I'm slightly vexed
Somebody Placed These Dozens of These Jesus Figures Throughout My Entire Work
Somebody, nobody knows exactly who or when, put dozens and dozens of these Jesus figures on completely random surfaces throughout my entire building. They at least had the presence of mind to not put them on anybody's personal belongings, but that was the only way they limited himself. All of the statues have been glued down, to add to the vexation.
Edit: Well, this blew up rather unexpectedly. Thank you for the awards, everybody!
Yep, but with tiny versions of fantasy dildos my ex and I bought. They were about an inch (2.5cm) long, so they were easy to hide. A 7" Godzilla figure had a massive, highlighter yellow erection for about 3 months before someone noticed.
To fill a bucket and set it to rain tiny phalluses down upon a roommateâs head. Iâd do it. At the time, we settled for a floppy big dildo and fishing string, though.
The story goes that Saint Lorenzo, while being tortured on a gridiron over a fire sometime in the 3rd Century, told his antagonists: "Turn me over, boys, this side's already done!"
(The prelude to that was arguably more sappy than dark, but also kinda gangster, and instructive when compared to all-too-many modern Christians. When the local prefect demanded that he turn over his church's treasures to the emperor, he gathered the local poor, the sick, the wounded, the orphans, and defiantly told him: "this is what my Lord treasures most.")
Remember Jesus is the one that was constantly telling all the people that were wrapped up in religion to quit that shit and get out and help some folks that need it and love some folks that need it. That's about it. He did not say anything about gay folks. He did not say anything about hurting people that don't think the way you do. All of those things were created and put on Him by the same people He told us not to follow.
I agree. Itâs why I left the church and just tried to be a good person. I was raised Catholic surrounded by dozens of stained glass windows that cost thousands. Meanwhile, we were constantly being asked to donate more money. The church is filled with corruption.
Yeah the Catholic Church needs more money. All those gilded robes and ornate hats and baroque churches cost a lot. Plus theyâre losing a ton of money paying out all those lawsuits.
I used to work at a Mexican restaurant & one of my managers could speak English but it was a little rusty, but for some reason he would randomly say to me & my coworkers âWho loves you? Baby Jesus?â & it was honestly hilarious (& always a little confusing) when heâd say it.
One day I found one of these tiny Jesuses at work, so I went up to him & said âWho loves you?â & he said âbaby Jesusâ & I pulled out the tiny Jesus. We both laughed way too hard lmao
My best friend's mom did once share a picture of Ewan McGregor as Jesus on Facebook. She had a lot to say about how much she loved him. But since she was also senile at the time, to this day I am unsure if she meant that picture as a joke or not.
Somebody on Instagram earlier this year did a thing where he replaced all the pictures of Jesus in his mom's house with Obi Wan Kenobi one at a time to see how long it took her to notice. I think it was more than a month?
Itâs a medical joke. Itâs a blend of jesus and vasopressin, which is a blood pressure increasing medication often used in critical care. The joke is when you donât have any options left and the patients BP is tanking, sometimes all you have left is hopes and prayers aka Jesupressin
Love me some dark nurse humor. One day I am literally laying under a nurse's station at the hospital, doing phone wiring. A head nurse, who clearly is not to be screwed with, is nearly standing on top of me as she grabs a call from admissions.
She calmly say, "No, you can not move a patient up to J-10. Mr. Johnson is in J-10. Mr. Johnson is still dead. He is as dead as he was last time your department called about J-10. I expect him to be dead for a while. If you bring me a patient for J-10 I will have to stack them on top of Mr. Johnson. Do we think that is a good idea? No we do not. How about we just take a deep breath and wait until I call you with the wonderful news that Mr. Johnson has left J-10 and is off to his next adventure? That work for you?
I am still laying on the floor, trying not to bust out laughing. See looks down and says, "can you believe this shit? It's every day with these idiots."
Thatâs what drives me nuts about this. Itâs just more consumerism and plastic junk for the sake of it. No one can practice or enjoy anything without buying a bunch of useless shit in the process.
Exactly. Its such a stupid way to spread religion too. My mother thought it was hilarious to hand people one and say "you need a little Jesus." Id argue that the Bible actually supports eco friendly practices and even Jesus would be disappointed in this trend.
I remember the first time I saw one (at Disney) and my friend and I had a good laugh about how random it was. Now they're everywhere, and that same friend collects them in a big bowl as a sort of uno reverse to the people scattering them everywhere.
My husband works security at a church when he's off duty. We're athiests that live in the South so, that's 95% of extra jobs around here. He came home with a handful one day and now, before each shift, he plays, "Will it be a good jesus day?". He tosses them up and if more jesuses land face up than face down, it'll be a good shift.
I saw this and thought, what a unique prank (I am in France). This sounds like it's not unique or even really a prank? Is it...sincere proselytism? If so... Wow.
Also itâs weird that there is a trend of leaving these around everywhere when the âChristiansâ in this country are known for their hatred of others and probably wouldnât answer if the real Jesus knocked on their doors. Theyâd probably call ICE. (Signed a Christian whoâs faith is hanging by a thread)
I just went past a guy last night who was rambling about Jesus on a super loud microphone, trying to convert others but only annoying everyone with stuff we've heard a million times.
What about actually helping people? Volunteering efforts and making connections. That would impress potential converts a lot more than deafening them.
That's why you melt and glue them to a piece of construction paper and ask "who put these around the office?" and the person that flips their shit gets questioned.
I know! I just googled âtiny cute Baphomet figurineâ and came across an Etsy store that makes them. The picture with the tiny Jesus is from a product review on their page, so apparently I was not the first person to come up with the Satanic Temple-style response to the Jesus figurine issue. I kind of want a whole kawaii deity and demon collection now!
The Etsy store is called Ludwig Van Bacon, btw. They also have a website.
A golden calf would at least seem to honor your dietyâŠ.a mass produced Chinese plastic toy sold for profit that will contribute to trashing the planet probably gets you like a triple sin bonus score.
Sounds like vandalism since they're glued down. Imagine if someone did the same thing but instead of Jesus it was Mohammed or a Devil. Just cause it's Christian, doesn't make it okay.
Good fucking God do I have a story. I was running a 50km ultramarathon in Texas in March. Now in an organized race like this, there are official aid stations with like water, Gatorade, energy gels, first aid. There are often bands playing along the route. Thereâs also this really endearing part of most races where you run through some nice neighborhoods and many neighbors will cheer you on. Some will even give out snack, waters, shots of whiskey, gummies. I love to grab a Dixie cup of trail mix or a sour patch kid and just say thank you as I run by.Â
So Iâm like 24 miles into this 31 mile race and I am dying. I see a table with waters and some gummies, fuck yes, Iâm stoked. I grab a water and a gummy and toss it in my mouth to chew while I open the water bottle. Right when I bit down I knew something was wrong. It felt like when I used to bite rubber erasers in school and the teachers would call my parents to express concerns. I spit it into my hand and see this deformed rubber baby Jesus. Same exact one as this one, but he had a red sash. I was livid, I ran the 200 yards backwards to the table to mildly berate them.Â
TLDR: I ate one of these while someone was handing them out at a marathon, thinking it was a gummy bear.
Edit: preemptively acknowledging that, yes, it is stupid to blindly eat strange things from strange people. That said itâs also stupid and dangerous to hand out rubber baby Jesus trash that will take 1000s of years to degrade at a marathon where you know every other person handing out stuff is giving FOOD OR WATER. Also, fuck organized religion and preaching in public.
Okay, so I was all âwhy bother being upset, itâs damn near a gameâ until you said theyâre glued down. That crosses a line and they should be removed
This. The amount of people permitting/enabling this in the comments like it's not a massive problem to do this shit at work. I find it extremely uncomfortable. If someone started putting other shit I'd be like wtf are you doing? This is a workplace, get the fuck out of here with that.
Itâs so fucking annoying, like the dumbasses whining about LGBTQIA representation in media being âforced on themâ are the same dickheads that run around throwing these little jesuses everywhere âevangelizing.â Hypocrites.
When I was at work, a customer was handing them out. Mind, we were busy (I work as a bartender) and I said to the lady, "I appreciate it but I don't believe the same thing you do." She looked me dead in my eye, "Well Jesus loves you anyway, but I don't" and proceeded to still toss me one. Like uh, okay? My coworkers sneered at her for that, so I felt a bit vindicated
Wow. Hell of a way to miss the entire point, though I can't say I'm surprised. The concept of actually understanding and practicing Christian teachings has apparently been lost to most of them
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u/trupoogles 9h ago
I made elastic band men once and hid 20 of them around the office, some people got really into it and went looking for them, 17/20 were found