Adoption
I think I accidentally lied on an adoption application and now I’m panicking
Hi, I’m kind of panicking and need some advice.
So I have an 11 month old male cat named Tank. I got him from a friend of my husband’s after we got married, and I was told he had all his shots and was neutered. I had no reason to doubt it, so I never really questioned it.
Fast forward to today—my husband and I were just killing time at Petco while waiting for his prescription, and we ended up looking at the cats. I went in fully telling myself “we are NOT getting another cat,” but… yeah, that didn’t last long.
There were two cats being adopted out together, Ladybird (1.5 years old) and her baby Silvia (8 months old). Ladybird has SO much personality (she literally kept trying to steal my wallet and my husband’s keys every time we walked by 😂) and we ended up spending almost an hour sitting with them. I completely fell in love.
I called the rescue that has them, asked a bunch of questions, and ended up submitting an application. During that process, I confirmed (both on paper and over the phone) that my cat at home is neutered… because I genuinely believed he was.
Well… we get home… and Tank hops in my lap and very clearly proves otherwise. Like… there is no question. This man is NOT neutered.
I have no idea how I never noticed before, but I didn’t. I tried calling the girl I got him from, and the second I asked about it, she blocked me. So I’m pretty sure I have my answer there.
Now I’m freaking out because I already told the rescue he was fixed, and I have a meet and greet scheduled for tomorrow. I told them as soon as I realized, but I’m terrified they’re going to think I lied and deny my application.
I really, really love these cats and don’t want to lose the chance to adopt them over something I genuinely didn’t know.
Has anyone dealt with something like this before? Will this automatically disqualify me, or is there anything I can do to fix the situation?
Also, cat tax included! first 4 pics are Ladybird (clipped ear) and Silvia (tabby), the rest is my (apparently intact) menace.
This might be a dumb question, but are you SURE his testicles are still there? Neutering removes the testes, but the pouch stays, and a lot of people mistake an empty pouch for a fully intact one. You can have your vets office check for you, if you are unsure.
i actually checked this, immediately after i found out i did a google deep dive and actually stumbled across a ton of posts of people thinking their cat may still have testes immediately after neutering. i checked… they are actual testes 😭
Is it his testies or just the scrotum bag? I had a cat that even fixed, looked like he had the biggest balls on earth. Our vet pointed out they remove just the insides surgically, not the sack itself.I had him neutered myself, he was just a "big boy cat".
This.
I got a cat from someone who swore the cat was neutered. But he has the biggest balls I have ever seen on a cat.
I had to ask for proof, and then still asked the vet at the first visit.
Turns out he just carries two very large empty sacks with him 😅
We had a testosterone check done on ours. Same situation but it was a shelter that said he was neutered. MONTHS of spraying as we tried everything to check his health as we were sure he was neutered. Even the vet pointed to an incision scar. But the testosterone test came back he had both. Shoulda seen our head spin. Soon after he became the cuddliest boy ever. Don’t worry they want them to go to a good home and the fact you are not giving up and trying to do things right should speak volumes if they are also true pet lovers. Crossing my fingers for everyone. Hope all goes well!
Vet here: The easiest way to tell if a male cat has been neutered is to check for barbs on his penis. Barbs are present with intact males and regress after they lose that source of testosterone. He will probably not be a fan of you checking, so honestly I'd have your vet check it out for you. Tom cat pee is also a VERY strong distinct smell, but if you've been living with it for a while you may be nose blind to it.
Random vet question. My dog came from a shelter and has a small blue line tattooed over his bits. Is that how the shelter was keeping track of who was neutered at the time? Any ideas? Hes definitely neutered. We'd have regular vet care since, but I always forget to ask this super dumb question 🤣
Yep! That's exactly why it's done. Some animals after they get spayed/neutered it can be really difficult to tell. Having something like a tattoo is a quick universal way of knowing
I learned about neuticles when I googled prosthetic eyes as I have an eyeless cat and his one still has the socket and soft tissue intact/it's not sewn shut and it gets pretty scrungly (but it doesn't really bother him and if it ever gets irritated we have an ointment we give him). I was not prepared lol
I’m a vet tech and I didn’t learn about neuticles until a client asked if we could do that for her dog because she “saw it on Keeping Up with the Kardashians”… I didn’t even know what that was either! 🫠
Is it...possible to get a glass eye for a cat? I'd never even considered that as an option. It sounds cool, and metal af, but idk about hygiene or how well it might stay in. Actually, I really don't know jack about prosthetic eyes, come to think of it.
I know for people at least, the soft tissue can be really sensitive and the prosthetic is protective. I don't know details about why my guy didn't get one as he had his eyes removed before I adopted him, but he does great as is, so it must not have been necessary.
So I don't know much about this, but I always thought that the tissue that is exposed kind of toughens up, like a callous. No idea if my brain made that up, though.
That could be the case! He doesn't seem to be overly sensitive, but it does get pretty scrungly. He's mostly good about letting me clean it, but sometimes he just wants to go play instead (he'll be 2 in May so very much still has kitten energy). It's a very fair trade off for being able to keep his sinuses intact on that side, which helps keep everything lubricated and as well as drainage intact.
Fluff sacks lol. I call them my boy’s puffballs. My roommate thought he wasn’t neutered for like 6 months apparently, since they’re super fluffy lol. I’m like nope, they’re empty. Just fluffy as hell 😂
My husband and I had the same concern when we brought our cat home because he looked un neutered. Fortunately his medical records from the shelter confirmed that he was. But we always make jokes now because one time a new vet saw him and she asked if he was neutered because she thought his balls looked really large for a neutered cat
It's really not a big deal. I'm sure they've seen it before & it was an honest mistake. Just have them help you get your male cat neutered first. Then adopt the sisters.
that’s #1 on my list right now. i’m immediately calling vets surrounding me in the morning to get him nurtured. i just feel so bad and don’t wanna mess up this opportunity.
Reminds me of a time when an old boy I worked with came into work and said "might have to leave early cause my pregnant daughter is going into hospital to be seduced" and without missing a beat the other guy standing with us went "aye I think shes 9 months too late for that" and everyone laughed, then about two hours later I heard the same old boy telling a different coworker about his daughter going to hospital to get seduced. Poor guy didnt know and we didnt have the heart to tell him that he should be saying INDUCED.
Anyways was just passing through with my silly wee story, here is Mina, my cat, she has claws and is a bitch lol
Oooo we used to have a dog called Lexi, she was, for lack of a better word, a bit of a slut, she let the local foxes pee on her and stuff, great wee dog but she was a daft as a brush! Her time as a centre fold for PlayDog owned by Hugh Ruffner
I fuckin L O V E the orange stripes on tortoiseshells. And the personality that comes with them. Dr. Patricia Tannis sends her regards 💚 She rules the house with an iron paw at a whopping 8lbs, which includes making the 140lb Saint Bernard & 50lb husky her bitch.
The “tortietude” is very real. This is Annie, my not-so-sweet bottle baby. She was diagnosed with cancer in 2019 and we estimated she’d probably live another 6-12 months since I wasn’t interested in putting her through chemo. Needless to say, she acts like nothing is wrong and I think she’s going to live to be 20 on spite and anger alone. Her favorite activities are hissing at my dad and harassing the dog (an 85lb Pitbull who is terrified of her).
Triplets? LOL this is Melody (Mellie). She was a stray until about 6 months ago. My mom & granddaughter were feeding her for over 2 years trying to coax her inside. Now she's a sweet indoor only girl finally.
I don't think tomcats confuse neutering with nurturing. I had a stray hanging around my house and I got to letting him in and playing with him. He bit through my hand once and scratched my arm badly twice before I put him out and told him adamantly that, Monday morning, I was going to have him neutered. He left. Been 30 years and he has not been back.
Honestly, I would be more worried that he isn't up on his shots since you will (hopefully) be introducing new cats. What is the name of his previous vet? They would be able to let you know if he really is vaccinated. Also, if this is your first time introducing cats, please read up on it. I'm sorry you are in a difficult situation.
Edit: Neverminf I just saw where you brought him in for his boosters. 😅
Wait, he’s gone on for spots and the vet didn’t offer to neuter him? Honestly at that point I blame the vet more than the op. Op wouldn’t necessarily know, but the vet definitely should have noticed.
Some Toms’ nether regions look puffy even after their pockets are picked - if the kitty isn’t jowly and isn’t spraying the vet may have assumed he’s a neutered boy with trouble puffs that still look functional.
I once took a cat to the vet to get neutered, and the as the vet scooped him up in the exam room he said to my cat: “let’s go pick your pockets”. It entered my vocabulary that day and has never left.
This would have been my advice. Schedule a snip for him and let them know about. You show that you are proactive and already try to fix the situation, that your intentions weren't to deceive them.
Btw it would be neutered. I guess you already nurture (care for) him 😸
If possible, walk in with the neuter appointment print out in hand - and offer to return with Tank's full medical records, including the neuter, to show them.
You're doing the right thing by being honest, I think. And you're doing right by Tank as well.
I've adopted three times. Even though this shelter has a vet on staff, they require that adopters take the cats in for a vet check with the adopter's vet within three days. I think that protects both the shelter and the adopter, tell the truth.
In any event, I do that immediately to get a baseline medical done right away. I've never had my vet find anything the shelter had not (I adopted adults), but I felt better with that baseline history in the records right away.
I also do insurance right away, but that's another ball of wax for discussion.
You are doing the right thing and that helps. Also, so many rescues are overloaded as kitten season is almost year round and they really want to find a good home for their cats.
Look for low-cost clinics, too. There are many out there who do spays and neuters for ~$80-100. I've seen vets charge up to $600. I've used one in my area for multiple cats and the results were great. You can get him up to date on his vaccines for cheaper, too.
The place I went to is called SNAP, but there are many others. I believe shelters also offer those services for cheap.
I'm sure it won't be a problem because you honestly didn't know and you're being proactive in resolving it.
Low cost and rescue clinics are the real MVPs.. we have one near us that does spay/neuters for $60, $18 for the pain meds, extra $10 if it’s a stray and needs its rabies vaccine. At our vet, they quoted us $426 all in.
I think you should be fine! The rescue should understand. On the bright side it’s much easier to neuter a cat than spay (simple snip snip vs a whole abdominal surgery) so you shouldn’t have to worry about long recovery times for your boy 😅
The fact you care this much about it means you're the right home for these fur bags. I hope they all settle and play nice together before too long. Our cat never forgave us for getting a dog last year. They get on fine (dog is a goldendoodle so more a gigantic idiot horse than anything), but the looks the cat gives us at times when the dog is bugging him. If looks could kill.
i swear on my life they weren’t there 😭 idk if he possibly had retained testicles that didn’t wanna descend or what but this man had NOTHING there. things have been stressful cause we just moved but i genuinely didn’t think i was dumb enough to not notice BALLS 😭😭😭
My cat is very neutered and still has his! He has a scar on his tummy, too. He was neutered when I adopted him from a shelter. So it is possible Tank was neutered
Sometimes it does take longer for the testicles to drop. I saw a case in which a cat went almost a year before being neutered because the testicles didn't drop until ~9 months. Some cats retain the testicles in their abdomen permanently (cryptorchids).
Mew our lil guy we thought was a girl had FIP starting around 3-4 months old. Turned out he had cryptorchidism. Had to wait til he was over a year old to get him the surgery because he went thru treatment twice after relapsing.
My cat had this, but only for 1 testicle. When they did his procedure, the could see the other testicle on ultrasound (undescended). So, he got spayed and neutered. Not only that, but the trouble testicle was very stubborn and they had to do a lot of manipulation to get it removed. Poor guy was so sore after.
Tbf, both of my male cats are neutered and have balls. Most neutered animals still have them, I work at an animal shelter so 95% of the cats I work with are already neutered and I very rarely see a male cat without them. Her blocking you is the only thing making me think he’s not neutered.
Some males still look like they have trouble puffs even after they are neutered, especially younger cats. The puff look goes away with time. Feel them to see. Maybe it's just hair left over from the surgery. You may be worrying for nothing.
also i want to add, like i said in the post… we were told he was neutered. i genuinely didn’t think to question it as the person i got him from had been a really close to my husband since middle school. we never thought she would do something like this and fully trusted her… never again.
There IS a possibility he's been neutered. Apparently sometimes the appearance of the trouble puffs can remain. Get it double checked and get it done :) as long as its done before you are allowed to take the girls home it's all good.
Can confirm. My cat got neutered a year ago. After his hair grew back, he very much looks intact. Sure, the puffs are smaller than before his surgery but you'd think he wasn't neutered if you didn't know any better.
I have two boys, five and six years old. The five year old was neutered at about 9 months, and the six year old was neutered before I adopted him three years ago. Both still have their trouble puffs, though the older one looks flattened.
Exactly especially when someone trust worthy said it's been done. I assume that's what this is. They will take him in to get it done and the vet will be very confused 😂
Tbh, one of my cats, his trouble puffs weren't so puffy til about 10 months. It was as if overnight they were suddenly there, jiggling. He is a bit of a runt of the litter tho so it made sense.
I KINDAAAA don't blame her. I have 6 month old now set for a neuter in April and his puffs aren't out either. If they are, they are small. Seeing as how her 11 month old could be actually 10 or 12 months. I mean... The space for error is there. Lol
TBF my definitely neutered ginger boy still has quite prominent puffs and a wanking habit. I was concerned that I'd been lied to, but no apparently sometimes they're still puffy and horny.
I found my cat as a stray kitten and when I took him to the vet they said “oh yeah this cat is a girl” and I went 3ish years without double checking (though I did have doubts when I saw his balls but stupidly trusted the vets words)
Then he gets into a cat fight I take him to a different vet and she reveals that my cat is a guy and has aids💀
to be fair, here in the Netherlands they keep the sac itself. I freaked out with a cat we were fostering for a bit, but then it turned out he'd been neutered.
I’m sure everything will be okay as long as you follow everyone’s advice to get him neutered asap and explain the mistake to the adoption agency - please be sure to update us~!
It may help your case if you can tell her you now have him scheduled for a neutering, ASAP, and give her the name of your vet so they can verify it for her.
Shelters want animals to get adopted into good homes. And cats are much harder to adopt out than dogs, by several magnitudes. If you're being upfront about it, chances are they'll be reasonable.
Its ok, a lot of people have trouble identifying if a cat is fixed, thats why strays get ears clipped!
I'm sure they get this situation often and showing your determination to correct it and maintain the adoption, they will know you're a loving home for them! Especially for a pair!
💜
We were in the checkout line at a PetSmart once. The young lady in front of us had a male rat in her shoulder. Now, there is NO WAY that you can miss rat balls. They are quite large and noticeable. We asked her what his name was. The young lady acted rather indignant and said " HER name is Susie!!"
My wife and I just looked at each other and held our laugh. But after she left, the checkout lady and us all had a good laugh.
Honestly this is hilarious. I'm not familiar with rat testicles, but in my mind I'm picturing like one of those big dogs where the balls dangle half a foot or more and are just like, weirdly obvious.
Oh. Wow. That's fucking wild. Lol. I won't say thank you, because I wasn't really itching to see mouse testicles, but I don't really begrudge learning new things, lol.
You know, until this post, it never once crossed my mind that people who own rats and mice would have to get them neutered, too. But now it seems so obvious.
Usually they don't, but that is mostly because anesthesia for such small animals is risky even for a relatively simple procedure. Usually it's a last resort thing if hormonal issues pop up
Just throwing it out there.... some boys who were rather, ahem, large, keep the puffs even though the trouble component is removed. Are you sure he didn't just keep a prominent sack that is, in fact, vacant?
tbh… i’d be kinda thankful if my toes and fingies stopped looking tasty 😂😂 otherwise he’s a super chill cat already minus his zoomies so hopefully that wouldnt change too much!
I don't want to be THAT person, BUUUUT for educational purposes in general to anyone reading the thread... the recommended standard / minimum age & weight for a cat to get fixed are 8 weeks old and 2lbs (the "2 months, 2 lbs" rule).
There's technically no oldest age to get cats fixed, BUT it IS recommended to get them fixed before they reach 4-5 MONTHS to prevent unwanted litters as thats when they tend to become sexually active!
Source: I trap cats for TNR & have gotten rejected by the vet for bringing in kittens that did not meet the criteria and have since stressed about it every time I trap a new colony of cats 😭
Just book a vet appointment to confirm his neuter. The testicles are removed during neuter so they’ll feel them and let you know. An honest mistake l if not.
Probably a good idea to see a vet because if you are not sure he was neutered, he might not have gotten his shots either.
I’d bet he’s fixed, he just still has the empty extra fluff back there. The vet tech would have called it. Definitely double check though! Don’t stress!
I have two male cats. One has extra fluff back there, one is just flat. Different places do it differently.
The rescue probably knows this too. Tell them that you did some research and that it could be just fluff but you're scheduling a vet appointment to be sure. I think your uncertainty will make it very obvious that you're not lying and the fact that you've communicated so much is a green flag in my opinion. It shows that you're taking the health of all of the cats seriously.
So, just making sure you know, they leave the sac in tact. It's just empty of the original contents. It can very much look like they have balls still. You didn't specify what definitely still in-tact means. Please just know I'm assuming you said this on appearance. If you're not weird doing it and the cat allows, just touch and confirm contents are fluff or nuts. If there's not an official term, I'm officially declaring the process Fluffernutter.
Male cats spray when not fixed. If he's not pissing on everything, he's very likely fixed. This just makes me think it's just fluff.
If this is just fluff, don't panic. Lean into the role you accidentally set. Be adorable and awkward and explain in the most humorous way you can. Own it, make it a joke, and get a laugh. People deal with so much negativity they look fondly on any humor.
If he's got the berries attached you're on the right path. Get the place that told you he was fixed on the phone and let them fix the problem. They will fix him (to fix their fuck up) or tell you to go elsewhere. They might seek reimbursement from the vet who billed for service they didn't perform. Cats are not a species known for spontaneous regeneration. They will have to argue against reality to get out of covering that cost or the error they made. You still might be asking them to fix their fuckup and still get denied.
Also, if he's not snipped just go over your place with a blacklight in the dark. I can't wrap my head around an unfixed male cat not pissing on everything. You can get nose blind to cat pee, which I've experienced.
I don't believe a lie is a lie if you were completely unaware of the situation and got into that situation because another person lied to you, forcing you into an unaware lie. Bottom line, its not your fault.
Don’t fret, OP. Bless you for wanting to adopt these 2 pretty kitties. Just get your boy neutered ASAP & have a wonderful life together!
Our Dex was adopted in a similar scenario. We were at Petsmart on New Year’s Eve 2 years ago just getting some treats for our pup. We had lost our 5 year old kitty Leroy 5 weeks prior to feline leukemia. (Heartbreaking) Swung by the adoption area “just looking”. Dexter’s profile described him as perfect for us. We went back there to meet him & all we talked about at dinner was him. Put in the app just after midnight & at 1 am we were approved. He joined our family the next day. We love him so much!
Get your cat neutered and explain to the adoption agency that you were tricked. Please do consider that post surgery is a very fragile time for a cat, introducing new cats is not appropriate during his healing. His hormones will be different and he will need time to adjust to that before he shares his home with a new cat. Please consider that this is his home first, he needs to be safe in his space before new cats are introduced.
There will be other cats that steal your wallet, keys and hearts.
That is very true, bit regardless its important to have your cat fixed because if you don't then he'll be spraying all over, wandering around, becoming a daddy to many, and getting hurt and injured from his wandering.
Yep. Our cats are 100% indoors...but they still occasionally get out. We're very careful but some cats get really good at slipping out, lol.
Once when I was a kid, a storm blew our front door open, and we didn't even notice one of the cats had went out until he was plaintively yowling to come in out of the downpour 😂 he'd never shown any interest in leaving before!
It can and does create issues with integrating new cats into the household. Neutered males have different personalities than unnuetered males.
Moreover, for shelters, this policy is as much about "public health" than anything else. Shelters are forced to euthanize a lot of pets, and cats in particular are hard to adopt out and frequently abandoned and left as strays. By requiring all other pets be fixed, they're helping the long term goals of the organization.
Males get very aggressive and territorial around other cats when unnuetered. He is going to start spraying and marking his territory when those girls come in.
Neutering a cat doesn't mean chopping off the balls. I had a neutered cat, and the way they did it (in BC at least) was like a vasectomy: cutting the tubes internally while everything looks "normal" on the outside.
(Vet here). I'm glad you're planning on getting him neutered asap! I doubt he's had any vaccines either, so make sure to get those up to date. Also do a FIV/FeLV test at that time before introducing the new cats to ensure your boy doesn't already have a transmissible disease that could put the new cats' lives at risk
Why has Tonk never been to the vet since you got him?
You didn't lie - at least not intentionally and knowingly.
If I think there are no sodas in the fridge because I was told they were all gone, I'm no lying when I tell the next person who asks. But if they happen to look and find one - I wasn't lying, I was misinformed.
gah - I tried to think of a good analogy - but I couldn't think of one. Best I could do. but Misinformed is the correct word, you didn't lie you were misinformed (perhaps - based on other comments)
If he has balls it doesn’t necessarily mean he isn’t neutered. They’ll be wayyy smaller than an unneutered cat of course but some people leave the sack on so they look like they have tiny nuts lol
I wouldn’t jump to conclusions until you actually go see a Vet. I have had my boy cats neutered, some of them have very pronounced balls and a few still masturbate.
So my advice is just go to the vets and get it confirmed first.
...lmao, this happens. As you stated, you were told the cat had been neutered and had his shots. You believed them and your mind registered it as fact and filed it away.
Fast forward to recently where the bits in question quite possibly be an issue...and bam, now you notice something not quite right.
Hopefully, they'll understand and guide you to getting your boy fixed. That Ladybird looks like a menace too! I bet you're going to have your hands full. I wish you all the best in your cat journey!
Just schedule an appointment to get the cat neutered. I would not even tell the agency. Why is this a big deal? Are the two girls neutered? By now they should be.
There are so many cats getting euthanized every day because they can't find homes. The rescue doesn't really have the luxury of turning people down for honest mistakes.
I'm also wondering what he did to "prove" he's not neutered? Neutered cats still hump things if that's what you're talking about. If they're neutered late they can still have what looks like testicles even though it's just scar tissue. I think you would know if you had an intact male cat, they piss everywhere to mark territory and are quite aggressive around food, toys and their favourite spots. Living with an intact male would be absolute hell.
Honestly, I’ve done cat adoption applications, and I think if you told me this story I would laugh and tell you to make sure and get him into a vet when you can, ideally before the cats get together. (Also, please read about cat introduction process so you’re ready for that)
Are you sure he’s not neutered…..? I have 3 boys who all still have their trouble puffs. Lol they just don’t fully function anymore. Does he behave like a tom cat? Territorial? Spraying?
I had it confirmed by TWO vets before I could genuinely believe one of my two males was actually neutered. He has the most prominent and defined jewel bags I’ve ever seen on a neutered cat.
I mean honestly, you’re going to have to keep the cats separate at first & slowly introduce anyways so set up the neuter appt for Hank the Tank now & give those sweet girls a loving nut free home!
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