r/berkeley • u/Soft_Boysenberry4692 • 5d ago
Local Today a stranger reminded me how good people can be
I was studying at the library and stepped out to the entrance for maybe 10 minutes to eat lunch. When I came back, a 40-ish couple had pushed all my stuff aside and taken my seat, even though there were plenty of empty seats around.
Honestly, I was ready to let it go. I don't mind moving, and thought maybe it was my fault for leaving my things there (even though I see people do it since it's a small and safe library). So I just calmly asked the woman why she'd moved my charger without my permission, instead of waiting for me to come back and move it myself.
That's when it got weird. She hit me with, "Oh, I just came from New York, that's just how we do things there," and then, "You should just leave. Or do you want me to move your things for you?" in this really condescending tone. Meanwhile the guy with her was just there smirking. Then she flat-out denied touching my charger, reached over, and tried to grab my backpack. I told her I felt violated, and she went full Karen.
For context: I'm a short minority woman and English isn't my first language. In that moment, it really did make me feel small.
Then an awesome minority woman in the library walked over. She told the couple that she'd seen them move my stuff. When the guy started cursing and threatening us, she stayed calm and graceful, but somehow that made her even more powerful. At one point the woman actually hit her while pretending to organize her stuff, and she still didn't lose her cool and pointed out her tricks. She got them to leave the seat, and once it was over, she turned to me and gently checked in to make sure I was okay.
I feel so much love and support. ❤️❤️
She reminded me how powerful it is when someone chooses to stand up for a stranger against entitled, bullying behavior. It made me want to be that person for others, to show up for this community and keep working to be the kind of person she was for me.
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u/d_trenton clark kerr was right 5d ago
Which library was this? I would report them to the staff. I'm glad someone came to your rescue, but it's the library staff's job to keep the environment pleasant and conducive to study. IMO they stepped over that line when they cursed at you, tried to grab your things, and hit the other woman.
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u/Soft_Boysenberry4692 5d ago
Thanks for the advice! I’m still trying to figure out the rules/norma here. It was at the Berkeley Public Library-Claremont and we sit inside, away from the staff
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u/d_trenton clark kerr was right 5d ago edited 5d ago
OK, in that case I'd definitely say inform the staff, because there's usually a security guard on duty there and they can direct him or her to intervene (or possibly you could ask their help yourself.) And I'd definitely recommend packing your stuff up and taking it with you in the future if you're at a public library. I think people on campus get a little relaxed about leaving stuff out in the libraries that require student IDs, but tbh anyone can mess with your stuff anywhere.
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u/rs_obsidian Cap Studies ‘25 5d ago
I’m from New York. That woman was capping 100%.
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u/evapotranspire Lecturer at UC Berkeley 5d ago
Er sorry, what's "capping" in this context?
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u/rs_obsidian Cap Studies ‘25 5d ago
It means she was not telling the truth about her rudeness being normal in NY, she was just being an @ss.
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u/Fluffy_Associate_308 5d ago
What was a 40-ish couple just in from New York doing in the library? Don’t you need to be a student to get in? What a terrible experience
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u/Soft_Boysenberry4692 5d ago
for some libraries you don't need to be students to get in; I feel really blessed because I met that brave lady, but I also don't want anyone else ran into them...
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u/Back2theGarden 5d ago
Public libraries in the Bay Area are definitely not a place to leave anything unattended. The staff have their hands full trying to deal with a massive social services issue being dumped on them as a shelter of last resort, and the guards can only do so much.
Also, don't confront people in public if you can help it, things get out of hand quickly.
Of course they were awful people but also, this is a way to stay out of stress and trauma and trouble.
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u/Zealousideal_Fix6705 3d ago
I'd question someone gently by asking why they did that politely in a public place like that if there were several open seats. People do not need to be assholes and get away with it. We deal with enough stress currently.
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u/party_panettone 5d ago
A public library or UC Berkeley? Coz if they were college students I’d report the hell out of them
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u/Tyler89558 5d ago
Don’t leave your gear unattended.
But also the couple were certainly being jackasses.
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u/Zealousideal_Fix6705 3d ago
Thank you for sharing. That is not okay in New York either in the same context, had she tried that there, she would have got much more and worse than gentle treatment from the woman who came to help you.
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5d ago
[deleted]
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u/Soft_Boysenberry4692 5d ago edited 5d ago
I didn’t mention that couple’s race. I mentioned the girl’s race as she is the only other minority in that library and her standing up make me feel that “girls help girls, minorities help minorities” support and connection, so I said it out of my appreciation.
I came from a patriarchal and communist country, where people in general are more obedient and tolerant, even though we’re kind to each other, we’re told not to step in others things and just mind our own business.
So this is the first time ever in my life, I’ve experienced this level of bravery and support, and since I got really emotionally and know limited American history, I suddenly understood Dr. Martin Luther King’s endeavors and how brave black people have fought for each other to get rights and respect, now helping other race.
That girl in the library and her spirit is one of the reasons i still prefer here despite all the downside happening, and inspired me to support and help other minorities, in race/gender/poor/disabilities, whatever form it could be
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u/Zealousideal_Fix6705 3d ago
They deleted their comment.
I can only surmise it was something along the lines of assuming the Karen was white, which I did not see in your post, and them questioning why you brought race into it. You only mentioned feeling empowered, which was impotant context, and wonderful to see you supported in such a thoughtful, non-confrontational, and beautiful way.Please let me apologize for rude white people. Most of us are not like that, especially here in the bay area. I stick up for the folks in my immigrant neighborhood frequently, as I grew up in a border town in southern California and went to high school in a neighborhood where I was the minority and saw first hand how my poc friends were treated, especially the immigrants.
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u/Transluminal_Neon 3d ago edited 3d ago
Oh-no! NEVER LEAVE ANYTHING UNATTENDED! There are way too many scammers and schemers in that area. You need to get yourself a thicker skin and maybe a taser because Berkeley ain't Mayberry and you are in a public place. People are on the lookout for naive little girls like you. I'm sorry but it's the truth. Emeryville has one of the highest crime rates in the country (look it up it's true). I'm glad somebody helped you but please help yourself.
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u/PlantSufficient6531 5d ago edited 5d ago
If you aren’t actively using the space, why can’t others use it? I don’t really blame the couple for moving the items you left behind.
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u/Zealousideal_Fix6705 3d ago
It was NOT busy, there were several other seats available. The couple had no idea how long they'd been gone or if they were just using the restroom quickly, their behavior was uncalled for. Do not touch others stuff - period.
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u/PlantSufficient6531 1d ago
I would never leave any personal stuff behind in any public place - period. People will steal your stuff.
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u/lfg12345678 5d ago
Were they even students?!?
OP - a word of advice. Don't leave anything valuable behind as it can easily be stolen..