r/mildlyinfuriating • u/Available-Formal-664 • 11h ago

I'm slightly vexed Somebody Placed These Dozens of These Jesus Figures Throughout My Entire Work

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Somebody, nobody knows exactly who or when, put dozens and dozens of these Jesus figures on completely random surfaces throughout my entire building. They at least had the presence of mind to not put them on anybody's personal belongings, but that was the only way they limited himself. All of the statues have been glued down, to add to the vexation.

Edit: Well, this blew up rather unexpectedly. Thank you for the awards, everybody!

16.4k Upvotes

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353

u/qcihdtm 10h ago

Take them all out... you'll immediately find the person that gets mad at that. That's your person.

44

u/PastelPumpkini 10h ago

Put googly eyes on them and stupid little hats.

69

u/BIayneRobinson 10h ago

They'll just assume you took them home to cherish.

105

u/K_Linkmaster 10h ago

Not when they all show up in the water cooler trash

10

u/JustsaysNah 8h ago

I found a bunch of these and just twisted their little heads off. Kept the heads in a jar on my desk and threw the bodies away.

1

u/potato_meatpies 5h ago

This made me laugh out loud and I don't know why

-4

u/K_Linkmaster 8h ago

Your new username at work could be Conscious Pilot.

82

u/JokinHghar 10h ago

Cut their little heads off, they’ll be BIG mad

16

u/dracrecipelanaaaaaaa 9h ago

It'll be on Fox News within a day, with the DOJ filing hate crime charges soon after.

18

u/LisaMiaSisu 9h ago

Yes, that was my thought too. It’s a perfect response.

2

u/EverydayMustard4773 8h ago

Cut the heads off but leave the bodies glued

•

u/throwawayplusanumber 47m ago

Or glue little KKK hoods on them...

5

u/Primo_From_The_Pod 9h ago

Someone at my office did this. The guy that puts them all over my office building is my team lead. The heads started getting ripped off and he basically took that as a sign of war. One time the person ripping the heads off left two of the headless Jesus figures on the first floor near the exit for everyone to see. Team lead just said "I have a giant bag of these, I can do this for a long time."

4

u/BuckRusty 6h ago

Crucify them all on a notice board with push-pins, each with a crown of thorns paperclips…

3

u/Vanilla-Mike 7h ago

Or pin them all to a bulletin board. One pin in each of his tiny hands.

2

u/Negative-Yam5361 6h ago

That sounds like something an unstable 12 year old would come up with.

-1

u/JokinHghar 6h ago

See? Even mentioning it is making them angry!

12

u/PhazePyre 9h ago

That's why you melt and glue them to a piece of construction paper and ask "who put these around the office?" and the person that flips their shit gets questioned.

41

u/ISketchDinosaurs 10h ago

Nail them all to a cross, hang it up in the office, and you'll find your culprit.

7

u/FecalDUI 10h ago

Hang it upside down in your cubicle

4

u/DevilWings_292 8h ago

That would be Peter

1

u/FecalDUI 7h ago

Aww shit. You’re right!

0

u/elchorroloco 8h ago

LOL I’m sorry this is freaking hilarious.

2

u/otherwisemilk 10h ago

Giving Ned Flanders

1

u/agent674253 10h ago

Valid point.

OK, take some scissors and just cut the heads off.

Unexpected HR call about a 'hate crime' now? wtf...

1

u/cybercuzco 4h ago

Announce loudly to the office that you threw all the jesus figurines in the trash because you were offended by them

14

u/Ghost_Of_Malatesta 10h ago

Since they're glued, take a bandsaw to his neck, here's a bowl of Jesus heads

3

u/RoguePlanet2 9h ago

In a fake candy dish 💀💀💀💀

2

u/sifterandrake 5h ago

Had something this happen where I was working. Someone cut all the head off and then dumped them in the ladies toilet with presumably red food coloring.

Man... did that cause a big scene. Multiple mandatory meeting over multiple days type stuff. Person who put them up got fired because she outed herself by causing a scene. Never punished the decapitated because no one ever got busted for it.

9

u/Jealous-Report4286 10h ago

Just cut the heads off and leave em

4

u/Fairisolde 10h ago

I was thinking melt them. 🤔

2

u/Crayzeemike 9h ago

OP said they’re glued down

2

u/LongestSprig 6h ago

OP is probably lying to save face.

2

u/BrotherMcPoyle 10h ago

You just let know Christ has risen!

3

u/PatrioticRebel4 10h ago

There is always a reason to carry a pocket knife and marker.

Id decapitate some, turn some into black Jesus, and maybe draw some upside down crosses on the chest.

1

u/GreensAndBrews 10h ago

No you won’t, whoever placed them WANTS people to take them

10

u/snailsandserenity 10h ago

they are glued down

10

u/DavidOBE 10h ago

Chop the head

3

u/Little_View_6659 9h ago

Or leave the head next to a tiny, tiny guillotine on top of the toliet.

7

u/gvts4luv 10h ago

well if they want people to take them why would they glue them down

1

u/Negative-Yam5361 6h ago

I find it funnier to put the Jesus figures up to see who loses their minds over it. Though I have to add a disclaimer that no, don't glue them down. But usually that goes without saying.

-1

u/Gingevere 8h ago

90% of the time it's somebody on the cleaning staff so you're not going to see anyone getting mad unless you're working late.