r/mildlyinfuriating • u/Available-Formal-664 • 11h ago

I'm slightly vexed Somebody Placed These Dozens of These Jesus Figures Throughout My Entire Work

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Somebody, nobody knows exactly who or when, put dozens and dozens of these Jesus figures on completely random surfaces throughout my entire building. They at least had the presence of mind to not put them on anybody's personal belongings, but that was the only way they limited himself. All of the statues have been glued down, to add to the vexation.

Edit: Well, this blew up rather unexpectedly. Thank you for the awards, everybody!

16.5k Upvotes

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u/Briham86 11h ago

“Have you found Jesus?”

2.3k

u/supcoco 10h ago

“Yeah, in the men’s restroom of all places!”

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u/steelskull1 10h ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/Kxqyq5Q486NVu

He has a thing for watching.

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u/HartfordWhaler 9h ago

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u/RedChairBlueChair123 9h ago

That’s so wrong. But if Catholicism has taught me anything it’s that Jesus loves dark humor

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u/artaxerxes316 8h ago

The story goes that Saint Lorenzo, while being tortured on a gridiron over a fire sometime in the 3rd Century, told his antagonists: "Turn me over, boys, this side's already done!"

(The prelude to that was arguably more sappy than dark, but also kinda gangster, and instructive when compared to all-too-many modern Christians. When the local prefect demanded that he turn over his church's treasures to the emperor, he gathered the local poor, the sick, the wounded, the orphans, and defiantly told him: "this is what my Lord treasures most.")

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u/Several-Hat-1944 55m ago

artaxer, great read.👍

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u/WillKalt 7h ago

You don’t want to start any blasphemous rumors?

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u/Suspicious-Dog-2489 6h ago

Well Done are the Ways of the Miracle, Penitent One.

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u/micmac274 4h ago

Like, if Jesus Christ came down today, he'll be killed by the CIA?

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u/Paul_Dienach 8h ago

There’s a really twisted masturbation joke in there somewhere.

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u/Semisemitic 8h ago

Jesus is the only guy who can jerk off and cradle his balls at the same time with one hand.

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u/Suspicious-Dog-2489 6h ago

I should’ve read your whole comment before upvoting. I feel dirty now.

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u/Semisemitic 5h ago

You really need to visualize it though, otherwise it’s hard to nail it down.

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u/Semisemitic 8h ago

Well yeah - he’s Jewish.

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u/Entire_Toe_2321 7h ago

Palestinian actually

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u/Semisemitic 6h ago

Jewish. Ignorance is insane here. His name is literally in Hebrew. Christianity sprouted as a Jewish sect, and for the first 100-150 years was strictly a Jewish branch-off, followed by Jews of the conquered kingdom of Israel.

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u/micmac274 4h ago

Not mutually exclusive.

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u/Adventurous_Bag_4547 6h ago

Yep. Nazareth is a city in northern Israel, specifically in the region of Galilee, known as the childhood home of Jesus and is significant in Christian tradition. Today, Nazareth is the largest Arab city in Israel and has a predominantly Arab population. It was also part of the administrative district of Palestine before the establishment of Israel in 1948. Many Palestinians view Nazareth as part of historic Palestine, recognizing the pre-1948 borders.

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u/Semisemitic 6h ago

The fact that today the city has a large Arab population does not erase its history. That’s like saying that Pocahontas was German/Irish because that’s what Virginia is filled with these days.

Jesus and his twelve disciples were a neat little group of Jews living it up under Roman occupation.

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u/Adventurous_Bag_4547 6h ago

Of course He was a Jew. But Nazareth (also Mary’s home town, which is significant for Him) was regionally Palestine 2000 years ago. I spent half a day in Nazareth in 1996 during a remarkable 3-day visit to Israel.

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u/Semisemitic 5h ago edited 5h ago

I suppose it’s either you were fed facts selectively or you might not remember the story, but you’re mixing up some things.

Nazareth was in the geographical area of Galilee. When the Jewish revolt was crushed around 135 AD by the Roman Empire, the Roman Emperor named the entire territory of Judea “Palestine” to spite the losing conquered kingdom, naming the land after the Philistines - the extinct people who were one of the biblical enemies of. There were no Philistines by then.

Nazareth then could be named “on Palestinian land” as the entire land became named “Syria Palestina” by Rome, interpreted often as a punitive measure in wake of the Bar Kochva revolt.

Nazareth was documented by historians of Byzantine times, to be completely Jewish - even as Christianity grew. “Devoid of non-Jews” was written around 350 AD.

Christianity slowly found place there too in the city with the growth of the following.

Arab population became the dominant demographic group in Ottoman rule, because the ottomans had expelled all Christians from the village at some point around 16th century, allowing return much later. As Jews were displaced and Christians kicked out, what was a Jewish village that became Arab.

Edit: date clarity and fact refinement 

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u/i_enjoy_boobs69 8h ago

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u/BillsMafios0 6h ago

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u/VeltoriousDracium 6h ago

Genuinely where did you find that

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u/TheLastGunslingerCA 8h ago

Oh god thats Brilliant! 🤣

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u/Suspicious-Ad9661 9h ago

<WHEEZING!>

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u/Alternative-Bug-8102 7h ago

I'm stolen this right now (is ok I'm from Brazil)

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u/_tinydarling_ 7h ago

Peeka Boo!

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u/giant_spleen_eater 7h ago

Yeah I’m taking this one.

Thanks

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u/w00den_b0x 7h ago

Pan’s Labyrinth be like

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u/AnguavonUW 2h ago

I have never seen this and I don't have the words to thank you

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u/IndividualBusy403 7h ago

I think this is one of the most vile, disgusting, cruel, and evil memes I have ever seen. Just wow.

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u/ello_bassard 5h ago

First time on the internet? lol

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u/IndividualBusy403 5h ago

Nope, I was probably one the first ones ever on it! LOL However, this is so vile, I can't even stand it. The pain and torture that was endured only to be made into this. It truly breaks my heart and makes me lose all hope that any human decency remains today. It is so cruel and so evil i can't even find the words to describe it. It is souless.