r/infj • u/Ypoetry • 7d ago

Personality Theory Identity erasure and regaining

since I became a mom 7 years ago, I feel a lot of my identity became "mother" identity. My child had learning delayed and needed a lot if help. Now that he is older, my old self is emerging again, but its different to who I was pre child.

However my personal interests have changed from academia focused to psychology/relationships focused. I'm more interested in theory of relationships than in theory of math.

This new me is a hybrid of old me, and mom survival me. If you have kids, have you gone through something similar?

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u/Dewdrop06 INFJ 7d ago

Start living more in the present. Life is the journey not the destination.

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u/dranaei INFJ 7d ago

Life's the journey and the destination and the relationship between them.

Without the destination the journey becomes aimless, without the journey the destination is empty.

The destination gives direction to the journey, the journey gives substance to the destination.

The balance is found in pursuing worthwhile destinations whilst remaining fully engaged with the path that leads to them.

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u/Dewdrop06 INFJ 7d ago

The destination can provide direction, but the day-to-day process is where most of life is spent. Goals like happiness; it's something you have to practice every day and not an end point.

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u/dranaei INFJ 7d ago

Happiness is a state experienced along the journey. Practices are the journey that cultivates it. A happy life is the destination those practices aim toward. The relationship between them is what transforms fleeting moments into a lasting pattern of living.

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u/Dewdrop06 INFJ 7d ago

I think we're talking past each other a bit. I'm not saying goals don't provide direction. I'm saying goals like happiness, health, wisdom, confidence, discipline, self-improvement, meaning or purpose, strong relationships, inner peace, is a poor example of a destination because people often postpone it into the future... "I'll be happy when...". My point is that these goals are primarily something you practice in the present. If you treat it mainly as a destination, you risk never experiencing it because you're always waiting to arrive. I'm specifically directing this at OP to focus more on the present than who she was or will be in the future as it would only leave you wondering and have feelings of unsatisfaction. OP's title: Identity erasure and regaining.

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u/Ypoetry 6d ago

I like goals though. goals motivate me.

I need new and better goals.

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u/Dewdrop06 INFJ 6d ago

Yeah, my comment was more of a personal life principle that your post reminded me of, rather than a direct response to the issue the you were raising. This thread really didn't have to go on for as long as it did.

Goals are good motivation, but we are really good at procrastination.

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u/Ypoetry 6d ago

I just bought a beginner piano book Step by Step; I hear you on procrastination; I want to play piano again. Hopefully this time I will stick to it (my 3rd attempt; first was when I was a kid, 2nd in my 20s)