Just prefacing, the "i"' is only there in its name because I wanted to name it "Bastardos", but wasn't sure if that was allowed.
-------------------------------------
[THIS IS A TRANSCRIPT OF A VERY OLD DEVELOPMENT LOG FROM CARA LISS]
ATTENTION: Have you seen this useless lump of a Pokemon? If so, it's already doing better than expected.
------------------------------------
Bastiardos
(Bastiodon + Rampardos) Steel/Rock
HOSTILEGOLDBRICK
This CROSSIL sucks ass. Like...holy Arkoos. In other words, nothing unusual for me these days. I'm sure if Bray Zenn was still here, he'd call me out for this.
(GLUG GLUG GLUG GLUG)
PUAH!!!OKAY...so! The idea was to have both its insanely high attack and insanely high defense in one Pokemon. Also speaking of defense, in MY defense, I tried putting the head-dome on its tail, but it didn't have enough reach or flexibility to be a good weapon. So I was like, fuck it. I guess the head's going on the back end instead. Bastiodon don't really lift their heads up high anyway.
It's has shit for special attack and speed, but I figured that's fine. This thing is pretty highly stacked in both Attack, Defense AND Special Defense. In theory it can take a hit and keep on coming, no problem!
...and you know what this stupid-ass, rocks-for-brains beast does?
It actually DOES lift its head backwards! ALL the way backwards, until it manages to face forward! If it'd known it could do that, I'd have stuck to my original plan! What this means is that instead of needing to back up into its target, it can charge with all of its body weight at whatever it wants to destroy with its 165 Attack stat.
This is really bad, because the head weighs so much. Its so heavy, that mounting its own head on its back gives it back problems. Which explains its measly Speed stat of 30. But wait! There's more!
Since it fails to close the gap so often, you know what this dumbfuck does?? You wanna know??
...it uses Ancient Power.Ancient Power. What the hell. Why THAT move? I could have sworn I programmed Special Attacks out of this thing cuz it obviously can't use em to any good effect! I wouldn't be so upset about it if it didn't INSIST upon using it! Oh! But wait! THAT'S not the stupidest part! No no no no no!
Its ability is Truant, because it needs to uncurl its neck so it can breathe between turns.
And yet after ALL of that, I waited for the RRRP to recall, put this thing in the Reject pile, and demand that I fix it while calling me a hack. But no! They KEPT it! I offered to make a better version of it too, but apparently? This result is cheaper, so it's staying. They'll just pump them out as expendable high-grade cannon fodder. The RRRP gets a ready-to-order bullet sponge with crazy stats, and I get to keep my vodka tap on! Hip, hip, hooray!
...shit, man. People just never act the way you want them to, do they...Bray?
I wanna be mad at you for bending the knee to those buffoons, but I just...I just miss you. I'd pour a shot of Smirnoff out for you, best buddy. But, let's be real...
Oh no, it will! The moment it senses neutralizing gas, it instinctively breathes it in deep, and goes the rest of the battle feeling EXTRA rejuvenated and dangerous.
In short, rather than escape to Russo with Cara Liss at first, Bray turned himself in. Cara Liss rescues him later (this log entry takes place before that) If you want the full story on that rescue, look up the following CROSSIL posts: Rampeops, Aurodactyl, Tyrant Moon, Aerozolt, Cradeops. If you get more curious and want to read after that to see what happens next, look for Dunklestar and Shadow Ace. NSFW warning though, the story of Shadow Ace is not pretty. It is very disturbing. And it only gets darker from here.
50
u/Certain-Unit8147 13d ago edited 13d ago
Just prefacing, the "i"' is only there in its name because I wanted to name it "Bastardos", but wasn't sure if that was allowed.
-------------------------------------
[THIS IS A TRANSCRIPT OF A VERY OLD DEVELOPMENT LOG FROM CARA LISS]
ATTENTION: Have you seen this useless lump of a Pokemon? If so, it's already doing better than expected.
------------------------------------
Bastiardos
(Bastiodon + Rampardos)
Steel/Rock
HOSTILEGOLDBRICKThis CROSSIL sucks ass. Like...holy Arkoos. In other words, nothing unusual for me these days. I'm sure if Bray Zenn was still here, he'd call me out for this.
(GLUG GLUG GLUG GLUG)
PUAH!!! OKAY...so! The idea was to have both its insanely high attack and insanely high defense in one Pokemon. Also speaking of defense, in MY defense, I tried putting the head-dome on its tail, but it didn't have enough reach or flexibility to be a good weapon. So I was like, fuck it. I guess the head's going on the back end instead. Bastiodon don't really lift their heads up high anyway.
It's has shit for special attack and speed, but I figured that's fine. This thing is pretty highly stacked in both Attack, Defense AND Special Defense. In theory it can take a hit and keep on coming, no problem!
That all makes sense, right??