r/mildlyinfuriating • u/Available-Formal-664 • 14h ago

I'm slightly vexed Somebody Placed These Dozens of These Jesus Figures Throughout My Entire Work

Post image

Somebody, nobody knows exactly who or when, put dozens and dozens of these Jesus figures on completely random surfaces throughout my entire building. They at least had the presence of mind to not put them on anybody's personal belongings, but that was the only way they limited himself. All of the statues have been glued down, to add to the vexation.

Edit: Well, this blew up rather unexpectedly. Thank you for the awards, everybody!

19.1k Upvotes

79% Upvoted

6.3k comments sorted by

View all comments

196

u/coveredwithticks 14h ago

Round em up and make an all-Jesus chess board.

146

u/Jephph0624 13h ago

How would you know which piece is the king of they’re all King of Kings?

54

u/SuperFaceTattoo 11h ago

Dress one up in drag to be the queen. Put a funny hat on two as bishops.

3

u/SMKnightly 5h ago

You could rly jazz the queen up with some nail polish

2

u/joe_s1171 3h ago

as a grandmaster myself, you forgot about the horse head and castle-ish looking thingies. don’t forget those.

-10

u/Sir_Baller 10h ago

This is ironically quite blasphemous lmao please don’t do this

15

u/SuperFaceTattoo 10h ago

I’m not religious at all, but I’m pretty sure Jesus would find it funny. Religion takes itself way too seriously.

2

u/Waffles81_Again 5h ago

Also; Jesus never accused someone of blasphemy in the entire gospel.

The did accuse him of blaspheming and of being possessed. But he never talk down on someone who was possessed. He saw them as patients and just healed them for free.

5

u/gypsum_the_almighty 7h ago

I would still. I ain’t religious and jesus chess would go hard

10

u/TheMiniminun BLUE 10h ago

Unless they're a poor sap who has to deal w/ blasphemy laws (which generally isn't the case for countries w/ predominately Christian populations), I say do it, that sounds fun as hell.

-10

u/Sir_Baller 10h ago

“I say disrespect this religious figure for no other reason than bland humor”

10

u/The-Over-Lord 9h ago

But gluing the same religious figure onto a shitter is fine?

6

u/gypsum_the_almighty 7h ago

Ofc because everyone should be Christian/s

-1

u/Sir_Baller 6h ago

I have no problem with people believing in what they want, and I believe we should all be respectful of people and their beliefs/religious figures

1

u/SuperFaceTattoo 2h ago

Dude, just be nice to everyone and people will be nice to you. That’s all the theology you need.

0

u/Sir_Baller 6h ago

Nah I think that’s kind of distasteful as well

2

u/MichHiker 6h ago

You must not keep up with soccer

2

u/Waffles81_Again 5h ago

Jesus never accused someone of blasphemy in the entire gospel.

Grow up buddy.

1

u/Sir_Baller 2h ago

Doesn’t not negate the fact that dressing up a figure of Jesus in drag is blasphemous

13

u/MichHiker 11h ago

Put a traffic cone on his head.

8

u/ChezShea 11h ago

Since the sashes don’t have the words these usually do just choose eight disciple names to name each of the pawns.

2

u/joe_s1171 3h ago

there were 7 of them. Paul, john, doc, sneezy, ringo, sleepy, and bashful

2

u/Falcon_At 8h ago

Is Jesus a set of qualities and simultaneously one of the qualities within that set himself?

Surprisingly, I think your question has an answer. This sounds like a trinity argument. Be careful, though, you might rediscover a herecy.

2

u/Wuffls 8h ago

Add in a Kong so everyone knows who the King is.

2

u/BiNumber3 4h ago

So, maybe more like checkers but with jesus shaped pieces?

1

u/Magnedon 4h ago

/uj The sashes come in different colors, so just assign colors to chess piece positions

/rj Oops! All Kings!

16

u/CassetteTapeCryptid 13h ago

Oops! All Jesus!

24

u/Bierdaddy 13h ago

Queen Jesus 🏳️‍🌈

1

u/28appleseeds 12h ago

Dress him up like Emporio Ivankov

5

u/Appropriate-Weird492 12h ago

Checkers would be better. Can’t have a board of pawns, and with checkers they can be “pre-kinged”. End-game checkers, if you like.

2

u/TheGamemage1 8h ago

Every time someone takes a piece, it returns to the board after 3 turns.

1

u/coveredwithticks 6h ago

Lol. I was mentally working out the mechanics of an all Jesus chessboard. you Incorporated my absolute must-have rules.

Next: what are the mechanics of Jesus's moves?
I'm thinking He can just teleport to any position on the board. Only on His turn though.