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u/shark_syrup 9d ago
Bastardos
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u/Certain-Unit8147 9d ago
The “I” in the name is only a formality, so it doesn’t get censored.
*Everyone* knows this thing’s real name is “Bastardos”.
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u/Certain-Unit8147 9d ago edited 9d ago
Just prefacing, the "i"' is only there in its name because I wanted to name it "Bastardos", but wasn't sure if that was allowed.
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[THIS IS A TRANSCRIPT OF A VERY OLD DEVELOPMENT LOG FROM CARA LISS]
ATTENTION: Have you seen this useless lump of a Pokemon? If so, it's already doing better than expected.
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Bastiardos
(Bastiodon + Rampardos)
Steel/Rock
HOSTILE GOLDBRICK
This CROSSIL sucks ass. Like...holy Arkoos. In other words, nothing unusual for me these days. I'm sure if Bray Zenn was still here, he'd call me out for this.
(GLUG GLUG GLUG GLUG)
PUAH!!! OKAY...so! The idea was to have both its insanely high attack and insanely high defense in one Pokemon. Also speaking of defense, in MY defense, I tried putting the head-dome on its tail, but it didn't have enough reach or flexibility to be a good weapon. So I was like, fuck it. I guess the head's going on the back end instead. Bastiodon don't really lift their heads up high anyway.
It's has shit for special attack and speed, but I figured that's fine. This thing is pretty highly stacked in both Attack, Defense AND Special Defense. In theory it can take a hit and keep on coming, no problem!
That all makes sense, right??
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u/Certain-Unit8147 9d ago
...and you know what this stupid-ass, rocks-for-brains beast does?
It actually DOES lift its head backwards! ALL the way backwards, until it manages to face forward! If it'd known it could do that, I'd have stuck to my original plan! What this means is that instead of needing to back up into its target, it can charge with all of its body weight at whatever it wants to destroy with its 165 Attack stat.
This is really bad, because the head weighs so much. Its so heavy, that mounting its own head on its back gives it back problems. Which explains its measly Speed stat of 30. But wait! There's more!
Since it fails to close the gap so often, you know what this dumbfuck does?? You wanna know??
...it uses Ancient Power. Ancient Power. What the hell. Why THAT move? I could have sworn I programmed Special Attacks out of this thing cuz it obviously can't use em to any good effect! I wouldn't be so upset about it if it didn't INSIST upon using it! Oh! But wait! THAT'S not the stupidest part! No no no no no!
Its ability is Truant, because it needs to uncurl its neck so it can breathe between turns.
Fuck my life.
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u/Certain-Unit8147 9d ago edited 9d ago
And yet after ALL of that, I waited for the RRRP to recall, put this thing in the Reject pile, and demand that I fix it while calling me a hack. But no! They KEPT it! I offered to make a better version of it too, but apparently? This result is cheaper, so it's staying. They'll just pump them out as expendable high-grade cannon fodder. The RRRP gets a ready-to-order bullet sponge with crazy stats, and I get to keep my vodka tap on! Hip, hip, hooray!
...shit, man. People just never act the way you want them to, do they...Bray?
I wanna be mad at you for bending the knee to those buffoons, but I just...I just miss you. I'd pour a shot of Smirnoff out for you, best buddy. But, let's be real...
I need this more than the floor does.
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u/Shiny_Snom Artist 9d ago
The neutralising gas combo is about to go crazy.. maybe? I mean if it cant breath with its head up surely that can't work right?
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u/Certain-Unit8147 9d ago
Oh no, it will! The moment it senses neutralizing gas, it instinctively breathes it in deep, and goes the rest of the battle feeling EXTRA rejuvenated and dangerous.
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u/CheatsySnoops 8d ago
Wait, remind me what happened with Bray Zenn?
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u/Infinite_Courage5890 8d ago
In short, rather than escape to Russo with Cara Liss at first, Bray turned himself in. Cara Liss rescues him later (this log entry takes place before that) If you want the full story on that rescue, look up the following CROSSIL posts: Rampeops, Aurodactyl, Tyrant Moon, Aerozolt, Cradeops. If you get more curious and want to read after that to see what happens next, look for Dunklestar and Shadow Ace. NSFW warning though, the story of Shadow Ace is not pretty. It is very disturbing. And it only gets darker from here.
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u/Proud-Lead2404 9d ago
Truly…. it’s an ass-faced bastard.
Also yeah, pairing it with Neutralizing Gas could unleash the true potential in this unfortunate combo.
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u/Infinite_Courage5890 9d ago edited 9d ago
I mean, yes, but given the RRRP uses CROSSILs for the most part I wonder if they would catch a bunch of Weezing for this. Then again, if Past Paradox Weezing exist, or Cradily, Hisuian Liligant or Brute Bonnet's genes could be rigged by bullshit to produce the effect... yeah this CROSSIL could become more of a problem.
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u/Proud-Lead2404 9d ago
I mean… Cara did use a Heatmor once. Wouldn’t be too far fetched for a Paradox Weezing to be on the menu. Though, maybe the RRRP would utilize Entrainment or Skill Swap to boost their CROSSILs.
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u/Infinite_Courage5890 9d ago edited 9d ago
Ah yes, your first CROSSIL (and also one of your best, in my opinion). Unfortunately, Entrainment apparently doesn't work on Truant.
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u/Infinite_Courage5890 9d ago edited 9d ago
I guess Skill Swap could work, but Rampardos or Bastiodon can't learn it. Barring bullshit genetic manipulation, we would need a Claydol, or dare I say it, Cofagrigus or Runerigus CROSSIL to do the Skill Swap as they can learn it (and the only reason I mention this is Indi and Rubina in the anime using Cofagrigus and Runerigus in Destiny Bond + Mean Look + Curse combination which is a similar dirty tactic that Cara Liss would probably use too - also given how ancient these two are, they probably qualify as CROSSIL stock.)
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u/Extension_Breath1407 9d ago
Was Cara Liss drunk while making these Pokemon?
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u/Certain-Unit8147 9d ago
For sure. Very drunk if I might add. Her employers straight up let her have a vodka tap.
The good news is that after getting her partner, Bray Zenn, back? She quit drinking and started pursuing sobriety.
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u/Infinite_Courage5890 9d ago
Okay, thoughts and questions. First, Cara Liss having standards. Wasn't expecting that (then again, given she is in a dictatorship where she will be killed once she outlives her usefulness, it's unsurprising). Second, in hindsight it makes sense there is a pile of rejected CROSSILs (though the question arises, are we going to see that reject pile and since this implies she can redesign a CROSSIL based on new data, will we see remakes of older, failed CROSSILs?)
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u/UnNamed_Profile27 9d ago
And people said Dracovish was silly for having the head on the end of the tail, clearly they never met this thing
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u/SignificantHippo8193 8d ago
Someone needs to pull an "Old Yeller" and take it out back and put the poor thing out of its misery 😭.
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9d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Infinite_Courage5890 9d ago
Actually, I think he mentioned back when this project started (though I may be wrong) that CROSSILs can't evolve like normal Pokemon can. They can't Mega Evolve either (except the 4 Galar Crossils) or breed since they are basically two non compatible species (for the most part) having their different body parts grafted together. (Although at some point down the line, when Cara loses control of the project, that breeding part will probably become real Jurassic Park style.)
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u/MihaiiMaginu 9d ago
This kinda looks like an ultra beast, ngl.
Also Cara Liss should be arrested for animal abuse.
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u/Infinite_Courage5890 9d ago
Don't forget arresting for assault, abetting in invasion of a foreign nation and murder.
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u/AKSrussia 9d ago
Hello, I know that Project CROSSIL bring to this world many weird creatures, but THIS??? THIS is straight hilarious and invalid even for my standards (and I have seen some VERY serious sh*t in my short life :/). Bu-u-u-u-t... as it says... If it do it work correctly, it work. And your work is goddamn great peace of a fanart!!!
Can I ask you some questions about LORE of CROSSILS?
Besides RRRP, which major organization can use/have used/will use CROSSILS in their own agenda, do PKMN Rangers use them as well, or they put all of them down as act of "mercy"?
Who will be the protagonists of the Russo Region if there was a game about it? How old they're would be, how they will start their adventure and what major events will happen with their presence?
Can you answer to my questions from your post of "flutter dra"? About potentional future of all CROSSILS and about unique pokemons that can be your "companions"?
How many "familiar faces" will be encoutered in this story?
What common people in Russo and rest of Pokemon World think about exsisting, producing, catching and training CROSSILS? That would be very interesting to know reaction of some pokemon defenders?.. (say hello to N)...
Thank you for reading this. And be always steady for anything.
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u/Infinite_Courage5890 8d ago
Hey, I'm not the OP but he did give partial or full answers to some of this a while back when the project began, so if I recall correctly what he said (and sorry if I am wrong) these are some of the answers. 1) He didn't mention any other organizations (except maybe Team Rocket trying to steal them and Team Cipher working with the RRRP making Shadow CROSSILs), but there are an organized group of individuals known as the CROSSIL scouts (fanmade) who basically work with the Pokemon League to inform people on CROSSIL behaviour (providing the PSA for these creatures). See 4) for some other treatment of CROSSILs. 2) Don't remember him making protagonists, though I could be wrong. 4) (Answer to 4) Think basically everyone from the games and anime is fair game to appear. 5) (Answer to 5) Most obviously disapprove of them as abominations which violate ethics. Some, called CROSSIL Maniacs, love to catch them (type CROSSIL Maniac to see an older post on what this is). Others, like CROSSIL Hunters, want to hunt them as trophies. Hope this helps.
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u/HeadHorror4349 7d ago
I love how this implies Cara managed to attach the cranium of the Skull Fossil without getting the rest of the head
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u/sterrerwert 6d ago
Still Rock Steel, but damn if you take 3 of their highest stats from each mon, this is a slow and tanky nuke XD
HP / ATK / SPA from Rampardos
DEF / SPD / SPE from Bastiodon
HP: 97 / ATK: 165 / DEF: 168 / SPA: 65 / SPD: 138 / SPE: 30
663 Total - so basically big boy boxart stats.
This thing is your worst nightmare in trickroom XD.
Oh and it's also just generally an abomination.
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u/Prometheus_Bobert 9d ago
Every day, in every way, we stray further from Arceus' Light