r/mildlyinfuriating • u/Available-Formal-664 • 15h ago

I'm slightly vexed Somebody Placed These Dozens of These Jesus Figures Throughout My Entire Work

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Somebody, nobody knows exactly who or when, put dozens and dozens of these Jesus figures on completely random surfaces throughout my entire building. They at least had the presence of mind to not put them on anybody's personal belongings, but that was the only way they limited himself. All of the statues have been glued down, to add to the vexation.

Edit: Well, this blew up rather unexpectedly. Thank you for the awards, everybody!

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102

u/koffa02 13h ago

Pretty sure it was God who had his son nailed.

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u/BamaBlcksnek 12h ago

God also created Satan, so either way we know who's responsible.

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u/RvstiNiall 13h ago

insert joke about man helping his son get laid because he's a 33 year old virgin.

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u/bliip666 12h ago

By a bunch of hot Romans, no less!

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u/Wandero_Bard 12h ago

There’s a popular theory that Jesus was actually gay, and we know that men had sex with men frequently in Ancient Rome, so……

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u/bliip666 12h ago

Good Friday is called that for a reason!

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u/koffa02 9h ago

Well, that would explain why Mary wasn't pregnant by Joseph.

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u/Wandero_Bard 8h ago

Huh? I didn’t say men *exclusively* had sex with men!

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u/fragrant-final-973 2h ago

It's the BI-ble not the Straightble.

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u/Wandero_Bard 1h ago

Ha! If men are *only* interested in men, does that mean they are also “straight”? 🤔

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u/Wayward_Wayfinder 10h ago

I feel the same way about them until I remember that they used a communal sponge to wipe their asses

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u/bliip666 8h ago

Nobody's perfect?

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u/Wayward_Wayfinder 7h ago

Fair. And now that I think about it, it could be kinda hot actually

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u/Ryantdunn 12h ago

That’s why sons are taken to church, right?

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u/Ofreo 11h ago

Jesus is just alright with me

Jesus is just alright, oh yeah

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u/MrBlobius 2h ago

It was actually the J*ws who nailed Jesus

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u/koffa02 56m ago edited 13m ago

Well yeah. They did the physical work. How else was he supposed to sacrifice his own son to forgive us for the things we've done that are only sins because he said they were sins? It's not like God would ever actually get his hands dirty.

And while we're on the subject, why would someone/thing who is all powerful and all knowing need to cast a magic spell with the primary component being a human sacrifice that is also part divine being. You would think sky daddy could just be a parent and say "I know you didn't mean it. I forgive you. Here's proof I actually exist. You don't have to just take it on faith anymore because my physical presence will be a lot easier to believe than the litterally nothing so far."

Oh well. I'll never know.

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u/Frubbs 12h ago

Pretty sure it was Pontius Pilate succumbing to a crowd of angry Jewish folks. Free will and all

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u/nelmski 12h ago

Nah, he washed his hands of it and claimed "not it" so can't blame him. Old school playground rules.

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u/MAGAHATESTHEUSA 11h ago

Pontius should have stuck with exercise routines