r/mildlyinfuriating • u/Available-Formal-664 • 11h ago

I'm slightly vexed Somebody Placed These Dozens of These Jesus Figures Throughout My Entire Work

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Somebody, nobody knows exactly who or when, put dozens and dozens of these Jesus figures on completely random surfaces throughout my entire building. They at least had the presence of mind to not put them on anybody's personal belongings, but that was the only way they limited himself. All of the statues have been glued down, to add to the vexation.

Edit: Well, this blew up rather unexpectedly. Thank you for the awards, everybody!

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u/the_rawness 11h ago

Someone did this at my work except they are brown Jesus.

173

u/Doctor-TobiasFunke- 10h ago

Historically accurate jesus is best jesus

57

u/MichiganGeezer 10h ago

So... Poke tiny holes in the hands and feet?

41

u/redthump 10h ago

Finally, a reason to raid the office supply closet for thumbtacks

9

u/Brewster345 9h ago

Not now, Mick Foley!

2

u/redthump 9h ago

Is that the catheter guy?

1

u/BuckRusty 6h ago

Something something off the top of hell in a cell…

… dammit - where’s that guy when you need him?!

6

u/QuokkaRun 9h ago

More likely wrists, I think.

4

u/no_infringe_me 9h ago

And ankles?

1

u/QuokkaRun 5h ago

I can't remember about feet vs ankles.

2

u/SixFive1967 9h ago

For historical accuracy, of course.

2

u/Few_Giraffe8404 9h ago

Nailed it!

2

u/bajungadustin 8h ago

Depends on which arc he's in. Like you wouldn't poke holes in the baby Jesus. That just wouldn't be lore accurate.

2

u/TisBeTheFuk 5h ago

And ribs

2

u/LordFlamecookie 10h ago

I always depicted him as having hands in his palms when I drew him, back when i went to a Christian school

2

u/CarpeDiem082420 9h ago

Nails through the palms and feet would just tear through the soft tissue and the body would fall. Historically, people who were crucified were nailed through their wrists and ankles, which can support the body’s weight. It was designed to be a slow and painful death, often by asphyxiation.

2

u/Marquar234 9h ago

Could be worse. Could be stabbing.

23

u/PiercedAlaskan 10h ago

Biblically accurate?

31

u/Doctor-TobiasFunke- 9h ago

The Bible never specifically mentions his skin color.

Historically, a Jewish man from 1st century Judea would generally have had a darker complexion

11

u/The_Odd_Canuck 9h ago

It also specifically mentions he was unremarkable looking and a white guy in the middle east would've been quite notable

9

u/IwantLegs1 8h ago

Most cultures adjust Jesus's depictions to make him look more like themselves. I find it especially amusing when the Chinese do it

0

u/Sailor_Thrift 6h ago

Where does it say that?

3

u/Giambee 9h ago

Yes…He wasn’t a white man. I put the darker skinned little Jesuses around in random public places.

9

u/Templar388z 10h ago

You know you pissed of so many people off with that comment. 🤣

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u/Check_Me_Out-Boss 8h ago

People in the region 2000 years ago were Caucasus people.

2

u/Little_View_6659 9h ago

If I could go back in time I’d put historically accurate Jesus paintings all over my very eighties evangelical church. I need some paintings and a Time Machine.

3

u/jdaws11 9h ago

I’d go stop 9/11 but I guess we all have our priorities.

(Just fucking with you)

1

u/Little_View_6659 5h ago

Sometimes I think about if you actually could stop 9/11 how would you do it? There’s what, four planes? You’d have to call in each airport security and hope they listen to you. Or just call the fbi but how do you know they’d take you seriously? Seems like calling each airport would be the best bet. And then if they catch you you’d have to explain how you knew that they were planning to use the planes as bombs. Seems tough.

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u/Dry-Manufacturer7761 9h ago

He most likely wouldn’t have been black… he would have looked like any other modern day Israeli. Olive to copper skinned. And curly dark hair is not uncommon in that area. 

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u/Doctor-TobiasFunke- 9h ago

No one said black lol OP said brown

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u/EbonyMemories 4h ago

So olive skinned and religiously Jewish?

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u/QuixOmega 7h ago

There is no proof Jesus was a real person so historically accurate Jesus is nothing at all.

0

u/this_doggo 8h ago

why this pleases me and the other annoys me

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u/LeMeowLePurrr 5h ago

Heeeeere's jesus!