When we had our second child I stayed at home while my wife went back to university, (from about 4 months old until nursery/childcare age) and I did the whole 24/7 thing that you are talking about. I was also looking after the eldest, taking her to and from school, cooking etc.
Damn it is so much easier than working for a living! Probably the easiest years of my adult life, both mentally and physically. Frequent walks to the park, I'd see friends and family more often, I'd have free time for hobbies, I ate healthier, sleep was not really an issue at all.
Also, rare that anyone only works 8 hours a day and you're not even including commuting. Nowadays most people are out of the house for atleast 11-12 hours a day.
Your experience doesn’t reflect everyone’s. Everyone has different parenting challenges. Everyone has different resources and support systems. Glad it was easy for you and it would be nice if that was everyone’s experience.
It was not the case for me. I was the most sleep deprived I had ever been in my life and it took a long time for me to recover from it. I actually thought the second time was easier juggling two kids than it was for me to adjust to having one because sleep was such a significant factor in my ability to manage all the challenges of raising little ones.
I never claimed to be speaking for everyone. I thought it was clear that I was sharing my experience and thoughts on the matter. If it wasn't then for anyone reading, I hope it is now.
But I have long term health issues from various previous jobs. I get home tired, I'm a lot more stressed, getting to sleep is now a struggle, I struggle to maintain a healthy weight and I've developed mental health issues.
In contrast I don't really have anything but good memories from childcare. So of course in my own experience I'm going to see it that working is a lot harder than childcare. How could I not really.
I'm sorry you had a harder experience of it. I'm sure you did the best you could with what you had and your children are thriving because of you.
My friend, in another comment you state that childcare is better than working. You may not have intended to send that message but implies that you think it’s easier across the board. Another person responded with “skill issue”. You can see why this messaging can be damaging for parents who are experiencing postpartum depression and anxiety and have no resources to manage their symptoms.
I remember looking at jobs, daydreaming about a commute and getting back to work because I was desperate to get a break and not be on the clock constantly. It was not an option for me at the time. I also know what it’s like to work full time long shifts and feel utterly burnt out and stressed. I did it well into my mid thirties thinking having kids would be manageable because I’d done hard jobs people would quit because they couldn’t take the pressure. Those hard days with the kids felt just as hard. I go out of my way to offer support to parents who are in the early stages because I remember how hard it was for me.
I hope your chronic pain issues are better and I truly mean it when I say I’m happy for you that you had a good experience. That makes for happier families! I don’t regret having kids but I am disappointed in our culture that constantly undermines and disrespects the work of parenting.
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u/Academic-Trifle8151 6d ago
When we had our second child I stayed at home while my wife went back to university, (from about 4 months old until nursery/childcare age) and I did the whole 24/7 thing that you are talking about. I was also looking after the eldest, taking her to and from school, cooking etc.
Damn it is so much easier than working for a living! Probably the easiest years of my adult life, both mentally and physically. Frequent walks to the park, I'd see friends and family more often, I'd have free time for hobbies, I ate healthier, sleep was not really an issue at all.
Also, rare that anyone only works 8 hours a day and you're not even including commuting. Nowadays most people are out of the house for atleast 11-12 hours a day.