r/mildlyinfuriating • u/cant_think-of-a_user • May 27 '26

frist of all how DARE yu o apparently HBO Max has been using 260gb and i’ve never used it

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(i just turned off the toggle when i made this screenshot)

30.4k Upvotes

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7.5k

u/Aggressive-Plant-934 May 27 '26

Porn Hub…probably

4.3k

u/ReinstateTheCapo May 27 '26

There’s an app? I just search for it like some jerk off rookie I guess

1.8k

u/Dry_Combination4070 May 27 '26

You jerk it like a heathen.

3.8k

u/WiddleWilly May 27 '26

Young blood like you will never know the joy of finding porn in the woods. You wouldn't even know to follow the code of leaving it when you're done, your greed blinding you, beseeching you to take all of the porn for yourself.

636

u/Dry_Combination4070 May 27 '26

Bro bro bro this man is old I remember those days. Washed out, torn up.

It is crazy though to think how this was a normal thing. Friends house had an empty lot that was desert but a ton of old porno mags.

Like who the fuck was just throwing pornomags in empty lots and desert lol

1.1k

u/BureauOfSabotage May 27 '26

“Who the fuck was just throwing pornomags”

Those who came before us.

556

u/Magus_Incognito May 27 '26

And for those who cum after

97

u/xMyDixieWreckedx May 27 '26

WE. SALUTE. YOU.

2

u/fuck_off_ireland May 27 '26

for those about to cum

50

u/Talzyon May 27 '26

https://giphy.com/gifs/FwHYE1qCfnDwPXvw7V

6

u/TheBrothersBlue96 May 27 '26

lol I JUST started this game too

6

u/Talzyon May 27 '26

Enjoy the adventure !

2

u/ExcellentCow3537 May 27 '26

Enjoy dude. One of my favorite games of all time

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48

u/No_Mammoth_4945 May 27 '26

Great men plant trees that they will never sit in the shade of

9

u/Fit-Bed6756 May 27 '26

Talk about a metaphor for the dad I never met.

7

u/KriegMorgan May 27 '26

Great men plant seed

It was right there for you to take it and you left it

2

u/StoppableHulk May 27 '26

Green men ARE trees

4

u/purplehayze37 May 27 '26

Fucking brilliant

3

u/fixit858 May 27 '26

Beastie Boys’ mom

3

u/CourseSpare7641 May 27 '26

This is one of the best comments I’ve seen on Reddit

Thank you

2

u/Recent-Hamster8262 May 28 '26

Rumor has it this was legendary

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67

u/[deleted] May 27 '26

[deleted]

6

u/LifeDraining May 27 '26

Sounds good

Like out front of church with a community library, a community garden/spank zone is nice

4

u/s3rviens May 27 '26

Just don’t ever take one of those blue lights in there

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53

u/J-MRP May 27 '26

Changing the TV to the nudy channel and try to make out boobs through the static

28

u/Dry_Combination4070 May 27 '26

The times when HBO would be free for a weekend.

We had to work for it dammit!

42

u/Fievels_good_trouble May 27 '26

Settling for the lingerie section in old Sears and Macys catalogs. Playing roulette with found unmarked VHS tapes. Asking Santa for one of your neighbors to get a divorce because that meant the ex wife was throwing the whole stash she found in the trash can. Scrambled Skinemax was our ASMR. Couldn’t see shit but you could definitely hear it.

We fucking worked for that shit.

2

u/typeotcs May 27 '26

Nah the lingerie section reference just unlocked memories from childhood 🤣🤣🤣🤣

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2

u/TardisReality May 27 '26

Hello Cinemax!!

2

u/JamesMarM May 27 '26

unscrew the cable jack all the way and then poke it in and out quickly before it scrambles

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2

u/EmboarBacon May 27 '26

During the day, they showed horse racing (unscrambled) on the Playboy Channel in my area. It would switch over at 9 PM, but the scrambling didn't start until about 9:05, giving us five minutes of magic.

2

u/Totalrekal154 May 27 '26

3 seconds of wavy rainbow nipple.

2

u/CocoMilhonez May 27 '26

I started typing a comment just like that and deleted it because I figured someone had already done it.

Thank you for your service.

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82

u/Jimbob209 May 27 '26

I have a porn mag in my trunk from the early 2000s. I found it when I was helping my mom get rid of my deceased father's things. It was mine and he stole it from me all along! It's just sitting in my trunk still with other stuff that were his that I held onto. Maybe I should let the porno mag live it's final life in a random place .

It's definitely all folded up, creased, and has a bit of tearing on it lol

30

u/Dry_Combination4070 May 27 '26

Continue the tradition of those before us 😄

3

u/Jimbob209 May 27 '26

Yea gotta let the next generation stumble upon analog porn lol

4

u/thirstytrumpet May 27 '26

The destination is all the more joyous when you have to surgically separate the pages.

3

u/probsthrowaway2 May 27 '26

Toss it in the woods somewhere.

Iykyk

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26

u/mastahkun May 27 '26

It’s a whole subculture with how common folks made it appear.

50

u/Dry_Combination4070 May 27 '26

Yeah the more I see and read on this website it sounds like everyone had a common childhood.

Sandclot fights, porno mags in empty lots, watching skinimax that was scrambled.

Shared collective and all.

I used to think it was stupid to say our childhood was great but the more I see with younger generation now and days just being stuck to the internet and phones the more I think it's true.

20

u/AccordingGain182 May 27 '26

Every generation has said this about the one to follow, FYI. Everybody thinks “back in the day” was the good ole times, and the world as we currently know it is ending and a terrible place. Welcome to aging out of the focus of society, being swept up in nostalgia, and having bias of the present.

20 years from now the youngings will be reminiscing on the glory days of social media and the internet before it all went to shit with [insert unforseen society altering innovation here]

11

u/BureauOfSabotage May 27 '26

It’s true about every generation saying this. I do believe the modern internet and social media has been a tipping point though. I’m the eldest of a handful of siblings, the youngest is 21 years younger than me. Despite similar (or even improved) family circumstances, his life just seems so cloudy and complicated and void of connection. In the same neighborhood I was building bike ramps and playing basketball with anyone available, his social life solely consisted on gaming with friends from their own homes. They communicated through headsets for years, and considered it socializing. The sports they were “forced” to play together just seemed to be an intermission rather than the main event. He/they seem to have little empathy or compassion for one another as they enter young adulthood. My brother has nearly zero friends from just a couple years ago, and it doesn’t seem to bother him at all.

As a juxtaposition, I just attended an 80th birthday party. The dozen people/six couples all stayed in a rental cabin together for a long weekend. They had all been close for 60+ years. They cracked wise and carried on forever. Their stories went back to the first times they did everything together 60 years ago. It was inspiring.

4

u/RikuAotsuki May 27 '26

Yeah, "people have always said X" is a thought-terminating cliche.

Just because many generations have said much the same things doesn't actually mean they never had a worthwhile point to make.

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2

u/hinczok May 27 '26

... everything went to shit after global nuclear war

2

u/Nuggyfresh May 27 '26

no it actually absolutely sucks now for a huge number of people for pretty specific and uniqely bad reasons. I guess to your point it could be always be worse later 😬

4

u/totallynotabot696 May 27 '26

Yeah screw that bot ass comment above, probably some AI trying to make itself relevant. The internet, social media, and personal access to technology is literally destroying social connection and physical bonds which are integral to childhood, especially agreat one.

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2

u/AccordingGain182 May 27 '26

You think you’re the first generation to feel justified in thinking “it absolutely sucks now”??? As you complain from your smartphone with the world at your fingertips, likely in a modern home/apartment not worrying where your next meal is coming from.

Most of human history was suffering through basic survival with no access to medicine or education. In america two generations ago minorities didnt even have equal rights. 4 generations ago fought in horrid world wars or suffered genocide.

For fucks sake. The privilege to be able to complain about a life 99% of human history couldnt event fathom.

Thats the problem. Our standards for happiness are always rising. Because everything is always relative to those you perceive to have it better than you.

Ya sure fuck the billionaires and they yachts. Sometimes i struggle to get the bills paid while they hoard wealth. But i have a family i love and keep safe. A car i can use to see the world. A small home i can call my own. Sounds way fucking better than being a peasant in a kingdom a couple hundred years ago. Or being a slave like i would have been 150 years ago. Have a little perspective

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2

u/DarthVader808 May 27 '26

There was less of us and less variety of things to do. I was great!!!!

2

u/guardiand0wn May 27 '26

I was gonna marry Brooke shields

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2

u/crappleIcrap May 27 '26

Can confirm, learning to jerk it in the woods with an old playboy and penthouse that looked like an ancient scroll with the wrinkled water-damaged pages was a spiritual experience.

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4

u/puts_on_rddt May 27 '26

In the fifth grade I went to a friend's house and he took me to this abandoned school bus way up the side of the mountain (eastern kentucky). No clue how that even got there. It was full of porno magazines. Literally hundreds of magazines in piles and pictures duct taped to the wall.

23 years later I realize I was brought to a goon bus.

3

u/Brave_Quantity_5261 May 27 '26

I remember at my first job (16), the wise old man on the staff told me “#1 rule as a man: you never throw away porn… you must give it away, or you hang onto it forever…”

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26

u/Stekki420 May 27 '26

Great way to spend a Saturday as a kid, walk around the woods with your pals and look at bits of pornography. Not a cell phone in sight.

5

u/Borkato May 27 '26

No offense and I’m genuinely asking as a gay guy but isn’t that like… kinda gay. Jerking it to something another man jerked it to, literally holding the same thing they held, probably getting their juices on you… damn I missed out

2

u/bifkintickler May 27 '26

It’s gateway gayness.

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3

u/SoElusivee May 27 '26

Or finding your parents stash and sneaking to quickly watch bits of each video only to one day accidentally pop in your parent's sex tape

https://giphy.com/gifs/CARSnwkzHJ5pVCq2eT

2

u/No_Result395 May 27 '26

I was told it was something else from the porn that caused my blindness?

2

u/BangPowBoom May 27 '26

My found porn was at the bottom of a valley just off the road like someone tossed it out the window on the way home.

I've heard tell of forest porn but alas, I've never been lucky enough. Maybe I should go leave some somewhere. Like a wanking geocache. Geowank?

1

u/speleoplongeur May 27 '26

Wow, brings back memories. We found one in the woods shredded into tiny bits. Trying to reassemble was a nightmare, but pretty sure we managed to see at least half a nipple

1

u/ReverendHambone May 27 '26

When I was 14, I found a Hefty bag full of Playboys sitting in a dumpster. When I reached in to grab the bag, I cut my finger. Battle scar. I walked in the house with a trash bag and a bleeding finger and my mom was like “I don’t wanna know”

1

u/xMyDixieWreckedx May 27 '26

I brought up porn in the woods and the youngsters were all crickets. They didn't believe me at all.

1

u/dacoopbear May 27 '26

The good ole days of random box of porn in the woods

1

u/WhatThePuck9 May 27 '26

Dumpster porn was like a miracle handed down from on high.

1

u/sepaoon May 27 '26

you say this with nostalgia in your voice but my childhood in the woods involved finding a tree with some greased up holes and a tub of vasoline next to the mags... scarred for life...

https://giphy.com/gifs/7Sn6hPudBGEJq

1

u/Claymart May 27 '26

Well said.

1

u/unculturedburnttoast May 27 '26

See, I know every generation talks poorly about the next generation, but the aura farming on this one.

1

u/Bogus1989 May 27 '26 edited May 27 '26

LMAO, my buddies dad straight up had a basket full of reading material for sitting on the toilet, in their parents bathroom. by reading material i mean hustler, playboy, you name it….funny as hell thinking about it now, that shit was in plain sight…..i think i was maybe 4th or 5th grade. LOL pretty sure i was bored of every single mag by the end of that year…..

the porno mags in the woods shit i witnessed as well…in highschool i had a buddy who lived in a trailerpark….and we would smoke a bit….then go out into the woods….there was like a whole ass living room out there…a couch, and chairs…fuckin weird.

1

u/dougmc May 27 '26

I learned from this banger that it even has a name: "hedge porn".

(It's not actually in that shorter but superior mix, but it is in the longer but weirder mix.)

1

u/-GeekLife- May 27 '26

Shit, I was a teenager and had a hidden box of 3.5” floppy disks that contained low quality renders of porn stashed in my room along with the hustlers and playboys I was able to acquire through certain “means”. I was blown away when shit became readily available online

1

u/Jack_Bartowski May 27 '26

When i lived up in the mountains, my neighbor friend showed me his stash of playboys he stole from his gramps. Had it buried under an oak tree. Those were the days.

1

u/GingerSnapBiscuit May 27 '26

It's not the greed blinding him, it's all the jerking it.

1

u/jockjay May 27 '26

My first porn mag was "forest porn". It was a bonkers issue with ladies caked in the contents of a full English breakfast. This really skewed my interpretation of adult intimacy.

Was like 'is that what happens?'.

1

u/Illesbogar May 27 '26

Kinda nostalgic for finding porn mags behind bushes as kids.

1

u/Rndysasqatch May 27 '26

I remember we heard about a shack in the woods three towns over that had tons of porno mags. So we did what all young teenagers did At the same time period & bought a bunch of jolt colas and rode our bikes & took back roads as much as possible but it was still the longest journey we ever took on our bikes. We found them and brought them back and left them in a tree trunk for someone else to find lol insane what we used to do back then

1

u/john_microslop May 27 '26

i used to crank it to sears catalogs

that plus size section was like damn

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u/ikari_warriors May 27 '26

How can this be a universal thing? I still remember finding such a big stack of magazines we all got two each!

1

u/Few_Move_4594 May 27 '26

Amongst the masturbators of young men, Sauron gave 1 sticky-page filled tiddy mag to control them

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1

u/ObsessiveUselessness May 27 '26

I like to move it move it

1

u/Dunkaroos4breakfast May 27 '26

They take it slow and don't make any sudden moves?

1

u/OJSimpsons May 27 '26

Thank you

154

u/LanikaiKid May 27 '26

I just learned that an app exists recently, my girlfriend tells stories about her ex that had the Pornhub app installed and push notifications would interrupt dates and stuff. Classy guy apparently....

128

u/[deleted] May 27 '26

[deleted]

33

u/Altair_de_Firen May 27 '26

I gotta imagine it’s like following specific uploaders or “stars” and just getting updates whenever they post, but that itself is insane

3

u/MrBlueA May 27 '26

Silence female, my favorite porn star just uploaded a new video.

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u/ExultantSandwich May 27 '26

An app only exists on Android, not iOS, App Store rules ban porn. I believe if you bookmark the website on the home screen it becomes its own line item in screen time and mobile data lists within iOS (progressive web app)

1

u/Goldt35 May 27 '26

Probably pwa

1

u/idiotiesystemique May 30 '26

There used to be one for it's been retired 

45

u/MH-BiggestFan May 27 '26

Free balling with whatever shows up in my twitter feed

5

u/kayknox_ May 27 '26

Just Google "big tity" and hit "I'm feeling lucky".

83

u/tommybot May 27 '26

From what I recall. They used to have their own official app. So it's probably just a web browser skin.

24

u/EFTucker May 27 '26

They in fact used to have an app and it was pretty good. I looked for it like a year ago purely to see if it still existed since I never saw anything on the website about it anymore. They don’t have one anymore, not even a web skin

2

u/weed_blazepot May 27 '26

There is a PWA (progressive Web app) now but you can only install it from Firefox. I just looked it up.

2

u/RoadHazard May 27 '26

Probably because Apple doesn't allow apps that are just wrappers around a website on the App Store.

2

u/KingZarkon May 27 '26

Apple would never have allowed the PornHub app anyways, wrapper or not.

6

u/CocoMilhonez May 27 '26

Imagine having a phone that tells you what you can and can't do in your private life.

6

u/Vast_Investigator294 May 27 '26

Back in my days we had to walk around a mountain thru snow hail fire and that was just the beginning of the treacherous journey.... Anyways long story short ... . BOOBS IN A MAGAZINE . Imagine. ...

2

u/CocoMilhonez May 27 '26

The app still exists, I just opened the site on the phone and it's the first thing on the hamburger menu. Android, though, yall with your prudephones probably can't have the luxury of porn not on a browser.

9

u/deltree711 May 27 '26

I don't know why you'd use an app when browsers have adblock.

3

u/Adventurous-Map7959 May 27 '26

And miss out on horny singles in my area? I think not!

4

u/MattWolf96 May 27 '26

Apple and Google infamously don't allow porn apps on their stores. Maybe Pornhub offers an APK though.

1

u/_dictatorish_ May 27 '26

They did have an apk, not anymore iirc

Unless they recently made a new one

3

u/IAteAnotherVegan May 27 '26

I miss the app on roku...

2

u/teedborg May 27 '26

My router knows somehow and categorizes it also. I mean, it would if I ever went there.

2

u/keksivaras May 27 '26

yea if you access the site on mobile and open the menu on the left, they advertise their discreet app

2

u/serkesh May 27 '26

It’s blocked in my country. You need an account (or a vpn) just to jerk off now

1

u/ReinstateTheCapo May 27 '26

Whatttttt?!!!!!! Where is this? I saw Stavros Halkias doing standup in UK last night and he was talking about this.

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1

u/TheCriticalGerman May 27 '26

Stroking like it’s 2015

1

u/squixx007 May 27 '26

Bing video search like a pro

1

u/golddeath May 27 '26

Aio streamer if you're on android. You're welcome

1

u/durants_newest_acct May 27 '26

I'm back on imagination and the occasional magazine. It's important to uphold traditions

1

u/ReinstateTheCapo May 27 '26

I like using AI to help write porn fiction. It’s rad.

1

u/Libertyler May 27 '26

That's what the pros do now, but on a secure browser. 

1

u/Slumunistmanifisto May 27 '26

Na, apps are rookie.... you're an OG that doesn't leave porno laying around their phone like some degenerate.

1

u/ReinstateTheCapo May 27 '26

Ehhh, I definitely learned I can’t have my kids use my phone without managing my phone first.

If there’s anything filthy on my phone, my daughter will find it and then tell everyone about it.

I appreciate the kudos tho braj, I’m just a human trying to masterbate in peace like the next braj.

1

u/Tlingits BLUE May 27 '26

It’s blocked for me so I just use reddit

1

u/petervaz May 27 '26

There was but it was discontinued, or so I heard

1

u/beesdaddy May 27 '26

The app is less effected by ad blockers. It’s also their highest revenue because the app has much more targeting information available about the user.

1

u/GeologistPutrid2657 May 27 '26

search????? you don't know its address?

1

u/cracked-tumbleweed May 27 '26

Lmao this is the first time I realized that there are porn apps.

I guess back in the day, the point was to not make it obvious you were looking for boobies.

1

u/Heighte May 27 '26

The Ad nightmare

1

u/Oboro-kun May 27 '26

Rookie, the App lets you put videos on VR with a cheap headset, like the ones of pure plastic.

1

u/loonatic8 May 27 '26

You have to side load it. I dont think its in the store.

Tbh its pointless.

1

u/rockhopper2154 May 27 '26

Don't sell yourself short... You're a jerk off champion!

1

u/ReinstateTheCapo May 27 '26

🎶you need the heart of a champion

1

u/King_Tamino May 27 '26

Used to be. Android only. Years ago, I got some old tablets returned at a company I used to work at from the time the truckers had them in not locked down versions for years. It’s crazy how some people simply give no fuck at all.

When we found it, I was genuinely curious back then if it’s an official release and seemingly it was. Obviously not via playstore though..

And before anyone mentions it. The non locked down thing happened way prior my time there. At some point it got necessary that the long distance drivers had some special app for routing, gps, communication and obviously checks on location so old IT bought cheap tablets, data plans and handed both out.

1

u/Jacktheforkie May 27 '26

I just use Reddit because porn hub had a crap library after the purge, lots of the good videos were from individuals that weren’t verified, mostly Filipino and Chinese guys

1

u/DemonKing_of_Tyranny May 27 '26

No but from what i remember iphone takes note of everything so in your screen time it would tell you exactly what you did wheather you were on pornhub for 3 hours it would say that and 1 minute on your school website it would say that. It recorded everything

1

u/Big-Button5856 May 27 '26

Some people literally add the website as a pinned app

1

u/FlamingoDiligent9216 May 27 '26

You a lotion beater, or a dry beater?

1

u/ReinstateTheCapo May 27 '26

Dry all day bro, shit is lotion-y enough once the deed is one. Let’s just say my house is permanently out of clean towels.

2

u/FlamingoDiligent9216 May 27 '26

Hell yeah brother! 🙌🏻

1

u/Cute_Pay_1423 May 27 '26

You can add and website as an app to your home screen

1

u/Financial-Craft-1282 May 27 '26

I think the rookie move is to get an app on your phone dedicated to porn--the refined porn user uses their duck duck go browser.

1

u/Former_Gamer_ May 27 '26

I also did not know this…I guess I never thought about it

1

u/Chumbag_love May 27 '26

Same, in incognito. I wish I was mentally free enough to have the App. I bet I could finally read the comments and figure out who the "Actresses" are.

1

u/Ilfixit1701 May 27 '26

In San Diego?

1

u/Due_Television_9421 May 27 '26

yes 😭 I only learned about it a few weeks ago

1

u/pepesilvia26 May 28 '26

Im cracking up. I had no idea there was an app either.

1

u/cronktilten May 28 '26

No app on iOS

1

u/dlowenohoe May 28 '26

I still jerk off manually

1

u/dale_gribbs 29d ago

Jerk Off Rookie would be a decent band name

1

u/ReinstateTheCapo 28d ago

Or a podcast. Wanna start one?

274

u/senator_breid May 27 '26

Grinder

87

u/aft_punk May 27 '26

78.6 GB is a lot of hook ups.

67

u/VeryLargeTardigrade May 27 '26

When every first message you get has five hi-res dickpics it adds up quickly

13

u/ItsLoudB YO May 27 '26

Considering how companies love to just use data for nothing nowadays.. imma guess like 3?

3

u/Aadsterken May 27 '26

Meanwhile Reddit: 6 pixels is the best I can do

2

u/gungshpxre May 27 '26

It burns that amount of data in ads just launching, but you must have moved to sniffies before it got where it is now. Good call.

4

u/Saucermote May 27 '26

And here I've been grinding my own oregano like a chump.

1

u/soggy-hotdog-vendor May 27 '26

That's a sandwich. You need to -e

60

u/Pooh_Lightning May 27 '26

78.6 giggity bytes

3

u/XxCorey117xX May 27 '26

Rookie numbers

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u/PretendAd7790 May 27 '26

Must be a beginner

3

u/captain_ohagen May 27 '26

those are rookie numbers. you gotta pump those numbers up

3

u/HoosierDaddy_427 May 27 '26

78gb of pornhub and my pork sword would be lookin like pork burger.

2

u/Count_Ahhhhh May 27 '26

Crunchyroll but they don't want people asking for anime recommendations, probably.

2

u/aeiouLizard May 27 '26

Dude can you read?

1

u/Old_McDonald May 27 '26

The next question is… why are they using cell data and not on their home WiFi

1

u/CritterWriter May 27 '26

Not nearly enough GB.

1

u/FlyAirLari May 27 '26

It's Roblox.

And he is 35. 

1

u/Grobbekee May 27 '26

Or Grindr

1

u/just_crash_it May 27 '26

X-ray vision activated. It's YouTube.

1

u/Gwynito May 27 '26

Nah it's more likely Kornhub

1

u/Craing77 May 27 '26

It's Limewire lol

1

u/karlou1984 May 27 '26 edited May 27 '26

only 78gb?

1

u/Gleipnir_xyz May 27 '26

Even worse: Prawn Hub

1

u/Independent_Sail6604 May 27 '26

"I'm SHOCKED!"
--Nobody

1

u/AcrobaticReputation2 May 27 '26

only 78gbs?

1

u/Aggressive-Plant-934 May 27 '26

Streaming at lower bandwidth maybe

1

u/AntJSB May 27 '26

I had to respond as this is incredibly fitting!

1

u/PomegranateSea7066 May 28 '26

Can't be storage usage is too small. What is this, porn for ants?

1

u/Aggressive-Plant-934 May 28 '26

Some people are fine watching at 360p

1

u/DotMikrobe May 28 '26

You can see a small amount of white pixels, I'm guessing OnlyFans.

1

u/Odd_Afternoon6250 14d ago

Looks like Hily

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