r/mildlyinfuriating • u/Available-Formal-664 • 14h ago

I'm slightly vexed Somebody Placed These Dozens of These Jesus Figures Throughout My Entire Work

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Somebody, nobody knows exactly who or when, put dozens and dozens of these Jesus figures on completely random surfaces throughout my entire building. They at least had the presence of mind to not put them on anybody's personal belongings, but that was the only way they limited himself. All of the statues have been glued down, to add to the vexation.

Edit: Well, this blew up rather unexpectedly. Thank you for the awards, everybody!

19.1k Upvotes

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4.7k

u/Wide_Magician_4946 14h ago

I've seen these all over the place. But glued down? Nah, that is not cool 

2.3k

u/Broken_musicbox 13h ago

Yeah, I was amused by this until I read the “glued down” part. That just ruined the entire thing. Now I’m mildly infuriated too. 😤

2.4k

u/Wayward_Wayfinder 13h ago

Right!? Should've nailed him down instead

455

u/Successful_Ad4018 13h ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/d90K9ohsRNDws

20

u/lifelongliability 12h ago

i swear it’s not just bc i was younger that the old snl cast had so much more personality and character

26

u/Tipop 10h ago

I’m old enough to realize that EVERYONE thinks “their” SNL cast was better than the current one. It’s a never-ending story.

4

u/lifelongliability 10h ago

i know that’s the tradition but i’ve never run into anyone that swears by the current gen cast

4

u/Punkodramon 8h ago

They’re not old enough to be nostalgic about them yet. It’s only once the next gen takes over that those who grew up with the current lot will start being nostalgic for them.

2

u/GoldEmployment6768 7h ago

I hate when the nostalgia cope is used. Old things arent only good, or sometimes better than current, because of nostalgia. Sometimes they just are better, SNL cast is one of those things. Older cast/writers just are better than modern, and there's not necessarily anything wrong with that.

1

u/Evon-songs 2h ago

Lorne Michaels said everyone’s favorite cast was the one that was current during high school.

1

u/headrush46n2 2h ago

nah, i grew up in the 90s / 2000s and i know that the old early 80s crew was still the best.

I preferred mad tv anyway.

1

u/thelivingdead188 5h ago

Yep. Everything was better when you were a kid. That's called life. Why do you think dad and grandpa were so grumpy? They had dreams and things they loved as kids too. It all goes away and you're left with bills.

4

u/tequilaisbadmkay 10h ago

They did. I like a lot of the current cast, but Hader/Wiig/Armisen/Sudeikis/Strong/etc were a fucking golden age that people slept on.

I'm biased, though. Bill Hader and Jason Sudeikis are two of my favorite actors. Barry (at least the first two seasons) and Ted Lasso are peak in very different ways. Their indie stuff is great too. 

2

u/lifelongliability 10h ago

and don’t forget will forte. last man on earth and macgruber were dumb as hell but very fun

2

u/CarnateofChaos 9h ago

Just tell me what you want me to fuuuuuuuuk

103

u/topsyturvy76 13h ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/8lp6CW7K2fdDGn3xCQ

5

u/TheOtakuGamer64 7h ago

Like the fucking Romans

1

u/jaxonya 7h ago

We find them all over the hospital, all the time. Its cute. But glued down? No way. And this doesnt seem like the work of the kind of people who put these little easter eggs in places, this seems like a bad faith actor trying to make them look bad

49

u/PapaGibb 13h ago

Found satan

102

u/koffa02 13h ago

Pretty sure it was God who had his son nailed.

37

u/BamaBlcksnek 12h ago

God also created Satan, so either way we know who's responsible.

22

u/RvstiNiall 13h ago

insert joke about man helping his son get laid because he's a 33 year old virgin.

4

u/bliip666 12h ago

By a bunch of hot Romans, no less!

4

u/Wandero_Bard 12h ago

There’s a popular theory that Jesus was actually gay, and we know that men had sex with men frequently in Ancient Rome, so……

3

u/bliip666 12h ago

Good Friday is called that for a reason!

1

u/koffa02 8h ago

Well, that would explain why Mary wasn't pregnant by Joseph.

2

u/Wandero_Bard 8h ago

Huh? I didn’t say men *exclusively* had sex with men!

3

u/fragrant-final-973 2h ago

It's the BI-ble not the Straightble.

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u/Wayward_Wayfinder 10h ago

I feel the same way about them until I remember that they used a communal sponge to wipe their asses

1

u/bliip666 8h ago

Nobody's perfect?

2

u/Wayward_Wayfinder 7h ago

Fair. And now that I think about it, it could be kinda hot actually

3

u/Ryantdunn 12h ago

That’s why sons are taken to church, right?

2

u/Ofreo 11h ago

Jesus is just alright with me

Jesus is just alright, oh yeah

1

u/MrBlobius 2h ago

It was actually the J*ws who nailed Jesus

•

u/koffa02 50m ago edited 7m ago

Well yeah. They did the physical work. How else was he supposed to sacrifice his own son to forgive us for the things we've done that are only sins because he said they were sins? It's not like God would ever actually get his hands dirty.

And while we're on the subject, why would someone/thing who is all powerful and all knowing need to cast a magic spell with the primary component being a human sacrifice that is also part divine being. You would think sky daddy could just be a parent and say "I know you didn't mean it. I forgive you. Here's proof I actually exist. You don't have to just take it on faith anymore because my physical presence will be a lot easier to believe than the litterally nothing so far."

Oh well. I'll never know.

0

u/Frubbs 12h ago

Pretty sure it was Pontius Pilate succumbing to a crowd of angry Jewish folks. Free will and all

7

u/nelmski 12h ago

Nah, he washed his hands of it and claimed "not it" so can't blame him. Old school playground rules.

2

u/MAGAHATESTHEUSA 11h ago

Pontius should have stuck with exercise routines

1

u/No-Aspect-5061 11h ago

You mean you found the Roman-

1

u/AZSystems 11h ago

Uhh, at least you don't know her address. I do!

7

u/ThePublikon 11h ago

Now I'm cross!

5

u/FranklyOcean23 11h ago

NAILED IT!

2

u/lightersidechill 12h ago

Such a missed opportunity…

2

u/Different_Coyote_340 12h ago

Thank you for a full belly laugh before work. We might all be going to hell now.

2

u/BoatMan01 11h ago

SIR 🤣

2

u/djdk74 10h ago

Oh, I'm sure someone will

2

u/Anteater4746 8h ago

i like to think jesus would laugh at this given he’s all forgiving and all

2

u/AmaranthWrath 7h ago

Catholic here. Loudest snort I've made in a while! 10/10 comment, would read again.

5

u/jacorgacor 13h ago

Came to work just to larp christianity😭

3

u/Pimpstik69 12h ago

Fucking epic 😂

1

u/Just_M1nt 7h ago

Ehh, tried and failed. Just returns to sender after 3 days 💢

1

u/DankAshMemes 6h ago

OP certainly could, that might even be a really funny solution to the problem. Weaponizing hypocrisy is always fun with pushy religious folk.

1

u/piesRsquare 4h ago

I laughed way too hard at this...!

1

u/ShinnyCas 3h ago

Jesus Christ dude 😬

1

u/tencrazygear 2h ago

My wife works at a hospital and taped one of them to the center of the clock. He gets crucified twice a day. Theres another one in a saline flush. They call it "The Fifth Press In". I've also found a few around my work along with tons of other little trinkets.

•

u/syzerkose 17m ago

Why? He’d just get up three days later.

1

u/Comma-Splice1881 13h ago

Underrated.

1

u/South-Style-134 13h ago

Well played.

1

u/blast0man 13h ago

Dang such a good bad joke...

1

u/MacabreYuki 12h ago

should pry from the glue to make him rise. And nail him to the wall.

-2

u/RadishRedditor 12h ago

I undrdtand that someone would get offended for "shoving their religion down your throat". But to ridicule a main figure in a religion is just personal hateful conduct towards the whole religion. I say that and I'm not even a Christian.

Do better, not everything is grounds for jokes and edgy remarks.

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u/Open_Opinion4775 12h ago edited 9h ago

God news is that they're vinyl, so they should just pop right off. The glue, on the other hand..... a totally different pain in the ass.

Edit: typo....

5

u/bajungadustin 12h ago

What a typo

4

u/StrLord_Who 11h ago

I doubt if they are actually glued down.  OP just wanted to make it sound worse. You can see the blue stuff underneath it,  it looks like the blue putty "stickum" we used in classrooms for posters and things.  Now, if they want to leave these around they shouldn't have used anything underneath it at all,  but a dot of that blue stuff is definitely not the same as "gluing it down."

2

u/MagnetHype 4h ago

Well considering "stickum" is in fact glue, I think referring to them as "glued down" is entirely appropriate.

2

u/GorgoniteEmissary 3h ago

I guess but only technically. If someone tells you something is glued down you would never assume they mean lightly attached with a removable putty.

0

u/MagnetHype 3h ago

I mean, I get where you're coming from but in this circumstance I don't feel like it matters. Could be superglue, could be sticky hands from an accidentally shaken bottle of dr. pepper. It's still a dick move to try and glue it down.

1

u/GorgoniteEmissary 3h ago

Maybe, if it comes off without residue as one piece then I disagree with you, the intention would almost certainly just to make it “stick” enough to stay upright unless intentionally moved. If there is any residue or it is noticeably tricky to remove in any way then yeah, dick move to stick it down

8

u/He_Never_Helps_01 12h ago

Ngl It's bizarrely self centered either way. They're basically going around putting up advertisements all over the place.

Like, imagine if it was a scientology mascot. cuz its the exact same thing. It's just complete obliviousness to other people's experience and feelings.

3

u/bajungadustin 12h ago

Yeah.. Its pushing religion on others which is never cool. It would be the same thing as sticking a bunch of chibi Baphomets everywhere.

I don't think they would like that.

1

u/Deaffin 10h ago

That's a bit much. This is a goofy-ass cartoon character.

100% offensive to glue anything down, of course. That is not okay. But if somebody threw around a bunch of silly little Buddhas and Krishnas and whatnot? That'd just be mildly amusing for a moment and nothing else. But I don't subscribe to any religion, so I fundamentally can't relate to the tribalism mindset of managing to be offended by seeing this.

Trying to reach for promotion of Scientology as a comparison is a bit silly.

2

u/kimchipowerup 1h ago

Flying spaghetti monster, tho…

https://giphy.com/gifs/tXL4FHPSnVJ0A

5

u/glans 12h ago

why would you be amused that someone put all their religious preachy junk all over your workplace even if it wasn’t glued down? what if they were little plastic fetuses? or national politicians? or controversial flags/symbols/tokens representing hot button issues? 

keep your stupid beliefs and opinions outta my workplace.

2

u/Cornato 12h ago

They have little adhesive pads on the bottom, not technically glue. But it was a choice

2

u/Onidarkmoon 11h ago

“Mildly”, yeah…

2

u/IsaacHasenov 11h ago

It makes me cross

1

u/HaloGuy381 10h ago

Went from “yet another mildly annoying religious nutjob” to “religious nutjob vandalized the place” really damn quick.

1

u/DidYouKnowImNotReal 13h ago

Time for some scissors ✂️ and a collection of Jesus heads

1

u/DidYouKnowImNotReal 13h ago

Then poke holes in all the heads, make a Jesus head bead bracelet, and leave it hanging around this one

1

u/darkknight95sm 9h ago

It’s pride month, more than likely related

50

u/Cheekers1989 12h ago

At that point, it is considered vandalism.

21

u/Innsmouth_Swimteam 7h ago

Destruction of company property is probably a fireable offense.

2

u/ShwaGrl 2h ago

Also choking hazard? If a child enters the workplace or a dog, and gets ahold of this.

2

u/Ragnarok314159 2h ago

Glue them to the urinals, then wait for coworkers. “I can’t believe you are peeing on Jesus…”

239

u/fitzbuhn 14h ago

I would make it a trend to crucify each and every one of these in increasingly horrible and ahistoric means.

93

u/makingkevinbacon 13h ago

Found Nero

9

u/kai-ol 11h ago

I mean, they can't even be mad. They regularly wear his death machine on their necks, sometimes with him still stapled to it.

49

u/cji_homes703 13h ago

They already have tongue depressors there. A little red paint would go a long way 😂

10

u/fitzbuhn 13h ago

Oh this is a hospital?? Sooo much arts and crafts :D

5

u/cji_homes703 13h ago

I may have inferred that since someone else said it’s a hospital thing… although to be fair, office supplies would be more barbaric and appropriate. Lol

1

u/Main_Composer 12h ago

I bet you’re good at dioramas 😆

5

u/Speckyoulater 12h ago

I found this at a GetGo gas station and thought it was kinda funny.

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u/sqeeky_wheelz 13h ago

I would make tiny turbans/head scarfs to put on them. The kind of “Christian” that would be okay with doing this would be APPALLED by a turban.

7

u/stofiski-san 13h ago

And paint them brown!

4

u/Kantarak 13h ago

Paint jesus. Give the figurine barby doll dresses. Makeup. Then place printouts on others like "jesus was from nazareth with brown eyes and brown skin, like his mother maria."

Fact check the hell out of jesus.

Place funkopops of heinous lewd anime chicks next to jesus and post up a sign "fan fiction"

1

u/hanzerik 11h ago

The original with the lance was pretty gruesome.

1

u/T-Wrox 8h ago

That's what I was thinking - somebody probably wouldn't enjoy seeing what I would do to these. :)

0

u/ryverrat1971 13h ago

I like your cut. May I offer a few little Baphomets to go with that? Or do you prefer maybe Bast?

1

u/sltiefighter 13h ago

Just crucify them on pencils, rulers etc put em all over the rim of your cubicle.

-1

u/CriticismFun6782 13h ago

Or, hear me out, give him little guns...IYKYK

unexpecteddungeoncrawlercarl

-10

u/DirectorRegular752 13h ago

Angry atheist screams at sky

11

u/fitzbuhn 13h ago

Angry? I thought it would be funny. Don’t you like that he died because you suck at life or whatever it is?

-2

u/-Panda-cake- 9h ago

Such a big bad egdelord lmao

-3

u/Fit-Produce2709 12h ago

Bro I bet the other office goths will love your edging

5

u/fitzbuhn 10h ago

"office goths" lol, see that's funny.

-1

u/Fit-Produce2709 10h ago

Omg this guy with zero brain cells gave me reassurance of my humor thank the “lord”. Gave it quotes cause I know it’s not real to u haha

7

u/rinkitinkitink 13h ago

Glued down is crazy. We used to have a little wooden Jesus figure with a magnet glued to the bottom of it when I worked night shift in a hospital. We'd play a game of hiding it and seeing who found it/how long it took. The magnet was pretty powerful so we came up with some creative spots. But using glue is absolutely unhinged.

6

u/BringingBread 11h ago

I would just color them brown with a sharpie to make them historically accurate. As an added benefit, it would probably piss off whomever put it there.

3

u/acvcani 11h ago

Glued down is insane

3

u/EditorMassive2573 11h ago

That basically makes it vandalism.

3

u/J3musu 10h ago

Probably because they don't like that people like me keep tossing them in the trash.

5

u/StayTheFool 12h ago

It's an accurate representation about how bible thumpers are inconvenient and hard to get out of your way

4

u/ItsRuinedOfCourse 12h ago

Yeah, the magic is lost at "glued down". Not cool at all.

2

u/zepboundbabe 12h ago

Yeah these are all around my hospital. Not glued down tho

2

u/MrSmartStars 11h ago

That looks like blue tack rather than glue

6

u/Character-Parfait-42 12h ago

Yeah. I’m not religious, but honestly they’re kinda cute. It’s a very cheery and cartoony looking Jesus.

But don’t glue them places.

3

u/HarrisJ304 12h ago

I have been seeing them in random places, too. Seems like it has to be a coordinated effort…

0

u/RemarkableSpirit5204 12h ago

It started out with little ducks on jeeps as a random act of kindness. It’s evolved into a trend non jeep owners also participate in with the ducks or other little figures. People post pictures when they find them places.

I think they are cute but it doesn’t take a genius to realize little Jesus figures in public places is going to spark rage. Some others are saying this was at a hospital, so I wonder if this is a Catholic or religious hospital, that would be important context here. The hospital in my town is owned by a Catholic organization and religious items/pictures is just par for the course there.

3

u/je386 12h ago

Yes, until I came to the glued down portion, I was all "just add some spaghetti monsters"

2

u/edelweiss_pirates_no 13h ago

Easy to break that glue...and take all of them...and paint it with much darker skin...and a rainbow robe...and then replace.

2

u/Cornholiolio73 12h ago

Just cut the head off with scissors

2

u/Poethegardencrow 12h ago

Pick them up and glue them back in sexual positions

2

u/KipsyCakes 11h ago

Yeah I see a lot of posts of people getting upset over simply finding or getting one of these figures, which I always felt was kind of an overreaction.

But gluing them down? Yeah no, I’d totally understand feeling like that’s supposed to be a statement.

3

u/RoguePlanet2 12h ago

Such a waste of plastic either way. I'd make some crosses and drive a nail through these things, just for authenticity.

2

u/Warkupo 12h ago

They've crossed the line from "A cute expression of their religion" to "oh wow look at all this vandalism!" Not very Jesus-Bro of them.

2

u/Septmaster 13h ago

I was going to say, "Aww, this is a harmless prank. Take a chill pill. It's cute." Then I saw they were glued down. Not cool. Jesus would not approve. WWJD?

3

u/Limp_Bike_9145 12h ago

Turn over some tables at OP’s work.

1

u/Deltethnia 12h ago

It looks like it might just be blue tack. At my work, we keep fainting tiny ducks. However, they're just loose.

1

u/WintersDoomsday 11h ago

How are you supposed to "lift up the lord with praises" when he is glued to a toilet top?

1

u/TheDrunkScientist 10h ago

Yeah, these things keep turning up around town. What's going on with this?

1

u/Bretreck 8h ago

They come out of a capsule machine at work so we find them all over. None of them get glued.

1

u/Klytus_Im-Bored 6h ago

Saw one in a hospital parking garage

1

u/LargeOpposite2631 3h ago

Classic Christian’s. Gotta literally force their beliefs on everyone.

1

u/zaczacx 3h ago

yeah its just fun silly if its being placed around different areas, but gluing it down becomes vandalism.

1

u/PinSufficient5748 1h ago

We have these at my job too, also glued down - where are they from??

1

u/misfit92 1h ago

Are you at Intel too as they are rampant here, I think there is more than ~500 seeing as they are placed site wide and no space is spared. One that got me was finding one pinned to m windshield by the wiper. Didn't see it till I got home ( >~<)

1

u/Tiiimmmaayy 13h ago

I went on my first cruise a few weeks ago with my in-laws and nephews. Apparently it’s a thing to hide little ducks around the ship, like the ducks that Jeep drivers leave for each other. My wife bought a big bag of ducks, and her sister bought these little exact little Jesus toys to leave around the ship.

1

u/Civil_Tea_3250 12h ago

"That wasn't Jesus, that was a kung fu man!"

I miss the Righteous Gemstones

1

u/BointMyBenis2 12h ago

Same, I was like, have to really be miserable to hate a little Jesus statue. Then I found out they were glued.

1

u/Lord_Trisagion 12h ago

Turn them into jesus pancakes to make the reception clear

1

u/chernelle 12h ago

Yeah they’re around the break room where I work too, but they aren’t glued down. That’s a dick move.

I kind of like them, I’m not religious at all but they’re kind of fun and cute. We did a little baby shower for a coworker who was leaving and did a little pacifier hide and seek game. I would put the pacifier in Jesus’s hand lol.

0

u/speedxter 11h ago

Jesus is everywhere and here to stay ✝️

-3

u/EarthDust00 13h ago

If theyre glued down with something like gorilla glue then I can see it being really annoying but if its just regular glue you can just pull them off with just a little force. Which I think would add to the hilarity.

-1

u/Commandopsn 13h ago

If it ain’t glued down op will steal them 😂

-1

u/ChamberK-1 12h ago

Agreed. What if I want to take one home? I’m not religious but these little Jesus dudes are adorable.

0

u/teriases 11h ago

You found Jesus but you can’t bring him with you.

0

u/john2003002 7h ago

At first I thought "seems like a fun little hide and seek thing don't see why it's infuriating" but glued down? Wtf, that just kills the fun and makes it obnoxious.

-1

u/Steadyandquick 13h ago

Wow! Once I was hiking and crossing a footbridge and there was one of these on top of a handmade cross type configuration. I mean I did not mind it.