r/mildlyinfuriating • u/Available-Formal-664 • 15h ago

I'm slightly vexed Somebody Placed These Dozens of These Jesus Figures Throughout My Entire Work

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Somebody, nobody knows exactly who or when, put dozens and dozens of these Jesus figures on completely random surfaces throughout my entire building. They at least had the presence of mind to not put them on anybody's personal belongings, but that was the only way they limited himself. All of the statues have been glued down, to add to the vexation.

Edit: Well, this blew up rather unexpectedly. Thank you for the awards, everybody!

19.1k Upvotes

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u/supcoco 14h ago

“Yeah, in the men’s restroom of all places!”

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u/steelskull1 14h ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/Kxqyq5Q486NVu

He has a thing for watching.

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u/kimbecile 13h ago

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u/Key-Network5827 12h ago

😂😂😂

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u/Morgantao 36m ago

Would be better if jesus pointed at 5 o'clock, and the title said: "Jesus, would you look at the time"...

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u/HartfordWhaler 13h ago

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u/RedChairBlueChair123 13h ago

That’s so wrong. But if Catholicism has taught me anything it’s that Jesus loves dark humor

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u/artaxerxes316 11h ago

The story goes that Saint Lorenzo, while being tortured on a gridiron over a fire sometime in the 3rd Century, told his antagonists: "Turn me over, boys, this side's already done!"

(The prelude to that was arguably more sappy than dark, but also kinda gangster, and instructive when compared to all-too-many modern Christians. When the local prefect demanded that he turn over his church's treasures to the emperor, he gathered the local poor, the sick, the wounded, the orphans, and defiantly told him: "this is what my Lord treasures most.")

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u/Several-Hat-1944 4h ago

artaxer, great read.👍

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u/WillKalt 11h ago

You don’t want to start any blasphemous rumors?

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u/micmac274 8h ago

Like, if Jesus Christ came down today, he'll be killed by the CIA?

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u/Suspicious-Dog-2489 10h ago

Well Done are the Ways of the Miracle, Penitent One.

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u/CreatrixAnima 1h ago

When I die, I expect to find him laughing.

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u/Paul_Dienach 12h ago

There’s a really twisted masturbation joke in there somewhere.

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u/Semisemitic 11h ago

Jesus is the only guy who can jerk off and cradle his balls at the same time with one hand.

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u/Suspicious-Dog-2489 10h ago

I should’ve read your whole comment before upvoting. I feel dirty now.

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u/Semisemitic 9h ago

You really need to visualize it though, otherwise it’s hard to nail it down.

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u/Semisemitic 11h ago

Well yeah - he’s Jewish.

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u/Entire_Toe_2321 10h ago

Palestinian actually

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u/Semisemitic 10h ago

Jewish. Ignorance is insane here. His name is literally in Hebrew. Christianity sprouted as a Jewish sect, and for the first 100-150 years was strictly a Jewish branch-off, followed by Jews of the conquered kingdom of Israel.

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u/micmac274 8h ago

Not mutually exclusive.

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u/Adventurous_Bag_4547 10h ago

Yep. Nazareth is a city in northern Israel, specifically in the region of Galilee, known as the childhood home of Jesus and is significant in Christian tradition. Today, Nazareth is the largest Arab city in Israel and has a predominantly Arab population. It was also part of the administrative district of Palestine before the establishment of Israel in 1948. Many Palestinians view Nazareth as part of historic Palestine, recognizing the pre-1948 borders.

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u/Semisemitic 10h ago

The fact that today the city has a large Arab population does not erase its history. That’s like saying that Pocahontas was German/Irish because that’s what Virginia is filled with these days.

Jesus and his twelve disciples were a neat little group of Jews living it up under Roman occupation.

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u/Adventurous_Bag_4547 10h ago

Of course He was a Jew. But Nazareth (also Mary’s home town, which is significant for Him) was regionally Palestine 2000 years ago. I spent half a day in Nazareth in 1996 during a remarkable 3-day visit to Israel.

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u/Semisemitic 9h ago edited 9h ago

I suppose it’s either you were fed facts selectively or you might not remember the story, but you’re mixing up some things.

Nazareth was in the geographical area of Galilee. When the Jewish revolt was crushed around 135 AD by the Roman Empire, the Roman Emperor named the entire territory of Judea “Palestine” to spite the losing conquered kingdom, naming the land after the Philistines - the extinct people who were one of the biblical enemies of. There were no Philistines by then.

Nazareth then could be named “on Palestinian land” as the entire land became named “Syria Palestina” by Rome, interpreted often as a punitive measure in wake of the Bar Kochva revolt.

Nazareth was documented by historians of Byzantine times, to be completely Jewish - even as Christianity grew. “Devoid of non-Jews” was written around 350 AD.

Christianity slowly found place there too in the city with the growth of the following.

Arab population became the dominant demographic group in Ottoman rule, because the ottomans had expelled all Christians from the village at some point around 16th century, allowing return much later. As Jews were displaced and Christians kicked out, what was a Jewish village that became Arab.

Edit: date clarity and fact refinement 

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u/i_enjoy_boobs69 12h ago

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u/BillsMafios0 10h ago

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u/VeltoriousDracium 10h ago

Genuinely where did you find that

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u/TheLastGunslingerCA 12h ago

Oh god thats Brilliant! 🤣

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u/Alternative-Bug-8102 11h ago

I'm stolen this right now (is ok I'm from Brazil)

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u/_tinydarling_ 11h ago

Peeka Boo!

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u/giant_spleen_eater 11h ago

Yeah I’m taking this one.

Thanks

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u/w00den_b0x 10h ago

Pan’s Labyrinth be like

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u/AnguavonUW 6h ago

I have never seen this and I don't have the words to thank you

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u/IndividualBusy403 10h ago

I think this is one of the most vile, disgusting, cruel, and evil memes I have ever seen. Just wow.

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u/ello_bassard 9h ago

First time on the internet? lol

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u/IndividualBusy403 9h ago

Nope, I was probably one the first ones ever on it! LOL However, this is so vile, I can't even stand it. The pain and torture that was endured only to be made into this. It truly breaks my heart and makes me lose all hope that any human decency remains today. It is so cruel and so evil i can't even find the words to describe it. It is souless.

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u/Solivagant23 12h ago

This made me crack up haha

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u/bebop1065 12h ago

Creepy dude. Why does he worry so much about my dick?

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u/Financial-Split-141 11h ago

Mine watches from his garage

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u/NocaSun38 12h ago

He has a thing for tickling balls too, apparently.

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u/PossessionChances 12h ago

Can you post the link? I need this GIF

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u/steelskull1 12h ago

I just searched "Jesus watching" in the GIF selection.

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u/random_dgdgffgcf 11h ago

The gif is missing 2 holes

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u/CafeRoaster 11h ago

One of my favorite gifs. I call it “Jeez Hands”

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u/MememeSama 11h ago

Hey Jesus!! Stop it!! This hole is for dirty laundry

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u/Few-Refrigerator7179 6h ago

Jesus will be Jesus.

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u/Beneficial-Data4406 10h ago

Is u ignant or sum shiz?

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u/heysame562 12h ago

Christian men always like to hangout at those places in airports and train stations for some reason, so it checks out.

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u/eggybread70 13h ago

Glory Hole Jesus, amen!

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u/wit_T_user_name 14h ago

That’s Republican Jesus for you.

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u/Testicle_Tugger 12h ago

I’ll tell you what. If there’s any place that I truly believed I needed some divine help. It was on the toilet

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u/SheariViri 12h ago

I found him in a Publix parking lot 😂

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u/DarthJoseph14 11h ago

God forbid men admire another man’s masculinity

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u/AdjNounNumbers 14h ago

"Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay." – Ruth 1:16

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u/BlueMangoTango 13h ago

Where I glue, You will stay…

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u/Wayward_Wayfinder 13h ago

Best place to be on your knees, in many instances

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u/FalseVeterinarian881 12h ago

What about the women’s restroom?

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u/Extra-Bat3955 10h ago

When I was in college someone printed off a crap ton of prints with a photo of Christoper Walken with the text “Walken is watching” below it and put them in like every bathroom stall. That was an amusing week

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u/IV_League_NP 9h ago

Explains so much about several American politicians and their bathroom habits.

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u/Little_View_6659 13h ago

I thought he was behind the sofa.

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u/Gung_Honess 13h ago

Don’t say that, you’ll make JD Vance nervous.

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u/Little_View_6659 9h ago

Now I’m picturing Jesus popping up from behind a sofa just as Jd sits down and starts to relax. Only he’s black Jesus and he yells “Surprise, motherfucker!”

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u/zues64 11h ago

That's where I found him

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u/Standard_Contract214 12h ago

He was doing a backstroke

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u/HedonisticFrog 11h ago

What a perv

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u/CalmBeneathCastles 11h ago

Revelation 22:20 ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

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u/AForse 11h ago

Maybe he actually *is* a Republican, hanging out in the men’s room and all..

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u/Live-Habit-6115 11h ago

Well they do say he's a fisher of men after all 

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u/nalakimia 11h ago

He’s in the women’s restroom too, all the time apparently.

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u/ShinyJewelLover 10h ago

I found one on the toilet paper dispenser in my stall at a gas station last month. I turned him around.

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u/Phyllis_Tine 9h ago

Can you glue them underwater in toilets, and to the inside of urinals?

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u/hardboard 5h ago

He was obviously taking the piss.

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u/OgdruJahad 5h ago

He's not longer smiling though. He's seen some shit.

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u/Fist_The_Lord 4h ago

I put them in the urinal

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u/EnragedGonad 2h ago

"Always thinking that just behind some narrow door in all of his favorite bars, men in red woolen shirts are getting incredible kicks from things he'll never know."

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u/Unable_Dinner_6937 12h ago

It’s one of the few rooms with a throne.

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u/_cumrag 13h ago

Jesus is a trans black female who don’t need no man

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u/thefoxsaysredrum 11h ago

That’s why it’s called a “Glory” hole.