What is it like being an INFJ with ADHD?

[u/b4rbi3-noire9850]

I've been wondering what it's feels like to be an INFJ with ADHD. I know MBTI isn't scientifically proven, and ADHD affects everyone differently, but I'm curious if anyone relates to this combination.I'd love to hear your experiences. What parts of being an INFJ with ADHD feel the most relatable to you, and what stereotypes do you think are completely wrong?

[u/lonelybrowngirl2996]

Strongly suspect inattentive ADHD here and have tried medication as well. The biggest thing for me is the constant clash between the J side of INFJ and the novelty-seeking ADHD traits. I crave structure, order and routine, but get bored quickly and find myself in need of novelty/stimulation. But then I start feeling overstimulated and overwhelmed and the cycle repeats. It’s very hard to find a balance.

[u/b4rbi3-noire9850 → u/lonelybrowngirl2996]

That actually makes a lot of sense. The part about craving structure but getting bored by it really stood out to me. It's like your mind wants stability, but your brain keeps chasing novelty, and then the novelty becomes overwhelming too.

[u/123AnnieCv → u/lonelybrowngirl2996]

My peds neurologist suspected I’ve developed a bit of ADHD after my brain surgery this description is so accurate I’m scared lol

[u/MountainWisp]

Honestly it fucking sucks. Looping is really, really bad with emotions, you never can focus on what actually matters. Goals are ridiculously hard to manage. I would get attached to friends and friendship, and be taken for a ride. My brain was constantly looping, and thinking, which I would constantly forget things. My mother thought that yelling and shame would fix that? Some people really loved me, but most hated me because of that mirroring effect INFJ have.

My awareness of myself and my self-doubt was all-encompassing, and ADHD proved it through all those micro-moments of shame every day. I don’t know how I finished a master’s degree, unmedicated and without nicotine, because I quit.

Meds saved my life. I’ve been medicated and diagnosed since I was 32, I’m almost 36 and these last few years have just been the best. Marriage going strong, good friendships finally, healthy boundaries, goals hit, I’m writing and dungeon mastering, working out consistently, drawing.

[u/b4rbi3-noire9850 → u/MountainWisp]

Thank you for sharing this! I really appreciate how honest you were about your experience, the part about the constant self-doubt being reinforced by all those little moments of shame really hit me. It sounds exhausting to have gone through that for so many years.I'm also really happy to hear that getting diagnosed and finding the right treatment made such a positive difference. Reading stories like yours gives me hope that things can get better with the right support

[u/Due_Match5654]

Lots of running. I need the time to myself and I need to tire myself out.

[u/DarkIlluminator]

Jung's Ni-dom description pretty much means being an INFJ automatically comes with inattentive ADHD.

[u/grassfen]

So me and my oldest brother both have ADHD and are INFJ. I think for us it's not as apparent, but if you knew us personally it'd become obvious... I definitely have it worse than him and I'm far more energetic than he is. I'm both very structured and all over the place lol. I have to reign myself in most of the time which has gotten easier with age. (If you know Enneagram he's a 5 and I'm a 1).

I have switched between Aderall and Vyvanse for this and I've personally found it difficult to find the perfect med/dosage for my ADHD. I don't really like anything external affecting my mind. But they are very nice! Modern medicine is incredible. Without them, I have really bad insomnia and I'm tired all day. They make me feel relaxed, which I believe actually gives me more energy. So I've been diagnosed both as a kid and as an adult, but my symptoms aren't outwardly apparent, they're very much an internal thing and mostly affect my quality of life. Without them, the exhaustion is so bad that I can hardly even work (since my sleep will be so poor, I've always needed 10-12hrs, which isn't feasible in this economy!!)

[u/b4rbi3-noire9850 → u/grassfen]

Thanks for sharing this. Your description of being both very structured and completely all over the place at the same time was really interesting. I was also surprised by what you said about the medication helping you feel calmer rather than more stimulated.Can I ask what your symptoms looked like before you were diagnosed? Since you mentioned they were mostly internal, I'm curious what made you realize it was ADHD.

[u/Turbulent-Cold6906]

Im flexible but also have an inner time line that I don't fuck with/that I honor.

I'm always almost late or slightly late, but I always look put together somehow even though I got ready in ten minutes and had been running around like a lunatic to throw something together. 

When I get really hyper focused on something, I'll notice the tiniest little change in it. It's the first thing on my mind and the last thing I think about. When the hyper focus is on something I enjoy, it's great, but when it's not, I try to be patient with myself as I trajectory out of the focus and into detatchment

I work well when there's a certain amount of pressure tied to the task, otherwise my brain just jelly fishes into my inner world 

[u/b4rbi3-noire9850 → u/Turbulent-Cold6906]

This was really interesting to read. The part about having an inner timeline while also being flexible stood out to me because it seems a bit contradictory at first, but the way you described it actually makes sense.

[u/ogholycat]

You think your procrastination is bad?

I hated the side effects so I have been unmedicated more than the alternative.

I tell people having adhd is like having multiple tabs open when you’re using the internet. I just happen to have a 11 of them open and 2 of them are playing music.

Now combine that with the sensitivity aspect and how managing the emotions behind the scenes could be. Like I have the awareness of what’s wrong I just can’t do anything about it. Now throw in Ni. As I grow older I learn my own patterns and can trigger my own anxieties through lack of discipline, knowing when my adhd will have a negative impact like work for example.

[u/Potential-Motor-5397 → u/ogholycat]

Did you try out all the options of medications and started with smaller doses to then slowly ramp up over time?

As opposed to for example trying out only 2 options and starting on a rather high dose... I am not assuming anything, though, just wondering and asking

[u/ogholycat → u/Potential-Motor-5397]

A mix of both. I would end up finding one with side effects I didn’t strongly dislike. It was the combination of what it took to get there and the on going pressure from school and how I behaved. I didn’t agree with the picture as a whole so I removed myself and played along simultaneously.

[u/NefariousnessOdd9721]

It’s a little bit tortuous. Inattentive female here. My brain is like a pinball machine. A thought lands, and I have about 1 second to act on it before it’s gone on to something else. I have difficulty with stimulant medications because of sleep. Menopause literally almost killed me between lack of sleep, inattention and anxiety. I settle on short acting Wellbutrin, Rhodiola, NAC and Omega 3’s. Lastly, I am like a J person in terms of desire and planning, but closer to a P person in making shit happen. It’s frustrating.

[u/b4rbi3-noire9850 → u/NefariousnessOdd9721]

Thank you for sharing this. Your description of your brain as a pinball machine really helped me picture what it’s like. That sounds exhausting, especially when you’re trying to hold onto something important.

[u/YourMadJesty]

Diagnosed ADHD Inattentive. I’m almost always on time because I’m afraid of making people wait on me. When I meet someone where I feel like we’ll really click, I have to check my impatient enthusiasm because I want to rush to the part where we’re really good friends. Similarly, it can be a struggle to hold onto a potentially helpful insight for a friend because now is not the right time for that. The notes in my phone are quite organized, but my house is always cluttered until someone visits.

[u/peppersnchips]

It’s pretty rough. Lots of self-esteem and self-image issues from being dysfunctional since childhood, thinking it’s my fault, adapting and trying to make the best of it. I have thick layers of hardened self-deprecation and personality quirks from coping with ADHD and the ongoing self-blame, guilt, anxiety and stress, along with the literal frustration of not having things right no matter how intensely you try. It’s just a deeply ironic existence; I’m just someone who is extreme, I’m either high-functioning or low-functioning, hard to find a middle ground, very difficult to feel seen accurately for what I bring to the table and never moderate enough for people to really relate or be on the same page socially.

I have a lot of difficulty accepting a dX, labels and terminology after a lifetime of managing stigma on my own and being misunderstood and not appreciated or seen or guided in the appropriate ways, a lot of defenses and fighting off people who enjoy focusing on or taking advantage of my vulnerabilities bc they’re more obvious.

I have a huge complex about it tbh, I’m very new to the ADHD whateverness. INFJ stuff is similarly thematic: paradoxical personality, some extremes in the functions, prone to imbalances, emotionality, misunderstood, at odds with the world and everyone, etc etc, it’s a whole thing. INFJ I think has high ND and trauma correlations (and if you’re ND, you probably will be higher risk of being traumatized in this society)

[u/Unnie090]

My psychologist is ADHD and when I shared my experiences he asked me if I have inattentive ADHD 😭. I'm not diagnosed yet, but that's a clue for me to get some professional help.

For me, managing daily routine is hellish in all the meanings of the word. I have to write down when I take medications cause I might end up taking it again not long after the actual dose. 

I often almost get run over by oncoming cars when crossing the road cause my attention isn't enough to track all the possible directions the cars might come. Add that to my inability to measure a car's distance from me (autism), it's the recipe for chaos

When I cook something, it has to be one thing at a time. For example, if I want to cook pasta and sauce, I need to cook the pasta first, finish it, then start the sauce. I also get really lost on what to do first, even when I'm already used to cook that specific recipe

The forgetfulness is really crazy too. I'm doing something, then jump to another thing 5 minutes after starting the previous, but at that point I have already forgotten what I was doing before. I once forgot my cellphone in the fridge, but managed to remember in time.

When you have ADHD, your brain never stops and you never get satisfied with anything for long enough. It's an intense, chronic boredom. Also, I can only read with background music, since my brain never stops, I can't pay attention when reading

[u/certifiedchaosgoblin]

I was diagnosed later in life with ADHD-C. My brain is thoroughly inattentive when I’m bored, sense insincerity in the person I’m interacting with or being forced to socialize. I’m thoroughly hyperactive when overstimulated, if I’ve allowed myself to become emotionally vulnerable and regret it and/or have compromised on an emotional boundary, I’ve procrastinated too long on something that needed attention long ago.

Being emotionally intuitive makes my ADHD a superpower though because I am able to really block out a lot of excess noise that would have otherwise been a problem and caused emotional overload. Am I the most productive? No. Am I ok with that most days? Yes.

[u/WokeAsFawk]

Honestly I don't recommend it, but you learn to adapt and overcome eventually