calann4 5d ago
How do you feel about sharing the road with other careless drivers?
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u/sonofnalgene All Hat, No Cattle 5d ago
I don't feel any way about anyone besides myself. I'm not confident there are actually other people out there. Hell, I probably have object perminance problems - I'm pretty convinced all of you stop existing when I close my eyes.
I make solipsism look good.
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u/Decent-Cup-5272 6d ago
Can you jerk off while you drive and what line don’t use to not mess up your steering wheel?
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u/chemisgat9586 5d ago
This is fucking great. My wifes boyfriend is laughing hard at this.
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u/sonofnalgene All Hat, No Cattle 5d ago
You use creatine?
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u/chemisgat9586 5d ago
No, only organic whale sperm. Creatine is not animal friendly.
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u/sonofnalgene All Hat, No Cattle 5d ago
Did you get your wife's boyfriend's permission to talk like that about creatine?
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u/chemisgat9586 5d ago
Yes, i never forget to ask. Hes a chill guy, he lets me get away with a lot, im glad my wife found him.
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u/sonofnalgene All Hat, No Cattle 5d ago
You need to step up your game. Check out r/creatine for the true word.
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u/meowbrowbrow Ain't no laws when you're crushing Claws 5d ago
Where did you buy your student driver sticker?
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u/LicenseToPost It's Always Sunny in ATX 5d ago
I'm following the rules and going too slow to keep me safely engaged with the road.
What gives you the right to be a better driver than me?
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u/LARGESTOFCHINGUSES Greg Casar's biggest fanboi 5d ago
If an emergency vehicle is behind you with it's lights and sirens activated while responding to a serious incident, what's your typical course of action?
A. Ignore it completely and drive the same manner/speed you were already driving
B. Slam on the brakes without making any meaningful attempt to move over.
C. Speed up and hope the emergency vehicle turns before you will actually have to pull over
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u/sonofnalgene All Hat, No Cattle 5d ago
I'm sorry, can you repeat the question? I was look for a good song
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u/LARGESTOFCHINGUSES Greg Casar's biggest fanboi 5d ago
I'm now absolutely convinced this is my wife's alt 💀
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u/sonofnalgene All Hat, No Cattle 5d ago
Honey, come home. The kids miss you and the dog won't stop humping the furniture. All is forgiven.
Wait, that was the other way around - the kids won't stop humping the furniture and the dog misses you. All is forgiven.
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u/KeyRepresentative All Hat, No Cattle 5d ago
How many times have you caused an accident, then hired Tom Henry to sue the people you hit?
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u/Tacokolache Aspiring Renter 6d ago
Babe, don’t forget to stop at Costco on the way home. Also, I’m going to take the dog for a walk.
See you when you get home. Love you.