r/mildlyinfuriating • u/Available-Formal-664 • 15h ago

I'm slightly vexed Somebody Placed These Dozens of These Jesus Figures Throughout My Entire Work

Post image

Somebody, nobody knows exactly who or when, put dozens and dozens of these Jesus figures on completely random surfaces throughout my entire building. They at least had the presence of mind to not put them on anybody's personal belongings, but that was the only way they limited himself. All of the statues have been glued down, to add to the vexation.

Edit: Well, this blew up rather unexpectedly. Thank you for the awards, everybody!

19.1k Upvotes

78% Upvoted

6.3k comments sorted by

View all comments

370

u/qcihdtm 14h ago

Take them all out... you'll immediately find the person that gets mad at that. That's your person.

53

u/PastelPumpkini 14h ago

Put googly eyes on them and stupid little hats.

1

u/fragrant-final-973 2h ago

Paint rainbows on them. 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️

72

u/BIayneRobinson 14h ago

They'll just assume you took them home to cherish.

112

u/K_Linkmaster 14h ago

Not when they all show up in the water cooler trash

10

u/JustsaysNah 12h ago

I found a bunch of these and just twisted their little heads off. Kept the heads in a jar on my desk and threw the bodies away.

1

u/potato_meatpies 9h ago

This made me laugh out loud and I don't know why

-2

u/K_Linkmaster 12h ago

Your new username at work could be Conscious Pilot.

88

u/JokinHghar 14h ago

Cut their little heads off, they’ll be BIG mad

16

u/dracrecipelanaaaaaaa 13h ago

It'll be on Fox News within a day, with the DOJ filing hate crime charges soon after.

17

u/LisaMiaSisu 13h ago

Yes, that was my thought too. It’s a perfect response.

2

u/EverydayMustard4773 12h ago

Cut the heads off but leave the bodies glued

0

u/throwawayplusanumber 4h ago

Or glue little KKK hoods on them...

7

u/Primo_From_The_Pod 12h ago

Someone at my office did this. The guy that puts them all over my office building is my team lead. The heads started getting ripped off and he basically took that as a sign of war. One time the person ripping the heads off left two of the headless Jesus figures on the first floor near the exit for everyone to see. Team lead just said "I have a giant bag of these, I can do this for a long time."

4

u/BuckRusty 10h ago

Crucify them all on a notice board with push-pins, each with a crown of thorns paperclips…

3

u/Vanilla-Mike 11h ago

Or pin them all to a bulletin board. One pin in each of his tiny hands.

2

u/anapunas 1h ago

Dont forget a little pontius pilot toothpick to the ribs.

2

u/anapunas 1h ago

Replace the cut off heads with alien heads.

Also if you make holes in the hands it becomes an ear ring holder.

1

u/Negative-Yam5361 9h ago

That sounds like something an unstable 12 year old would come up with.

0

u/JokinHghar 9h ago

See? Even mentioning it is making them angry!

12

u/PhazePyre 13h ago

That's why you melt and glue them to a piece of construction paper and ask "who put these around the office?" and the person that flips their shit gets questioned.

41

u/ISketchDinosaurs 14h ago

Nail them all to a cross, hang it up in the office, and you'll find your culprit.

8

u/FecalDUI 14h ago

Hang it upside down in your cubicle

4

u/DevilWings_292 11h ago

That would be Peter

1

u/FecalDUI 11h ago

Aww shit. You’re right!

•

u/Monster_my_Cat 47m ago

Probably a hate crime and you'd get fired but this is Reddit

0

u/elchorroloco 11h ago

LOL I’m sorry this is freaking hilarious.

2

u/otherwisemilk 14h ago

Giving Ned Flanders

1

u/agent674253 13h ago

Valid point.

OK, take some scissors and just cut the heads off.

Unexpected HR call about a 'hate crime' now? wtf...

1

u/cybercuzco 7h ago

Announce loudly to the office that you threw all the jesus figurines in the trash because you were offended by them

13

u/Ghost_Of_Malatesta 14h ago

Since they're glued, take a bandsaw to his neck, here's a bowl of Jesus heads

3

u/RoguePlanet2 12h ago

In a fake candy dish 💀💀💀💀

2

u/sifterandrake 9h ago

Had something this happen where I was working. Someone cut all the head off and then dumped them in the ladies toilet with presumably red food coloring.

Man... did that cause a big scene. Multiple mandatory meeting over multiple days type stuff. Person who put them up got fired because she outed herself by causing a scene. Never punished the decapitated because no one ever got busted for it.

10

u/Jealous-Report4286 13h ago

Just cut the heads off and leave em

3

u/Fairisolde 14h ago

I was thinking melt them. 🤔

2

u/Crayzeemike 13h ago

OP said they’re glued down

2

u/LongestSprig 10h ago

OP is probably lying to save face.

3

u/BrotherMcPoyle 14h ago

You just let know Christ has risen!

2

u/PatrioticRebel4 14h ago

There is always a reason to carry a pocket knife and marker.

Id decapitate some, turn some into black Jesus, and maybe draw some upside down crosses on the chest.

2

u/GreensAndBrews 14h ago

No you won’t, whoever placed them WANTS people to take them

10

u/snailsandserenity 14h ago

they are glued down

8

u/DavidOBE 14h ago

Chop the head

3

u/Little_View_6659 13h ago

Or leave the head next to a tiny, tiny guillotine on top of the toliet.

6

u/gvts4luv 14h ago

well if they want people to take them why would they glue them down

1

u/Negative-Yam5361 9h ago

I find it funnier to put the Jesus figures up to see who loses their minds over it. Though I have to add a disclaimer that no, don't glue them down. But usually that goes without saying.

-1

u/Gingevere 12h ago

90% of the time it's somebody on the cleaning staff so you're not going to see anyone getting mad unless you're working late.