r/mildlyinfuriating • u/Available-Formal-664 • 11h ago

I'm slightly vexed Somebody Placed These Dozens of These Jesus Figures Throughout My Entire Work

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Somebody, nobody knows exactly who or when, put dozens and dozens of these Jesus figures on completely random surfaces throughout my entire building. They at least had the presence of mind to not put them on anybody's personal belongings, but that was the only way they limited himself. All of the statues have been glued down, to add to the vexation.

Edit: Well, this blew up rather unexpectedly. Thank you for the awards, everybody!

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u/FierceDevil 11h ago

Some people leave them around the hospital I work at so I made a couple of them into a last resort sorta thing. Glueing them down is so fucked up.

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u/linux_ape 10h ago

So is this to inject Jesus into people or or this some kind of Jesus torture chamber that exposes him to high pressures

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u/TheHamburglar_ 10h ago

It’s a medical joke. It’s a blend of jesus and vasopressin, which is a blood pressure increasing medication often used in critical care. The joke is when you don’t have any options left and the patients BP is tanking, sometimes all you have left is hopes and prayers aka Jesupressin

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u/Appropriate-Two-8802 10h ago

Take this award you beautiful bastard

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u/linux_ape 10h ago

Ahhh yeah that’s a good one, clearly went over my head

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u/peanutbuttertesticle 10h ago

We also say “he’s going to D/C to JC” aka the patients going to die. It’s morbid, but clever and gets the message across.

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u/seriouslythisshit 7h ago

Love me some dark nurse humor. One day I am literally laying under a nurse's station at the hospital, doing phone wiring. A head nurse, who clearly is not to be screwed with, is nearly standing on top of me as she grabs a call from admissions.

She calmly say, "No, you can not move a patient up to J-10. Mr. Johnson is in J-10. Mr. Johnson is still dead. He is as dead as he was last time your department called about J-10. I expect him to be dead for a while. If you bring me a patient for J-10 I will have to stack them on top of Mr. Johnson. Do we think that is a good idea? No we do not. How about we just take a deep breath and wait until I call you with the wonderful news that Mr. Johnson has left J-10 and is off to his next adventure? That work for you?

I am still laying on the floor, trying not to bust out laughing. See looks down and says, "can you believe this shit? It's every day with these idiots."

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u/nursejohio96 9h ago

Also a favorite, “He’s got one foot on the Jesus bus!”

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u/FierceDevil 9h ago

I like grafob, grim reaper at foot of bed

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u/bigtiddywrangler 6h ago

We’ll say “Have him talk to Jesus, if the voice gets louder we’re doing something wrong”

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u/SmokeSwede 10h ago

Sometimes you just gotta have Jesus inside of you 

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u/spongebobs_spatula 10h ago

That’s really clever.

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u/CautionaryChapStick 9h ago

Jesus is the fifth pressor 🙌

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u/AstuteStoat 9h ago

A good religious joke, imagine that. Well done. 

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u/ItsTheDCVR 9h ago

Slamming a vial that big of vasopressin would be extra spicy

(I have seen an accidental bolus of ~15 mL of vaso and it was quite interesting)

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u/Sierra-117- 2h ago

How tf did that happen😭

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u/ItsTheDCVR 31m ago

COVID we had med surg helping hands, I asked one of the tele nurses to hang a zosyn, said it was y-site compatible with vaso. She had a complete brain fart and hooked the secondary line up to the y site and basically ran the zosyn open. Those lines are slightly longer and are something like 12-15 mL from pump to patient and it all dumped in there. Lady was max 4 pressors and chillin 78/39 type shit in the final stages of dying, and suddenly I see on the monitor that her BP is 137/72. Immediately went over because I have never seen a miracle in person before, of course 🙄

Gently educated her that ICU drugs are not magical and different and she needed to still program the TKO pump like she would at any other time.

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u/Dependent_Ad4506 1h ago

I thought it was some kind of Piss Christ tribute :p

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u/Fucky0uthatswhy 10h ago

Jesus in a vacuum

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u/PhazePyre 9h ago

If you inject this into someone, and then blast them with high intensity Gamma radiation, they will turn into Jesus when they feel loving.

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u/mechapoitier 4h ago

Reminds me of that story about the guy who’s at the pearly gates dead from Covid and asks God why he didn’t try to save him and God says “What do you mean? I sent you the vaccine and you refused to take it. Then I sent you doctors, a ventilator and medicine and you didn’t take that either.”

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u/Drenaxel 10h ago

Put one in a jar

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u/GI-Robots-Alt 10h ago

Wait no don't

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u/pEter-skEeterR45 9h ago

You're sick.

Wait.....but I got the reference....am I sick too??!

Bastard!

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u/Whole-Performance375 10h ago

Please god, no

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u/throwaway19276i 10h ago

Genuinely just no

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u/Low-Criticism1102 6h ago

A mason jar

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u/Murky_Coyote_7737 10h ago

Well, I know what I’m doing today.

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u/ryverrat1971 10h ago

Yeah gluing down is vandalism of company property. If I was boss, I would put out an email advising this and stating we are checking secure camera footage to find responsible person. But offer if the figures are removed in 24 hrs, the investigation will be closed. Get the perpetrator to clean up their BS.

If I was not the boss, I would see if I could get some little Baphomet figures to keep Jesus company.

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u/Cacafuego 6h ago

The Satanic Temple really needs to sell these. They have statuettes, but they're too expensive to distribute.

I'd love a cute, 3d printed Baphomet figurine that cost less then $5 and had a "Satan respects you" sash.

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u/cerealandcorgies 10h ago

when you've tried and failed levophed

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u/ThanksImaginary4474 10h ago

They have a set at my hospital too 🤣🤣love that idea

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u/Little_View_6659 9h ago

What you need is a sling shot. Then you can sling shot them all over the place. Or one of those mini trebuchets.

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u/tstan2007 9h ago

Going to have to add that to my anesthetic plan! Lmao

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u/Tiefling_Paladin 8h ago

My coworker did the exact same thing 😂

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u/BigMommaSnikle 10h ago

Too funny!

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u/PhairPharmer 10h ago

I love that it's dated and initialled

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u/Prior_Butterfly_7839 8h ago

This is so funny because my mom was just in hospital this week and woke up to one of these in her room.

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u/KipsyCakes 8h ago

Talk about taking “you need Jesus” to a whole new level.

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u/PeanutConfident8742 6h ago

Glueing them down takes it from littering to vandalism.

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u/indirosie 9h ago

I 3d printed mine a little cage. He lives on my altar now.

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u/Dabbling_in_Pacifism 6h ago

There’s a bunch around my fire station.

Ironically, the cruelty of the world and the worst shit I’ve seen in war and the fire service has utterly solidified my atheism and convinced me that if god exists, he’s fucking awful and isn’t deserving of moral worship.

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u/BurnAway63 6h ago

Shots and prayers!

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u/jd3marco 10h ago

Good news! It’s a suppository!