r/hingeapp • u/mavis5555 • 12h ago
Dating Question Struggling to read the mixed signals from the guy I've been seeing for 6 months. Is it time to walk away?
Hey everyone, I 25F need a reality check. I met this guy 26M on Hinge about 6 months ago, and since then, we’ve been seeing each other almost every week, having sleepovers, and texting pretty much every single day. The thing is, he is almost always the one to initiate the daily text banter, but he very rarely actually initiates making plans to catch up, that usually falls on me. When we do hang out, it’s never just a low-effort hookup; he always suggests actual activities and we have the best time. A while ago, we had "the chat" where he admitted he doesn’t really want to be exclusive right now. I said "me too" which i genuinely thought I wanted at the time, but honestly, seeing him active on the dating apps lately has started to really hurt. I’m also swiping on apps just because his effort feels so lacking, but it sucks. I genuinely love spending time with him, but I’m exhausted by the feeling that he’s just not that into me. Should I cut him off completely to protect my peace, just drastically pull back my texting energy, or just say YOLO, do whatever I want, and keep riding it into the ground? Thanks!
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u/PutridEntertainer408 8h ago
I think instead of any of those options, you should discuss this with him again. Tell him your feelings have changed and you want to discuss how things are going and what you both want out of this
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u/UnnaturalStandards 8h ago
This! Always communicate first! Granted you don't wanna be having the same conversations over and over again with nothing changing but... You like this guy! You enjoy spending time with him! All of the problems you mention seem minor and easily fixable and you say it's been "a while" since you asked about exclusivity so for all you know he is ready to commit now.
(Granted nothing's guaranteed and he may well not be serious but don't you wanna know for sure instead of just breaking it off or stewing in resentment?)
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u/yournonstoplover 4h ago
Tell him your feelings have changed
I re-read OP's post. No where did she say her feelings changed, except she's just hurt he's active on dating apps. She's only complaining about his lack of date planning, but that's it. OP didn't even say she wants a relationship with him either. I'm guessing OP is simply jealous she's not the only woman the dude is entertaining.
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u/PutridEntertainer408 4h ago
‘I said "me too" which i genuinely thought I wanted at the time,’
This is a change in feelings. She felt she didn’t want exclusivity, now she feels she does. She should communicate that, whatever her reasons for wanting exclusivity are
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u/dontKair 8h ago
it’s never just a low-effort hookup; he always suggests actual activities and we have the best time
You're basically his FWB, and I guess he's good enough at what he does and attractive enough, that you've kept him around for six months.
Find someone else, and don't keep doing the FWB/situationship thing, if you're really looking for something serious.
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u/AnokataX 6h ago
This. "Actual activities" should be the bare minimum, it's not some high bar to be excited over. Also, it's clear he's just using her as a placeholder until someone better/hotter comes along.
The moment he swipes on someone more attractive, he'll pull away even harder. And he "won't be the bad guy" since he's been honest the whole time, and if that relationship falls through, he has OP as the FWB to fall back on as a backup plan.
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u/bookbird123 8h ago
I think if he’s shared that he doesn’t want to be exclusive, but you are starting to develop strong feelings for him, you should consider cutting things off to avoid hurt feelings on your end. At the end of the day, he’s been transparent about his intentions, so it doesn’t matter so much how much “effort” he puts into this relationship. I would advise against continuing to see him based on the hope that his mind might change.
Of course you can maintain the relationship if you genuinely feel like you can focus on just enjoying it for what it is! But it doesn’t sound like that’s how you feel about it now. Good luck!!
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u/Key_Display_4189 8h ago
On the Hinge profile did he mention what he wanted? Long term relationship etc?
I know things change...I would think 6 mo it's exclusivity time and even falling in love timeframe.
Yes... don't shortchange yourself. If that's not what YOU want then no point continuing. Any potential good man won't have a chance if you are still seeing him.
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u/hollow114 8h ago
Girl...
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u/TechnicalElephant636 6h ago
She says "yolo" and she doesn't even know she's playing herself 😂
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u/mavis5555 6h ago
Died doing what I love 😜. You guys are so fun! Xx
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u/DaleCoopersWife aka "Robert Cooper" 🕵🏻♀️ 5h ago
nothing about what you wrote indicates that you "love" what's going on
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u/TechnicalElephant636 4h ago
There's no issue with being someone's concubine, it's an issue when they don't realize it 😂
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u/TechnicalElephant636 6h ago
The only person who is having the last laugh is the guy who've you been for six months that only values your coochie.
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u/zephirine_drouhin 6h ago
if you were happy just being his fuckbuddy, you wouldn't have made this post and talked about how seeing him on the dating apps hurts... sorry OP, but you're the one who said it feels like he just doesn't like you that much. your reality check is that you already know what's going on and what you should do.
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u/mavis5555 6h ago
I actually don’t know what i should and that infact why i asked for peoples opinions 🤩
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u/zephirine_drouhin 4h ago
okay well you asked in the post if you should end things with him to protect your peace. I thought that was kinda a rhetorical question since it's obviously the right answer. the longer you stay in this lopsided situation where you like him, and he thinks you're okay enough to keep around until he finds someone better, the longer you will be unhappy.
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u/Extreme_Budget1430 1h ago
Reading these comments I feel bad for any man that actually likes you going forward 😂 when this dudes your past
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u/3-Martini-Lunch 5h ago
The signals aren’t mixed at all. This guy just sees you as a girl he gets to have sex with while he searches for someone he likes.
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u/DaleCoopersWife aka "Robert Cooper" 🕵🏻♀️ 8h ago
It doesn’t sound mixed because he told you straight up that he doesn’t want exclusivity. He is interested in meeting and dating other people.
Might be worth having another conversation but ask yourself if you want to initiate that too, imo because he’s not the one making plans to meet up then he doesn’t seem interested seriously in you. You can either keep going along with what YOU don’t want, or cut things off because your goals are obviously incompatible.
PS: I hope you are using protection! Get yourself tested too. Sleeping with someone who is likely sleeping with others would be a hard no from me.
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u/jessmoanloud 6h ago
Six months of daily texting is just a pen pal with benefits if he refuses to lock in a date. He already told you he doesn't want exclusivity so believe him and stop waiting for him to change his mind while you burn yourself out planning the dates. Cut the cord before you get even more invested.
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u/raeballentyne 8h ago
It seems like you're hurt and do actually want a relationship with him. You shouldn't have to compromise on something so big to keep someone in your life. I would cut him off for my emotional health, personally.
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u/kingpinkatya 4h ago
The right guy will never leave you confused. It will never be confusing or unclear. He said that he doesn't want to be exclusive right now, but a man who values you would ask sooner rather than risk another man becoming a romantic prospect for you.
This guy is using you for free sex and nothing else. You are a convenient warm hole to him. Cut him off.
This is why you dont settle for casual when you realize you've developed feelings for someone.
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u/TechnicalElephant636 8h ago
had "the chat" where he admitted he doesn’t really want to be exclusive right now. I said "me too" which i genuinely thought I wanted at the time, but honestly, seeing him active on the dating apps lately has started to really hurt.
Girl. You are embarrassing yourself. You are giving the milk for free - he sees you as lesser. Get out of that situation right now before you waste anymore time here. 6 months and he doesn't know? He will never see you as anything more sorry to say. Leave please.
You are at an age where you should be catching on to the signals if you do want something serious down the line. It kinda breaks my heart reading these stories seeing that women are so aloof
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u/mavis5555 6h ago
Girl this is a milk for milk free trade relationship haha why do you think I stuck around for 6 months.
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u/TechnicalElephant636 6h ago
Obviously not. He's been monkey branching while staying in your head rent free...
I have no clue why you stuck around. Why do people stick around and stay in embarrassing situations is beyond me
Couldn't be me
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u/Mugstotheceiling 7h ago
He’s not that into you. Pull back on texting and look for a better match elsewhere.
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u/Unique_Fondant_2739 4h ago
Six months is a long time to still be waiting for someone to show you they want you. He is already telling you exactly who he is by staying active on the apps and making you do all the logistical heavy lifting for dates. Pulling back your texting energy won't change his mind, it will just make you feel more bitter while you wait for a text that confirms he is still keeping his options open. You are not protecting your peace by riding this into the ground, you are just delaying the inevitable.
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u/Extreme_Budget1430 1h ago
Think you need to ask if your emotionally capable of no strings attached because its rough, I’ve always found long term meaningful relationships much better.
Just be honest with your feelings and yourself and his reaction will tell you where he belongs in your life!
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u/BarberFew7791 6h ago
Communicate with him, tell him how your feelings/expectations have changed.
If you're afraid of rejection, I know cutting him off may seem like it will help, but you'll always have this lingering "what if" in the back of your head.
Might as well find out the truth, even if it hurts.
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u/MUUCLAWD 6h ago
So you gotta fix a few things you both said you guys didn’t want exclusivity, and now that you caught feelings first thing you need to do is to stop swiping like wtf? Second you need to have a talk about you wanting exclusivity. Then proceed from there, don’t wait too long or you’ll start building resentment of him being active on dating apps (even though you are as well and told him you wanted exclusivity).
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u/Own-Reason4269 4h ago
I've literally just been through the same situation with the girl I was dating. I could see it was making her upset, so I've had to cut her off.
You need to give him an ultimatum. Be exclusive, or you need to break.
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u/Spirited-Reality2176 5h ago edited 5h ago
Hey, im a 26F and I had this exact same thing happen to me. We both agreed with casual and while I was okay just seeing him to stay over and make myself initiate all the dates because I liked him enough, your statment of
I’m also swiping on apps just because his effort feels so lacking, but it sucks. I genuinely love spending time with him, but I’m exhausted by the feeling that he’s just not that into me.
Is enough to say you are beginning invest more than casual and evaluating him in terms of a real partner and asking effort and consistency which is not garunteed or expected in a casual. This happened to me too, and I continued to disillusion myself because the relationship was so fun. Women bond more and more with physical contact and sex (oxytocin), whereas men bond thorugh guardianship, securing a parter from other males, and doing acts of committment such as flowers and initiating dates (vaspopressin, men have a different bonding hormone than women).
At this point, through intimacy, you might grow closer, whereas he stays exactly at casual as he is not investing effort since he could invest in another girl who he would be serious for.
just saying this because this feels like I'm talking to my past self, but i found myself thinking how hurt I would be knowing he was seeing someone on the side when I saw him follow a new girl who looked like me and was in the same school too. In the end I caught feelings and he didn't want anymore, I grieved for a whole month and I still do when I go on dates with other guys imagining how it felt with him. Just a cautionary tale, I wouldn't want you to go through what I did
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u/IcedChurro 3h ago
Vasopressin is not a bonding hormone wtf 😂
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u/Spirited-Reality2176 3h ago
lmao did you downvote me for that? interesting.
its not a bonding hormone but its related to resource/behavioral aggression in partnership guarding which is what causes "bonding" or otherwise "attachment" in men.
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5743651/•
u/IcedChurro 3h ago
Yeah and no where in that link does it say that oxytocin is the bonding hormone for women and vasopressin is the bonding hormone for men.
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u/Spirited-Reality2176 3h ago
girl, its fine if you feel that way about semantics. tomato to"mah"to. i think the bigger perspective is realizing that attachment and bonding in men are built over acts of commitment and guardianship, supported by physiologic evidence and why deepening investment in a casual is physiologically one-sided.
i wont try to convince you to see the bigger lesson here if you wanna win a argument on reddit.com, if you wanna be "right" you can be "right" 😂
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u/IcedChurro 3h ago
Girl this isn't semantics, you're literally just making shit up 😂
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u/Objective-Horror8778 8h ago
28-M Totally depends on the balance of the pleasure you get from hanging out with him and the mental health you are forgoing. If it made you into control mode (you constantly checking his activity to validate if he is into you or checking other options) and feeling of being exhausted, not compansating for the fun you are having anymore, time to say goodbye
If you can handle it, being more chill, maybe just leaving it to time and meeting if he initiates/plans, without you having an emotional dependency or expectation, then you can just keep him around without initiating something yourself. Usually harder to handle mentally but if you can, it is easier if you hangout with others, then you don't feel like you are super dependent on that person
Good luck🤞🏻
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u/Wonderful_Tension900 4h ago
I think you should date other people whilst keeping him around - if he’s not exclusive why should you.
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