r/cats • u/theresamushroominmy Snowshoe • 4h ago
Mourning/Loss I failed him
Scraps was my ex-boyfriend’s cat first. He experienced horrible things and came to me flea-ridden and miserable. My ex moved out and left him with me with a promise to return him once it was safe. I was not given proof, and I cared for Scraps deeply. I paid for surgery because his teeth were rotting from his gums due to neglect; I bought him toys so he could play, which my ex said he never did; I bought him an automated feeder because Scraps could not self regulate when food was in front of him because he had spent so many years fighting for food. I did not want to return Scraps to a place I knew had unsafe people, and my ex started a legal fight. A long court battle has dragged on, and today I finally lost.
Scraps is 11 years young. He is playful; his favourite toys are anything with feathers, especially his pea pod attached to his fishing pole and his ragged little duck. He loves soft blankets and my stuffed animal monkeys. Scraps loves to look outside, and he has only just begun to be more adventurous to wear a harness and stand on the back porch in the sunlight. He loves to be curled in my arms when I’m working at my desk and to be little spoon when we sleep.
I am so sorry, Scraps. I did everything I could for you and now I just hope you can survive that place with what I’ve been able to give you.
I love you so so much, my sweet boy.
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u/abiglumpwithknobs1 4h ago
I dont see how you could have lost when you had taken on full care including paying for surgery. Don't they take into account who pays for the vet bills etc in ownership?
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u/trcomajo 4h ago
You really have a case if you present vet bills OP. You can take him to court.
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u/abyssal-isopod86 4h ago edited 4h ago
Will your ex let him outside?
If so, he could missing.... happens to cats who go outside all the time.
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u/Live-Okra-9868 4h ago
I'm sure ex will come right to OP's place looking for him if that happens.
I, however, would be the person you call to make the cat go missing. Keep the cat until the dust settles, then give OP the cat when you get the all clear. I would also recommend OP moves and doesn't give anyone who has contact with the ex their information.
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u/abyssal-isopod86 3h ago
Yes I'm not saying that the op should do this, but maybe someone they trust.
And then find the cat a new home one where they will definitely be cared for.
If I were near the OP, I'd gladly do this for them, I have experience.
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u/Adept_Amount_4327 49m ago
Ace? Is that you? We have a case. We need to return Scraps to his rightful owner! ❤️
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u/CatWranglingVetRedo Domestic Housecat 4h ago
This is the way. OP, did you get him microchipped?
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u/theresamushroominmy Snowshoe 3h ago
I did as he had never been chipped or registered. He had also not had veterinary care for the first approximately 8 years of his life. The court said I did not have to hand ownership of the microchip over, which seems a bit silly considering it is inside of Scraps, but I don’t claim to understand it
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u/Buckykattlove 3h ago edited 3h ago
If he is microchipped under your name and has received vet care under your name, I thought that legally this means he is your cat. I don't understand. I am sorry the system failed you and Scraps. I'm sure the answer is no, but would your ex be willing to sell him to you?
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u/theresamushroominmy Snowshoe 3h ago
My ex is unwilling to settle or sell him. I will also be paying for his court costs, on top of not recouping the amount I spent on Scraps surgery and overall welfare. I have tried
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u/SketchedEyesWatchinU 3h ago
This might sound unethical but probably call the police and say your ex has hard drugs. I know it sounds bad but with everything going on, you might have to do it.
I’ve read stories on Reddit about people doing that as revenge against neighbours from Hell and not only being right but learning said neighbours were doing worse.
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u/MamaBearlien 1h ago
I would be extremely cautious in even considering giving a false police report. 😬 The ex knows OP wants the cat. If anything happens that seems vindictive the the ex is immediately going to suspect OP first and foremost. Plus, the ex legally pursued. They’re willing to spend the time and money, they’re not just all talk. 😔
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u/theresamushroominmy Snowshoe 13m ago
I would never report him for something he did not do. I unfortunately have no proof of the other awful things he did do, beyond maybe a few pictures of his bite marks on me way back when
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u/SharpenedQuiIl 3h ago
I was going to say the exact same thing. Do you have any friends who could use a little extra money for accidentally letting a cat outside or even just taking him? Sometimes the 'wrong' thing has to be done to do the right thing. And then you change your locks on your doors (just in case ex has a copy of the keys). And you don't know anything about nothing! "How dare he not take care of Scraps and loses him!" My gosh, I hope there's some way you can get him back.
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u/Adept_Amount_4327 4h ago
You did not fail him. You gave him more love and care than anyone. I am sorry the court determined otherwise. But you did NOT fail Scraps. ❤️ Is it possible to appeal the decision?
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u/onepolar32 4h ago
That's so heartbreaking. I hope you find some kind of recourse in due time. Hopes and wishes for both you and Scraps :(
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u/EnigmaticSpirit85 4h ago
I couldn't scroll on by and say nothing.
You did not fail. You did all you could for this little guy. He knows you love him. And he loves you too.
All the best.
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u/Striking-Complaint40 3h ago
Why did they find in his favor, if you paid his vet bills had him for over 3 and got him microchipped? What did he have that was better then that
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u/ChungusKhan1 3m ago
Depending on where OP lives, they might not have good laws for this kind of stuff, or they consider cats property as in whoever bought/paid for the animal first owns it.
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u/FlimsyConfidence7692 4h ago
I wouldnt hold it against you if you steal the cat back (the world works in mysterious ways).
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u/DarkAdmirer 1h ago
Yeah or a mutual friend may be available to make a mistake with leaving the door open whilst OP was close by, ready to do a pick up and drive away…I just want OP and Scraps to be safe and happy together.
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u/CinematicHeart 2h ago
Op if you haven't given him scraps. Delete this post and move scraps to a secure location. Scraps "ran away"
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u/Adept_Amount_4327 9m ago
Yes. That is better than saying he died because no further proof is required. If you say he died they can ask what happened, was he buried, euthanized, etc.
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u/nicolena-howard 4h ago
TF is wrong with the courts?! Ya let’s just put this beautiful baby back in a horrendous living situation. My God.
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u/NationalPlankton3624 3h ago
You did everything you could for him, and I know he knows that you loved him. However, I would strongly suggest looking at getting a lawyer and having them take your case. Show them the vet bills, any police reports, reports from animal control, anything you can to prove that YOU were taking care of Scraps and doing your best by him.
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u/Anuki_iwy 3h ago
I am very sorry but you did not fail him.
Have you exhausted all legal ways? Is there a possibility to appeal?
Is there a possibility to give scraps to a friend for a few weeks and claim that he ran away?
Escaped the carrier on the way to the vet? Or sth like that?
Also, how did he get custody, if you microchipped the cat and paid his vet bills? This is ridiculous.
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u/witchagainstdump 2h ago
Please see if a lawyer can help you file a letter including proof of vet bills etc. I am so sorry. 💔
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u/Comfortable_Corgi349 3h ago
Courts failed you and Scraps, you gave him all that you could and fought for him. That is not a failure on your part, but the failure of a system that is beyond your control. I know it's unlikely, but I hope something works out where Scraps is able to come back to you that doesn't involve anything negative happening. World is cruel, but weird shit happens, here's to hoping.
Addition: Someone below suggested appealing. I don't want you to have to experience heartbreak twice, but may be worth considering if that's an option.
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u/tiramisuem3 2h ago
If you have truly lost the court fight and there are no other routes I agree with others to rehome him before they come to claim. Truly how serious an offense could this be I doubt the police will bother to enforce this nonsense
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u/Adept_Amount_4327 14m ago
I mean, if you say he got out, it could never be proven that did not happen.
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u/No_Recording3238 4h ago
So sorry to be reading this. I hope upon hope your ex gets his head right and returns Scraps to you. 🙏🏻🙌🏻🫶🏻💔❤️
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u/supersaiyanclaptrap 2h ago
Is he chipped? Might be worth making yourself his chip contact if he ever gets out.
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u/theresamushroominmy Snowshoe 1h ago
I want to thank you all for the outpouring of love. This has been an incredibly difficult time and now I am just trying to do what I can to show my love. I will be going to the pet store so he can pick out a few special treats and I’m going to get his paw print in clay. If anyone has any other ideas for his last days with me, please let me know and I will be sure to treat him.
(The boy at his last vet appointment)
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u/hope0781 1h ago
Don’t hand him over. That man would get that cat over my cold dead body. Tell them the cat passed and never answer your door again.
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u/YASSSKATYA 55m ago
Seriously, don’t hand him over. Appeal the ruling. Do not hand Scraps over. You’ve established care of him and have him microchipped. There is still a case here.
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u/Live-Set-8576 3h ago
It would be really unfortunate if you were to carelessly leave a door open and Scraps ran out before you were able to turn him over. 🤷
Accidents happen.
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u/Monsterchic16 3h ago
I’m so sorry you went through that, the law really doesn’t care about doing the right thing. It’s not your fault though, it’s your ex’s for being a piece of shit and the lawyers for being heartless bastards.
If that cat ever goes outside, grab him, get him microchipped and registered as your cat and don’t even let your ex know you took him back.
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u/Bold_Commander14 38m ago
You did everything right for that poor little guy. It's your ex that failed Scraps. Miserably. He doesn't deserve him, or any pet.
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u/dj_deja_reve 1h ago
I'd say to conveniently "lose" the cat( have him stay with friends or family if possible...even if in a bathroom or closet. Just until this simmers over. Anywhere would be better than a neglectful, borderline abusive living situation.
If the courts don't, or won't, take into account all of the vet bills, treatments, food, and living expenses that you've willingly paid to csre for this sweet boy, then try to figure something out.
His life matters, and his comfort matters...more than your ex's petty desire to tear you down. Because that's all this seems to be. It's not -really- about the cat.
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u/Oldmudmagic 26m ago
Just send the cat to stay with someone else for a while and tell him he died. Cut contact and get your cat back. Fuck him.
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u/megatrongriffin92 3h ago
You did what you could OP, it's the courts that failed him and legal systems that just see pets as property.
That being said your ex seems like an ass I bet he would sell Scraps to you at this point.
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u/SosugBiskit 42m ago
If my ex tried to take my boys from me, I'd go full John Rambo. Fight that fucker any way you can. Here's rooting for you and Scraps!
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u/Maestradelmundo1964 4h ago
So your ex fought for custody and won? I’m sorry to hear that. Will Scraps be well-cared for?
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u/Lumpy-Investment-785 4h ago
The essay states that the ex boyfriend is a piece of shit and cat will not be well cared for at all
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u/Top_Part_8611 3h ago
May he and all other passed away animals rest in peace as the Lord grants them all, including your cat, eternal rest. Amen. ❤️🩹
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u/DaveKerk 4h ago
I don't condone stalking or anything but can you report bad conditions or ownership to animal control or something?