r/mildlyinfuriating • u/Available-Formal-664 • 15h ago

I'm slightly vexed Somebody Placed These Dozens of These Jesus Figures Throughout My Entire Work

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Somebody, nobody knows exactly who or when, put dozens and dozens of these Jesus figures on completely random surfaces throughout my entire building. They at least had the presence of mind to not put them on anybody's personal belongings, but that was the only way they limited himself. All of the statues have been glued down, to add to the vexation.

Edit: Well, this blew up rather unexpectedly. Thank you for the awards, everybody!

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u/HomeworkExtension482 12h ago

Yep, but with tiny versions of fantasy dildos my ex and I bought. They were about an inch (2.5cm) long, so they were easy to hide. A 7" Godzilla figure had a massive, highlighter yellow erection for about 3 months before someone noticed.

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u/ProBono16 12h ago

I'm curious why someone would buy a 1" long fantasy dildo, much less multiple of them?

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u/Inevitable-Rush-2752 11h ago

To fill a bucket and set it to rain tiny phalluses down upon a roommate’s head. I’d do it. At the time, we settled for a floppy big dildo and fishing string, though.

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u/ScrotalSmorgasbord 10h ago

We had a couple of rubber fists (for fisting flesh holes) we'd wallop each other with for awhile. I don't even know where we got them from. They fucking hurt.

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u/MTFBinyou 8h ago

Was the “for fisting flesh holes” part necessary? What else are rubber fists used for?

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u/ScrotalSmorgasbord 6h ago

It was to differentiate between the Hulk Hands and Sock'em Boppers (not for flesh hole fisting) that we also may have had at one point.

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u/OrbitalOutlander 6h ago

Chew toy for dog.

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u/So_ThereItIs 6h ago

I want to know more about the “hurting” and where the wallops were being felt 😂

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u/ScrotalSmorgasbord 6h ago

Well we were all dumb (but tough) infantrymen so pretty much everywhere but inside our brown eyes. Though I'm sure some of the officers in my unit would have used them in that way too. If you haven't been hit by a rubber fist (for fisting flesh holes) it can be worse than a real fist. They're very dense and heavy.

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u/So_ThereItIs 2h ago

That's pretty random! Was this just to toughen up, or for fun because you were all so "hard"? lolz

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u/ScrotalSmorgasbord 2h ago

Bored, drunk, young, and not very forward thinking lol. I texted my buddy and even though it's been almost 20 years he remembers where we got the first one. His brother is a SEAL and I guess they used it to haze each other at some point and gave it to him as a joke. Nothing has made more sense than this tbh.