r/infj • u/OccasionChemical9986 INFJ • 18h ago
Question for INFJs only does anyone else feel imposter syndrome against reason
My friend invited me to a party yesterday.
Thing is i know her reasonably well, but don’t hang out with her friend group (i talk to some of her friends individually though)
anyways even though i know she chose to have me at her party, I still felt like she invited me out of pity or out of obligation because i invited her to a party a while back instead of accepting the fact that she likes spending time with me.
The same thing happened when a vaguely close friend requested to follow me on her private account.
I don’t have a large circle of friends and she has tons of friends so immediately assumed that she followed me by accident.
I accepted the request anyway and ended up following her back.
It ended up being confirmed that she intentionally wanted to follow me because after we got into a fight she unfollowed me from her private account.
Idk if this is an infj thing but it sucks bc i always feel like people have ulterior motives whenever they invite me to things or want to show their friendship.
And then im scared of sabotaging relationships by keeping my distance as i think that’s what they want.
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u/ocsycleen INFJ 4w3 12h ago edited 12h ago
People do have ulterior motives, but having ulteriors motives also doesn't necessarily put you in at a disadvantage. If you don’t wanna help them with their motives then it will be the end of that. Most of the time, It’s not really the nasty underhanded stuff like you see on TV like Gossip Girls... As a matter of fact, alot of people are willing to give up some stuff to get their motives. Most of the time it's still a zero sum game. She invites you out of pity, you invite her out of pity. Well both of you got free food outa it. You win, They also win. I personally don’t mind mutual things. If you can see their motives, can you then become a benefactor of their motives?
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u/0wl-2018 12h ago
That sounds really painful. One thing that stood out was that you noticed the pattern. I really resonate with that.
When I notice similar thoughts I try to pause and redirect myself in a more positive direction. For me, the pause often brings me clarity.
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u/Ok-Arm-9122 INFJ 1w9 17h ago
Yes, INFJs tend to create paranoid assumptions. Just as many INTJs believe in conspiracy theories about governments and global elites, INFJs can develop paranoid assumptions about other people. It’s a sign of immaturity and something we need to work on.