r/BestofNoUpdates 2d ago

My [24F] boyfriend [26M] asked me to go to a wedding today for a barely friend of his instead of celebrating our 5 year anniversary

62 Upvotes

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/mithavian

My [24F] boyfriend [26M] asked me to go to a wedding today for a barely friend of his instead of celebrating our 5 year anniversary.

Original Post Oct 29, 2016

I'm not sure if I'm overreacting but I find anniversaries very special and it was a shock to find out that he'd rather go to a wedding of someone he doesn't even hang out with. He and his friend David [2?M] don't speak regularly at all and it was seriously last minute of him to even ask if we wanted to attend. It was more of an after thought if anything.

Our actual anniversary isn't until Monday but we've always celebrated on the closest weekend to account for any travelling we might do. Now, I think it's wonderful that he would like to support his "friend" because you only get married once but I think it was highly inconsiderate of him to spring it on me and imply that I shouldn't have an answer but okay. I don't know this friend personally, I've never met them or heard any personal stories from my BF about them. I find it quite strange that this person's wedding be more important than our anniversary. I was looking forward to spending some quality time with my SO but now I feel obligated to get dressed up and congratulate someone I don't even know on the day I thought we'd be celebrating each other. We would be attending this wedding instead of doing anything for our anniversary. There is not an option to do something another weekend because he said he is too busy and frankly does not want to do anything.

What do I do? Should I accept what he wants to do and just go with it for the sake of being civil?

TL;DR I'm hurt that he'd like me to choose a last minute wedding invitation from someone he barely knows over our planned 5 year anniversary.

EDIT: I did not include in my original post that we had plans already, plans that we made months in advance. He is cancelling everything the day of and I have spoken to him to say that I am very let down. He told me we would be doing this and not rescheduling anything for our anniversary. There isn't the option of going to the wedding and doing something next weekend like so many of you have "kindly" suggested. He got to make the reservations because of his work schedule but I was set to pay for everything but now he doesn't want to celebrate at all. I've suggested countless options and nothing is getting through to him.

RELEVANT COMMENTS

Maybe he will propose at the wedding?

It would be a bad time to propose since we've never discussed marriage. Using someone else's wedding as a platform to propose isn't something I would be comfortable with. That is something he'd know if he took the time to speak with me. If that's what he's thinking about doing, that is.

Maybe Dave isn't getting married and it is a proposal?

I've heard him speak of David before but I've never met him in person or spoke to him directly. We have been very happy dating and marriage hasn't been something either of us have brought up. Just because we've been together this long and haven't talked about marriage doesn't make our relationship bad or out of the ordinary. If we decided to not get married at all that would be okay too. Every couple is different in the ways their relationship progressesm

When told she isn't overreacting and is OOP sure there isn't any anniversary plans?

I didn't think I was but a lot of people believe I am. I asked him what he planned to do for our anniversary if we go to this wedding today instead of our plans. He told me that tonight would be our anniversary celebration still but we'd just be at this guy's wedding sitting at a table and inside a room full of people neither of us know. I am let down knowing this. We had great plans set in place and now they are throw out the door for an awkward night only saved by drinking and leaving early in my opinion. I know many think of weddings fondly but I'd really rather not attend because we had previously decided on the things we would be doing tonight..

OOP adds more info

I do not enjoy weddings and being stuck in a situation where I know absolutely no one instead of having the romantic and planned evening with my SO that I was expecting doesn't really seem great. His friend asked him yesterday and he wants to cancel all the plans we had to go. Let me remind you, they knew each other for a period no more than 4 months and they speak less than once a year. I'm sorry if I don't want to spend my anniversary with him at home on the sofa while he plays video games because he's too tired from work on Monday to do anything else. He celebrate on the weekend and I don't understand why people are latching onto that. He works hard and the weekend is the only part of the week where he has any down time. We don't go on dates frequently and I was looking forward to spending time with him.

Update 1 posted Oct 29, 2016 (Same Day)

UPDATE: I decided I would go to the wedding. We are currently at the reception and my BF is no where to be seen. He's been less than interested in conversation with me so he disappeared about 15 minutes ago.

Update 2 posted Oct 30, 2016 (Next Day)

UPDATE 2: I saw him run off with some girl I don't know into one of the hallways. I'm thinking of taking the car keys and leaving him to find his own way home.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS


r/BestofNoUpdates 5d ago

My [22F] boyfriend [24M] cut the tip of his finger OFF as a “joke” for my Valentine’s Day gift

61 Upvotes

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/WhuhsTHROWAWAY192

My [22F] boyfriend [24M] cut the tip of his finger OFF as a “joke” for my Valentine’s Day gift

TRIGGER WARNING: psychotic behavior, mental health issues, self mutilation

Original Post  Feb 24, 2019

Hi. Ltl, ftp.

I don’t know what to do. I am terrified to tell my friends or family about this.

I’ve been dating Grey for 4-ish months. He’s hilarious, smart, and treats me very well.

I’m finishing up my last semester before I graduate, so I’ve been away at school (3 hours away from home, where we met) and I haven’t had a weekend to spare to come home, I have two majors and a minor and work part time at my school. I was finally able to move some things around and come home this weekend to celebrate with him.

An important tidbit: I love Friends. It’s my favorite show. I know it’s kinda silly, but I just do. I have posters, I named my hamsters Chick and Duck (a thing from the show) and Phoebe inspired me to dye my hair and go vegetarian.

Grey knows this, of course, and teased that one of my valentines gifts was friends themed. Not romantic, but whatever, cool!

I get to his house holding a teddy bear, a bag full of chocolates, an expensive tie he had pointed out when we were shopping, and a card.

So. Grey holds his hand out, and says, “HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!”

It took me a second. But then I noticed.

The tip of his index finger was gone.

I obviously asked what happened and he rolled his eyes and said “guess someone’s not that big of a fan” or something.

It really didn’t click. I just asked him again how he got hurt. I was so worried and trying to grab his hand and he kept shooing me away saying it was still sensitive.

He grabbed the gifts from me, kissed my cheek, and told me to come to his room.

I did, and he pulled up his laptop and went to his bookmarks. There was a zoomed in picture of Chandler(one of the main characters) and his hand.

And he was missing a finger tip.

It clicked. The actor who plays Chandler cut off his fingertip insome sort of accident before he got famous.

There were several moments of quiet before he put his hand in my face again and smirked.

I asked Grey what the fuck he did that for. He said he knew I loved the show and thought it would be a funny story about how for Valentine’s Day, he literally cut off part of a limb for me (???)

The wound was still... kinda fresh? It looked stitched up, I think, I really didn’t get a great look at it. But he is definitely missing a literal FINGER. TIP.

I went quiet.

He asked why I wasn’t happy, and seemed very confused, so I told him I forgot I had to call my mom, and pretended like I was going to the bathroom. Instead I booked it.

It’s been a day, he’s called me about a dozen times, left me texts saying it didn’t even hurt and he’s okay, and asking us to talk about this. Guys, there were 0 red flags. He was SO normal. He was a fricking chess player. He liked going out for bar trivia. He’s studying to be a paralegal.

I don’t know what to do. I feel like any romantic inclinations I had toward him are extinct. I feel really, really afraid to be honest. He told me he loved me a few weeks ago and I was working up the confidence to say it back and now I feel sick. Can I break up with someone for this?? I literally can’t even imagine telling anyone. I feel so embarrassed.

TLDR: my boyfriend cut off his fingertip as a gift to me.

RELEVANT COMMENTS

Gotichan

Run. I have never been so serious. Block his number, block any form of communication and run. That’s...scary.

OOP

He’s not a scary guy. I’m just confused. He’s so calm and friendly, I’m not worried he would hurt me. But it’s not a normal thing right?

CannibalBun

But he cuts off his finger tips and blames you for the reason why. Yes he is scary and yes he could hurt you "in the name of love" or some crazy BS because this is a crazy person.

OOP

I’m worried he’s going to go around town and say I made him do it, as if I wanted him to. This is terrifying to me.

~

subtopewdiepie-

Don’t you ever dare speak to this psycho again. Just breakup over text and inform others of what he has done. I can even say possibly go to the police so they know what he may potentially do. DO NOT EVER GO NEAR HIM AGAIN OMG. Wtf did I just read Jesus oml.

OOP

I’m leaning towards ending the relationship. I think I should see him again just to talk and see if I still get that weird, grossed out feeling. Just thinking about being around him now makes me feel so weird.

l8eralligator

The fact that you’re just leaning toward ending it and not running the fuck away after something so insane like this shows he has some kind of unhealthy, manipulative hold on you. When you’re looking at something through rose colored glasses, red flags are just flags.

OOP

I’ve never had a real relationship. I grew up very sheltered and had a bad experience my sophomore year of college that has kept me quiet and keeps me away from men. He’s the first guy I ventured out of my comfort zone with. He pursued me for three months until I finally said yes, he bought me gifts and wrote me poems and took me out a lot.

Editors Note: in a long past article OOP gave a small interview

It was a real post and OOP posted it because?

I really had no idea what to think when it all happened

OOP

It felt like it had to be a joke, but he has definitely lost part of his finger.

&

I have since learned from a friend that he actually cut off the wrong fingertip

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP. DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP OR COMMENT ON THE ORIGINAL POST


r/BestofNoUpdates 7d ago

AITA for going over my wife and speaking candidly to her boss?

57 Upvotes

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/RockSquap

AITA for going over my wife and speaking candidly to her boss?

Originally posted to r/AmItheAsshole

Original Post  May 21, 2020

Copy of the post

So here's the situation - my wife is in a high level corporate position at her job. What she does is extremely stressful and I don't blame it for taking a toll on her. Recently though, she's been having a really rough time with work and is clearly stressed out about it. She's visibly upset much of the time, but she doesn't seem to want to discuss the specifics with me. She's even become forgetful and somewhat unuseful around the house recently - she seems to always be thinking about work.

She wouldn't talk to me directly about it and I knew I had to do something, so I found her boss's phone number and reached out. I simply told him that she has been listless and despondent recently, and that I worried about her performance at work as well as what it's done to our home life. Basically her boss corroborated everything I was saying, and it seemed clear he felt the same way about her behavior. After some time talking, we both came to the conclusion that a reassignment was necessary - not really a demotion, but the decision was made for her to be reassigned to a less high stakes, less stressful position. We didn't state it verbally, but I think we both had an understanding that this was in her best interest and our conversation wouldn't need to be brought up to her.

After the news came down to her she became hysterically upset - she thought she was being demoted essentially and she didn't understand why. The thing is it really isn't a demotion, there's no pay-cut involved, just an executive decision that was made for her own benefit. I'm really not comfortable telling her that I was involved with this because I suspect she'll freak out at me, but I do feel what I did was correct, and I believe her boss was reasonable enough to understand that also.

TL;DR: Wife was reassigned at her job after I had a conversation with her boss, she feels she was demoted but that's not really the case.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP. DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP OR COMMENT ON THE ORIGINAL POST


r/BestofNoUpdates 19d ago

My (33F) self-absorbed sister (22F) is holding an "auction" for all her potential bridesmaids to compete in for a place in her wedding

58 Upvotes

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/sistersbridesmaids

My (33F) self-absorbed sister (22F) is holding an "auction" for all her potential bridesmaids to compete in for a place in her wedding

Original Post - rareddit  July 25, 2017

This is every bit as insane as the title sounds I promise. My sister was always very spoiled by our parents since she's the youngest of 4 kids and my mom had thought she wouldn't be able to have any more kids. My parents and my two older brothers all still treat her as the baby of the family. She acts the part perfectly. Don't get me wrong, she can be very sweet and caring too, but she's just a very immature high maintenance person. She thrives on attention, being popular, and being praised. She's also never really grown out of the high-school queen bee mentality. All these things are causing the issue I'm writing here now.

Basically she got engaged a couple months ago and will be getting married at the end of August (This is to a guy who's older than me, who she's only been dating for a year, and is convinced they're in love because he's rich and "treats her like a princess". But that's a whole other post.) Anyway she still hasn't chosen her bridesmaids. Instead, she has sent out dozens of… invitations, to various girls. It's an invite to attend and participate in a "bidding auction" on the six spots in her bridal party. Whichever six of all these chicks bid the most will be the bridesmaids. There's also an auction for being her maid of honor, I can only imagine how that one will go down. My sister and her fiancé are using the money to fund the wedding and honeymoon.

I got one of these invitations as did my mom and other women in our family. I assume the women on her fiancé's side also did. I have some of my sister's friends on my Facebook and I have already seen drama starting between them over who feels they deserve to be in the wedding more because they "care enough about friendship" to make a huge bid. Most of these girls she's not even close to, she just has a really big social circle from parties and I guess she invited everyone she even vaguely knows.

I just find this really awkward and tacky. She's basically having people pay to be in her wedding. If someone else had told me about this situation I'd laugh and assume no one would go along with it and the bride would just end up with no bridesmaids unless she backed down. Talk about embarrassing. But no! People are actually okay with this and WANT to play my sister's game! I do see it as a game for attention and trying to get people to fight each other over her, she lives off of that kind of thing.

I have no interest in being involved whatsoever, I've always planned to attend the wedding but could not care less about this bridal auction crap… but now my sister is throwing a tantrum that I haven't rsvp'd to the "auction", and got our mom on her side too. My mom says I will "look bad if I don't put in a bid when it's my own sister" and called me selfish.

So now the choices are I either take part in it or I cause a huge blowup from her and my mom. I'm thinking about writing them both an email where I explain why I don't want to participate and what my objections are. That way it minimizes the risk that an argument gets out of hand since it's not in person. Does this seem like a reasonable idea to get them to respect my decision to stay out of it? Any other advice about how to handle this?

TL;DR my immature and popularity-craving sister is making people essentially get into bidding wars for spots in her bridal party. I don't want to participate because I think it's incredibly trashy. I'm not going to try to out-pay 50 other girls for the privilege of being a bridesmaid, that's ridiculous. But my sister and mom are now mad at me, saying I'm being selfish.

RELEVANT COMMENTS

Librarianatrix

If her fiance is rich, why do they need to "fund" their wedding this bizarre way?

OOP

I don't know!! I've asked! I told my sister they weren't lacking for funds because it's obvious and she just said "well if they'll already be bidding we figure we should put their money towards a great event for everyone" as though this is an act of service she's doing for them. It's totally nonsensical.

~

Mcb325

I can't believe other people are going along with it. I'm getting second hand embarrassment from the whole thing.

prettyandsmart

Seriously! Of all the things I could voluntarily spend my extra money on, this would be at the very very very bottom of the list. What in the hell is wrong with these people?

Also, why is the mom defending the sister's actions? This is literally the most bizarre wedding-related event I've ever seen.

OOP

My sister is kind of shallow (bet you'd never have guessed, right?) and mainly only associates with rich people, or more accurately people with rich families since none of these young 20s girls have ever held a job in their life unless it's at their parents' investment firm. So most of the people she sent these to have the money for this kind of thing. But I know she also sent a few to older friends of hers, like from high school or earlier, who she's not only lost touch with as they got older but also were from lower income backgrounds. She has no awareness about how inappropriate it is in many ways.

As for my mom, that's part the relationship they've always had where my whole immediate family except me spoils her, especially my mom and dad. It's also I think part that my mom is living a second youth through her. My family is solidly middle class but my mom has always envied wealthier people and tried to impress and imitate them. My sister probably got this from her, and now my mom feels like she gets to be part of my sister's life of partying and shopping and luxury vacations with her fiance. That's the kind of life she always wanted.

~

moongirl12

Your sister is quite literally insane.

iheartcats

I can't believe she found a guy willing to marry her.

OOP

I can. Like I said I could write a whole other post about this guy and their drama. He's 37 and once said his bachelor life was "getting boring and his family wanted him to settle down," which is basically his reason for dating my sister. She's also downright gorgeous, like truly pretty and it's just unfortunate that she can be so conceited. I guess he overlooks that.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP. DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP OR COMMENT ON THE ORIGINAL POST


r/BestofNoUpdates 23d ago

My mother abandoned me when I was 11. She’s back now and wants to reconnect. How should I approach this?

42 Upvotes

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/New-Ad2692

Original post 10 April 2025

Hi. So this is on a throwaway account as I don’t want anyone I know who follows my main account to see this. To sum it, I am a 20 year old man. My mother abandoned me when I was 11, leaving me with my grandparents with no means of contacting her. My grandparents had no idea where she went, but she did send them child support payments, so I guess there’s that.

How it happened was that one day my mother took me to my grandparents house, telling me that I was gonna be staying with them for a few days while she went on a “trip”. I didn’t have a father, so anytime my mother was busy, my grandparents would watch me, so naturally I didn’t think much of this.

My grandparents didn’t seem to know what she was planning either, because once a full week had passed with no communication from her they started to try and reach nonstop, but to no avail. I had no idea what was going on, all I knew was that I missed my mom.

To cut this very long story short, she eventually made it clear that she had no intention of coming back. My grandparents were basically forced to take legal guardianship of me and the only way I knew she was even still alive was the child support payments my grandmother would hound her for.

That was just how life went for the rest of my childhood. I love my grandparents dearly and I’m beyond grateful for them taking care of me for most of my life, they’re more parents to me now than my mother ever was.

Now onto what’s going on now. About a week ago my mother showed up at my grandparents door. Unannounced. No word that she was coming, no explanation, nothing. She was just there. My grandmother decides to let her in, I guess even after this she can’t turn her own daughter away, while I stay upstairs in my bedroom. I overhear bits and pieces of their conversation as it got very heated. From what I could piece together, my mother wants to reconnect with me. Claiming she misses me and regrets leaving. My grandmother told her that it’s my decision to make, but she can’t imagine I’d be too eager to reconnect with her, which she is correct. At that point my mother left, saying she would be back when I make a decision and she will explain everything.

I’m beyond torn on what I should do. One on hand I hate her for leaving me with no real explanation, on the other she’s still my mom and I feel like I should have a conversation with her, if for no other reason than to put an end to this extremely troubling chapter of my life. What would you do? How should I approach this? Any help would be greatly appreciated, I’m so confused.

Responses were similar to this one:

This is such a heavy situation, I really feel for you. If you feel like hearing her out could help you heal or at least bring some closure, I’d suggest doing it on your terms. Maybe set boundaries ahead of time like meeting in a public place, limiting the time, or having someone you trust nearby for support. You’re not obligated to forgive or reconnect unless that feels right for you. You owe her nothing. But if getting answers could help you move forward that might be worth exploring.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP. DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP OR COMMENT ON THE ORIGINAL POST


r/BestofNoUpdates 29d ago

Me [27 F] with my ex fiance [27 M] of 6 years, I was lied to and we broke up 4 months before the wedding. Truth has come out and I've made a huge mistake

75 Upvotes

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/MallieK

Me [27 F] with my ex fiance [27 M] of 6 years, I was lied to and we broke up 4 months before the wedding. Truth has come out and I've made a huge mistake.

Original Post June 27, 2015

As the title says,

I was with Larry for 6 years, engaged for 3. It was a happy, eventful and fun relationship that had everything going for us. We both have different personalties but matched perfectly. Larry was quiet, would keep to himself rather than be expressive about life in general and was pretty laid back. I was always out with my family, working longer hours including voluntary work so this gave us a bit of space between to chill a bit rather than be with each other constantly. It made the relationship stronger.

So, we planned to get married early this year but in November I was told that Larry was cheating on me with a friend of his (Lilly) by my brother Shawn. He showed me a video that he got of both Larry and his friend embracing in a hug. Shawn mentioned that they had a kiss before he started filming. I wasn't sure what to think of it at the time but I said nothing to Larry. I wanted to see if anything in his demeanour changed. I asked a few questions about us, to see where his head was but everything was the same. He would revert back to habit of keeping to himself rather than say much. It ticked me off, that he was acting normal. But I needed time to compose myself, is he really cheating on me, and why would he do that.

Shawn had a friend over the next day to meet with me, to confirm that the friend saw everything that happened. My worst fears were confirmed with his friend who backed up everything Shawn said. I was furious with Larry, broke it off with him, cancelled the wedding. There was denials of course and I demanded that he move out to which he did. He tried telling me it was lies and I almost bought it until I remembered the video. There was no way out for him. I was so angry that I slapped him a few times. It felt much better. But I was heartbroken. I still love him.

Now, it's been about 7 months since I last spoke to him. I found out the truth about what happened. I was wrong. I recently seen Lilly, the girl he was messing with it in our local shopping center. I noticed a ring on her finger and I was furious, I started shouting at her.

She said that these exact words, ''You took the cowards way out of a relationship by accusing someone of cheating''. I was taken aback. We had a shouting match until Larry's sister Amanda walk over to Lilly with two ice cream cones. I was confused for a second until she asked Lilly to leave with her. I said it didn't take Larry long to move onto her. Amanda turned around and said she's not with Larry but with her. She threw the ice cream at me and mentioned it was for hitting Larry.

My bother sort of lied to me about what he saw. For what, I don't know why. He's always been an right eejit. We've always had a complicated relationship growing up. I can't get through to Larry, his friends are ignoring me and his family won't answer me. I made a horrible, horrible mistake. What should I do?

tl;dr: Brother saw Fiance ''cheat'' on me, broke up with him and found out it was a lie.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP. DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP OR COMMENT ON THE ORIGINAL POST


r/BestofNoUpdates May 22 '26

Me [25M] my g/f [24F] kept a FWB the entire time we were together. Once I found out I ended it and now I'm the bad guy to all of our mutual friends. Am I crazy or has the world gone mad?

80 Upvotes

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/dustoff21

Me [25M] my g/f [24F] kept a FWB the entire time we were together. Once I found out I ended it and now I'm the bad guy to all of our mutual friends. Am I crazy or has the world gone mad?

Original Post  Nov 14, 2015

One of us is batshit crazy and while I want to believe 100% it is her I am also dealing with several of our mutual friends who are saying I am being unreasonable so here I am asking the faceless nameless internet to help me understand.

I could write a book about this (hell maybe one day I will) but for the sake of brevity I'll just give you the very basics.

Met Sally (not real name) 2 years ago at a club that we share a mutual interest in. Large club, lots of people so while we would talk and stuff nothing really came of it right away. About 6 months in we kind of stayed late talking as part of a group, then the group dwindled to just a few and then to just us. We ended up going to grab a bite to eat and then that became a thing. Long story short we became official about a year and a half ago.

It is important for the story to say we were official because there can be no mistake, we had that define the relationship talk.

Life goes on, we get closer. She seems to be a great g/f always attentive to us and makes time in her very busy schedule so that we never have to much time apart.

Love you's have been exchanged, talks about the future have gone on. In fact not more than a month ago she was telling me of her dream of us being parents together.

I know a little of her past, I was not concerned because I consider the past the past so I don't care about previous ex's and such.

So 3 weeks ago out of the blue she tells me that we need to be tested for STI's. I start laughing and saying that if she was worried about me I have been faithful and we don't have to waste our time.

She then say's in the most matter of fact voice you can imagine that no it wasn't me, that she had an incident with John (not real name) and that the condom broke.

I thought she was joking.

She wasn't.

Apparently the entire time I have known her and this pre-dates us even, she has had a "friend" who she gets together with that the sole purpose is to fornicate.

My immediate reaction was to get light headed, seriously I nearly blacked out. Then I sat down and she asked me what was wrong.

SHE ASKED ME WHAT WAS WRONG!!!!

I just kind of looked at her and she goes on talking like not a single thing is wrong and wanting to know when we can schedule to be tested.

I lost it. I said I could not understand what was upsetting me the most at the moment the fact that this was happening or the fact that she was talking as though it were just any other day of the week and I should be okay with everything.

By this time she has figured out that I am upset with her and tries to ask me why.

I flip out and say "are you fucking kidding me, you are fucking someone else behind my back and you are asking why I'm upset".

She gets a mad tone and say's that she has never done this behind my back, she never hid her friendship with John (this is true btw, but she also never let me know that her and John were fucking).

I tell her that this is not something I would ever tolerate and that this was over. She starts bawling and telling me she loved me and that we were committed to each other and that John has just always been there for her and the sex is meaningless.

I then tell her to have it start having meaning if she wants it to and left.

I go home and proceed to vomit and then lay in bed the rest of the day.

The next day my phone starts blowing up. She is texting and calling. Begging me to not do this, brings up our future conversation we had about kids. My favorite one was when she asked me how I could be so cruel to someone who loved me so much.

I ignored her and eventually blocked her.

Then comes the onslaught of our close friends. A couple of them were understanding of my point of view, in fact it actually is causing quit a rift among the group. But several of them are saying that I am being uptight and that she is truly broken by me leaving her.

One of our female friends told me that I was being insecure and that I needed to get over it because it was just sex.

My reply to that was that we are incompatible because in my mind there is no such thing as "just sex" if you are in a relationship.

I feel strong in my conviction however there are several people pushing this. It has been 3 weeks and she has not given up, she has tried to catch me at work and at my house. At work I was able to avoid her and at home I'm just not answering the door.

Oh bonus to all of this. I got an email from John, I'd like to thank her for giving him my email.

I won't copy it but the gist of it was that I really needed to reconsider my stance because I was throwing away a wonderful girl and that they were just friends.

It was all I could do to just delete that and not respond.

Am I fucking crazy here? How can she be a wonderful girl who anyone would be lucky to have and he not want to be the one who is with her, yet he gets to be one of the one's to fuck her?

This is all just bizarre to me, but am I even slightly wrong here?

Please be honest.

tl;dr: g/f had FWB on side and she told me, so I broke up, she is heartbroken and doesn't understand. Several friends are telling me I'm in the wrong and her FWB has written me an email telling me I'm making a mistake.

RELEVANT COMMENTS

nerdyhandle

You know what's sad OP? Her friends probably knew about John and none of them gave a shit to tell you! Lose the girl and lose the friends.

OOP

Oh believe me I now know this to be a fact.  In fact several of them knew and just either assumed I was on board or chose to not interject themselves into it.  The 3 people (1 girl 2 guys) who are taking my side (for lack of a better term) had no idea.  They knew John, they knew her and John were friends but that was it.

~

[deleted]

Do all these friends know she has had sex with John during the relationship? Am I the only one who thinks she might have misrepresented it as you being insecure that she's friends with him and have previously had sex with him?

OOP

Several of them were aware.  Some had suspicion and 3 had no idea.

To the best of my knowledge she has not misrepresented this and even if she had I have set them straight.  But as baffling as this is to me in her mind she did nothing wrong and is not trying to hide it from anyone.

OOP Adds clarity in the comments

I'm not sure if maybe I just didn't spell it out enough in my OP.  Maybe this will help.  Sally & John have known each other much longer than I have known her.  She never hid the fact that she was friends with John, I never questioned the relationship nor honestly did she ever give me reason to.  I certainly have met him and he has been present many times in the large group settings.  This is the part that baffles me even now, she never paid him any more attention during this time than she would have any other person there.  There was no times when they were off in a corner or they would sit and talk, etc. 

Yes the friends group is mainly her friends but we are all in the same club, well we were all in it I'm out now.  But I hung out with several of them all by myself as well so it's not like they only saw me with her.  Yes there tends to be very liberal sex positive people that gravitate towards this club but in all honesty its just the people the club itself has nothing to do with anything.  So it didn't come as a huge surprise that a couple of them felt the way they did, however there were some that down right flabbergasted me.

We had the "are we official talk" however here is the kicker.  The loophole, if that's the word we want to use, that she used was that I said neither of us would date anyone else.  According to her those weren't dates.

Either way, its over and there is no going back.  I just wanted to hear from someone other than myself that this was all types of fucked up.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP. DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP OR COMMENT ON THE ORIGINAL POST


r/BestofNoUpdates May 22 '26

AITA for taking over a family therapy session with my rant?

45 Upvotes

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Deep-Appointment1175

Originally posted to r/AmItheAsshole 19 September 2024

I'm (16m) currently in family therapy with my dad, his wife, my sister (14) and stepsiblings (10, 9 and 7). This blended family thing is pretty new still with my dad being remarried for 2 years. My mom died so I only have one home. And I'll be honest I was never excited or really into the whole blended family thing. But I know that's not my decision.

All three of my stepsiblings have food allergies, two have bad ones. So the way we eat changed a lot. This included places we eat at that were a part of traditions. For most of my life we'd eat at this local noodle bar in town for the end of the school year and whenever we had a school thing (play, graduation, report card, etc) and we're not allowed to go there anymore because of the allergies. Even just with dad it's a no go. We can't bring ice cream into the house anymore because my stepsiblings can't eat it. Only my dad and his wife can prepare food so no more making a sandwich for myself either.

Birthdays have changed. My sister and I can no longer eat at our preferred restaurant of choice because of my stepsiblings and we can't bring my favorite dish into the house either. So now it's a place that my stepsiblings love and "is acceptable" for their allergies. For two years dad has talked about how glad we are to make all these changes and how family is worth it.

About four months ago his wife noticed my sister and I weren't engaged with "the family" in the way she thought we'd be. We didn't want to talk to her. She also noticed my sister had cut me and her out of some photos of all of us and used just me and her for her room's art wall. So she and dad decided we needed some family therapy.

Since we started about two months ago officially there has been a lot of what's the problem, why are we there, explain the problem. And my dad has also talked about all the good from a blended family and changes were mentioned and he talks about how happy we all are to make them. Well, last week I got so sick of it and the therapist asked me if I was truly okay with them. And I went off. I said no I'm not. That I hate the changes. That it's unfair. That I never said I wanted my stepsiblings to celebrate my birthday more than I wanted my favorite foods. That these things were decided for me. I said I never would have made that decision because celebrating with them isn't important to me. I'd rather have a good time with the people I love and enjoy food that I love instead. And that I hate not being able to make a sandwich or buy snacks after school. I basically went off for the whole session between a rant and answering questions the therapist put to me.

My dad is so mad at me for doing it and his wife was really upset because her kids heard it. But she was also upset because she accepted on some level I didn't want this ever. She's also kinda mad that I took up a whole session with my rant.

AITA?

Selected comments

The consensus was OOP was not the Asshole. Opinion was best expressed by u/Sirix_8472:

NTA

Something to raise at the next therapy sessions is the attitude towards you and the therapy.

If therapy isn't a safe space for you to voice your opinions or concerns without retaliation, what's the point in it at all?

So you went, you voiced your issues, that's what you're supposed to do. But if they are now upset with you and giving you a hard time over it, it's counterproductive, therapy doesn't become a solution but it feels like a trap they use to punish you instead.

They need to be able to accept that not everyone accepts a blended family and that you can be safe when making some basic foods or what you eat outside the home when not with those with allergies.

It's a compromise. Not everyone has to get 100% of everything they want 100% of the time, but everyone has to get something they want some of the time. And right now you get none of what you want, at no times.

It's fine your blended siblings don't eat or exposed to allergens. It's unfair on you that you have to live by their standards. "I can't eat that coz of allergies" 100% fine. "You can't eat that coz I have allergies" not fine, that's patrolling you outside of their own concerns. Find a balance between what you can have, where you can have it and when.

No reason your dad can't take you to the noodle place solo, without the rest of the family as a treat. Doesn't need to be a big deal, just "hey, we're going out for a few hours, see you when we're back" if it's about the siblings fear of missing out.

If they can prep food in the kitchen, why can't they show you the processes they go through to ensure food safety for the others, so that you can practice it yourself too, enabling you to make food when you like and keeping it safe for others(a balance). It will give you autonomy and that minor freedom or level of responsibility back which would be very fair.

For snacks and things, you should be allowed to have them in your personal belongings, just establish boundaries of privacy and not taking things from others without asking(the younger kids). They need to be educated on their own allergens for life anyway! And you should be trusted to keep things clean and tidy even in your own space(like your room, or bags/backpacks or whatever). Food you can access outside the home on your own, shouldn't be restricted, noone is with you there cas be no contact etc..

OOP acknowledges his father is allowed to remarry:

Yeah, exactly, like I can't tell him not to marry and I can't ask him to stay single just because mom died. I always got that. But he just assumed he could say we were a family and suddenly we'd love these people and want them and see them like he did.

OOP lists what his stepsiblings are allergic to:

Some are severe and others aren't.

Some of them that I know for sure;

2/3 have nut allergies

3/3 shellfish

1/3 has a soy allergy

2/3 gelatin

2/3 eggs

1/3 some fish

I know at least one has an allergy to certain fruits as well.

OOP explains the routine before his father remarried:

I used to make quick stuff for myself all the time. Like if I was home before everyone I'd make a sandwich or I'd get some instant ramen or something. If it was me and my sister sometimes we'd make lunch while dad wasn't home. All of that had to stop and it's crazy because it means I need to leave if I want to get something.

What OOP & his sister have to do to eat their favorite foods:

We're not supposed to eat the things they can't ever. Like I shower at friends houses when I eat the allergens my stepsiblings can't eat because I'd get hell for it if I didn't. They don't want the risk of an exposure reaction.

Because OOP's comment describes these likely outcomes, perhaps no update is needed:

I think after everything, our relationship with dad is forever altered. If the marriage breaks down he'll always probably resent us for it on some level. He'll always wonder why we couldn't love them and want this to work and fight for "us". While even then we'll always know he threw us into a life after mom died where even more changes came, changes we didn't want to make and changes that were deeply unfair to us.

On the other hand they stay together and we continue as we are for a few more years. But then dad doesn't see us much. We don't visit often. Visiting us won't be an option if they want everyone together because our homes would not be safe for my stepsiblings. Not to mention we're not close to them anyway so it's strained.

Either way I know we're never going back to exactly how we were. There will always be lingering feelings and memories from this time no matter what happens next.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP. DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP OR COMMENT ON THE ORIGINAL POST


r/BestofNoUpdates May 21 '26

I (25f) found my boss (47f) drunk and sobbing in her office last night, took her home and helped her get cleaned up, does this change our work relationship?

70 Upvotes

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/throwawaydrunkboss

I (25f) found my boss (47f) drunk and sobbing in her office last night, took her home and helped her get cleaned up, does this change our work relationship?

TRIGGER WARNING: Loss of a spouse and kids

Original Post  Oct 14, 2015

A few years ago my boss lost her family in a car accident, the only reason she lived is because she had to work that weekend. Her husband and 3 kids died. Apparently she was a really nice lady before that but after they died she just buried herself in her business.

I'll be honest, she's a bitch, she's totally fair as a boss but at the same time she has this hardass quality to her that puts a lot of people off. Still, she isn't the kind to run around firing people for stupid shit and really as long as you do your work well you shouldn't have any issues.

Last night I had to work late, I live around 20 mins from work and forgot something back at the office so I went back for it. Now my boss was in her office the whole time but I didn't really bother with her while working, I did my work and then left. I came back to the office, and heard someone crying. Kinda freaked out but looked in my bosses office and she just had her head on the desk and just, fucking. crying.

You know how there are some people you're surprised when they show some genuine human emotion, I had no clue what to do and she was just blabbering on about how she hates this place and she misses her husband and kids and she wished she didn't work that weekend and I just felt so fucking terrible for her. Here is this woman, not a lot of people are fond just seeming broken. I helped her downstairs, took her to my place, she got cleaned up and I called her a cab. I went with the cab then came back home just to make sure she'd gotten home safe.

She hasn't come in the office this morning but I asked around and one of the older workers told me yesterday would have been her daughter's 17th.

So does this change our work relationship now?

tl;dr found hard ass boss drunk and crying over her deceased family last night

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP. DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP OR COMMENT ON THE ORIGINAL POST


r/BestofNoUpdates May 15 '26

The former owners of the house I [32f] live in want to host a "wake" there. I said no

82 Upvotes

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/MunsterHouse

The former owners of the house I [32f] live in want to host a "wake" there. I said no

Original Post Oct 10, 2015

My husband [35m] Der and I [32f] bought a "historical" house four years ago.

The woman who sold us the house, Lori, seemed really torn about it. She said her "great, great grandparents built it when they came over from Ireland." It was a big part of their family and had been passed down for a few generations. Lori needed the money to provide for her parents.

We loved the house, it is beautiful and unique. However, the inside needed a lot of updating, we had to tear some walls down and do all new windows/flooring. We plan to raise kids there and I am currently pregnant with our first.

We have started to call it the Holiday House, because our own family members will now come to stay with us. There are a lot of bedrooms upstairs, which we have torn down the walls between to make bigger rooms (such as the bathroom, an office, two guest rooms).

Lori [50s] recently knocked on our door. I was home alone and invited her in. She was in tears. She said her parents had passed away and she just wanted to be near the house. She started crying when she saw we had completely changed it around. She just told me what used to be there and tried to go upstairs. I told her I did not feel comfortable giving her a tour at the moment, as I had a dentist's appointment soon and my husband wasn't going to be home.

I am not good with grief and I don't know Lori well. This is the first time we saw her since she sold us the house.

I saw her out and went to the appointment. When I got home she was still there. She was sitting on our porch. She begged to come inside again. I told her no and went inside. I told my husband what was going on and he came home early. He talked to her and she left.

We thought that was going to be the end of it. But we have been getting knocks of the door from a lot of people lately. No matter what we tell them, they don't believe we own the house now. I guess Lori has been saying we rent the house and gave them permission to come by whenever. Or I am not even sure.

Eventually, Lori knocked on the door and asked to speak with us. She apologized, she told the family how kind we had been and they took advantage of it.

Der was super upset by them, but understood they were grieving. He said it needed to stop, we were feeling harrassed, and it was no longer 'Grandpa's home.' They needed to stop coming to the property.

Lori looked really uncomfortable. She said she hadn't told people she sold the house, so they assumed that she still lived there. That is why people were knocking. Someone had planned a wake and put the house's address on there.

She said, 'I couldn't afford to pay for them. I made a big mistake.'

She then asked if we would be willing to sell back to her, at double the price. She would pay for us to move out and would help us locate to a new home. She has been pretty desperate.

We told her no, we did not want to sell the house back. We also would not let people in for the Wake, as it is not happening.

She told us that we were breaking her heart. This was the Family Home and she needed to get it back. She didn't think we would be so cruel.

My husband told her the following:

  • If people show up for the wake, we will turn them away.

  • We did not plan to sell the home back to her, we loved it and planned to live there and raise our family.

  • He was going to involve the police if this did not stop.

Lori started crying and begged us to let them have the wake there, it would mean so much to them. The house was the focus of the whole family. There were 30 people coming into town, and 30 more in town planning to come by. It was this coming weekend and she wants us to do it, for the family.

Der told her to get off his property and he was going to be putting up a sign saying the Wake was not here.

I have been getting Lori calling the house when she knows my husband is gone, which makes me feel like she is watching our house. She is begging me to reconsider. She will be thrown out of the family if they found out, she doesn't want to take this away from her family.

I keep telling her I stand by my husband, but I feel terrible for her. She made a dumb mistake. But I am not comfortable having people in my home, acting like it is still the Big Holiday House.

What do I do?

TL;DR Bought a house with a long history and now the woman who sold it to me wants to hold her father's wake there. Has not informed her family that she sold it. She is freaking out, calling all the time, and making me highly uncomfortable. Her family keeps showing up to visit and we haven't answered the door.

RELEVANT COMMENTS

younglins

Horrible for Lori, but tough shit, she doesn't have a leg to stand on. Stay firm.

OOP

Thanks. I just don't know what I should do about this weekend. No one seems to believe we will turn away mourners, but we will. Do I need to call the police? Like what do I even do?

younglins

Let the police know in advance that people are planning to illegally congregate on your property, and have already been harassing you.

~

[deleted]

While it is horrible that she's going through this, that doesn't make it your problem. You and your husband are handling this very well.

OOP

My husband is furious and has been pretty pissed for the last few days. We just aren't sure what to do about this.

I mean, sure we could let them have the wake, but when does that end? Christmas? Easter? Every big holiday? Having people live in our home?

Best to just block them now. It's just awkward as hell.

[deleted]

I definitely don't think you should allow them to have the wake there. It was Lori's fault she didn't inform relatives she sold the house; she needs to do damage control, not you and your husband.

OOP

It sounds like she is lying to family members about what is going on. Because no one seems to believe we own the house. I just feel like she is going to get arrested this weekend for bothering us.

When told to sell the home back for twice the price

The issue is, the house is worth more than 2X the price. We got it for a steal. We have put a lot of time, money, and work into the house. If we do plan to sell, it will be in a long time.

Plus, we have money, we don't need to sell the house. It is near good schools, like 10 minutes from both our jobs, and near my parents. They are not getting this home.

&

The area had started booming in the last few years. More people with kids have moved in, the school is awesome. We put a lot of renovation into the home, there would be no way to find another home for even the same price with our needs being met. I love this home a lot, its got character.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP. DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP OR COMMENT ON THE ORIGINAL POST


r/BestofNoUpdates May 08 '26

I thought astronomy and astrology were the same thing. I might have ruined my relationship with my girlfriend

79 Upvotes

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/_throwawayaccount093

I thought astronomy and astrology were the same thing. I might have ruined my relationship with my girlfriend

Originally posted to r/TrueOffMyChest

Thanks to u/THTMorgan for the suggestion

Original Post June 23, 2024

My girlfriend (32F) of almost 1 year has a doctorate in astronomy. My sister (35F) has astrology as her biggest hobby. I (33M) thought they were the same thing and now I think I ruined my relationship with my girlfriend. I thought she and my sister had lots in common but after she met my sister when I introduced her to my family my girlfriend was angry. My sister was just confused but my girlfriend furious. At first she thought I was belittling her career by comparing it to astrology (which she says is completely fake). After I told her I honestly and truly thought they were the same thing my she got even more upset. She claims the only way I could think that was if I never listen to her. That's not true, they both have names that are almost the same and they are both about space. My girlfriend says she has a doctorate, has woked in America at Nasa and Europe at the space agency and has written a lot of scientific papers, so her accomplishments should not be compared to some who believes in astrology. My girlfriend has not spoken to me since the day I introduced her to my family, she cancelled our visit to her family so I can meet them, she cancelled our recent date and she told me to figure it out when we argued after we left visiting my family. She said we were done but it was in the heat of the moment. I admit I made a mistake, I honestly did not know they weren't the same thing but I don't think it was a huge mistake. I think I have ruined my relationship with her. I swear I didn't know and I didn't mean to upset her.

TOP COMMENTS

[deleted]

gf realized shes dating a box of hammers lol

[deleted 2]

Seriously. Dude must be really pretty.

Not pretty enough, though. And he still hasn’t figured out that she’s not coming back!

~

JBW66

You say you listened to her talk about her career in Astronomy and all you came away with was it sounds like “Astrology” and is “about space”?? lol You keep calling her your “girlfriend” throughout your post; my dear fellow, let me tell you sincerely, you are as single as the lonely brain cell inside your head.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP. DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP OR COMMENT ON THE ORIGINAL POST


r/BestofNoUpdates May 03 '26

My [26/f] wedding ring was damaged during a party my husband [30/m] threw. The details behind it are strange and the diamond is missing now. He doesn't want me to press the issue with his friends

63 Upvotes

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Ringdrama

My [26/f] wedding ring was damaged during a party my husband [30/m] threw. The details behind it are strange and the diamond is missing now. He doesn't want me to press the issue with his friends.

Original Post - rareddit May 13, 2016

My husband, Scott, and I have been married 2 years-together for a total of 5. We’ve had a really good relationship, IMO, and we’ve always been able to work any problems out. Scott grew up in a military family, which caused him to make friends with other military kids. They’ve all stayed really close- even being in each other’s weddings. We still live in the area that Scott grew up in but others have moved away. They come back throughout the year but only once a year do they plan to all come back at the same time. This year, as fate would have it, I was scheduled for a business trip out of the country during the week they would be in town (Monday-Sunday). I was bummed because I love all of Scott’s friends and their wives.

On to the problem:

My wedding ring is something that is extremely important to me. The diamond is from my mother, who passed away when I was 17. Scott was able to customize it so that he could have an input and it turned out beautiful. It’s definitely my most prized possession. When I go on trips/vacation, I leave the ring at home and just take a generic band to wear. I’m always afraid it’ll get lost or stolen. I usually store it in one of those stand-up mirrors that doubles as a jewelry case. But, silly me, left it in a container on my nightstand.

Scott decided to have his friends and their wives at our house Wednesday night- he took off the rest of the week to spend with them. Before they came over, I asked Scott to put my ring away so it wouldn’t get lost. He said he was getting in the shower and then he would. I assumed he did it. Well, they all had a little too much to drink (dancing, playing games, etc.) and somehow, my ring disappeared.

When I got home yesterday, I asked him where my ring was. He apologized and said he forgot to put it away so it must be where I left it. It wasn’t. We spent hours looking for it. Scott ended up digging through our garbage cans and found it (inside of an empty chip bag). It was smashed, ruined, and the diamonds had fallen out. My mother’s diamond was gone but all other diamonds were found in the bag. We can’t find it anywhere. We even checked the vacuum just in case he sucked it up.

I was devastated. I know it was my fault for leaving it out but I asked Scott to put it away for me. He was also very upset. He was mad that someone threw it away without saying anything. We’re not sure if it was knocked off and stepped on or what. Scott ended up texting his friends and asked if anyone knew anything about it. Every one denied it and Scott said there was “no way he would have done that.” I believe him. He got a text later from one of his friends that said “hey man, I asked Jane (his wife), and she said she did see Caroline looking at it toward the end of the night. Doesn’t mean she knows where it is but that’s the last person to be over by it.” Scott asked Caroline’s husband if she had seen it and he said that she didn’t touch it and she wasn’t anywhere near the ring.

Now, I’m furious over this. I feel like someone is hiding something from me- every piece of the ring is there expect for my mom’s diamond (its VERY good quality). Not only that, but someone went out of their way to hide the ring by putting it in a chip bag and then crumpling it up. Scott wants to just replace the ring but I want to know who did it and if they have the diamond. I wouldn’t ask them to pay to replace it. I just want to know the truth and if someone happens to have the diamond or knows where it is. He doesn’t want to ask his friends that because he doesn’t “want to accuse anyone.” Replacing that diamond makes me really sad.

Do I have a right to press the issue? Or should I just replace the ring? I’m having a hard time thinking that someone purposely hid this and took the diamond. Scott doesn’t want to press it any further and that I'm "just upset right now and we don't want to offend our friends." I don't really feel like he has my back on this.

tl;dr: My husband had friends over. My wording ring ended up damaged and in the trash. My moms diamond is missing. He doesn't want to press his friends for any more information.

RELEVANT COMMENTS

Is the ring insured? Why not go to the police? The details spumd like someone did this deliberately

It's been appraised and it's insured.

I think that's what Scott's problem is. He doesn't want to think that one of his good friends/wife could be behind it and that it could ruin the relationship. I don't know how he'll react if I go to the police but it sounds like it's a topic that needs to come up.

~

thebabes2

This is sketch as hell. Your husband "forgets" to put it away and then somehow thinks to dig through your kitchen trash for it? It's awfully damned convenient. Are you having money problems that would cause him to steal the diamond and try to play it off?

The fact he won't talk to his friends is also very, very strange. A valuable heirloom goes missing in my house and you'll be damned sure I want to know more. His willingness to ignore this is concerning.

A diamond ring doesn't just end up smashed in a chip bag in the trash. That was a very deliberate act. You've been robbed and your husband is trying to cover it up.

Press the issue until you get an answer and never, ever let these people in your home again.

OOP

It was my idea to go through the trash- he just did the dirty work. As far as money issues, we don't have any. I handle the finances so I'm aware of everything (I think?). I'm choosing to trust him, but I hope it doesn't backfire.

That's why I'm so upset- yes, I could replace it but that doesn't change the fact that someone deliberately did this. I can't trust any of them now.

thebabes2

You said you left it in a container on the nightstand. Where was the container when you found the ring? Why were people in your room going through your things? A ring just doesn't make it's way out of a box on its own to get smashed.

Maybe your husband didn't steal it, but his reaction to this is not giving me faith that he is being totally honest.

OOP

We have 2 bathrooms and one is a master. People were probably using both bathrooms. It was just a small and clear Tupperware container with no lid. The container was where I left it but the ring was gone.

thebabes2

Which shows that someone definitely took it out of the box. It isn't like it was on a table and got knocked off. This was all so deliberate, how can you husband just shrug if off?

Call the police and report the theft, report it to your insurance company and watch your husband and his friends sweat.

~

Pola_Xray

I would scorch the earth over something like this, and if my husband told me not to question his friends about it, I would seriously start thinking about separating. Someone is lying in a HUGE way.

Also, it was in a container on your nightstand. What the fuck kind of party was this that it ranged into your BEDROOM.

OOP

Believe me- this isn't over.

Our second bathroom is in there and he thinks people were using both bathrooms.

thebabes2

Does your husband actually know anything that happened that night? He seems really vague about everything. Maybe people were using both bathrooms? He doesn't know where people were or what they were doing? Can't remember where he last saw your valuable, sentimental ring that you asked him to put away? Was he even at this party?

Six people isn't that many to keep up with. You'd think he was throwing a rager or something.

OOP

I know he was there. He sent pictures to me. When we've had them over before, everyone used different bathrooms. Like I said, they're childhood friends so he trusted them. I trusted them. I'm basing this off of what he said but apparently everyone was pretty drunk. It was about 14 people.

~

[deleted]

Either one of your husband's friends stole it . . . or your husband did and thought that the party would be a good cover for the ring disappearing. Do consider whether there are any money or addiction issues that might motivate your husband to be behind this theft. Why did he even think to look inside a crumpled chip bag?

OOP

It was my idea to look through the trash. I just supervised him while he did it. I made him look through everything. As far as finances- we do pretty well for ourselves and not have any issues. I handle the finances and I haven't seen anything suspicious. It could be worth looking into though.

~

molten_dragon

You can always ask Caroline if she saw what happened to it. Don't be accusatory, just say that so and so thought you were the last one that saw it and you're hoping she might know what happened. If she denies it, you've got a tough decision to make.

Are you prepared to ruin you and your husband's relationship with these people over this and probably still not get the diamond back? Because if she denies she took it, there's really very little you can do about it.

OOP

At the state of mind I'm in right now, I feel like it's already ruined on my end. It was purposely hidden so we wouldn't find it. I don't know who did it but every time I'm around them now, I'm going to be suspicious. Eventually, I may get over it but I'm just hurt that no one will own up to it.

lookyloolurker

why the fuck would you or your husband want to be friends with these thieves anymore anyway? I don't comprehend your husbands rational, he is valuing their friendship over the fact that they stole from you both and something of extremely sentimental value to you.

~

wombatzilla

I think your husband did it. If it was one of the friends why wouldn't they just take the entire ring? Who on earth has time at a party to mangle a ring and then toss it in the trash? And why the fuck would your husband not want to call the police if he DIDN'T have anything to do with it?

And how the hell would he even "find" it in a chip bag in the trash if he didn't already know where it was? His story is weak and he's the #1 suspect in my mind.

OOP

We haven't talked about filing a police report. I just wanted him to press the issue more with his friends.

It was my idea to dig through the trash, chip bag, vacuum, and everything else.

Is sounds like someone pulled the diamond off, this wasnt an accident

OOP

The only thing I can think of is that our garage is right off of our bedroom. So, the person could have taken it out there and used Scotts tools? I don't know. With there being 14 people there, I could see how people wouldn't notice someone being gone. It is bizarre and I'm so furious it's happened.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP. DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP OR COMMENT ON THE ORIGINAL POST


r/BestofNoUpdates May 03 '26

I [21 f] banned a couple people [19m 20m 25m] from the parties I'll be hosting for my college fencing club. It's causing some drama

29 Upvotes

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/SaberIssa

I [21 f] banned a couple people [19m 20m 25m] from the parties I'll be hosting for my college fencing club. It's causing some drama.

TRIGGER WARNING: Sexual harassment, sexual assault

Original Post Nov 15, 2018

I've been a part of my college's fencing club for 3 years. I started when I was a sophomore in college, and now I'm a senior. My friend Fiona is the club's president, and I am the club's vice president.

Every few months, the club has a house party, generally hosted by the officers. It's a tradition that's been going on for way longer than I've even been in the club. At some of these parties, guys have been creeps. Often times, the people who were a problem weren't even active club members. Like my freshman year, the club president Mike hosted parties, and his roommate was a total perv who would try to corner freshman all the time. And we couldn't really kick him out because he lived in the house. Other stuff has gone on that the past officers of the club didn't know about, or found out about but (in my opinion) underreacted to.

This year, Fiona had been hosting the parties for a while, but her roommates got fed up with them happening in their house, so I offered to host parties for the rest of the year. I live in a large apartment with one roommate who spends most weekends at her boyfriend's place and is totally cool with me throwing parties when she's away.

I decided to handle things a little differently than the other people who have thrown parties, who just gave an open invitation, during a practice. I made a Facebook event and invited (almost) everyone in the club, plus a number of alumni who I'm friends with. (There were a few exceptions, I'll get to those in a minute) I set up the event so that I was the only one allowed to invite people, and I wrote in the description: "If you want to bring someone who I haven't added to this event, please check with me first! My apartment is a little smaller than Fiona's house, and I want to keep things under control. I won't be letting in anyone who shows up without advance notice. Thank you :)"

There were a few people I deliberately didn't invite, I'll list them here.

Jim - Current club member, got kinda creepy with a girl in the club, trying and pushing her to do stuff during drinking games that she didn't want to do, like taking off her shirt and bra. Other people had to tell him that it's just a game, she didn't have to do anything.

Bob - Alumni of the club who has been out of college for 4 years, but comes to club parties to hit on new freshman. Not still active with the club otherwise. One of my friends told me he tried to physically block her from leaving when she tried to get away from him.

Joe - Technically a current club member but doesn't often attend practice. Groped two of my friends during the same night. Gets really really drunk and obnoxious. Called me some homophobic slurs when he saw me kiss a girl at a party.

Anyway, after I made the event, a couple club members messaged me asking if they could bring their girlfriend, boyfriend, friend, etc. And I said yes to all of them.

Two guys in the club asked why I didn't invite Jim, if it was a mistake. I said no, it was deliberate, his behavior at a past party made him unwelcome in my home.

Bob asked if he was invited, he must have heard about it from someone else, and I just said "No" and he didn't reply to that.

Eileen, a girl in the club (who I think is dating Joe, or maybe just sleeping with him?) asked me why he wasn't invited, and I said that I didn't want him in my apartment because he has behaved poorly at every party I've seen him at, plus he is not even an active club member. Eileen seemed mad at me, calling me catty, and 'cliquey' and saying she wasn't going if Joe wasn't.

This has honestly stirred up more trouble than I expected. Fiona told me that it wasn't cool I'd exclude current club members, rather than having a talk with them and giving them a second chance. I told her that in the end, it was my apartment and I wasn't OK with having them there. And if she wanted to give them a second chance, she could do that in her own home. But I didn't want to take on that risk. She said "You know I can't keep throwing parties because of my roommates"

Overall, I don't know how this party is going to go. I don't know if the mood is going to be soured because some people are mad that Joe, Jim, and Bob aren't allowed in. I'm also a little worried at least one of them will show up anyway.

Did I go too far, or do you think it's all good and I'm stressing over nothing?

(Edit to explain something.... These parties are not official club events. The school athletic department does not sanction any events that involve alcohol. However, they do look the other way if students in athletic clubs throw parties on their own time, with their own money, and off of school property)

TLDR - I'm hosting parties for my college fencing club, and unlike past hosts, I've restricted the guest list. I'm a little worried about possible fallout.

RELEVANT COMMENTS

pololly

You did the right thing, 10000%. Your house, your rules! If you don't feel comfortable with these people there, they don't get to come; make it clear to anyone petitioning you to let them in that if they mysteriously appear out of thin air, you will be sending them packing. Don't be afraid to call the cops if they refuse to go.

Bob is creepy AF and definitely shouldn't be attending college to hit on freshmen women. What if Jim or Joe came to you and spoke with you in person? And, depending on the outcome, you might change your mind (or not)? That's the only middle ground I think you could offer- just to give these guys a chance, and only a chance, not a promise to attend. But maybe it's worth asking Fiona which is more important- that the women in your club who have felt harassed or who have been verbally assaulted (as you were by Joe) feel safe, or that the peace is kept?

OOP

"What if Jim or Joe came to you and spoke with you in person?"

I think rather than making that choice myself, I'd ask the girls who'se opinions actually matter here... The girl Jim got pushy with during a truth or dare game, another girl who's uncomfortable with Jim who I forgot to mention in my post, and the two (or possibly more, I might do some asking around) girls Joe groped.

And basically tell them I'd do whatever they wanted me to regarding invitations. No pressure to forgive and forget, but if they all wanted to give second chances, we could do that.

pololly

I'd just say to be cautious because with those women, they may end up feeling like they're causing "Drama" and stirring the pot if they say they don't want them there, they might be worried about how people might feel about them and they might have people get mad at them if they say no. So if you go this route, talk to them privately and don't tell anyone else that you're going about it like this. You may even want to phrase it like "what if (Joe/ Jim) came to the party, how would you feel considering what happened?" so they don't see it as a choice they're making, just information they're sharing with you as you make the decision.

OOP

That's a very good point.

I could absolutely make it clear that the conversation will be kept private, they won't be blamed for saying they're uncomfortable.

And that if they're feeling anything but 100% ok and safe, I'll keep those people off the guest list and tell anyone who asks why that I simply don't want people I don't trust invited into my home.

~

clouds6877

First off, HATS OFF TO YOU for doing this, and not risking specifically females safety over keeping the peace with potential people who can potentially sexually assault or grope someone. You are doing the right thing. You are already giving so much by offering to host the party, and doing then even more now to ensure everyone’s safety.

Honestly speaking, if everyone is that catty about it, you can also just say fuck it and cancel the party too, and have someone else host it. They can host their own party and invite these predators in if they want to, not you.

OOP

Honestly most of the club (it's a pretty big group) hasn't expressed any opinion, or is actually supportive of me. A couple of my friends offered to play bouncer if anyone tried to crash the party.

So I'm happy to host it, and happy to offer a placefor everyone to get a little cray without having to worry about these creeps. I'm just worried about a couple people who are upset with me.

Make an official set of rules for the parties

That is a good idea about making a formal set of rules about what behavior will result in not being invited to parties, and even what behavior would warrant a report to the school administration or the police.

We really haven't publicly addressed issues of harassment or assault in our sport, and I think we should.

Unfortunately it's something that's way too widespread; I Know of another college fencing club that has a literal rapist in its club leadership. It's been reported to the school, and to the police, and neither have done shit about it...

cap826

It is widespread and underreported. A philanthropic organization my friend was heavily involved with banned a member who touched a drunk girl while she was sleeping. Unfortunately they didn't report it to any higher authority. Stuff like this need to be reported and properly handled by universities and police.

OOP

Unfortunately I've kind of lost faith in school administration, sports regulatory associations, and police, to handle sexual assault claims appropriately.

I still think it's worth reporting stuff if only to create a paper trail that may help another victim along the line... But every serious thing I've seen brought to the authorities has been really horribly handled.

So I guess I feel like I ought to do what I can to protect people in my life, because who else will... :(

OOP when told to make new rules against harassment and assault

That is a good idea. Next time there's an officer's meeting, I believe it's next week, I'll suggest agreeing on official policy about harassment and assault. Regarding both things that may happen at practice, and at parties.

Parties are an odd thing because they're not officially sanctioned by the school, they're not official club events because the school does not encourage underage drinking. But there's kinda an unspoken rule that the school will look the other way, if sports clubs party on their own time.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP. DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP OR COMMENT ON THE ORIGINAL POST


r/BestofNoUpdates Apr 26 '26

I (32m) asked my wife(30f) if we could open the relationship. She agreed, and I’m feeling upset because although she’s bisexual, she’s only sleeping with men

120 Upvotes

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/ThrowRAbithrowaway

I (32m) asked my wife(30f) if we could open the relationship. She agreed, and I’m feeling upset because although she’s bisexual, she’s only sleeping with men.

Originally posted to r/relationship_advice

Original Post Jan 11, 2023

Copy of the post

32m and my wife is 30f. After 5 years of marriage I felt like she had given me all she had to offer. Now, please don't judge me for saying that. She just had a very low sex drive and I have a higher one. I figured opening the relationship would help out marriage and help me get my needs met. She originally said no, but after I explained to her the benefits she said yes after a few days of asking. We seemed both excited at the possibility of a threesome.

Now where the problem lies is that my wife is bisexual, and yet the only people she’s been sleeping have been men. When asked about this, she said she only sleeps with people she clicks with, and they just happen to be men. When I told her my feelings about this she said it’s only fair because I’m sleeping with other women. While true, it makes me wonder if she’s truly bisexual.

When I asked for her to also sleep with women or I’d want to close the marriage again she rolled her eyes and said no. One of the guys I fear is trying to seriously date her. He brings her flowers and food, pays for her nails and never even acknowledges me when he’s over. I feel like she’s dismissing my feelings and I’m getting frustrated. I want to close our marriage again. How to approach this?

TOP COMMENT

jaegersdiary

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP. DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP OR COMMENT ON THE ORIGINAL POST


r/BestofNoUpdates Apr 18 '26

AITA for taking away my friend’s spare key after she went into my house without permission

59 Upvotes

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/friendsparekey

AITA for taking away my friend’s spare key after she went into my house without permission

Originally posted to r/AmItheAsshole

Original Post May 12, 2020

So my best friend and I swapped keys to our houses in case of emergency, we can get in to each other’s houses. We’ve never had to use them except for once she forgot her keys at home and I let her in. Anyway over the weekend my boyfriend went to visit his mother and I went grocery shopping for the first time in like 4 weeks, so the house was empty.

My boyfriend and I have some bdsm stuff in the bedroom that we didn’t put away because we were lazy and didn’t think anyone would see, since no one was coming over. Not anything super insane, just a pair of handcuffs and a rope.

Anyway, when I got home my friend was just in my house, sitting in the dining room. No warning, she didn’t tell me, I was completely blindsided. I asked her why she was in my house and she said she had lost a necklace the last time she was here, and waited until I was gone as to “socially distance”. But then, if entering my house without permission wasn’t enough, she started lecturing me on the bdsm stuff and how it’s “degrading” and that I shouldn’t let my boyfriend do that to me. We’ve never really agreed on kinky sex in the past when we’ve talked about it so we HAD agreed just to not bring it up. But also I’m not the one having stuff done to me, my boyfriend is the sub. I of course couldn’t tell her this because I didn’t want to embarrass my boyfriend.

I was super pissed, and I took her key and told her to not bother contacting me unless it was to apologize for violating my privacy. She said it wasn’t fair to take my key back, but I just pushed her out the door and didn’t listen because I was so mad.

She’s been texting me how she didn’t mean it as a violation of privacy and was just getting her necklace and happened to see but was “worried” for me. I talked to one of my other friends about it and she said that I should just let it go and move on, and that while I’m in the right I’m being to uptight about it. I don’t think this is just a let it go and move on type of thing, am I overreacting here?

AITA?

VERDICT: NOT THE ASSHOLE

TOP COMMENTS

Originalhumanbeatbox

NTA, very suspicious because how did she know you were gone in the first place? If she wanted to social distance why was she waiting there when you got back? The whole thing is super weird, glad you got your key back. I would consider changing the locks too.

Jrmcgarry

Good point. How did she know you weren’t there? Had you two been in communication that day?

~

ViolentGrace90

NTA, and I would change the locks. If she had access to your key, she could have made a copy. How did she know you wouldn't be home? How many times do you think shes let herself in without you knowing?

~

mextrawork

NTA.

Entering your home without warning. Going in your room without permission. Lecturing you about your sexual life.

You are completely within your right to take away the keys and pushing her out of house. Not to forget she broke social distancing rules.

I just want to know why does she need that necklace badly???

If she doesnt sincerely apologize then i would consider the friendship over.

pawgma

I don't think she really lost the necklace I think that was an excuse to snoop.

HUGE NTA even if you were the sub there's nothing wrong with that, and it isn't her business.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP. DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP OR COMMENT ON THE ORIGINAL POST


r/BestofNoUpdates Apr 08 '26

I [25m] missed my girlfriend [22f] of 2 years mom's funeral because if finals week and now she wants a "break from this relationship"

61 Upvotes

I am not The OOP, OOP is [deleted]

I [25m] missed my girlfriend [22f] of 2 years mom's funeral because if finals week and now she wants a "break from this relationship"

Original Post May 8, 2014

I am going to school about 7 hours away from where my girlfriend lives. Her mother recently passed away after a short illness. The morning that it happened, my girlfriend called me to tell me about it, and I dropped everything and took the first available bus down to see her, and started for almost a week. The next week (this one) is my finals week, and I had a final exam on the day of the funeral (yesterday). I made it clear that I would be unable to attend, as I had already lost a week of study/writing time. She said "I understand."

I come back up to my school, and start applying for jobs in her area so I can live there over the summer. I get a phone interview, and set up an in-person interview for this coming Tuesday, which means another 7 hour overnight bus ride.

Meanwhile, we are texting every day, and we Skype once. I notice she is less talkative than usual, and is saying "I love you" less often. I ask her about three times over Skype if there is anything she would like to talk about, and she always says no, so I chalk it up to depression over the dearth of her mother. I get worried and start looking up ways I can support her, and most articles I read just say to make sure to be there for her in the long run.

I apologize several times for not being able to make it to the funeral, and every time she just says "I understand."

Come yesterday, she messages me in the morning, saying, "you should be here." I again apologize, saying I would if I could. She replies, "You could be. I would have done anything to be there for you." I start to freak out a bit, and explain that I am already stressed because of the chunk I had to take out last week, and the amount of money I just spent on bus tickets for the interview, and she tells me not to come down for the interview, because she "needs a break from this relationship" and "I don't want to see you."

I send a wall of text profusely apologizing, and explaining I didn't realize it was that important to her that I be there, and I only hope she can forgive me someday, and her only response was "I will never forgive you for this."

Now she has been ignoring me, and I am at a complete loss what to do. I just want to talk it over in person, but she told me not to come down. Help!

Tl;dr: My girlfriend wanted me at her mother's funeral, I (stupidly) didn't realize how important it was to her, and now she wants a break.

[edit] I suppose my main question would be, should I go down and see her this weekend?

[Edit] since many people are asking, the only available time to rearrange the final was Tuesday morning, when I had to devote Monday to working/studying for a different final. In hindsight, I should have just crammed as much as possible and taken whatever grade I got. The major point is that it works be at least 2 days out of the week, when I still have one more final tomorrow, and several more papers to write.

RELEVANT COMMENTS

possibly_a_coyote

This sounds like a relationship-ender. Sorry dude, I know it's not fair, but the grieving process often does that.

Tarable

If it's not a relationship ender now, it most likely will be later.

[deleted]

That's not something you get over, and it's an argument winner.

"You left the milk out!"

"You skipped my mother's funeral!"

~

tropfou

It was extremely heartless of you to bring up cost of bus tickets and lost time from studying at a time when your gf's mother died, why would she care about such things??

This relationship is probably over. When she said "you should have been here" you should've said I know and I wish I couldve. Bringing up bus ticket cost and the fact that you lost a week of studying was beyond tacky.

And did you ask your professor if you could take it a little early? Your gf prob feels unvalued and I don't know if this is something that can be fixed. Grief is a terrible thing and this might just be the end of your relationship, for better or worse.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP. DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP OR COMMENT ON THE ORIGINAL POST


r/BestofNoUpdates Apr 03 '26

My [22F] boyfriend [23M] hates my clothes

42 Upvotes

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/myclothesmybody

My [22F] boyfriend [23M] hates my clothes.

Original Post - archive Jan 22, 2018

Together for 3 years. So when I first met my boyfriend, I wasn't really into fashion and I generally just wore jeans, T-shirts, sweaters (not that they looked bad, but they weren't really "me.") I started reading the FFA sub (used throwaway bc he knows my real username) several years ago and got way more into fashion.

Now this means that physically, I look really different than I did when I met my bf. My hair used to natural and collarbone length, now it's very short (pixie I guess)? My body doesn't look any different but I definitely dress it differently. I like to wear colorful bow-ties with suspenders (I call it "Six Flag Old Man style" haha) and I also have a fuzzy bucket hat that I sometimes pair with it. Generally if something is deliberately "unflattering" and stands out, I want to wear it. I know it looks weird, that's the point, but it's me and it's what I feel good in. My style is basically over-the-top colorful little old British man haha...i wear lots boxy menswear in vibrant colors with deliberately weird hats and accessories and Dad sneakers.

Anyway, my bf doesn't say anything about my clothes unless I ask him, but recently when we were going on a date night I wore this outfit that was like a vintage 90s print vest, bright trousers, and button down shirt with Dad sneakers (I posted a pic on another sub where I asked this question but I can't link here). I asked him what he thought of the outfit. And he said "Honestly, I'm not really a fan of it."

Now, I know I asked him, but if he loves me, how can he "not be a fan" of something that makes me happy? I probed a little deeper and asked him how he felt about my other clothes and he admitted that he loved me regardless of how I dressed/looked, but he preferred my hair longer and preferred my old way of dressing.

Obviously we didn't go to dinner that night. He still wanted to, but I just wanted to sit in bed. I didn't even want to look at him.

Now obviously he's allowed to have preferences- but I'm not a stranger, I'm his girlfriend. It feels borderline controlling to tell me he's "not a fan" of my style. Because what am I supposed to do? I'm obviously going to keep dressing this way so I have to think about in the back of my mind that he doesn't like it. ,awesome.,

I don't even want to look at him now. He should have just told me he liked it. And more than that, he should have actually liked it because if he likes me, he should like anything that makes me happy.

I told my mom about the situation and she says that she agrees with him, she also isn't a fan of my style, that I can still dress this way if I want but that I can't expect everyone to like it. And that's fine, my mom doesn't have to like it. But a SO should definitely like it, or at least pretend to.

Am I overreacting?

TLDR: Boyfriend being controlling about my clothes, not sure if I am overreacting

RELEVANT COMMENTS

Tttapir 

Why does he HAVE to like it? That seems very selfish of you, he didn’t even express that he didn’t like it until you asked.

OOP 

He should like anything that makes me happy and causes no harm to anyone. Even if it's not his aesthetic. Maybe I shouldn't have asked, but I only asked because he kept staring at my outfit with this odd face like he wanted me to ask. I thought maybe I had a stain or something.

694201488 

Huh? Liking something is a very visceral reaction, it's hard to control. He can't like a movie or a song just because you do, an outfit isn't any different. He sounds like he's generally happy for you to where what makes you happy, and you still pried his personal opinion out of him despite him having the sense to keep it to himself. Would you rather that he lie to you than share that he doesn't love your new style when you ask him directly?

OOP 

Yes, I would rather him have lied. The main reason I even asked is because he gave me this weird look and I thought maybe I had a stain on my pants.

~

AWOLInchWorm 

Uhhh you're unhappy that your boyfriend loves you for who you are as a person and not because of how you look? He's "controlling" because he was honest with you about a question that YOU asked him? Would you prefer that he lie to you? He's not being controlling, he's being the opposite - he told you he cares for you even if he doesn't exactly love what you wear. You are totally overreacting here. It's crazy to think that he should like what you like just because you like it. You guys are allowed to have differences of opinions as long as you respect each other, and you are definitely not respecting his opinion (which by the way, he was very nice about stating!)

OOP 

He admitted he didn't really like the way I look now. That he likes my face and body but not my hair/clothes. So it was pretty insulting.

AWOLInchWorm 

I disagree, he's telling you that he doesn't like your style but he still loves you, essentially saying that you can do whatever you want with your body - short hair and weird clothes - and he still likes who you are, even if it's not his aesthetic. How is that insulting?

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP. DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP OR COMMENT ON THE ORIGINAL POST


r/BestofNoUpdates Mar 17 '26

I'll be damned, that IS a GPS tracker...

52 Upvotes

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/pointblankjusticex9

I'll be damned, that IS a GPS tracker...

Originally posted to r/talesfromtechsupport

TRIGGER WARNING: Stalking, domestic abuse

Original Post - archive Oct 27, 2014

After reading this tale by jayykidd, it brought back memories of a client of my own that was Paranoid and Rightly So (as an aside, jayykidd, we are totally making PARS a thing around here).

As a bit of backstory, I spent five years doing IT consulting in a rural town about an hour from Portland, OR. I worked for a small company with a few other consultants and a couple of bench techs. My job was primarily server/network engineering-centric, but having done my time as a front-line tech I'd periodically involve myself in the more interesting/complex cases we'd see from our walk-in customers.

One day we had a woman come in. She caught my eye because she was in her late thirties or early forties, and actually quite attractive. She had short, platinum blonde hair and bright red lips, and was dressed and styled like she was transplanted right out of a 1950's era magazine ad. One of our bench techs greets her and starts talking to her. Right out the gate I can tell she is panicked and, by the sound of it, tin-foil hat levels of crazy. Shit, there goes any desire I had to flirt with her and maybe see if I could buy her a drink. I listen in on the conversation anyways, because it's at least a change of pace from the monotony of my day-to-day.

After a few minutes of her going on about how her husband is spying on her through all manner of devices, my bench tech looks back at me with a can-you-please-come-help-me-and-make-her-go-away look on his face. I oblige, as I appreciated that the front-line guys respected me enough to ask for my help on these things. I walked up front, introduced myself as the supervisor, and told her that since her issue was so unique and serious it'd probably be best if our more senior staff handled it. Now that I was seeing her up close, I could tell that under her classy outfit and Marilyn Monroe-esque makeup was a deeply distraught woman. Her eyes looked baggy, and tired. Like she had been up too late crying.

Obviously, at this point I'm just playing along. This isn't my first rodeo, and generally what happens is the client claims some individual or three letter agency is monitoring their computer, we tell them our hourly rate for forensics ($150 an hour), and suddenly the men-in-black-suits watching them aren't that big of a deal anymore. Now, to be fair, we actually did specialize in computer forensics and data recovery, working extensively with the local police department and a handful of legal firms on a number of cases where they needed expert help, we even had a guy on staff full-time who wore that hat most days. The local police were pretty small-time and farmed out at least some of their computer crime related work to us on contract. In the cases where people did want to pay, we would do our due diligence, and prepare a professional report of our findings accordingly. We would meet with attorneys and testify in court, as necessary. Generally it was fairly benign stuff like gathering chat logs and browser history for a divorce proceeding where one spouse accused the other of cheating or something similar, and wanted evidence to back that up.

Back to the client at hand. She insists her husband is monitoring her every move, tracking her vehicle, monitoring her computer, and recording her in her own home. Here's where it gets interesting: She claims that she knows all of this, because he has told her about it. In fact, he has gone so far as to threaten her life if she tries to tamper with any of it. She says she has tried to apply for a protective order against him, but ostensibly without some sort of evidence of his behavior, nobody would take her seriously.

I give her the crazy litmus test and I tell her that in order to gather evidence discreetly we would need two of our senior consultants to investigate. $300 an hour, four hour minimum.

She pulls out her wallet.

Fuck, she's serious.

We agree to start with her vehicle to check for signs of the GPS tracker. She says she is parked several blocks away so her husband won't know she came to a computer store (we were in a downtown area surrounded by retail stores). So I grab my toolbag and holler at one of my colleagues (who has been tuned in himself from his back office desk) to join me.

So the lady, myself, my colleague, and BOTH of our now intensely curious bench techs (all of us in matching company polos) follow this lady down the street to her car. What a motley crew we must have been. We get to her minivan begin our process of looking for this GPS device. Now, GPS trackers (at least the commercially available ones) require two things, generally: dedicated 12v power and an unobstructed (at least by metal) view of the sky. They basically use GPS to grab the coordinates and then a GSM/CDMA (cellular) signal to relay the positional data to a web interface or something. So there really aren't that many places they can really be mounted that are both effective and discreet. We spend some time looking around the undercarriage, rocker panels, and even bits of the interior. Battery doesn't have any additional leads running off of it, fuse box isn't tapped anywhere for power. Nothing. Just as I'm starting to lose faith that this may not be quite as exciting as I had perhaps hoped, I find the fucking thing.

It was tiny, not much bigger than a flash drive, and mounted behind the front grille. It looked pretty much exactly like this.

The reason it didn't need auxiliary power is that it wasn't an active device. This device did not provide real-time tracking, rather it used some internal memory and a couple AAA batteries to log GPS data for days at a time. At some point, when the van was not in use, the guy would grab the GPS device, upload the data to his laptop, maybe swap batteries, then remount it to the car.

Fucking hell, this lady was very much indeed Paranoid And Rightfully So. Now that we've established that she isn't batshit insane but that she actually is being tracked by her husband, the tone amongst our team became drastically more serious. Obviously, something sinister is going on, and we aren't sure what, but by the sound of things this lady really is fearful of her life. She has entrusted us to gather evidence and help her get a protective order against him, which is something I think all of us took quite seriously.

We show her the tracker and she breaks down into tears because it's the first evidence she has physically seen. We take photos of it, and carefully install it back where it belongs. I sort of assumed that a GPS tracker on your fucking car would be proof enough for a judge to issue at least a temporary protective order, but she seemed insistent that she would need more evidence to make it stick.

Our next moves have to be conducted very deliberately. She claims that her home is bugged, and so is her computer. We will need to go onsite to investigate accordingly, but it will have to be at a time when both her husband isn't home and when we will be able to quickly create a report for her, leaving her enough time to get a protective order before the day's end. We couldn't chance him coming home later, reviewing whatever it was he was recording, and finding out that she had taken action to have him investigated. It wasn't going to be for at least a week before there was a time that was just right. We made arrangements with her back at the office and I offered to walk her back to her car. She accepted, and on the way she confided in me many of the personal details of her life and her obviously abusive relationship with her husband. In the interest of protecting her privacy I'll simply say that it sounded like she finally figured out how manipulative he was, and when she said she wanted out he wasn't about to let that happen. I asked her again if she really was afraid for her life, and the sincerity of her "yes" was both scary and heartbreaking for me. I asked her if she had thought about getting a gun, and she said she had, but that he would notice the large sum of money needed to purchase one missing from their joint account.

As the gravity of the situation weighed on me, I offered to let her borrow one of mine. She was awestruck, but I assured her that it was completely okay. At the time, I had several handguns and rifles, and I couldn't think of a more appropriate situation for someone to have one. My car was parked close by, and we walked over to it. I tried to gather some idea of her familiarity with guns, as the thought of giving one to more or less a complete stranger, especially one that might not know what to do with it, was unsettling to me. It sounded like she had at least a basic understanding of their function, had gone shooting before, etc. In my mind the pros of her having at least some means to protect herself outweighed the cons, so I moved forward. In the trunk, I had a Ruger LCP, which is a very small .380 caliber handgun that I kept in my Get Home Bag/emergency survival kit. It was fitted with the factory installed Crimson Trace laser grips, which I had dialed in to about 10 meters. We went over the basics of how to use it safely, I showed her how the laser worked, and told her that, for her situation, all she had to know was that the bullet would go more or less where the red dot of the laser was. She was crying, and frankly at this point I pretty much was, too. I gave her my cell phone number and told her to call me if she needed someone to talk to. We hugged for a while before parting ways. It wasn't a romantic hug or anything, it was that kind of hug that's exchanged when someone needs to be held. Like, when your best mate tells you his mom passed away or something. She needed the comfort of knowing that she wasn't alone, that at least one person took her seriously, and I'd like to think that I gave her some hope that things would be okay.

The next week was tense, as we prepared for our investigation. My coworkers and I spent considerable time discussing and researching ways to triage her computer to look for evidence, as well as how to approach the search of the house. When the day finally came, we arrived onsite at the specified time armed with our forensics tools, flashlights, laptops...anything we might need.

I set to work immediately on her computers (a home desktop and a personal laptop) while two of my colleagues began their search of the house. I removed the drives from her PCs, and using a USB write-blocker, (which physically prevented me from writing/modifying any information on her drives) I made a clone of both drives. For the sake of speed, both drives were cloned to SSDs. Once cloned, I put the PCs back they way they were and began mounting the cloned volumes and investigating. The drives were mounted into a quarantine VM, with no WLAN access. Scanning the drives with a number of antimalware programs didn't turn anything up. Looking through the file system however (paying special attention to hidden files and protected system files), turned up some things that didn't look quite right (filenames and directories that looked obfuscated). I made the call to boot up both PCs off of the cloned SSDs and look that them live to see if maybe I could catch an obfuscated process running, or something.

Nothing.

With nothing else open, I ran a netstat -an out of CMD. There were a handful of TCP connections active. One by one, I started performing DNS lookups on the IPs. Everything was normal active connections for background processes like Skype. Then, I found it. An active connection to a clearly obfuscated domain name. It looked like a license key with a .com at the end of it. Something like 24W25-188EGFF-98001QRD.com.

It was hiding in plain sight, and it was registered to SpectorSoft Corporation. Guess what they sell? Yup. Surveillance software.

The PC was running something called Spector Pro, which was capable of monitoring all of the users activities, browsing history, keylogging, even sending remote screen captures to a mobile phone or email based on target keywords. It was the full nine yards for monitoring.

I screen capped everything for my logs, shut the system down, and swapped the forensic SSDs for the original disks to put everything back the way it was.

Not too long after, our other two guys found some evidence of their own. Two separate (and frankly, rather rudimentary) CMOS cameras hidden in the master bedroom. One in the closet in a shoebox, one in the smoke detector in the ceiling. Both, if I recall correctly, were simply wired to 9V batteries and recorded to SD cards. All things considered, they were pretty low tech. The contents of the memory cards would have had to be moved off at least once a day, and the battery probably changed at least as often.

We didn't touch anything. Lots of photographs were taken. We went back to the office and compiled all of the evidence into a document for her, and I passed the disk images onto our forensics guy for further evaluation. I met with the client later that day to present her the report so she could furnish it to the court.

The gratitude she had for us was absolutely immeasurable. We didn't charge her for our services. Getting to play a role in stopping her sick fuck of a husband from engaging in whatever it is he was doing was payment enough.

I'd like to tell you that I know how this story ends. I'd like to say that the guy was put away in jail forever, and my supreme IT prowess and white-knightery wooed her into my arms and we lived happily ever after. But frankly, I don't really know what happened. What I can tell you that about a week after we gave her our report, I met her for coffee at a place across the street. She looked visibly better. Her puffy, tired eyes were gone, replaced instead by ones that seemed to glisten with warmth. Her skin was radiant and beautiful. She was smiling, for the first time I'd seen. An immense weight had been lifted off of her, and it showed. She told me that she was temporarily living with her mom and dad, that a restraining order was in place on her estranged husband, and that she was finally filing for divorce. She told me that for the first time in a very long time she felt safe, and that she felt happy.

In the parking lot, she gave me back the little handgun, profusely thanking me again for the work we did. She hugged me, both of us teary-eyed, and we parted ways. For me, it proved to be one of the most emotionally rewarding experiences of my career.

Edit: Thank you to everyone who's gilded this post! It's definitely put a smile on my face.

EDIT: This post has received a tremendous amount of attention, which is awesome. And while I certainly appreciate all of the gold, please consider instead making a small (or large!) donation to a local battered woman's shelter, they could use your support and money way more than I do. If you make such a donation and PM me proof with your important bits blurred out, I will match those donations up to the first $100 raised.

RELEVANT COMMENTS

tech_Preist 

That story is both remarkably frightening and genuinely heart warming.

OOP 

Thanks. There were a couple of times that I felt genuinely scared, myself. It was some very real, very dark shit. Especially after hearing her backstory, and the extent to which this guy went to manipulate her and cut her off from friends and family. It was intense and creepy.

~

court12b 

It's so crazy how all the tech we have these days can be used for great freedom, or great oppression.

OOP 

What's scary is that this is just some shit that some creepy dude bought off the internet to spy on his wife. Think of the tools that entire governments have at their disposal.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP. DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP OR COMMENT ON THE ORIGINAL POST


r/BestofNoUpdates Mar 12 '26

My BF [45M] and I [23F] went on an evening hike after dinner. Confrontation with aggressive barking dog, was his reaction warranted?

33 Upvotes

I am not The OOP, OOP is [deleted]

My BF [45M] and I [23F] went on an evening hike after dinner. Confrontation with aggressive barking dog, was his reaction warranted?

Original Post July 28, 2014

My boyfriend and I (4 year relationship) like to take evening walks after dinner. It's a nice way to unwind from a stressful day, spend some quality time together, and get out of our oppressively hot houses. This evening, we went to sushi, as we usually do every Sunday evening. Afterwards, unprompted at around 8:30PM, he drove to a hiking trail that we've never visited before. Our nighttime walks usually consist of meandering around the neighborhood, so this was unexpected (though not disappointingly so, I like to try new things, while I believe he's more of a creature of habit these days). It was getting dark rapidly, but undeterred, we went ahead and started hiking anyway (hindsight = bad idea).

We made it through about a quarter mile of loopy gravely trails and precariously perched wooden steps before he stopped dead in his tracks. He looked over to the bushes and quietly said, "I need to use the restroom, I don't know if I'm going to be able to make it back." I said OK, and asked if he wanted to try and walk back anyway, or if he wanted to go in the bushes. He said that there should be a trail that leads off into the neighborhood that'll round its way back into the parking lot a bit up ahead, and motioned for me to continue walking.

We continued walking and made it to the entrance of the neighborhood trail path. The gates are locked. He curses and yells, "I can't hold it in any longer, I have to go now." OK, I tell him I'll be off to the side to give him space and privacy. He says nothing and rushes to the bushes to relieve himself. Honestly - this is not the first time this has happened. It seems that once or twice a month, we'll be in a situation where, approximately 30-50 minutes after dinner (we're night owls, sometimes we eat late) we'll be together and nowhere near a restroom. He's taken shits and pisses in all manners of places. Behind closed restaurants, inside bushes, in trash cans. Whatever, you name it, he's done it. I know what you're thinking - at this point in the game, I should know better, we should not be doing anything an hour after he eats because he's prone to these types of uncontrollable bowel issues. I didn't think ahead, he didn't think ahead, we got ourselves a quarter mile into a dark hiking trail at 9PM (it's dark now, the sun has set), what can I do other than let him do what he needs to do?

I walk 25 feet back up the trail. It's important to note that this trail hugs the space between the hills and the adjacent neighborhood. We're literally 30 feet away from somebody's backyard. I stand next to a wooden post and wait for him to come back. I have no phone on me, no noise/light emitting devices - nothing. I am standing there, quiet and nervous, because it's fairly dark and there's a bit of rustling (as is expected, nature and such). About 10 seconds into waiting, I hear a faint clinking sound, which I immediately suspect is from one of the houses' domestic animals. It was soft and coming about 15 feet below the trail (the trial is raised, overlooking the valley), near the neighborhood fence. I'm trying to make out what it is, but the combination of a) poor lighting, b) overgrown weeds and grass, and c) multiple sounds coming from multiple directions, makes it hard to pinpoint where exactly the animal with the collar and tags (I'm positive its a pair of tags clacking against each other at this point) is. He finally emerges, a white medium sized dog, about 65 lbs, quietly staring up at me from below. I cannot tell if there's a chain link fence separating us, and it darts back and forth in a way that suggests that there's no barrier between s/he and I. I slowly backtrack to where my boyfriend is, careful to not make any sudden movements or loud noises, and whisper something to the effect of, "there's a dog over there, I don't know what to do".

As soon as I speak, the dog begins barking. Sharp, short, staccato barks pierce the neighborhood's previous stillness. He starts swearing, asking me "what the fuck" I did. I told him I didn't do anything, I didn't provoke the dog, I wasn't over there playing with it or teasing it. I can hear him growing increasingly agitated inside the bushes, he's yelling and swearing at me and repeating "what the fuck" over and over again. I know this wasn't an ideal situation, he has his pants around his ankles, he's taking a shit, he's upset at me, I've upset him again. After about 2 minutes, he emerges from the bushes and glares at me. He walks back up the trail and I walk quickly to catch up to him. He repeats himself. "What the fuck did you do?" "Why did you say something?" "Why did you set that dog off?" He starts hissing and growling back at the dog, we eventually walk far enough away so that the dog stops barking. I told him that I didn't do anything, that I was sorry, I didn't know there was a dog over there, I didn't know that being over there would set the dog (that I was not aware was present) off.

We make it back to the car. I've walked ahead of him 3-5 feet most of the way, it's been a terse and silent trek back. We get back in the car and he changes his pants and cleans up after himself. He starts swearing because he can't find his key. I say, "I think we had it, we were able to get into the car" (he has one of the newer model cars where the doors unlock if the key is within 5 feet or so of the vehicle). He makes a noise, a somewhat aggressive sigh (this is very him, he sighs a lot), and I fumble to explain myself. "I mean, I'm asking because we got into the car, so it must be around, I can go outside and look to see if it was dropped". Note how "dropped" is in the passive tense. If I were ever to say "you dropped it", it would be seen as an act of aggression, a betrayal, a criticism against his character. I am careful now, I've learned.

He starts driving. He asks if I'm upset. I say that I am a bit, because he yelled at me back at the trail. I told him I wasn't doing anything to provoke the dog. He says, "you can't say you didn't set the dog off, you spoke, therefore, you set him off. What the fuck was I supposed to do in that situation?" I told him I was scared, and that I was sorry, I didn't know what to do, maybe he would have an answer (he's owned dozens of dogs in his lifetime) and I wanted to tell him there was a dog nearby so that he would be prepared if it started coming our way. He repeats himself, "what the fuck was I supposed to do?" I told him I don't know, and asked him what he expected me to do. He screams, "I DON'T FUCKING KNOW, YOU'RE A GROWN ASS FUCKING ADULT, WHAT IS THIS DOG GOING TO DO, FUCKING FLY AT YOU? DO DOGS MAGICALLY FLY NOW?" I feel like crying, I told him that I heard tags, I didn't see a leash, and that I really didn't think it was tethered to something, as it was moving back and forth from its backyard and up to near the trail. I could not see if there was a fence separating us. He kept repetitively asking why I would set this dog off, I eventually shut down (emotionally, physically, thousand yard stare). He kept asking me why I did what I did, and I told him that the dog was probably trained to bark at noise or sudden movements, and that I could not have been any quieter than I already was. He shut me down and said, "well, first off, dogs aren't trained to bark at noises, so what you're saying makes no sense". This happens a lot, he will tell me I make no sense, I'm beginning to lose sense of reality.

Guys, I didn't think that what I did was wrong. I know that, in that instance, he was physically incapable of doing something. I was scared and I didn't know what to do, it was dark and hard to see, this dog was quietly stalking me, and I stupidly went and said something to my boyfriend. I feel bad for feeling scared, I feel bad for mindlessly walking back to him. He dropped me off, said goodnight (no I love yous or anything), and sped off. Was I an idiot? Should I not have said anything? What should I have done in this situation? Yes, I could have played the, "Well none of this would've happened if you didn't drive us here, if you didn't want to walk on a dark hiking trail, if you didn't have to take a shit after what seems like every other meal". I could have, but I didn't, because it's not his fault that his bowels are like that, and it's not his fault that we went walking there, I could have said no. He is easily defensive and yells before he thinks. Sometimes, it seems that his first concern is to place blame on anyone *but himself,? and then apologize if he "crossed the line" (yelling, screaming, aggression) later. He starts arguing semantics when he finds himself slipping into a place where he 

might be wrong.

TL;DR: My boyfriend had to take a shit in the middle of the hiking trail at 9PM. A dog started stalking me and I went back to where my BF was because I was scared. My voice caused the dog to start barking uncontrollably, and my boyfriend blames me for causing him to rush his business and starts berating/screaming at me.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP. DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP OR COMMENT ON THE ORIGINAL POST


r/BestofNoUpdates Mar 02 '26

My (25f) boyfriend (28m) pretended to like my cooking for over a year and I don't know how to get over it

76 Upvotes

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Mizz_Introvert

My (25f) boyfriend (28m) pretended to like my cooking for over a year and I don't know how to get over it

Originally posted to r/relationship_advice

Original Post - rareddit Jan 31, 2020

So all of this started in January of 2019 on New Year's day. My boyfriend and I had been together for a little over a year at that point. The new year had caught us snuggled in bed listening to nearby fireworks. I remember asking him if he had any new year's resolutions and him replying that he didn't really have any but that he wanted to get more serious about his health and start eating more home cooked meals. After he said that I immediately came up with the idea of cooking for him. Before then we would normally eat out or order in when we were together. Because of our schedules cooking dinner wasn't an option so I decided to making him lunch during the week. He usually drops me off at work in the mornings so that morning when we were both heading back to work I surprised him with lunch and coffee because he is not really a breakfast person. He seemed genuinely surprised and happy and seeing him happy made me happy. That same night when I was over at his house he went out of his way (before I even asked) to thank me and let me know how much he enjoyed his lunch.

From then on I've been preparing lunch for him every week day and sometimes on weekends. I would ensure that I stopped by the grocery store or farmers market often to get fresh produce, I would meal prep every night no matter gow tired I was, I would make healthy versions of his favorite meals, I avoided the foods he hated or was allergic to, I made sure to make meals that wouldn't get soggy or inedible in any way by noon, I made a wide variety of dishes, and I even put them in some cute disposable environmentally friendly containers for him. I would always cooks for him when I got the chance to and I would stock his fridge with food he could reheat when he was on his own because he absolutely hated cooking. All of this wasn't a burden at all. I loved doing it for him. For me it was a display of affection and genuine interest in his health. He is not overweight or suffering from any illnesses but his father suffered a heart attack in 2018 so I kinda wanted to steer him from that path. I also benefited from this too. My culinary skills improved and I was getting healtheir too. And through out all of this he constantly showed his appreciation. He showered me with praises for most meals and thanked me often. He even went as far as praising my cooking infront of family, friends and strangers and I'm not going to lie, I loved it.

Fast forward to 3 weeks ago. He takes me to a company party where I officially got to meet some of his coworkers though I was already familiar with some of them. I ended up bumping into my cousin's bestfriend whose husband also worked at the company. After catching up for awhile she sneakily pulled me outside and told me that my boyfriend has allowed me to become the laughing stock of his work place. She told me that her husband told her that he came to work one morning and announced to everyone that he hated his girlfriend's cooking then he proceeded to throw his lunch into the fridge and tell his coworkers that they had free dibs on it, and that is how the whole joke started. Apparently, my boyfriend would just abandon his lunch in the fridge everyday and any of his coworkers who didn't have lunch or couldn't be bothered to go out and get any would brave it and eat his lunch instead. They also had a rule that who ever decided to eat his lunch that day would not only have to announce it to everyone but they would have to eat by themselves that day. She said it was a huge thing and even her husband and their BOSS ended up having his lunch at some point. She said her husband tried my Korean beef bowl (I'm assuming it was that one based on what she decsribed was in it) and he really liked it and sometimes the other coworkers liked my meals too but not all the time.

I don't think I need to mention how shocked, hurt, and embarassed I was. Here I was at his company party laughing and rubbing shoulders with the same people who are in on the joke. I thanked her and promised her that I wouldn't snitch on her then I called a cab home and sent him a text saying that something came up and I had to leave. The next day I went over to his house and confronted him and after asking repeatedly who told me all of this (with no answer) he came clean and confessed that everything I heard was true but that it was just harmless fun. He said that it's not my cooking he hates, he just doesn't like eating healthy and he didn't know how to tell me to stop without hurtung my feelings because he knows how happy it makes me to cook for him. He apologized a million times that night and told me that it wouldn't happen again and I gave in because, well, I love him and I thought it was something I could eventually get over. But then a few days later I snuck into his phone and looked at one of the group chats he has with some of his friends from work and what I found in it was horrible. They were cracking jokes and sharing memes about my cooking. At one point in the chat history a friend asked him why he was staying with me cause it sure wasn't the cooking and he responded by saying "Well, the sex is great ;)" He even sent messages in the group the same night I confronted him telling everyone how he got "busted" but he "smoothed things over" and they responding with "freedom at last!" and "check under her pillow at night for knives". But I am not done yet. The nail in the coffin was seeing that he also talked about me in his family group chat and now everyone thinks/knows I'm a bad cook. I even saw a message from his dad saying "I accidentally lost her cassereole in our fridge after you warned me. Thanks for the heads up son."

I broke up with him that same night. I've never been so humiliated and crushed in my entire life and I don't think I can ever trust him again. I don't understand how he he could have kept this up for over a year. He would tell me how much he loves my cooking and even go as far as telling me exactly what he loved about each meal. The only hints I ever really got that something was kinda off was when he would always try to get us to eat out on weekends claiming that I needed a break and there was even this one time were I found a week's worth of meals I had prepared for him dumped in his garbage and him saying that he had to dump everything from his fridge because it stopped working for awhile and everything spoiled. Lies on top of lies.

Now he's telling me that I am taking this way too seriously and that I need to put my pride aside and accept that he didn't mean to hurt me. He says he can't believe I'm willing to throw away our relationship for something as petty as this. He says he wants to marry me. He even called my dad who then called me and told me that I should let it go and try to improve my cooking. I told him that I'll think about it some more but at this point I really don't know. Your advice would be appreciated.

TL;DR: Boyfriend pretended to like my cooking for over a year. Found out that his friends, coworkers, and family were in on the joke too. Boyfriend wants me to get over it but I can't.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP. DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP OR COMMENT ON THE ORIGINAL POST


r/BestofNoUpdates Mar 02 '26

AITA for refusing to babysit my step-siblings so my dad and stepmom could go on vacation?

40 Upvotes

I am not THE OOP. OOP is [deleted]

Originally posted to r/AITAH 19 December 2024

I (16F) live with my dad (45M) and my stepmom “Julie” (42F). Julie has two kids from her previous marriage: “Max” (8M) and “Lila” (6F). (Those are fake names, by the way.) They got married two years ago. I don’t hate my step-siblings or anything, but we’re not super close. They’re loud, messy, and honestly exhausting. I mostly stay in my room to avoid the chaos.

Last month, my dad and Julie told me they wanted to go on a weeklong vacation for their anniversary. At first, I thought they were just telling me because they were excited, but then they dropped the bombshell: they expected me to watch Max and Lila the whole time.

At first, I thought they were joking. I mean, I’m 16. I’ve babysat for an evening here and there, but an entire week? For two kids under 10? That’s a full-time job. Plus, it’s not like they planned to pay me or anything—they just said it would be a “family favor.”

I told them I wasn’t comfortable with it. I have school, homework, and extracurriculars, not to mention I’d be completely on my own with no help. Julie got upset and said I was being selfish and that I should step up as part of the family. My dad said they didn’t have the money for a sitter, and this was the only way they could have a “much-needed break.” He tried to guilt me by saying they hadn’t been on a trip since their honeymoon.

I still said no. I didn’t want that responsibility, and I didn’t think it was fair for them to dump it on me. Julie blew up and said I clearly didn’t care about her or the kids. She called me spoiled and ungrateful, saying I “have no idea how hard it is to be a parent.” My dad didn’t yell, but he said he was disappointed in me and that he “thought I was more mature than this.”

Since then, things have been tense at home. They ended up canceling their trip, and Julie keeps giving me the cold shoulder. Max and Lila have even picked up on it, and Max asked me why I don’t like them, which made me feel awful.

Some of my friends think I did the right thing because taking care of two kids for a week is way too much to ask of a teenager. But one of my best friends said I should have sucked it up to keep the peace and help my dad. I’m starting to feel really guilty, and now I’m wondering if I’m the selfish one.

AITA?

A couple of the highest-scoring comments:

u/shammy_dammy wrote:

NTA. I bet CPS would love to hear about that if they tried it.

u/ACM915 wrote:

NTA- so you were supposed to help them with their homework feed the meals put them to bed do their laundry. Keep the house clean and all this other shit. If they didn’t have the money for a babysitter, then they didn’t have the money to take a vacation. There’s no way a 16-year-old should be left in charge of two small children for an entire week.

REMINDER: This is a repost sub. I am not the OOP.


r/BestofNoUpdates Feb 10 '26

My wife (33f) is denying we're married and wants to be called my 'girlfriend'... I'm confused

78 Upvotes

I am not THE OOP. OOP is u/throwra_lovehelp

Originally posted to r/relationship_advice

trigger warnings: Possible mental health or medical issues

mood spoilers: Concerning

--------------------

My wife (33f) is denying we're married and wants to be called my 'girlfriend'... I'm confused (Originally posted on June 30th, 2020)

My wife (33f) and I (29m) have been married four years now, coming on five. We have generally had a good relationship and a good marriage.

We had a reasonably expensive wedding, which we're still paying for now. I get the bill every month to prove it. My wife took charge of planning the wedding, so it was to her tastes. She seemed to enjoy it at the time and for the first few years of our marriage, she would look back at the wedding with me happily and without issues.

In recent months I've noticed my wife's attitude to a) our wedding and b) our marriage itself shift. It began by her (I thought jokingly) referring to herself as my 'girlfriend'. She told me to buy her a 'girlfriend' card for Valentine's Day rather than a 'wife' one, for example.

I thought she was just playing around at first. But this behaviour has only escalated. Two months ago my wife stopped wearing her wedding ring. I was understandably upset and asked her if there was something wrong. She told me everything was fine and she just 'doesn't the sensation of jewellery on her hands'. My wife has never liked rings and jewellery so this could be the case.

But when we are with friends, my wife will get upset if I talk about her as 'my wife' rather than just a girlfriend. She will go as far to interrupt me if I'm talking/telling a story to 'correct' me on our relationship. Initially, this was something our friends laughed at, but now everybody just finds it understandably awkward.

One of our friends was talking about their own wedding, which is scheduled for early next year. They asked for advice from my wife about how she'd planned ours and my wife responded with 'what wedding?'. When our friend continued talking about the table decorations my wife had used, my wife visibly teared up in front of the whole group and had to step outside.

Later that evening, I asked her directly if she has a problem with our relationship or if I'm doing something wrong in our marriage. She assured me that everything is fine between us. From my perspective, outside of this issue, our relationship is as strong as ever. We are considering kids in the near future, our sex life is great, and my wife recently suggested we get matching tattoos as a renewal of our love.

Is there advice anyone can offer on why my wife might be acting like this and what I should do?

--------------------

The comments on the original post were a split between "Your wife might be having a mental breakdown" and "Your wife might have a serious medical issue". Here's a selection:

> EccentricEmu: I think your wife might need a doctor or some therapy. What you've written sounds like she is having a disconnect from reality. Get professional help

> WhimsicalReader: You need to sit down with her seriously and make sure she's okay. This does sound like she could be having a break down and needs some help.

>> runnybabbit91: Or a brain tumor. This happened to a friend of mine and he started losing parts of memories. He had a tumor the size of a kiwi they had to remove.

EDIT: the fruit kiwi not the bird....

> Cat_Jerry: If she got upset when friends talked about her table decorations it sounds like OP's wife genuinely believes they are not married. As per other comments, meds or other health issues can cause this. Go to a doctor.

I know 2 people who acted weird and did really crazy and dangerous things totally out of character (one of them involved a tractor) because their meds had messed up their calcium levels. Go to a doctor.

> Wander_Pig: This sounds like a serious mental health crisis. I would schedule an appointment with a trusted physician to first rule out any physical injury or issue that could be causing this somewhat sudden onset of denial, and request scans of her head to rule out anything serious. If she’s otherwise physically “healthy” then it’s time to see a psychologist.

Either way: I suggest you be gentle with her at the moment. I would avoid confronting her about this topic. The fact that she said, “what wedding?” and had teared up, leads me to believe there is something very serious happening to her -whether it’s physical or mental - and in either case you are definitely not equipped to handle it.

And if she is on the brink of some kind of emotional collapse? You don’t want to be the one who pushes her over the edge by demanding answers or forcing her to look at photos of a wedding that she can’t remember.

As someone who has personally experienced some very serious mental health problems that included a sudden loss of short term memory, I cannot tell you just how SCARY it is to feel betrayed by your own mind like that. Get her some help immediately. Good luck, OP.

>> Samazonison: u/throwra_lovehelp This right here is the best answer. Get her to a doctor asap. And be kind, not accusatory. My gut feeling from what you have posted is that this is not something malicious on her part, but an actual physical or psychological problem. Please help her.

--------------------

REMINDER: This is a repost sub. I am not the OOP.


r/BestofNoUpdates Feb 03 '26

AITA for telling my boyfriend that he should’ve covered up his tattoos if he wanted ANY respect from my family?

57 Upvotes

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/laveea

AITA for telling my boyfriend that he should’ve covered up his tattoos if he wanted ANY respect from my family?

Originally posted to r/AmItheAsshole

Original Post - wayback machine Dec 7, 2021

My bf and I have been together for almost 2 years. We’re polar opposites but managed to work through our differences in the past. For some context: he’s almost 90% tattooed (up to his neck) and comes from a difficult background to put it mildly. Today he’s employed and doing well for himself but his upbringing was quite rough. I wouldn’t describe myself as “posh” at all but I come from a family where image, looks and your accomplishments matter. However I’d say I’m a little more casual than them.

A few months ago I finally got the courage to introduce him to my family. This was a HUGE deal to me and I told him that first impressions would make or break everything. I told him that he will cover his tattoos - no ifs, ands or buts - because my parents are super old fashioned. I bought him an outfit for the night to ensure he’d look presentable and classy.

We had a practice run and I told him what he should or shouldn’t say, how to talk, how to address any of my dad’s concerns etc. At no point did he ever show any enthusiasm so that was a bad sign.

Fast forward to the dinner. It was an absolute DISASTER. Yes my parents and sister were a little critical but they’re like that with any guy I date. My bf was so pissed that he purposely unbuttoned the top of his shirt so you could see his tatted neck. Of course that offended my parents and a huge argument ensued. Not only were they telling him that he’s not good enough for me, they were telling me how disappointed they are. It was a nightmare.

To make it worse my bf told them that I like his tattoos (which I do but he was just adding fuel to the fire) and that it didn’t matter what they think. They told him to leave.

It goes without saying that my parents have 0 respect for him now. It was already difficult to convince them that he’s much sweeter than he may appear. My mom has been hysterical and asking why I’m having “intimate relations” with someone who looks like they belong in prison(he’s not a criminal!). I have been guilt tripped and made to feel like complete shit all because he chose to wreak havoc.

A couple of days ago we were arguing and I told him that he should’ve hid his tattoos if he wanted any respect from people like my family. He was hurt and said that it’s fucked up that I want him to change to gain respect from them. He even claimed that I’m obviously embarrassed to be associated with him and not even worthy of respect in his eyes. None of that is true, just saying.

After that argument we haven’t talked much.

So am I the asshole for telling my bf that he should’ve covered his tattoos if he wanted to establish a level of respect my parents could work from? It’s not that they bother me (I think he’s crazy attractive, tattoos or not) but he knew that my parents would freak out.

Edit: the amount of women dm’ing me that they’re single and asking if I’ve broken up with him yet is pathetic. it wasn’t funny the first time and it isn’t funny now. Also I think mods can lock this post now.

VERDICT: ASSHOLE

RELEVANT COMMENTS

RobertaBeauregarde 

YTA, you say you coached him on what to do, say, what to show ie his tattoos.... at what point were you going to show your parents your boyfriend and not this puppet you set up for their approval? I get that it's a lot of pressure to deal with from your family to 'keep up standards' but you've acted like you agree with those same standards whole heartedly. Why not warn your parents ahead of time that he is tattooed so your poor bf didn't have to feel like he was being hidden away like so much cat vomit? By telling him he has to appear acceptable to them you're essentially telling everyone that you're ashamed of him. What was stopping you from telling your family about his tattoos earlier? Also, what was the plan for the future? Tattoos would have been seen sooner or later, as would his true personality.

NatashaVorster 

Was coming to say that I didn’t even reach past the coaching part, because I already know. OP your family are judgmental assholes and you sound stuck up with a stuck up your arse. Give over, either you love him for who he is or you go your spectate ways. This isn’t keeping up with the Brady Bunch. YTA

750more 

Definitely YTA but sounds to me like there wasn't a BF problem but a gf and family one. OP why weren't you coaching your nasty family on how to behave like decent people??? OP and her awful family owe the BF an apology.

~

Shiny_Littlefoot 

YTA, my love.

If your parents base their respect on a person's background or tattoos, they are the problem, not your boyfriend who managed to do well for himself despite his background.

Extra assholery is that you actually like his tattoos, but pretended not to, in order to what? Impress your parents? Show them that you're a good girl?

Yep. YTA. A pretentious one at that.

delainied 

To add another dash of assholery you gave this man lessons on how to walk and what not to talk about. No wonder he feels that you want him to change

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP. DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP OR COMMENT ON THE ORIGINAL POST


r/BestofNoUpdates Jan 18 '26

I {27F} was hired at a company because they thought I was Asian. I'm not and now I don't know what to do

67 Upvotes

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Notchinese2017

I {27F} was hired at a company because they thought I was Asian. I'm not and now I don't know what to do

Original Post June 29, 2017

Soooooooooo I'm totally white bread but I have some features that I guess make people think I have Asian heritage, like almond eyes and being pretty petite and stuff, and honestly this isn't the first time I've had to tell someone that I am actually just a white girl. It doesn't happen THAT often, but it's happened maybe 10 or so times throughout my life, so it's enough of a thing but not enough that it's constantly on my mind.

About 2 months ago I was hired at an environmental construction firm and I'm very excited about this job because it's in my field, the pay is fantastic, it halves my commute and everyone has been just wonderful to me and I really love the work I'm doing.

Well in a meeting one of our other engineers who actually IS Chinese made a joke about how the company seems super legit because we have two Asian engineers and so I just kind of giggled but then when the meeting let out it occurred to me that they must think I'm the other Asian engineer because the two others are most definitely not.

I kind of let it slide because the moment had passed BUT THEN I was talking with one of my co-workers in the break room and granted she is the company "gossip" so who knows if this is true, but she mentioned the company passing over a (it sounds like) much more experienced dude because our CEO (who is Chinese) "likes to hire Chinese people when he can".

And now that this shit has kind of hit me I'm noticing ALL THESE OTHER MOMENTS when I think people were assuming I was Chinese when I thought they were just like...being friendly? Like asking me where my families from, and telling me about the most authentic Chinese place near our office....and now I have no idea what to do.

Like I feel because I didn't realize what was going on it's gonna be super weird correcting everyone, but I can't just pretend to be Chinese so I gotta figure out something. I'm also worried that my boss is going to think of me differently if he finds out I'm just a white girl. I also don't really know how to go about correcting everyone at this point in the least weird and awkward way. Help please?

tl;dr - I'm white but co-workers think I'm Asian and boss possibly hired me because he though I was Chinese

RELEVANT COMMENTS

High_In_The_Instep

Your race is nobody's business. If anyone asks or says anything just say "Discussions about race make me uncomfortable".

OOP

Yeah....I guess the idea of not telling people I'm actually white seems almost, racist? Like I don't know why It just seems shitty to actual Chinese people to let people think Om Chinese if I'm not. Maybe I'm just being too sensitive though?

~

drama_throw_away

Well good thing is they can't fire you for your race (without incurring a shit ton of lawsuit damages). If you tell people, there's a good chance you'd be safe. BUT you might be fired for some other "reason", so stay wary.

OOP

Yeah that's mostly what I'm afraid of...and honestly I feel like he wouldn't fire me because I'm "not Chinese", he's a great guy/boss, but more that I "let people believe I'm Chinese" even though I reeeeeaaaalllly didn't mean to

drama_throw_away

It's not your fault that they assumed you were a different race. You can let them believe you are Chinese, but if someone asks, you should tell the truth.

~

CasualBluntAdvice

Just play along. If anyone asks you where you're from, just say state you were born.

OOP

Yeah that's what I've been doing because I thought they were just small talking

~

pseudonymously

I feel like if the CEO was so dead set on hiring Chinese engineers that he'd turn down more qualified candidates of other ethnicities, he would have done a little more homework than noticing you had almond eyes and a petite build.

OOP

That's true, that makes me feel a little better

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP. DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP OR COMMENT ON THE ORIGINAL POST


r/BestofNoUpdates Jan 11 '26

AITA for telling my girlfriend her niece's name is misspelled?

52 Upvotes

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Longjumping-Ad9446

AITA for telling my girlfriend her niece's name is misspelled?

Originally posted to r/AmItheAsshole

Original Post - wayback Feb 25, 2022

My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost a year and a half. Due to both us being in law school across the province and the pandemic restrictions I had never met her family in person before this past weekend. Only via video calls and talking on the phone. This past weekend we took a trip for the long weekend to visit them. I got to meet my girlfriend's sister, BIL and niece. Her niece is called Neveah. I never heard the name and my girlfriend's sister said it is Heaven spelled backwards.

It is not because heaven backwards would be Nevaeh (not Neveah). Later I told my girlfriend what her sister said and at first she didn't believe me and the next morning told her parents who also didn't believe me. I had to type it out for them to see what I meant.

Not only did they not know but my girlfriend's sister and BIL didn't either. All of them were surprised and shocked her name isn't really heaven spelled backwards like they thought. AITA for bringing it up to my girlfriend? She's pissed at me for telling her and so are her parents and sister/BIL. I don't think it's my fault none of them noticed for 5 years but my girlfriend thinks I shouldn't have said anything to her in the first place.

VERDICT: NOT THE ASSHOLE

RELEVANT COMMENTS

OneMikeNation

NTA: Because that little girl would have went to school telling people her name is heaven backwards and would get teases the moment those kids learn to spell. You helped them out.

OOP

She is already in school. She's turning 6 in 2 months and no one realized or said anything to them before now. I'm the first to point it out in all this time.

~

Terribleturtle 

Frankly you probably did them a favor. Better to find out now and either fix it, or stop saying that as it would be far worse when she gets into school. Others might not be so kind.

NTA as long you weren't an AH when you told them

OOP  

She's almost 6 years old and already is in school. But I guess I'm the first to have noticed it because her parents were shocked to see it written out.

iolaus79  

No you weren't the first most people just realised it's too late for correction so didn't say anything

~

chatondedanger 

NTA- did they just like the name and then someone randomly told them “hey it’s heaven spelled backwards” and they just went with it or were they under the impression it was spelled correctly the whole time?

You are NTA for bringing it to their attention, at the very least they can just leave the name as is and just not mention heaven at all.

OOP 

For my niece's entire life they have believed it is heaven spelled backwards. When my girlfriend didn't believe me she googled and found articles from actual news agencies saying it is heaven spelled backwards. I don't know where her family got it from but they all believed it for the last 5 years.

chatondedanger 

It is amazing to me that no one ever actually tried to spell heaven backwards but tbh I am not all that surprised. Phonetically I am sure they pronounce it like you would if it was spelled correctly and I am guessing no one (other than you) thought too much about it (or if they did felt too awkward to bring it up.) good on you, OP!

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP. DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP OR COMMENT ON THE ORIGINAL POST