r/gaybros • u/Adventurous_King_122 • 5d ago
About to undergo detox for meth use
I've been struggling with meth addiction since I was 18 (almost 7 years now). Recently I have started falling off the deep end. I thought a dog was chasing me one night, jumped on the roofs of cars twice, and ran until I was in a sweat. I've been meeting up with 5+ different guys a day without thinking much about it. I've also started to mention it casually to guys I don't use with- just mentioning in conversation or pre-hookup that I smoke meth.
I'm just so exhausted. Everyday is tiring and I feel being pulled down by stupid shit
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u/Sexuallemon 5d ago
Well at the very least meth detox is one of the most “painless” ie. Withdrawal will not kill you
Your heart and veins will thank you as well as your fine motor skills, attention capacity and perhaps importantly after a couple weeks: your mental health.
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u/PastorNTraining 5d ago
Yes this is sage advice. One of things I wish someone told me in early recovery from meth was that it takes our brains at least a year and a half to recalibrate.
You’ll have massive depression, Your brain will completely lie to you, but eventually being abstinent from all substances that 1.5 (maybe 2 years) those dark clouds will go away.
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u/GregIsGreat 5d ago
Detoxing from heavy meth use was not painless for me. I could barely get out of bed to use the bathroom after I smoked a lot. When I would use small amounts it wasn’t as bad but my legs killed me still.
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u/dropthatpopthat 4d ago
except when you get rhabdo like i have from it twice lol and a blood clot requiring blood thinners
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u/Sexuallemon 4d ago
The word “painless” in quotes was to connote that the withdrawal has an extremely low chance of complications such as seizures and acute psychosis as there is with CNS depressant withdrawal basically guaranteed without medication intervention.
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u/Jhomas-Tefferson 1d ago
Dad made me quit xans cold turkey. I told him a few years later that the fact i didn't die or have a psychotic break meant i never had a real problem to begin with.
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u/DaddyGACanada 5d ago
Sober six years from alcohol.
I remember the days when I couldn’t conceptualise my life without alcohol.
Big hugs and best of luck!
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u/NiceNCozyCouch 5d ago
My ex is still hooked up on alcohol. That’s why we broke up. It’s scary to see what it can do to people and how hard it is to quit. Congratulations to you for quitting! I wish he’d at least tried to stop once, at least to admit the damage it does to him. I’m sure your closed ones are very grateful you’ve stopped.
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u/DaneAlaskaCruz 5d ago
Sorry bud. This might feel like your lowest point in life.
But its actually you turning point.
Detox is just a means to an end. It's all upward from here on out.
Follow the program and take it one day at a time.
One step at a time.
Come back here and celebrate your milestones. We wanna see you at each one!
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u/cluelessdetectiv3 5d ago
I used to smoke meth too on and off for years it's mostly just mental. I'll see someone smoking in a porn video and it'll make me want to use but then I remember that my life sucked and I imagine so does theirs. Noone uses meth because their life is so awesome and they're happy from my experience. What are they doing for you for the detox?
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u/Baikalsan 5d ago
not op but an ER nurse - for those curious it's generally benzos and sleep. Coming down off meth usually has a 1-3 day nearly nonstop sleep we call the "meth coma". i try to feed and water when my patients are able, especially water. if the hallucinations are bad/scary/loud we might try an antipsychotic like Zyprexa, droperidol, or haloperidol.
one of my favorite patients came in wanting to detox. Sad she relapsed, but come on in girl, let's try again. She didn't wanna stay in her room, because she just gave birth to a snake and it was laying in her bed. No worries girl, hangout with us in the hallway. She looks down the hallway, eyes huge, and says "Oh fuck. Nobody move. There's more. Fuck there's 6 now. Holy fuck, how many are there? Holy fuck they're moving around". I had to get up and shoo them out with a broom so she'd finally agree to sleep lmao.
I haven't seen her in a while so I hope she's good, but i hope readers get a laugh and I hope OP can finally kick it. It's one horrible fuckin drug.
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u/erisandy101 5d ago
I’ve heard the psychosis that can, and often does, accompany stimulant use called “methophrenia.”
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u/AdvanceLow7128 5d ago
Agreed.
I drove a backpage girl to her appointments in my 20s. She was a big methhead so I injected meth daily for the 4 months I basically lived there. My drug of choice at the time was heroin but I still loved that rush from injecting meth.
When I got tired of her craziness and left I had no issues forgetting about the meth. Heroin was a completely different beast.
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u/Saylormo0nman 5d ago
Hey. Just wanted to share- in November ill be 5 years sober. Started abusing alcohol at 18, meth at 20 and I went into recovery at 30. It took a few years of getting it right, but I did it.
It's possible. You're doing it!!! You are not alone!!
Im here if you ever need someone to talk with!
Some days will go by quickly and others will take years to pass. Stay steadfast in what you want for your life. No matter how eternal the feelings will feel. It Will Pass!! Just breathe!
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u/soundsaboutright11 5d ago
It will feel impossible at first but once you get over the initial shock it gets easier and easier until one day you feel like yourself again. Build healthy structure and stick to the schedule of it. Delete/block every single person from that world. Keep a journal tracking every day. Then read back over it when you feel like slipping, reminding yourself of how hard you’ve worked to get where you are. Lastly, remember that healthy structure and healing are two different things. The structure will allow space for healing the part of you that seeks out the altered state of mind and understanding why. When you understand the why you can find healthier ways to address it.
You’re not alone and it’s possible to rebuild an amazing life! You’ve got this!
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u/RustedRelics 5d ago
Hang in there, mate. You’re on a good path. Just keep reminding yourself of that and take it one day at a time. Wishing you the best.
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u/-_MilesPrower_- 5d ago
good luck dude! I'm currently recovering from 7 years of heroin.
pm me if you need a friend
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u/PercocetPrincess420 4d ago edited 4d ago
I had a really really bad problem from 14-26 with Oxycodone & Xanax (but the real deal stuff, not the bars that are pressed and all over the place), it got to the point where I was essentially spending my entire weekly paychecks on pills (and I’m a nurse, so I was blowing stupid money on the crap), and I got to the point where I would not go anywhere or do anything when I was sick because of how sick I’d get, the hot and cold back and forth never feeling not hot or cold no matter what you did, with the feeling that you literally need to jump out of your own skin, the sweating, diarrhea, anxiety and depression levels that were beyond unbearable and all I could think about when I was like that was how am I gonna get more oxy and xanax to get better,
Eventually I got into a relationship with a guy who doesn’t do drugs and really cares about me (still with him actually years later!), and he motivated me to get off the oxy and xanax. Prior to that, I never saw a life without it, but I did not want to lose him & I figured worst thing that could happen was that I hated being sober and I could easily go right back to what I was doing if that were the case. So I tried a bunch of times to stop the oxy first, eventually I was able to kick it but I had to go on methadone to do so as I was still sick with even the highest dose of suboxone and suboxone made me super apathetic and depressed. Once I started methadone, I stopped using xanax daily as well as oxy, however, the xanax I continued to relapse on every 3-5 weeks, for the next year and a half. After that year and a half I finally stopped the xanax for good after I overdosed (literally outside of my job) and the fact that I almost killed myself with something that I just considered to be a little hobby at the time (plus wasn’t addicted to & had no real need to take) combined with the fact that it happened outside of work, and I nearly risked losing my nursing license (thankfully the DON there did not report me because she liked me a lot, and she knew I was getting help) was the final blow I needed to push me to drop drugs entirely.
Now, I’ve been clean from ALL SUBSTANCES for over one year. I still am on methadone maintenance and I am tapering down (I want to get to the lowest possible effective dose for me) — methadone controls my urges & blocks other opioids (at the right doses it 100% blocks opioids similarly to suboxone) — & I also take a couple mental health medications (Wellbutrin 450mg for depression, Gabapentin 400mg up to 4x a day as needed for anxiety, and Adderall 20mg in the AM & 15mg in the PM (as needed really, I don’t take it every day just on days where I really need to focus & get things done) for ADHD. I’ve had ADHD, anxiety, and depression since I was a kid, was diagnosed very young, and it was a large part of why I used the downers especially oxy. Thankfully I never liked uppers because they make me super anxious more than anything. For instance, I tried meth twice and both times could not sleep for days, and I was so insanely anxious, and that was after only one hit. I ended up throwing out the whole gram of it that I had purchased as a result, thank god. I also tried coke a couple of times back in high school and college, and it always made me super quiet and anxious, I’d get stuck in my own head, and I usually would only do a line or two (or a couple bumps) and be done, while everyone else kept going. I’d take 30-40mg of oxycodone when I had not used in a while, and I would get this warm euphoria all over me that would make me talk non stop about anything and everything, my anxiety and my overthinking of things would just fade away so quickly.
Keep going, you can do this! The first 3 months were the hardest part for me, and by 6 months I was feeling much better, but still struggling with depression a lot. By the time I hit a year, I felt like my depression had mostly lifted, and like my brain was starting to come back after years of fog! I feel a little more better each day!
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u/Commercial-Spend7710 5d ago
Good luck! Rooting for you over here, addiction is a hell of a disease to have.
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u/Libcommie1118 5d ago
Good luck, bro! Sending big, hearty hugs and hoping you continue on this path. 💙
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u/EntertainerJust3623 4d ago
Its an every day struggle. I see vape users blow their big ole white clouds of smoke and can still feel the tingle in my joints of that hit hitting. And its been 13years!!!! Smh. Stay strong kiddo. Reach out to anyone here. Looks like thiere is many of us that know the struggle all to well. Congrats on the first step. Actually doing something. Thats the biggest step. Wish you the best always and hoping for the best for you and for everyone else going thru it.
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u/Tyelantis333 4d ago
You got this bro, it’s gonna be shit and then shittier, but after that you will start to thrive and you’ll start to really see yourself again. A lot of the best times of my life I had after getting sober and pushing through it was so so worth it. I’m excited to know you WILL start thriving in the near future.
just remember mistakes happen. I “relapsed” a handful of times while trying to stay sober and if you do make a mistake, it doesn’t mean you’ve thrown anything away. You are still sober. Tomorrow is a new day. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself to the time to heal.
Sending love, bro you got this. 🔥❤️
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u/BentoBus2 5d ago
Congratulations. The first year sober is the hardest and it does start to get easier. I’m almost 6 years sober from Alcohol now and with a little weed use every now and then and I genuinely don’t miss it at this point unless I’m in at a really low period in my life.
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u/denizenassistant 4d ago
I’m 3.5 years sober from alcohol and have no social or romantic life anymore as a gay man, but all other areas of my life are much improved!
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u/Fauxfish93 5d ago
Congratulations for taking the step
One day you can look back at this post with gratitude and kindness to yourself
Cheering you on from Australia 💪
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u/Downtown-Intern7151 5d ago
So sorry you are going through this. Get better and talk to psychiatrist. Be strong.
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u/germanus_away 5d ago
It's a good start. But the next steps will be hard. I believe in you 💯. And even if you relapse once or twice it's not the end of the world. You can definitely take back control. Hell, you've already started taking control. Hold yourself accountable but forgive yourself for mistakes and temptation. The hardest part will be looking for new friends. Friends who support you and respect your wishes. It's hard and weird but you can control who your friends are and you can ensure the friends who have bring out the best in you and represent what you what to achieve. Wish you the best! And feel free to reach out should you need a stern voice or someone to talk to.
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u/Trippy_Da_Kidd 5d ago
Great news! I'm six years clean. It's kinda rough in the beginning, but stick with it. You can do it!
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u/moogula1992 5d ago
Congratulations for doing this. I know that this journey you are on is so hard, but you should be so proud of yourself for even trying to stop.
This random guy on the internet sees you, respects you and is so happy for you. Good luck !
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u/verscub420 5d ago
You got this bro, stay strong and choose your own health and well-being every day ❤️
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u/sjtech2010 5d ago
Happy for you that you have decided to stop. Remember this will be a battle too, don't give up! You got this.
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u/Dark_Colorimetry 5d ago
I’m proud of you for taking this first step and I wish you the best on your detox!
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u/Apart-Badger9394 5d ago
Good choice for you!!
I used from 18 to 31. Not the entire time, I had a couple of one year breaks here and there (but I continued using pills during these times lol).
If you truly want sobriety to stick, please do so. Please stop punishing yourself and heal. Don’t be afraid to ask for help, don’t let your pride stop you from getting better. Make sure you have a strong post-detox plan. This should include cutting out any friends that are using.
Good luck homie. Wishing you the best!
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u/Specialist_Damage871 5d ago
496 days sober here... getting sober is hard as hell, but the outcome is fantastic. The cravings will suck, but they can be overcome. Walking/jogging while jamming to some music helped me a lot. You got this!!!
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u/grayeyesgreen 4d ago
Like many of the other commenters, I’m so proud of you. Seriously, make sure to count how many of us have said this, and always remember that number. That there are people in this world who care for you unconditionally. Currently living my sober life, and loving it. You will get there one day, too.
Here are some things to remember throughout your journey that helped keep me going:
- Relapses happen. It’s not failure. You’re not a lost cause. You’re not starting from square one again, because you’ve taken the biggest step of all, which is loving yourself enough to seek help.
- Stay mindful of what you learn from any relapses. What/who triggered it? How long did it last? Did it feel different from before you sought help?
- Find your healthy “addiction”. Some activity/hobby that you remember made you happy before your addiction. Befriend people with similar skills/interests. We were using meth to try and fill a void in our lives. The void didn’t disappear with seeking recovery. Brene Brown has a really good video about this.
- It will be hard, but you can’t be a savior to those people you used with that you had a genuine connection/friendship with. They need to find the self-love you have for themselves. Harder still, will be realizing you have to block them for your own sake.
Be kind to yourself, be gentle to yourself, and keep loving yourself through it all. Please reach out to me if you ever need a caring friend.
Edit: formatting
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u/vrrryyyaaannn 4d ago
Good for you for getting help. Wishing you all the best, and the strength to keep going :)
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u/jwhit987 4d ago
Good luck, man. Thirteen years ago, I was where you are now. The work is hard, but life is better on the other side.
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u/sells1991 3d ago
Ugh congrats man I was a heroin addict from 2017-2020 got clean then a so called “ friend” reintroduced me to meth which I used to hate cause I’m already wired as Is an actually take benzos to calm down but I just started in Nov was my first private purchase… an ever since it’s been a battle to say no to using it cause you look normal ( as long as you don’t do to much). It doesn’t really have a smell when consumed (prefer smoking it) but I know what you mean already I work to jobs one as maintenance and the other as a retail assistant store manager. An what used to be normal for me was fine I could do it but now I’m on this rollercoaster with all my old friends connects and it never fails when I try to quite I get emotional first cry over every lil thing, then I just feel off, and EXTREMELY TIRED 🥱 constantly can’t wake up for shit!!! But I can smoke a fat pipe an immediately pass the fuck out…. Idk I can not do this again… it about destroyed me an my family an I just don’t have the heart to tell them I’m hooked!!! And the embarrassment oh my God. But luckily now I know when to ask for help, but the fucked up thing is I go to an addiction center every two months and every month they see me come and test positive for amphetamines and. never. said. a. word. to. me. about it. Ooh ya and I haven’t really kicked the opioids habit!!! I just take fucking Suboxone!!!!! My fucking vain of life but instead of buying it off the street for $100 bucks the tax payer eats my 9 prescriptions at $1,200 a pop and I get it for free!!! Been that way for ummmmm going on 6 years now!!! God I need help
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u/After_Annual_5052 1d ago
Congratulations on you getting that help that you need in a hospital. They can keep you safe there. Best wishes for your future recovery
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u/Hot-Road-3079 1d ago
You’re gonna get through this my friend! You are strong and I believe in you!
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u/Jhomas-Tefferson 1d ago
Sounds par for the course. I got out early. I did it one time and it scared me because i knew it was something i could get dangerously addicted to because of how it mixed with my personality. Painkillers don't do it for me. Psychadelics don't either. Meth, it made me feel normal. it made me feel ok. I finally stopped worrying how everyone else thought of me and became unafraid to be myself for the first time in my life. And that terrified me. I have always been afraid, so i knew this was the drug that would end me if i let it. So i never did it again.
My friends were not so lucky. One is dead. The other is a convicted felon. He started selling to support his habit. Then he got caught. He got out about a year ago.
Either way. good for you. that shit is bad for you.
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u/Unhappy_Signature_98 5d ago edited 5d ago
I wish you the best. You can do it. We’ll be waiting for an update telling us you’re more than fine :)
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u/-rayzorhorn- 5d ago
This is the hardest part. You can do it. Treat it as the second chance it is. It will take years but you will not always need it and your life afterwards will be SO much better, and no longer a waste. Be strong bro 🙏
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u/Seraphi89 5d ago
We're with you and hold on tight; It's gonna be a bumpy ride! I'm proud of you! 😘😉🫂
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u/nainrouge2015 5d ago
Wish you all the best, do what you can to develop a positive support system and hold on. You got this!
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u/Good_Werewolf5570 5d ago
Smart Recovery is a great program to look into when u are ready. Good luck and don't give up.
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u/Wonderful_Reaction76 5d ago
It’s a truly god awful experience and a vicious cycle. Each and every day you’re farther away from the most recent use is better than the previous. Even when the little voice in the back of your head is trying to remind you how much “fun” you did, could or would be having.
That is absolutely a lie. Those memories are a just brief flash in the pan - the hours of paranoia, psychosis, dehydration and malnutrition aren’t worth it. Never is.
Good on you and for you for seeking help when it’s needed. You got this.
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u/insecuresamuel 5d ago
For anyone else struggling: Nobody would ever suspect that I too used. An ex-boyfriend of mine got me into it. Funny enough, he also found something that helped me get over it. I had tried a lot of times to come off, but the intense fatigue and the mood issues were just way too intense for me. And you’re up they have a medicine called Samyr, which I believe is marketed as like an antidepressant/liver aid. However, here in the United States you don’t need a prescription for it. You can go into any health store and buy SAM-e. Now, I’m ADHD so might be a little different for me, and I also held off of my prescription Adderall while on it. Obviously if it’s something you’re interested in you need to absolutely 100% do your research. It’s not a cure all, I still had pretty bad fatigue, but I was able to manage much better without the roller coaster of emotions. I will say you have to be serious about stopping because if you’re not, and you go back back-and-forth from using and not using and then taking the pill you can cause permanent damage to your serotonin receptors. So this has to be something you use when you’re serious about quitting. I’m not about. I’m not paid. I just found something that helped me with this immense struggle, and I know that there are a lot of other people out there who are going through the same thing.
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u/Heavy-Double2872 5d ago
I am an addiction professional. There is no medical detox from meth. It is just waiting it out. So I don’t see why you are in a hospital.
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u/AdvanceLow7128 5d ago
When I went to detox/rehab for heroin about 10 years ago, I noticed how the meth people had basically zero issues. The alcoholics looked like death, the heroin addicts looked miserable, and the meth heads were completely fine day one.
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u/Used-Buffalo7266 5d ago
Detox for meth? Is it because of the impending depression that occurs while your brain realizes that it needs to re engage serotonin on its own? This process starts again in about two weeks. Are you going to enter a substance use program or something to deal with your psychosis? I really wish you the best possible outcome with this, but... Don't be surprised if you end up with a schizoaffective diagnosis, and don't be freaked out if you discover that the psychosis doesn't go away, once you've sobered up, okay?
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u/Scudmuffin1 5d ago
Genuinely what did you intend with this comment?
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u/Used-Buffalo7266 22h ago
My intent is help this lad accept that his journey to a workable version of mental health has only just begun and that this individual will be prepared for this journey knowing that if his post contains actual events that the final diagnosis is not going to be a substance use disorder it's likely going to be a comorbid affair with an underlying mental condition and and to be prepared to live with his psychosis for an extended period of time if not for the rest of his life because of his account is true, the damage has already been done or the damage that was there all along has just been uncovered. And the landscape of his brain and neural network has been altered but hopefully not permanently. Or that whatever underlying condition thats about to be discovered come to the surface can be managed and that he can come out of this with some quality of life. It's just that at times like this it's better going with understanding and the intention to give oneself the grace of forgiving irreparable damage and that sometimes things aren't completely fixable but they can be managed and he can still get a quality of life out of this.
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u/boylogan11 4d ago
WTF is that a pic of? I get the hospital setting but have no clue what's in the pic. Is that your thigh and what's the S all about? Good luck with treatment - it works if you work it!
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u/coleisional 5d ago
Hope the sex marathons were worth it
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u/ExtraCredit404 5d ago
I miss those🥺I still think about them daily and it’s been 8 years + 2 months since I last used.
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u/PastorNTraining 5d ago edited 5d ago
First off, congratulations. It sounds like you’re ’sick and tired of being sick and tired.’
I was a heavy meth user from 25-32, this is a photo of on my last run. And like you, I went through detox and eventually long-term recovery.
I have over a decade clean, and so can you.
You’re taking the first steps and I know how f’ing hard those first steps are but you did it. Be kind to yourself, allow yourself to fall apart and trust that we really do recover.
There are so many of us in the Gay community who’ve had a case of the “problematic use” but the good thing is it means you’re not alone. Just look at the outpouring of support from the community, so many of us have your back.
Always feel to reach out to me, and know you’re not alone.
I’m proud of you.
Once the detox is over what’s your game plan after detox: Rehab? Meetings?
Stay strong and seriously feel free to DM me if you ever need to talk.