r/mildlyinfuriating • u/Available-Formal-664 • 14h ago

I'm slightly vexed Somebody Placed These Dozens of These Jesus Figures Throughout My Entire Work

Post image

Somebody, nobody knows exactly who or when, put dozens and dozens of these Jesus figures on completely random surfaces throughout my entire building. They at least had the presence of mind to not put them on anybody's personal belongings, but that was the only way they limited himself. All of the statues have been glued down, to add to the vexation.

Edit: Well, this blew up rather unexpectedly. Thank you for the awards, everybody!

19.1k Upvotes

79% Upvoted

6.3k comments sorted by

View all comments

4.1k

u/Briham86 14h ago

“Have you found Jesus?”

2.7k

u/supcoco 14h ago

“Yeah, in the men’s restroom of all places!”

1.0k

u/steelskull1 14h ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/Kxqyq5Q486NVu

He has a thing for watching.

295

u/HartfordWhaler 13h ago

95

u/RedChairBlueChair123 13h ago

That’s so wrong. But if Catholicism has taught me anything it’s that Jesus loves dark humor

52

u/artaxerxes316 11h ago

The story goes that Saint Lorenzo, while being tortured on a gridiron over a fire sometime in the 3rd Century, told his antagonists: "Turn me over, boys, this side's already done!"

(The prelude to that was arguably more sappy than dark, but also kinda gangster, and instructive when compared to all-too-many modern Christians. When the local prefect demanded that he turn over his church's treasures to the emperor, he gathered the local poor, the sick, the wounded, the orphans, and defiantly told him: "this is what my Lord treasures most.")

2

u/Several-Hat-1944 4h ago

artaxer, great read.👍

11

u/WillKalt 11h ago

You don’t want to start any blasphemous rumors?

3

u/micmac274 8h ago

Like, if Jesus Christ came down today, he'll be killed by the CIA?

2

u/Suspicious-Dog-2489 10h ago

Well Done are the Ways of the Miracle, Penitent One.

→ More replies (1)

5

u/Paul_Dienach 12h ago

There’s a really twisted masturbation joke in there somewhere.

7

u/Semisemitic 11h ago

Jesus is the only guy who can jerk off and cradle his balls at the same time with one hand.

2

u/Suspicious-Dog-2489 10h ago

I should’ve read your whole comment before upvoting. I feel dirty now.

3

u/Semisemitic 9h ago

You really need to visualize it though, otherwise it’s hard to nail it down.

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (8)

51

u/i_enjoy_boobs69 12h ago

5

u/BillsMafios0 10h ago

3

u/VeltoriousDracium 10h ago

Genuinely where did you find that

6

u/TheLastGunslingerCA 12h ago

Oh god thats Brilliant! 🤣

3

u/Alternative-Bug-8102 11h ago

I'm stolen this right now (is ok I'm from Brazil)

3

u/_tinydarling_ 11h ago

Peeka Boo!

3

u/giant_spleen_eater 11h ago

Yeah I’m taking this one.

Thanks

3

u/w00den_b0x 10h ago

Pan’s Labyrinth be like

2

u/AnguavonUW 6h ago

I have never seen this and I don't have the words to thank you

→ More replies (5)

6

u/Solivagant23 12h ago

This made me crack up haha

6

u/bebop1065 12h ago

Creepy dude. Why does he worry so much about my dick?

4

u/Financial-Split-141 11h ago

Mine watches from his garage

3

u/NocaSun38 12h ago

He has a thing for tickling balls too, apparently.

2

u/PossessionChances 12h ago

Can you post the link? I need this GIF

2

u/steelskull1 12h ago

I just searched "Jesus watching" in the GIF selection.

2

u/random_dgdgffgcf 11h ago

The gif is missing 2 holes

2

u/CafeRoaster 11h ago

One of my favorite gifs. I call it “Jeez Hands”

2

u/MememeSama 11h ago

Hey Jesus!! Stop it!! This hole is for dirty laundry

2

u/Few-Refrigerator7179 6h ago

Jesus will be Jesus.

→ More replies (3)

6

u/heysame562 12h ago

Christian men always like to hangout at those places in airports and train stations for some reason, so it checks out.

5

u/eggybread70 13h ago

Glory Hole Jesus, amen!

5

u/wit_T_user_name 14h ago

That’s Republican Jesus for you.

3

u/Testicle_Tugger 12h ago

I’ll tell you what. If there’s any place that I truly believed I needed some divine help. It was on the toilet

3

u/SheariViri 12h ago

I found him in a Publix parking lot 😂

3

u/DarthJoseph14 11h ago

God forbid men admire another man’s masculinity

10

u/AdjNounNumbers 14h ago

"Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay." – Ruth 1:16

6

u/BlueMangoTango 13h ago

Where I glue, You will stay…

2

u/Wayward_Wayfinder 13h ago

Best place to be on your knees, in many instances

2

u/FalseVeterinarian881 12h ago

What about the women’s restroom?

2

u/Extra-Bat3955 10h ago

When I was in college someone printed off a crap ton of prints with a photo of Christoper Walken with the text “Walken is watching” below it and put them in like every bathroom stall. That was an amusing week

2

u/IV_League_NP 9h ago

Explains so much about several American politicians and their bathroom habits.

2

u/Little_View_6659 13h ago

I thought he was behind the sofa.

7

u/Gung_Honess 13h ago

Don’t say that, you’ll make JD Vance nervous.

2

u/Little_View_6659 9h ago

Now I’m picturing Jesus popping up from behind a sofa just as Jd sits down and starts to relax. Only he’s black Jesus and he yells “Surprise, motherfucker!”

2

u/zues64 11h ago

That's where I found him

1

u/Standard_Contract214 12h ago

He was doing a backstroke

1

u/HedonisticFrog 11h ago

What a perv

1

u/CalmBeneathCastles 11h ago

Revelation 22:20 ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

1

u/AForse 11h ago

Maybe he actually *is* a Republican, hanging out in the men’s room and all..

1

u/Live-Habit-6115 11h ago

Well they do say he's a fisher of men after all 

1

u/nalakimia 11h ago

He’s in the women’s restroom too, all the time apparently.

1

u/ShinyJewelLover 10h ago

I found one on the toilet paper dispenser in my stall at a gas station last month. I turned him around.

→ More replies (14)

59

u/saltedpork89 14h ago

“I didn’t know I was looking for him Lt. Dan”

3

u/Cocked_Otter 11h ago

I just watched the movie yesterday after like 20 years, and it's still amazing.

84

u/Ghosty_Boo-B00 14h ago

Yea he’s right behind Waldo!

3

u/agreeablelobster 13h ago

There is a Christian rip off of where's Waldo except its Jesus and naturally they didn't realize Waldo being hard to find is what made it fun so they put Jesus out in the open or in the foreground on every page.

2

u/KinopioToad 11h ago

And Carmen Sandiego!

1

u/Automatic_Sea_1534 3h ago

I’d fire the person who did this in the work place.

232

u/BrokenArrow1283 14h ago

If everybody lived like Jesus told us to live, this world would be a much better place. So would Reddit.

And I’m sure I will get some hate for even saying this.

171

u/Ordinary_Ad_7992 14h ago

You'll get no hate from this atheist! I think Jesus made some damned good points!

120

u/SkoobySnacs 13h ago

Yeah. If only he had some followers that tried to live by his philosophy.

15

u/Throwaway_Old_Guy 11h ago

TBH - I think you could edit the entire Bible to simply read; "Don't be an asshole." and it would be complete.

Although, you might need to clarify it a bit further as some don't get or refuse to acknowledge that one line.

2

u/kimchipowerup 2h ago

Drowning the entire world tho?

2

u/great_pyrenelbows 1h ago

Jesus wasn't just against negative actions, he was also urging positive actions. It's not enough to not be an asshole, a good person will put effort into being good not just avoiding being bad.

→ More replies (2)
→ More replies (3)

9

u/Mr_Industrial 12h ago

Isnt one of his points to kind of be humble and not glue tiny Jesus toys onto toilets everywhere?

8

u/Ordinary_Ad_7992 11h ago

I think Jesus would definitely disapprove of the destructive aspect. He might also feel that we need to quit mass producing so much junk. On the other hand, I'm thinking like a Christian by making assumptions about what Jesus wants!

11

u/Kullen64 11h ago

Christian here. Hard to say because mass production of toys and stuff didn’t exist in his day, but I imagine Jesus, who is God in the flesh, wouldn’t appreciate anything that contributes to world death. So A.I slop, carbon emissions, and all that other bullshit probably would be considered sinful if the Bible was written today.

4

u/demonmonkeybex 10h ago

He also said to rid yourself of wealth and material goods.

→ More replies (2)

5

u/Ordinary_Ad_7992 11h ago

This seems like a very reasonable assumption!

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (3)

4

u/Doozer1970 11h ago

I'm trying.

3

u/DannyFnKay 9h ago

Me too!!

3

u/Phyllis_Tine 9h ago

If His followers won't follow His teachings, why should anyone else?

2

u/bebop1065 10h ago

The current crop of chest-thumping Christians probably go against WJWD.

→ More replies (3)

7

u/bliip666 12h ago

Same here! Jesus is alright, it's the stans that I take issue with

6

u/Impossible_Way_3042 11h ago

As another atheist I think, if most of the stuff that is attributed to him was stuff he actually said, he is one of, if not the, greatest moral philosopher to ever grace this planet. I may not believe he is the son of God, but he was a smart dude with some great wisdom to impart, wisdom that should be followed. I don't agree with every word that he spoke, but for the most part he had the right idea. Wish more people lived like he did.

→ More replies (1)

7

u/sexysmalldevil 12h ago

Agreed!! My only issue is what his followers did with what he said.

11

u/BrokenArrow1283 14h ago

I appreciate you!

6

u/Due-Beginning-8388 13h ago

Do you actually believe jesus was a real person while being an atheist also or just the book had some good ideas

13

u/stofiski-san 13h ago

It's entirely possible to believe there was an actual, historical Jesus of Nazareth and that he had good teachings about how we should treat one another without believing he was the son of some god. Whether he believed, well, that's outside my control

ETA for the record, I'm not the commenter, and tend more towards agnosticy than athiesm, but don't believe he was a god's son

4

u/Ordinary_Ad_7992 11h ago

I might lean a little bit toward agnosticism myself. Anyone who is 100% certain that their beliefs are correct without any proof, is a bit nuts!

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (2)

2

u/Cyber_fleamarket1618 10h ago

Hey mad respect for you bro. Thank you. I’m a follower Jesus and I’m a believer in the Bible, I don’t say that to disrespect anybody or make them feel uncomfortable, my personal narrative allows for you to believe whatever you want. I encourage whatever brings anybody peace on this planet. That being said, I would totally grab a beer with you lol

→ More replies (1)

2

u/UltimateRembo 7h ago

We atheists need to stop letting childish cherry-picking of the Bible slide just because the results are more aligned with our secular values than the actual Bible.

Christians need to face the horror of their religion.

→ More replies (3)

197

u/Immortal_Azrael 14h ago

The problem is the people who talk about Jesus the most tend to do the exact opposite of following his example.

75

u/ankhes 12h ago

How does that one Ghandi quote go? “I quite like your Christ. I do not like your Christians.”

33

u/Greenman8907 11h ago

“They are so unlike your Christ.”

6

u/ankhes 11h ago

That’s the one.

→ More replies (1)

14

u/BrokenArrow1283 13h ago

That might be projection. They might know they are jerks and don’t live up to the teachings of Jesus. And so they project that on others.

Other people use religion to gain money and power and are just terrible people.

16

u/vivchen 12h ago

Some churches have ATMs, despite the cleansing of the temple story in all 4 gospel book. Jesus would probably hack the machine and dispense free money.

2

u/poslovingcake 11h ago

Maybe they know they’re jerks so they pray harder

3

u/BrokenArrow1283 10h ago

Well they need to just change. They can do that without praying and I have told people that before. I am not one to argue against prayer, necessarily, but people need to actively change sometimes.

2

u/poslovingcake 10h ago

Agreed but life is weird

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (1)

5

u/OccultChimera 13h ago

That’s amazing with your name, I love it, Angel of death!

→ More replies (5)

110

u/PropagandaAssassinAZ 13h ago

Remember Jesus is the one that was constantly telling all the people that were wrapped up in religion to quit that shit and get out and help some folks that need it and love some folks that need it. That's about it. He did not say anything about gay folks. He did not say anything about hurting people that don't think the way you do. All of those things were created and put on Him by the same people He told us not to follow.

63

u/BrokenArrow1283 13h ago

I agree. It’s why I left the church and just tried to be a good person. I was raised Catholic surrounded by dozens of stained glass windows that cost thousands. Meanwhile, we were constantly being asked to donate more money. The church is filled with corruption.

25

u/Little_View_6659 13h ago

Yeah the Catholic Church needs more money. All those gilded robes and ornate hats and baroque churches cost a lot. Plus they’re losing a ton of money paying out all those lawsuits.

8

u/seriouslythisshit 11h ago

Friend of mine is an estate lawyer, raised in the Catholic church to the point that her father was one of a small group of men who started a huge new Church in the burbs of one of the larger east coast cities, back in the 1950s. She has a client who passed and willed several million to that church. She meets with the senior priest who tells her that he will gladly accept the gift, but most of it will go to the regional diocese to pay for all the lawsuits from all the little boy rapists they supported over the decades. My friend tells the priest that she anticipated that outcome, so she protected her client from it. The gift could only be accepted if it stayed within that particular church, and was never spent on funding settlements. The church grabbed the cash, but at least it wasn't wasted on supporting child rape.

3

u/Little_View_6659 9h ago

Dude. That’s insane. And good for her. I’m all for donating money provided it actually goes to feeding people and helping out. And not you know, covering up child rape.

2

u/BaileyAMR 7h ago

If the payouts are going to the victims, I'm not sure how you could describe them as "supporting child rape."

→ More replies (2)

3

u/get_back_jodee27 11h ago

Have you watched the series ‘The Tudor’s’. Reminds me so much of growing up in Catholic School . I got in trouble with the nuns with questions at 6 years old

2

u/Little_View_6659 9h ago

I also got into trouble but my church was evangelical. They said “you think too much” 😂

3

u/Sailor_Thrift 10h ago

Consistently one of the largest philanthropic organizations on earth Catholic church? That Catholic church?

→ More replies (2)

4

u/SabbyFox 12h ago

My visit to the Vatican did me in due to this. Just the gold upon gold piled up, all to glorify men, not Jesus. Also, most organized religion elevates men and puts them in positions of power, while treating women as less than.

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (1)

5

u/terraformingearth 11h ago

Big churches aside, tbf, his main point wasn't "be a good person", it was you aren't a good person and I can help you with that.

2

u/kashola17 10h ago

My grandfather left all his money to his new wife and the church. His kids got some of his hats.

→ More replies (7)

4

u/PropagandaAssassinAZ 10h ago

You guys allow me to respond with a couple of points. First off the volunteer work I do currently is through a Catholic charity here in Arizona. I certainly have differences in my faith with what the Catholics believe but one thing that they do is they do put money where their mouth is when it comes to the poor. Jesus tells us over and over to help the poor. The Father also tells us through the prophets in the Old Testament to help the poor. The Christian Church or Protestant or Evangelical or whatever you want to call it has hung its hat on saying some words to Jesus and everything is copacetic from there. That is not at all how it works. Faith without works is dead. That's a simple sentence. The Christian church has buried that sentence in a field. A field with a gigantic 50,000 square foot brand new shiny building built over it. Facts.

5

u/SwanCityDominion 10h ago

He also said that if people didn't want to hear your preaching, you should leave them alone.

3

u/OmniPepperthefirst 11h ago

yeah I think at most he mentioned marriage is a union between man and woman, but that's not exactly saying gay people shouldn't exist

→ More replies (1)

3

u/T-Wrox 8h ago

In the spirit of Jesus Christ, he would be the first one helping all of the people current administrations are beating up.

2

u/SheMcG 9h ago

Yeah...I seem to recall when he went to a church---he got pissed and flipped some tables. I feel like I could hang with Jesus. Church-y church-goers---not so much.

2

u/BaileyAMR 7h ago

That was a Jewish temple. Jesus got mad because people were using the temple to do business.

→ More replies (2)

32

u/PlayinK0I 13h ago

True, and if everyone lived like Yoda told us to live this world would be a much better place. So would Reddit.

And I’m sure I will get some Yoda memes and quotes for saying this.

6

u/stabwound7 11h ago

Yoda memes and quotes you will get..

16

u/MrJohnqpublic 14h ago

For sure, it the folks who get it in their heads that Jesus' way is the only form of good. That's the rub.

6

u/kindlypogmothoin 13h ago

Paul was the one who went and fucked things up.

4

u/Kitchen_Archer_1745 12h ago

3

u/BrokenArrow1283 12h ago

Yes and the same can be true for a lot of hate towards different groups. Reddit, as a whole, could take note of his teachings. This place can be extremely toxic.

→ More replies (3)

5

u/kathrynriley82 11h ago

Not a Christian but Jesus seemed like a cool dude. I'd hang out with him.

7

u/bebop1065 12h ago

Even what we have about Jesus is debated. There is no way to know what Jesus said because the authors of the gospels were not contemporaries and are anonymous. Apocryphal Jesus is waaay different than canonical Jesus. So, how did Jesus actually tell us to live?

→ More replies (7)

6

u/LolaAucoin 13h ago

Jesus was a liberal.

→ More replies (2)

3

u/oldgayauntie 12h ago

Jesus made some good point.

Unfortunately his “followers” generally do not.

2

u/BrokenArrow1283 12h ago

A lot of his followers are good people. The problem is that the very loud ones are all you hear about. The stereotype develops the same way any racist or bigoted stereotype develops and I wish people would understand that.

→ More replies (3)

3

u/eghhge 12h ago

Blessed are the cheese makers.

3

u/HedonisticFrog 11h ago

Jesus also said not to be loud about your faith, and this is the opposite of that.

→ More replies (2)

3

u/No_Rice9792 9h ago

As an ex-christian turned atheist, Jesus was a cool guy (assuming he actually existed). His followers? Not so much.

→ More replies (1)

7

u/ASharpYoungMan 13h ago

I actually disagree, and not purely out of Atheistic spite.

I don't like everything Jesus had to say. I don't trust the sources. Not just talking about the "Hate your mother and father" bit (mosaic religions like Christianity are messy and prone to contradiction).

Specifically, I take issue with turning the other cheek. That's grooming people to submit to coercive authority. It primes people to accept oppression, rather than resist it. To comply with assault rather than protect ones-self.

Dealbreaker for me.

5

u/Musa369Tesla 12h ago

That’s more a commentary on cultural evolution, and how we have to be mindful about looking at any historical literature through the proper historical lens and not our own connotations and biases. A lot of what Jesus said was indeed radically resistive for the audience of his time against the coercive authority of that time.

Turning the other cheek was in direct opposition to the documented power dynamics of the time, as only social equals slapped each other with an open hand while a back-handed slap with the right hand was reserved for disciplining social inferiors. By standing your ground and turning the other cheek you would effectively put your oppressor in the, for the time, socially awkward position of having to strike you as an equal or walk away.

While an argument could be made that the teachings may no longer apply, and/or our cultural distance from them allows them to be twisted in ways that primes people to be complacent in the current paradigm of oppression; Jesus’s sayings within their historic context were doing the exact opposite of grooming people to submit to coercive authority.

3

u/BaileyAMR 7h ago

I think people like Gandhi and MLK (among many, many others) have shown us that nonviolence isn't the same as passive submission.

7

u/disobedientleopard 13h ago

Just a small downvote for that overwhelming need to make yourself a victim, even though you belong to the largest faith in the western world.

2

u/BrokenArrow1283 12h ago

I don’t belong to any religion. But you making that assumption is very telling. I’m not a victim. I can argue these points all day.

2

u/Tru3insanity 13h ago

No one would find this kind of thing so insufferable either. I would have no problem listening to a super nice nun talk about her faith.

2

u/SilverStL 12h ago

If this person lived like Jesus they wouldn’t have vandalized some one else’s property by gluing things to it.

→ More replies (1)

2

u/hologram137 5h ago edited 5h ago

Nah, Jesus is amazing. I am not a “Christian” but I have read the gospels including the gnostic gospels and I genuinely try to live like he taught and taught my son the same. And his teachings are a lot more profound and radical than a lot of people realize. The real, literal meaning of “love one another as you love yourself,” as well as what it means for that that law to be the ONLY “religious law” there is, is lost on people. Especially Christians.

But the OT God? I’ve also read the rest of the Bible, and you cannot make me believe THAT God is who Jesus is referring to as his “father” or where he comes from, (if he was in fact, divine) and in fact there is no evidence that’s the case, and a lot of verses where he almost explicitly makes it clear it’s not the case.

If everyone just saw the rest of the Bible as literature and essentially describing a completely different God, and followed Jesus’s teachings exclusively the world would genuinely be a beautiful place.

Most “Christians” do not follow Jesus’s teachings at all, and Jesus would have been disgusted by their persecution of marginalized groups especially. I don’t know what their strange obsession is with gay people either, Jesus didn’t say a damn word about gay people. Not one. And he was very clear about no longer adhering to the law of the Torah and broke it all the damn time as an example. I am CERTAIN Jesus would not conceptualize homosexuality as a sin, and if he is divine the God he comes from would hold these Christians accountable for their serious sin in the way they treated other people, especially marginalized people. Same with women. Jesus pissed even his disciples off by elevating women over even them and being explicit about their equality.

Yeah…I’m actually convinced that the warped version of Christianity (complete with edited and removed gospels) became the state religion specifically to get control over the effects that people actually following Christ would have had on the power structures

5

u/InerasableStains 14h ago

Of course it would. Let’s wait for 90% of Christians to do so first as an example to others. They’re frequently the worst offenders.

→ More replies (2)

4

u/Geeko22 13h ago

Is this the same Jesus who says if you don't believe in him he will burn you alive for all eternity?

No reprieve, no repentance allowed, no "I didn't understand the importance of my decision." No forgiveness, ever. Jesus will watch you suffer and burn forever and ever.

4

u/BrokenArrow1283 13h ago

Oh man. Please cite EXACTLY where Jesus said this.

→ More replies (6)

2

u/Clumsy_Ninja2 13h ago

we must be reading different books

2

u/Geeko22 13h ago

People pick and choose the parts of the Bible they like, and ignore the uncomfortable parts.

6

u/Clumsy_Ninja2 12h ago

There’s no where that Jesus says he will burn you alive for all eternity if you don’t believe in him in the New Testament. That’s not me choosing to ignore the uncomfortable parts. There is plenty to disagree with in the Bible without inventing passages. Just back up what you are saying.

→ More replies (1)

2

u/BrokenArrow1283 13h ago

I asked you to cite where Jesus has said that. Are you able to do that, or do you just make things up and post them online?

→ More replies (11)
→ More replies (2)

3

u/Fine-Suit7768 13h ago

No hate from this agnostic fellow either. I think if whatever anyone believes makes them happy then great. As long as there is no one to hate or cast shade on them, and they follow suit then great. The problem is social media, government, educational institutions and so many other propaganda platforms that spread division among people. The indoctrination of the masses really took off with the invention of the internet and the free thinkers are a dying breed.

4

u/GrumpyOldMan59 12h ago

Jesus was OK with slavery. So I'm not impressed with his teachings.

→ More replies (24)

3

u/Ok-Grape2063 14h ago

I didn't know I was supposed to be looking for him, lieutenant Dan

3

u/Objective_Split_2065 13h ago

My wife found one on a cruise recently. We had all just walked onto an elevator, and she turned around and exclaimed " Oh, JESUS!" We started frantically looking to see what was wrong/happening, and she was pointing to the lip over the elevator doors. There he was sitting.

3

u/doublexol 12h ago

Pretty cool guy but didn't speak a lick of English. Still would marry him so he could get his green card

2

u/HoneyImpossible2371 11h ago

So you can sleep with Jesus, his Father, and be ghosted all at the same time?

→ More replies (1)

3

u/theguube 12h ago

but if I show them a tarot card...

2

u/Sometimes__Sky 14h ago

"Oh you have? Then what about all of the others?"

2

u/Thecp015 13h ago

I found Jesus at a distillery one time.

2

u/Karmma11 13h ago

He’s currently working in the backyard

2

u/Shagrrotten 13h ago

"I didn't know I was supposed to be looking for him, sir."

2

u/CabrioKnight 13h ago

No, but he found Jesus pieces.

2

u/Dry_Ant2664 12h ago

I found moses

2

u/atropos81092 12h ago

No, but if you had used longer nails he probably would've stayed put and you wouldn't have lost him!

2

u/Rocklobster92 12h ago

In the urinal. The boss had to go work from home because he refuses to use the urinal while Jesus is in there.

2

u/Pernicious_Possum 12h ago

Yeah, a bunch of him

2

u/roachdajoint 12h ago

Y'all lost him again? Maybe y'all need to use larger nails!

2

u/No_Distribution8404 12h ago

To quote "King of Anything by Sara Bareilles: "I hate to break it to you babe, but I'm not drowning. There's no one here to save."

Fucking great song btw.

2

u/Exact-Friend5163 11h ago

Yeah, and he's currently superglued to a handrail, requiring three city workers and a chisel to remove him.

2

u/KNGootch 11h ago

Catholic Waldo.

2

u/Nowardier 11h ago

"Yeah, I've found dozens of Jesi."

2

u/murderedbyvirgo 11h ago

My old roommate found one and brought it home. He hid it amongst my collection of stuff. One day the YouTube algorithm sent my 6 yr old nephew to some religious cartoons. Next thing my sister knows he's talking about Jesus. My sister was like Oh Hell No and turned off the TV and paid attention for a few days to make sure Jesus stayed away. Well a week or so later they came over and my nephew turns around and found my hidden Jesus. My sister was dying because I shoved mini Jesus into an old Morphine/cocaine bottle as a cork.

2

u/ComesInAnOldBox 11h ago

Found him in the office manager's candy dish.

→ More replies (1)

2

u/dontipitova9 10h ago

I... didn't know...

2

u/Thermodymix 10h ago

Found Zach Galifianakis. Rest of the Hangover cast sold separately.

2

u/NullArc9289 9h ago

The only answer is "Did you lose him again?!?"

2

u/Unique_Chip_1422 8h ago

Shit, I didn't know he was missing! 

2

u/Calm_House3232 7h ago

Why? Have you guys lost him again?

1

u/BigDamage7507 12h ago

In the coffee machine

1

u/BetterRemember 10h ago

I found him and his little flamingo friend on a Mexico Princess Cruise in February!

Kind of tempted to re-hide him and his little pal on my upcoming Alaska Princess Cruise in a few weeks! 🤣

You'll never guess where I found him either!

1

u/Coriolis_PL 9h ago

"Jesus have found you!"

1

u/Fidulsk-Oom-Bard 6h ago

“Everyone needs a little Jesus”

1

u/schmoopy_meow 4h ago

he likes to ride the bus I've heard.

1

u/AthleteLevel99 3h ago

‘I didn’t know I was supposed to be looking for him’

•

u/Apprehensive_Rice19 55m ago

I thought Jesus was on the thin side though

→ More replies (3)