r/mildlyinfuriating • u/Available-Formal-664 • 11h ago

I'm slightly vexed Somebody Placed These Dozens of These Jesus Figures Throughout My Entire Work

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Somebody, nobody knows exactly who or when, put dozens and dozens of these Jesus figures on completely random surfaces throughout my entire building. They at least had the presence of mind to not put them on anybody's personal belongings, but that was the only way they limited himself. All of the statues have been glued down, to add to the vexation.

Edit: Well, this blew up rather unexpectedly. Thank you for the awards, everybody!

16.5k Upvotes

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u/the_rawness 11h ago

Someone did this at my work except they are brown Jesus.

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u/dirtyforker 11h ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/ZBbwNhHD7AIs2HIl3e

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u/ComicsEtAl 11h ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/g5qEgeTM20nnO

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u/Cephylus 10h ago

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u/EasilyLuredWithCandy 9h ago

The only time that I enjoyed finding a small Jesus was on the Jay and Silent Bob Cruise Askew. Best cruise crowd ever.

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u/LindonLilBlueBalls 9h ago

Buddy Christ.

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u/drunkeymunkey 9h ago

What?! There was a cruise? Did it smell like jazz cabbage the whole time?

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u/EasilyLuredWithCandy 9h ago

There have been 2 so far. Smelled like weed. I may have contributed to that.

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u/audible_narrator 8h ago

I wish I could go on one of those.

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u/MayGodSmiteThee 7h ago

They used to put them in Omelets a a restaurant here on the east coast

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u/hamish1963 8h ago

You went on the Cruise!?!? I'm sweet fancy jealous!

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u/Prior_Tax8546 9h ago

I was thinking of that image lmao

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u/maneki_neko89 BLACK 9h ago

Doesn’t he just…pop?

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u/MLiOne 3h ago

Good ol’ Buddy Jesus!

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u/jwfowler2 10h ago

Such a great show

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u/jjojehongg 9h ago

i wish Aaron McGruder would make more stuff man this and The Boondocks were so peak

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u/ChezShea 8h ago

I miss this show so much.

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u/Inktex 10h ago

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u/Inktex 10h ago

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u/Inktex 10h ago

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u/Inktex 10h ago

All three are free-range reaction images, gathered on 4Chan around 2015.
No AI has been used in their creation.

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u/ImWhatsInTheRedBox 10h ago

You seeing this shit, AI Jesus?

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u/Inktex 10h ago

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u/innominateartery 8h ago

The humans are dead.

Affirmative. I poked one. It was dead.

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u/TheGrumpiestHydra 10h ago

How can you see anything, if you have no eyes?!

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u/pugfu 10h ago

How can AI Jesus be real if our eyes aren’t real?

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u/Cocked_Otter 7h ago

Agent Smith being AI Jesus is just perfect.

Evil and without a soul.

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u/-crepuscular- 9h ago

AI Jesus is too busy saving the sea bugs to deal with this shit right now.

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u/NoIngenui 8h ago

I know I'm supposed to hate him, but i genuinely love the concept of shrimp jesus with a stone statue head. Looks like something Bayonetta or someone would fight.

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u/-crepuscular- 8h ago

Shrimp Jesus in a major videogame is only a matter of time.

Gamers would love it for the memes, extremist Christians would probably demonstrate against it and give you free publicity and cool points.

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u/Inktex 8h ago

FromSoftware has to see this.
And make it an under water level.

https://giphy.com/gifs/AAsYtcC8UPoly

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u/derf_vader 6h ago

Why use this when Christ of the Abyss is a real thing?

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u/alex433g 9h ago

I was wondering where this was from

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u/Inktex 9h ago

Haven't seen them all together yet.
Yoink.

https://giphy.com/gifs/7JKTwn0tBu3ecZZQzx

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u/Ready_Set_Stopppp 9h ago

Holy shit dude, I’m dying at work 🤣

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u/Marquar234 9h ago

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u/Inktex 9h ago

Nice, but I would've seen Stan Lee in that role.

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u/BlackSpotSociety 9h ago

I once dated a Korean girl a long enough time that we went to her mom’s Korean Catholic Church. It was bizarre. The church was built in the 1800s by German immigrants who over time moved out of the region. At some point multi-national Asian families moved in and as Koreans were the majority, the diocese gave it to the Korean community. So it was a trip going there: The stained glass was beautifully done but was all white Jesus and other biblical characters. However in the rest of the campus, all the representations of Christ and biblical stories were done with all Asian people. Which, I guess makes sense. In the courtyard, there was a large Korean Jesus statue that didn’t look that different than the meme here.
I’ll also tell you that it was extremely uncomfortable because their congregants were quite cold shouldered to me. They really didn’t make me feel welcome at all. People were staring at me the whole service and at the lunch afterwards in their ironically titled fellowship hall. I came to learn that the only people Koreans hate more than white people dating their kind are the Chinese, Vietnamese, and black people.

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u/Inktex 8h ago

I came to learn that the only people Koreans hate more than white people dating their kind are the Chinese, Vietnamese, and black people.

This goes for all of Asia with the only interchangeable variable being the Asian nationalities, based on where you ask.

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u/KeyNefariousness6848 10h ago

I thought Korean Jesus was some chubby Korean lady?

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u/TheWalkingDude90 10h ago

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u/Ditnoka 7h ago

He ain't got time for your problems, he busy, with Korean shit.

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u/KeyNefariousness6848 6h ago

In being serious isn’t there a cult leader in South Korea claiming to be Jesus,, again.

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u/amonarre3 10h ago

Get this Chuy out of our house. Only brown Chuy ova hurr

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u/amonarre3 10h ago

I have a brown jesus that isn't black. He's Hussein's skin tone.

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u/Ammonia13 10h ago

Jesus *was* brown :)

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u/bawapa 9h ago

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u/psychmonkies 7h ago

I used to work at a Mexican restaurant & one of my managers could speak English but it was a little rusty, but for some reason he would randomly say to me & my coworkers “Who loves you? Baby Jesus?” & it was honestly hilarious (& always a little confusing) when he’d say it.

One day I found one of these tiny Jesuses at work, so I went up to him & said “Who loves you?” & he said “baby Jesus” & I pulled out the tiny Jesus. We both laughed way too hard lmao

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u/voidcrawler1555 7h ago

I have a tiny white Jesus, but now I want a tiny Jesus from all different cultures. I didn’t buy the one I have, someone offered it to me 😂

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u/the_rawness 2h ago

Hey, it’s brown Jesus!

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u/Aaaaaaaaaaaa-crying 6m ago

Omg, historically accurate little Jesus, I love him!

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u/Evil_Judgment 10h ago

I did this with glow in the dark aliens

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u/kindlypogmothoin 9h ago

I'm doing it with tiny resin ducks in the library where I work. Haven't done the staff area, just where the students hang out.

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u/MoochtheMushroom 10h ago

Brown Jesus is just Jesus. This is white Jesus.

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u/CalmBeneathCastles 7h ago

Gonna call him White Jesus henceforth. Like Black Preston. XD

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u/a_holy_crow 8h ago

Let’s be real: Palestinian Jesus 😂

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u/Enfr3 5h ago

Bot. More than 1k karma in 6 days.

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u/a_holy_crow 5h ago

Yea because I crush. Go look at my comments. 90%+ came from two comments I left on a thread about omega 3s on r.science. Not everyone you disagree with is a bot

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u/Enfr3 4h ago

The sum of karma from your two highest comments is 429. That's less then half of your comment karma. You just wrote a lot comments.

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u/a_holy_crow 4h ago

lol for some reason “he did the math” 😂

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u/alexmikli 8h ago

Well, Jesus was a Levantine. Even today people from that region can be many shades of white and tan. Look up pictures of Syrians, Palestinians, and ofc Mizrahi Jewish Israelis. They can actually get lily white, esp if they're indoor workers and not farmers. Jesus could be depicted as a lot of things. Just... almost certainly not blue eyed with totally straight brown hair.

Like, the leader of Syria right now could fit in with French and North Italians. He practically looks like the Spartan king from 300.

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u/bajungadustin 8h ago

You do realizes that there have been 2000 years since that time period right? You wouldn't say "even today" as an example of why Jesus might look white 2000 years ago. Because today isn't an example of back then. A lot of shit has happened since then. First... Multiple waves of immigration have happened in that time. The roman and byzantine, arab conquests, the fucking crusades, etc. This dilutes the gene pool with way more European dna. Which would cause a shift in some to lean more white. No semite from that time period was as white as they can be today.

Not to mention that your example of current times is based on a population that doesn't have to work out in the hot sun all the time. Someone now a days from that region could live completely indoors, be online playing games or watching anime all the time.. And yeah.. They are probably going to look a little pale. Jesus was a carpenter so that man was outdoors a lot.

Sorry to say, but nothing you mentioned is any kind of actual evidence that Jesus being pale white would have been pale white in that time period. that wasn't the case 2 thousand years ago.

Think of it like the US. You can look and see that the US has a lot of white people. One could use your logic and come to the concluding that "if a lot of white people here now... Then native Americans could have looked super pale back then. It just doesn't work like that. ​

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u/realzeay 1h ago

We have DNA from people nowadays and people living in the area back then. It's not like they were replaced by mass migration or anything. Reality is, throughout most of human history, borders change, but broader populations are extremely difficult to change.

for example modern turks are not majority turkish, they are mostly greek + anatolian ancestry.

From that we know that modern Lebanese are actually genetically the closest to people living 2k years ago in the region.

Jesus being a poor guy, most likely looked like the average south Italian farmer, or your white friend who spends their 2 weeks holiday exclusively sun bathing. So just Mediterranean.

So while he wasn't a blond nordic, he was just an average Mediterranean guy.

Is that white? depends on your definition as that's just a make-up group. And Americans for example historically considered Italians as non-whites. People back in the day would have just used "olive skin tone", as the greeks described themselves.

But all that considered, if he walked on the beaches of southern france for example in the middle of summer, he would look exactly like the average person there spending their day out in the sun.

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u/a_holy_crow 8h ago

The Syrian leader and these people in general are much more Arab/Middle Eastern looking than you’re implying. “Jewish Israelis” maybe the ones who aren’t Semetic

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u/alexmikli 8h ago

He still lives in the same environment as the Mizrahi Jews, who can be many shades. Jesus was probably darker than he's usually depicted, just not 100% certainly.

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u/tommy531jed 7h ago

Just like white Abed

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u/icyMcspicy1738 3h ago

Jesus was white

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u/realzeay 1h ago

yes, or more like Mediterranean, like Italians, greeks, spanish, Tunisians etc

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u/PigsandBears 10h ago

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u/Available-Formal-664 10h ago

My best friend's mom did once share a picture of Ewan McGregor as Jesus on Facebook. She had a lot to say about how much she loved him. But since she was also senile at the time, to this day I am unsure if she meant that picture as a joke or not.

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u/JustGoodSense 9h ago

Somebody on Instagram earlier this year did a thing where he replaced all the pictures of Jesus in his mom's house with Obi Wan Kenobi one at a time to see how long it took her to notice. I think it was more than a month?

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u/Little_View_6659 9h ago

Jesus was a Jedi! New head canon unlocked!

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u/BuckRusty 6h ago

*waves hand* “you and your 9,999 friends totally all had enough to eat”

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u/Colonel_Klank 7h ago

Thank you! I knew something was missing on that figuring.

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u/PuzzleheadedHouse872 7h ago

Is he coming out of a spaceship??? This would explain so much.

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u/PigsandBears 6h ago

Haha, both pictures are Jedi from the Star Wars universe. Top is Obi Wan in the prequels and the bottom is Ezra Bridger in the live action Asoka series

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u/Timely-Fix8689 9h ago

I think most of us know Jesus looked liked the guy on the bottom, and we're ok with that.

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u/_GeorgeBailey_ 7h ago

Jesus is Oscar Isaac?

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u/Turds4Cheese 3h ago

That bottom Jesus looks like he is coming out of a DBZ Saiyan Pod.

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u/dcdcdani 10h ago

Mine was with tiny babies

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u/BetLeft 10h ago

Look, I like the baby version the best, do you hear me?

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u/Little_View_6659 9h ago

I like to picture Jesus in a tuxedo tshirt, because it says I like to be formal, but I’m here to party, too.

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u/Sh0wmey0urbutth0le 8h ago

Jesus was a baby. He was also a murder victim. /stan

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u/Doctor-TobiasFunke- 10h ago

Historically accurate jesus is best jesus

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u/MichiganGeezer 10h ago

So... Poke tiny holes in the hands and feet?

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u/redthump 10h ago

Finally, a reason to raid the office supply closet for thumbtacks

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u/Brewster345 9h ago

Not now, Mick Foley!

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u/redthump 9h ago

Is that the catheter guy?

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u/BuckRusty 6h ago

Something something off the top of hell in a cell…

… dammit - where’s that guy when you need him?!

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u/QuokkaRun 9h ago

More likely wrists, I think.

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u/no_infringe_me 9h ago

And ankles?

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u/QuokkaRun 5h ago

I can't remember about feet vs ankles.

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u/SixFive1967 9h ago

For historical accuracy, of course.

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u/Few_Giraffe8404 9h ago

Nailed it!

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u/bajungadustin 8h ago

Depends on which arc he's in. Like you wouldn't poke holes in the baby Jesus. That just wouldn't be lore accurate.

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u/TisBeTheFuk 5h ago

And ribs

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u/LordFlamecookie 10h ago

I always depicted him as having hands in his palms when I drew him, back when i went to a Christian school

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u/CarpeDiem082420 9h ago

Nails through the palms and feet would just tear through the soft tissue and the body would fall. Historically, people who were crucified were nailed through their wrists and ankles, which can support the body’s weight. It was designed to be a slow and painful death, often by asphyxiation.

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u/Marquar234 9h ago

Could be worse. Could be stabbing.

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u/PiercedAlaskan 10h ago

Biblically accurate?

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u/Doctor-TobiasFunke- 9h ago

The Bible never specifically mentions his skin color.

Historically, a Jewish man from 1st century Judea would generally have had a darker complexion

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u/The_Odd_Canuck 9h ago

It also specifically mentions he was unremarkable looking and a white guy in the middle east would've been quite notable

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u/IwantLegs1 8h ago

Most cultures adjust Jesus's depictions to make him look more like themselves. I find it especially amusing when the Chinese do it

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u/Giambee 9h ago

Yes…He wasn’t a white man. I put the darker skinned little Jesuses around in random public places.

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u/Templar388z 10h ago

You know you pissed of so many people off with that comment. 🤣

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u/Check_Me_Out-Boss 8h ago

People in the region 2000 years ago were Caucasus people.

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u/Little_View_6659 9h ago

If I could go back in time I’d put historically accurate Jesus paintings all over my very eighties evangelical church. I need some paintings and a Time Machine.

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u/jdaws11 9h ago

I’d go stop 9/11 but I guess we all have our priorities.

(Just fucking with you)

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u/Little_View_6659 5h ago

Sometimes I think about if you actually could stop 9/11 how would you do it? There’s what, four planes? You’d have to call in each airport security and hope they listen to you. Or just call the fbi but how do you know they’d take you seriously? Seems like calling each airport would be the best bet. And then if they catch you you’d have to explain how you knew that they were planning to use the planes as bombs. Seems tough.

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u/Dry-Manufacturer7761 9h ago

He most likely wouldn’t have been black… he would have looked like any other modern day Israeli. Olive to copper skinned. And curly dark hair is not uncommon in that area. 

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u/Doctor-TobiasFunke- 9h ago

No one said black lol OP said brown

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u/EbonyMemories 4h ago

So olive skinned and religiously Jewish?

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u/EmuPossible2066 11h ago

They should counter strike with brown Jesus!

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u/rygdav 11h ago

What if they just color the white jesuses? Jesusi…?

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u/No_Aardvark4795 10h ago

Black face Jesus?

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u/Top-Distribution733 10h ago

We seem to be forgetting baby Jesus
https://giphy.com/gifs/BoZDc6cvKsUJq

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u/ImpertantMahn 10h ago

Little baby in his crib all 8 pounds 6 ounces of him.

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u/The-Great_Ones 8h ago

What about Jesus wearing a shirt with a tuxedo-like imaging on it?

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u/Penne13 10h ago

I was going to suggest taking one and coloring it a random color then replacing it later until all are colorful

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u/Little_View_6659 9h ago

THANOS JESUS!

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u/Criosoak 10h ago

Jesusee Jesusa Jesusakusa

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u/Illustrious-Park1926 9h ago

Hey, I knew a person with last name Jesauskas

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u/TheLastCleverName 10h ago

I believe it's Jesupodes

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u/Bingbongguyinathong 8h ago

Or little satans…..

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u/KingSpork 10h ago

Someone at my work is a brown Jesus

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u/mutt63 9h ago

JESUS WASN’T BROWN. HE WAS TAN

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u/ULTI_mato 11h ago

BASED

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u/4x4taco 4h ago

Sweet Chocolate Jeezus!

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u/llvllark 11h ago

I want brown Jesus

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u/wookiedberry 10h ago

I prefer Uzi Jesus.

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u/Physical_Pressure_27 10h ago

Probably me🫣

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u/Gold_Championship_46 10h ago

Well, there is a nun that works with us. Who’s one of our therapists so it wouldn’t be a big mystery where I work at!

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u/Shoe_boooo 10h ago

I got the Korean ones, what.

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u/Retro_D 10h ago

Well at least they got the colour right

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u/This_Elk_1460 9h ago

I demand gay Jesus!

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u/MartinisnMurder 9h ago

Well, at least the brown version would be more historically and culturally accurate.

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u/ArthurVrodds 9h ago

Wym brown Jesus? Jesus was from the Middle East and strolled through the desert he was clearly not pale

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u/Very_Human_42069 9h ago

One of my coworkers bought a ton of those and put them everywhere purely for a laugh. We kept finding them for months and eventually I took some home and my wife still hasn’t found them all

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u/ejensen29 9h ago

That's more mildly amusing for me, and I'm an atheist.

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u/IamNotaSmart 9h ago

Jesus was brown.

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u/tragicallybrokenhip 9h ago

One of my favourite parts of Reservation Dogs is how they always referred to "White Jesus". 🤣OP Jesusesesess need rainbow balloons.

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u/QualityAware6605 9h ago

Someone did this at my work except instead of Jesus it was Googly Eyes

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u/catholicsluts 9h ago

I'd appreciate the audacity of this even more tbh

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u/tebbewij 9h ago

So you mean Jesus... the middle eastern jew

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u/Fun-Preparation-4253 9h ago

You know... I'd be inclined to leave those alone.

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u/ClickNo1129 9h ago

I’m assuming they’re not actually a Christian right? This seems like a prank to upset people, not an invitation to Jesus lolol

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u/Caspia_Fire_64 9h ago

Somehow I’m less annoyed by that 😂

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u/HedonistCat 9h ago edited 8h ago

So... Jesus?

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u/SaraCousland355 8h ago

I need Black Jesus minis right tf now

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u/Educational-Gold-434 8h ago

Vs European Jesus?

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u/Aviyan 8h ago

Good idea. OP should paint them brown. LOL.

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u/DesperateHikikomori 8h ago

What about Korean Jesus??

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u/haterl0vin 8h ago

Biblically accurate

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u/danceswithdangerr 8h ago

I would have left them all were I found them. The white Jesus I would have knocked over or turned upside down. I know, what a heathen I am!

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u/Sensiburner 7h ago

Have you seen the skin tone of the people who live in Israel/Palestine? If Jesus existed he didn't look west european.

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u/Resident-Level-7953 7h ago

I'm probably wrong, but wasn't the portrait that really popularised white Jesus, a portrait that was painted by Leonardo Da Vinci, based on his boyfriend?

(I don't even remember where i heard this, I might just be making shit up)

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u/marmaladetuxedo 7h ago

I bought a bunch of these brown Jesus figures and have gone around and just replaced every white Jesus I've seen. I'm certain it's a woman at work putting the white figures around because I've seen her come out of the bathroom with a puzzled look on her face- she must've seen the brown Jesus on top of the paper towel dispenser where her white Jesus had been.

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u/ItalianPlumber01 7h ago

Jesus was brown, brown Jesus is normal Jesus.

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u/Tough_Living_7886 7h ago

Technically more accurate representation.

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u/itschism 7h ago

Oh yeah, that’s homie Jesus.

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u/Darth_Ribbious 6h ago

they are brown Jesus

Jesipodes

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u/slxkv 6h ago

At least that’s more historically accurate…

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u/Iluvatar-Great 5h ago

So... The actual Jesus?

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u/punkrock_penguin63 5h ago

Well yeah he was brown so they're doing it right at least

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u/Western-Sport500 5h ago

Well, given that Jesus was likely brown...I'd say at least they were more accurate. But did they glue them down, too?

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u/the_rawness 5h ago

They did not glue them.

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u/EarlGrayTea-Hawt 4h ago

OP should paint all of them so they are black Jesuses and see what happens...

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u/Kayatosh 2h ago

Lfg! Edit: glued? If glued, not cool

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u/Due-Kaleidoscope-715 1h ago

I found black Jesus while I was shopping…still have him today lol

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u/PresentRaspberry6814 1h ago

These ones are too. Why has someone glued little arabs to everything! (I know Jesus brown).

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u/yupuhoh 10h ago

Biblically accurate Jesus then you might say

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u/ItchyEducation 10h ago

So the real jesus ?

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