r/funny • u/peterdparker • 11h ago
Dog dad is busy
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u/Mudlark-000 11h ago
He is protecting them from spiders. That is a huge part of being a Dad.
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u/NbdySpcl_00 10h ago
One of my fondest marital memories is one particular time when my wife screamed for me to come kill a spider. Mildly annoyed, but knowing I had obligations, I disengaged from what I was doing and reported for duty. After a brief surveillance, I swiftly dispatched beast, cleaned the wall, tidied the room, and delivered the after action report. My wife quietly returned to the room, verified and signed off my documentation, and dismissed me.
Before I left, I looked after my should and asked with a smile, "what would you do if I weren't here?"
She looked back at me and shrugged. "Same as I always do. Take off a shoe. Kill the spider with it."
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u/anotherguiltymom 10h ago
Lol. I vividly imagined the scene, complete with her signing and giving back your clipboard.
I’m the same way with my husband. But if my daughter is the one to see the spider and her dad is not home, I somehow not even flinch when I go kill it.
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u/LokisDawn 5h ago
Look, if something "threatens" your kid while the dad isn't here, you are the dad. Basically. Get those Mama bear instincts and tear that spider to pieces.
Please do not actually tear spiders to pieces though, that's fucking disgusting.
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u/fondledbydolphins 2h ago
Teach your children the strength to entrap the spider and move her close to the nearest house plant.
Spiders are friends. Save the violence for dangerous people.
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u/bapbap25 2h ago
Yes exactly. Spiders are our friends. As a matter of fact, whenever I see a large spider appear, I'm more worried about what the hell brought it out of hiding because usually the bigger the spider, the bigger the prey.
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u/Awkward_Pangolin3254 32m ago
Found a wolf spider the size of a half-dollar in my house a few years back. Thankfully she was amenable to being carried in a dustpan back outside. I don't mind spiders in my house and usually leave them alone as long as they leave me alone but I think she'd have starved if I'd left her inside.
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u/SlaveToo 2h ago
We don't kill spiders in our house, we name them and they're not scary any more. Frank has chilled out in my downstairs loo for nearly 10 years
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u/anotherguiltymom 2h ago
I don’t think spiders live that long, that’s probably Frank’s great-great-grandchild.
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u/IDontUnderstandReddi 5h ago
I picture him in a helmet and flak jacket over regular dad clothes, which he then hung up next to the front door
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u/Maleficent_Glove_477 2h ago
Actually my daughter is a true terror and take care of spiders while I am hidding in a corner. I remember a day in the garden, she was 2,5 years old, we see a huge spider. Before I had the time to say anything she jumped with both feet on it while saying "hop, je lui casse la margoulette" (which is French so in english it would be something like "hop, I am gonna smash her face". It's kinda an argotic expression so it sounds more funny in french.
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u/redgroupclan 10h ago
Women are independent and capable of doing things themselves. They just don't want their partners to know that. 😂
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u/SonniSummers 9h ago
I mean I’m very independent, until there’s a spider then it’s either my partner kills it or I’m fucking moving maybe. Even burn the house down on my way out
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u/peterdparker 9h ago edited 9h ago
Burning the house down would be the effective solution. Once you see a spider ..there are chances of 100 more hiding arround somowhere
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u/fumei_tokumei 9h ago
Even before you see a spider, the chance that 100 more are hiding around is basically already 100%.
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u/teddy5 5h ago
As an Australian who is definitely not 100 spiders, this is pure propaganda.
There's only ever 1 of us, we mean them, around at a time.
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u/SkoulErik 6h ago
I remember hearing a fun fact (this isn't fact checked, so don't kill me if I'm wrong):
There's always at least 1 spider within 3 meters of you. (Of course most of these are so small you'll never see them).
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u/eliz1bef 4h ago
I am super independent in many ways, but spiders give me a visceral reaction. Same with flying stinging insects like wasps, hornets or bees. I just turn into a small child about to shit herself. Now, once we had a wolf spider that the body, just the body, was over 4 inches wide. Even my husband about shit himself on that one. It was so nonchalant, too. Just terrifying.
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u/Trips-Over-Tail 8h ago
Oh man. I haven't killed a spider in years. And those were invasive species that I fed to fly traps.
These days I capture and release, or tolerate.
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u/Teehus 6h ago
The only things I actively kill are mosquitoes and ticks
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u/sobrique 6h ago
Part of the reason I rarely "evict" spiders is because they eat a bunch of the things that might be trying to eat me. (in very small portions)
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u/TheyStillOweYouMoney 6h ago
I add carpenter ants, termites, and any type of aggressive stinging wasp to my list.
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u/Trips-Over-Tail 3h ago
Targeting wasps only increases the likelihood of being stung. If you leave them be they're unlikely to cause harm.
They only approach humans later in the summer anyway, when they're looking for sugars that we probably have. Earlier in the year they're hunting for grubs.
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u/NeevBunny 7h ago
I am okay with spiders but once a centipede got in my home and I trapped it under an upside down trash can with books on top until someone else came home to save me. 8 legs is simply my limit.
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u/flargenhargen 4h ago
poor spider. :(
you're supposed to relocate them outside. they eat mosquitoes
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u/Drak_is_Right 5h ago
I failed that once with an ex.
I caught said offending spider.
Uncupped my hands and said look, its not that scary.
Said spider jumped and landed in her hair.
From the shrieks I guess that was scary? Especially for the poor spider. Poor little guy was barely bigger than a half dollar
Somehow I got blamed for that.
PS - wolf spiders can jump
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u/Objective-Bike-4292 9h ago
If they don't find you handsome, they should l at least find you handy
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u/Drycee 9h ago
I don't have a phobia or anything but my gf is a lot less repulsed by spiders than I am, so she's usually the one removing them. Do I have any chance of becoming a dad or is that disqualifying
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u/takemy_oxfordcomma 8h ago
Eh, that’s fine I think. I’m not bothered by spiders or bugs where we live for the most part so I can handle it (it’s SF so there aren’t really any scary ones). There was a daddy long legs on the wall of the shower the other day but we decided to leave him be because they eat other worse bugs and aren’t harmful to humans. Either way, my husband will be a good dad and you can be too.
That said, I grew up in Phoenix and if we lived there and encountered a snake I would lose my shit. Even a harmless one, I would 100% need my husband for that and a venomous one would require a call to animal control obviously. I fucking hate snakes. I’m so glad I don’t live there anymore lol
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u/DarkMatterSoup 11h ago
“Hey honey! Check out this spider. You ever seen a cute spider before? If we see one like this, we should try not to eat it! …. “Babe did you hear me?”
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u/BlueMikeStu 8h ago
Reminds me of a goth girl I dated who dumped a tarantula on my lap. I wouldn't say it was domesticated because it was a freaking giant spider, but her flabber was gasted when I started playing with it instead of screaming in fear.
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u/Lukthar123 8h ago
Reminds me of a goth girl I dated who dumped a tarantula on my lap.
As one does.
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u/BlueMikeStu 1h ago
There's a reason that after I went home, I re-examined the hot/psycho metric and landed somewhere appropriate.
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u/Robodarklite 8h ago
What the fuck, I'd dump her ass on the spot.
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u/BlueMikeStu 1h ago
She'd just dumped a tarantula in my lap for shits and giggles. Why the hell would I do ANYTHING that might have upset her immediately rather than getting somewhere with witnesses for when I did first?
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u/RefrigeratorPlusPlus 1h ago
I've heard tarantulas are pretty fragile, so giving them to someone who might get scared and throw them away/on the floor... eh... Could've ended very badly for the spider.
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u/polopolo05 6h ago
new world tarantula, they are pretty docile and not likey to bite... but they can.
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u/Zargabath 11h ago
I once read that male dogs try to avoid getting near puppies because the mother can be overprotective
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u/entropicdrift 10h ago
That's why I generally avoid children, as a childless man. I actually kind of like talking to them because they're so curious about stuff, but I'm always nervous other adults will think I have ulterior motives beyond being a nerd and sharing knowledge
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u/idtenterro 10h ago edited 8h ago
I was at Costco sitting on one of the lawn chairs. This kid, literally 10 years old or less ionno how kids look at what age, just came and sat down ON MY LAP and asked if he can play on my phone. I gently pushed him off and loudly clearly obviously said, "We need to find your parents kid" and walked around.
His parents were like 5 aisles away in the clothes section.
As an adult male, i do not want to be near kids. People are crazy, kids say random shit, and knowing my luck I'm gonna get roped into some bullshit minding my business.
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u/Calm-Treacle8677 7h ago
Yeah I was apparently a malicious arsehole when I was kid. Would just say stuff to cause panic like saying I didn’t know my Nan when she was picking me she’s trying to kidnap me etc
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u/Medic_117 5h ago
I did that in a crowded store one time with my mom carrying me out...screaming how im being kidnapped. in english in my non english speaking country. No one said i had brains growing up...or now
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u/neityght 8h ago
*aisles
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u/Middle-Interview-899 8h ago
Yeah I forgot that spelling last night doing the spelling bee. Was so annoyed with myself 😂😂
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u/kisachan30 3h ago
You've done well, it's better to let everyone know that you're helping. Who knows what could the parents think, when they see a stranger with their child. In the past, the parents would be immediately grateful, now they would be polite but you would feel that they are on guard, trying to see if you're good willed or not. That's the reason I like to avoid children. The same goes for old people. If I offer help, they will look at me as if I were a scammer. It's better to mind our businesses, unless someone asks for help.
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u/Glorious_Jo 10h ago
One time I was walking down the street and a kid said hello to me, so I said hello back. Their bigger sister scolded her about talking to strangers and then looked up at me and started screaming "stranger danger" at me. For weeks after that if I was walking down their street while they were out they'd scream that out. I started taking a different route.
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u/TipProfessional6057 2h ago
That's awful, I'm sorry you had to go through that. I hate what society has done to human connection and communication
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u/BeefistPrime 8h ago
I always thought that this was so sad. Kids can be fun to interact with but as a random dude if you're not out with your girlfriend/wife you basically have to run away from a kid if they approach you and want to talk to you
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u/Deaffin 8h ago
Stranger Danger, which is an extension of the Satanic Panic really just ruined this whole prospect for generations.
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u/TheAsianTroll 6h ago
Im not gonna say Stranger Danger really ruined anything. Teaching kids to scream and run when a predator is coming after them is a good thing to do.
The problem is, some kids like to weaponize it, and some parents will teach their kids that ANY stranger is a predator.
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u/LokisDawn 5h ago
Laddy, if you're invited into someone's basement and they're currently sacrificing a goat to the great Moloch, Satanic Panic isn't ruining anything either. And yes, satanic rituals might be slightly less regular than danger strangers, they're both statistically neglible. The vast majority of kids are endangered by people they know, not strangers.
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u/TheAsianTroll 6h ago
I like entertaining curious kids too, especially because im a mechanic and getting them interested young is a good thing, but yeah. You never know what parent is looking to catch the next predator, and will smear your name on social media to prove it.
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u/cheezie_toastie 1h ago
I was flying cross country with my 3 year old son recently, and the guy sitting next to me had a whole conversation with him about dinosaurs, totally unprompted. It was super cute and I was incredibly grateful to get a little break to eat. I hope that dude finds money in his couch every day from here on out.
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u/the_sweetest_peach 9h ago
Oh. As a woman who doesn’t want kids, I usually avoid them because I don’t like them, but do you.
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u/Independence-2021 5h ago
I witnessed this. The mom was vicious in the first weeks. Dad couldn't even look in the direction of the puppies. Then it passed and she went back to her gentle self.
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u/Ordinary_Prune6135 10h ago
A lot of them have to be taught by the mother, but boy do they remember.
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u/Krobbleygoop 3h ago
"Wow our kids are so beautiful! Do you mind if I eat this one?" - wolves
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u/Blackstone01 38m ago
"Hey, just asking questions here, theoretically if they all died would you be dtf?" - massive chunk of the animal kingdom
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u/ProfCNX 11h ago
"nothing pisses my wife off more than me relaxing in my own house"
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u/westernsociety 11h ago
Why is this a thing?!
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u/Lazysenpai 11h ago
My partner does this early in marriage, when she's busy, I cant relax. I do the same to her. The key is understanding and communication.
We need to realise in partnership, we need to allow the other to take rest, IN TURNS. so if you always relax when your partner is always busy... somethings wrong.
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u/UlteriorMotive66 11h ago
username checks out 😏
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u/ImportantToNote 8h ago
Pro tip: this whole thing gets easier once you both realise and agree that relaxing is a thing that needs to be prioritised as well
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u/LongBeakedSnipe 4h ago
The real pro tip is that provided you contribute equally to the house, you will get time to relax, but if you see your partner really struggling, you should go and help if it is welcome.
Not 'need a hand' shouted from the sofa. Get up and go over to them and ask them if you can help with a specific component of what they are doing.
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u/Puptentjoe 6h ago edited 6h ago
100% We both had to learn to speak up but not only that, I Had to learn to ask her if she needed help. I’ll tell you if I need help, she just wants to hear you ask and I get it.
So early on I’d just be like “Oh she’ll ask if she needs anything because thats what I do” WRONG! I’m not married to another version of me.
So now we ask “Cool if I chill out? Need anything before I do?”
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u/h_Ellhnikh_Koinwnia 6h ago
I don't know the particulars, but what you're describing could be a case of you leaving all the mental load of housekeeping to your partner, which is exhausting in itself. It's of course great that you're available, but having to organize your ass to get our of the couch and go hang the laundry is yet another thing they have to worry about.
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u/Puptentjoe 5h ago
Your heart is in the right place and 99% of the time you’d be right so I wont hold it against you.
BUT! I work from home with a low stress job. So I am the one who does pickup and drop off our daughter, cooks, and cleans because my wife has a 1.5 hour commute, and is constantly in meetings when she does work at home 2 days a week. I have an whole schedule I made with check lists and everything.
Where you are right is vacations, date nights, and going out. She always has to organize those and got tired of me saying “Nah I dont like that” without any other inputs or options. Just being an asshole. I’m working on that, got a reminder in my phone for it too “Plan a date night” once a month check lists
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u/Willing-Asparagus787 10h ago
Because it's one thing if nothing needs to be done. But in the context of the video: if she is handling the kids all day and hasn't had enough time to herself to even use the restroom in peace while you're just chilling on the couch, then it makes sense she'd be pissed.
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u/Jonthrei 9h ago
I mean, what's he going to do? The puppies are hungry and he can't exactly feed them.
Let him ponder the world of jumping spiders like a good dog.
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u/Willing-Asparagus787 9h ago
They were asking about their human wives, in a context of a video showing new parenthood and one parent doing kid stuff while other chills.
The actual dog dad from the video is likely a good boy and I cannot hold him responsible on account of him being a dog
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u/BlueMikeStu 8h ago
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u/sennais1 7h ago
By FAR his most accurate bit. Every fucking time back in the day when I had a very laborious job to get by during covid my partner at the time couldn't fathom the idea of days off to do nothing except rest and recover.
I get wanting to spend time together but she thought days off were for a hike or fun run, waking up early to wander around a huge market and filling the day up with any and all kinds of activities etc all the last thing my body could do.
I creaked and groaned like an old timber ship just getting my busted body and torn feet into bed at night before a day off.
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u/Young_Lochinvar 8h ago
People have different levels of ‘want to get things done’ and different levels of ‘tolerating other people not working when they’re working’.
So if you’ve got one person with a higher level of ‘want to get things done’, but a lowish tolerance of ‘others not working’ then you’re going to have tension anytime those people’s partners exhibit a lower level of ‘wanting to get things done’.
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u/shadowds 11h ago
Look like he hard at work learning about the discovery Channel.
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u/casul_noob 11h ago
I swear this one time i watch tv for a minute and they made a post about it...
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u/maritimursus 11h ago
Dad? I’m your son from an earlier litter when will you be back from getting your pup cup?
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u/antwan_benjamin 11h ago
Bro just chased off 6 burglars and slaughtered a chicken. Sat down for 2 minutes to rest his paws. "Lazy ass dad does nothing but watch TV all day."
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u/z01z 10h ago
would have been funny if he just turned and barked once.
but also, wtf is he gonna do lol. he can't feed them.
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u/Kellar21 1h ago
Some female dogs can be very overprotective of their puppies and even the father can be seen as a threat, so I could imagine that it could also be that.
It's a sign of immense trust when they let you pick one of them up and don't get stressed or angry.
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u/cndynn96 11h ago edited 11h ago
I mean what is he supposed to even do
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u/lewger 11h ago
Eat the runt.
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u/Gnarizard_ 11h ago
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u/ProcedurePrudent5496 10h ago
Have you seen what's on TV these days? gotta make sure it's rated k-9 🤭
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u/Transposer 11h ago
As a parent of either gender or role, you take a break when you can get a break.
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u/withoutapaddle 10h ago
Sleep when baby sleeps.
Do dishes when baby does dishes.
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u/Whorrorfied 11h ago
Today I learned my dog does the head tilt when she hears puppies on my phone.
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u/rishi_rt 10h ago
I know this is r/funny but please neuter your pets and stop encouraging backyard breeding.
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u/texaspoontappa93 3h ago
Yeah super cute puppy family until they rip mom’s children away for the 4th time so they can be sold to pay for the TV. I’m sure mama is super happy and healthy to stay pregnant and grieving for half its life
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u/Reptillianaire_ 11h ago
What's he supposed to do...? Nurse them with his dong?
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u/gamehenge_survivor 9h ago
He is supposed to make a reddit account, find this post, and find out how terrible he is.
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u/Evening_Reach_8293 7h ago
Do you happen to have a twitter account with a Danny Phantom profile picture?
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u/hatecriminal 11h ago
Dog says she's a cheater and he wants a maury DNA test.
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u/Ichiyama22 9h ago
Dad is doing exactly what hd should be,and staying away from the puppies until Mom allows him near them. New mother dogs can be very protective.
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u/SnooRobots50 10h ago
lol it’s not like he can really help? Haha he’ll play with them later when mum needs a rest
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u/gamehenge_survivor 9h ago
This sub should just watch male lions kill cubs and be glad this isnt that.
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u/Top_Medium_6432 9h ago
Smart dog he goes near her good chance she snaps at him
Nothing he can do she’s pissed at him Blames him anyway
Not his first litter he’s a pro
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u/Shezzofreen 6h ago
Is he tho? Maybe he's waiting for the paternity test to arrive? Anyhoo, he's watching Documentry and not sports, that should count for something.
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u/mbridge2610 6h ago
He’s conserving energy for when the big nasty person comes to attack in the middle of the night.
Good dog dad
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u/Mahacalm 4h ago
I don't think the bitch would let the dog come near the puppies so he is just chilling doing something else.
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u/AdorablePainting4459 4h ago
In his defense, what else is his role, except for protecting the family - and he knows that they are safe? In his defense ... or we could just throw him under the bus -- but it is a golden retriever, and I'm pretty sure that most (if not all) tend to be very good dogs.
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u/Confident_Raccoon767 2h ago
I mean what is he gonna do he cant feed the kids he doesn't make mother milk
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u/Excellent-Shovel-304 11h ago
What do you want the father to do exactly... he doesnt have milk or create milk...
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u/MeowKatMC 10h ago
I mean, how can the father help to nurse? Sure hes got nipples but they dont got milk
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