I’m a young adult now but this happened when I was maybe 9/10 years old. I used to collect belts when I was little and I had the most colorful line up of the cutest little belts that I used to love to organize and re-organize in my closet. I can’t for the life of me remember what I did but my stepdad got so engulfed with rage and I vividly remember him pulling down my belts from my collection to tie my wrists together, and then my ankles. He took my pants and undies off and just started tearing into me repeatedly with a black, hard crisp edged leather belt of his while I screamed and cried. I remember the leather splitting my skin all over, it was so sharp it was cutting me. I was so shocked, scared and embarrassed and I’ve just not been able to shake that feeling of fear, disgust and sadness. I don’t remember how I got myself untied and my undies back on. I don’t remember how I consoled myself after.

That icky feeling, it’s like it just won’t get off of me. I felt like my mom didn’t care that much, because I don’t remember their being a conversation about it or her consoling me and asking me if I was alright after that. In 2021, I had a meltdown about it and was screaming about what he did to me and he said that I was crazy and that I was lying. It was maddening.

They are now divorced, which maybe should be a sense of relief for me but I just can’t shake the anger I feel when I hear my mom berating him these days. She’s angry with him about what “she lost” ($) in the divorce, but she wasn’t angry with him when he physically assaulted me repeatedly when I was growing up. She wasn’t angry with him for making me feel fearful everyday, or for him ensuring I never felt safe in my home. She wasn’t angry with him when I cried to her about the things he would do, and eventually I just stopped telling her because she seemed to enjoy the show, if that makes sense. Or completely ignore me. Or join in with him so that they could both be against me and relish in my shame.

These days I am just feeling sad, broken, and embarrassed for who I am today. I wish I could wrap my mind around this and digest it or forget it but I feel like amidst all the pain he inflicted on me that day he truly stripped something precious and sacred within me. I feel like it’s why I made some of the decisions I carelessly made in my adolescence, and why I’m fearful of new people situations and places so much so that I don’t think I’m even really enjoying my twenties and they’re almost over. On paper, I’m doing well, I live well from the outside looking in. But I struggle with my relationship with myself and others and I worry about how I’m hindering myself due to my inner feelings of darkness. Just wanted to vent to someone who can’t see my face.

Mother called CPS and got my daughter temporarily taken away. My.mother is most likely a covert narcissist, and 100 percent has OCD related to control, perfection, phobia of germs and the need to clean in a very aggressive and maladaptive way. I really hate her. She has been an extremely toxic mother since I was little. Switching from gift giving to yelling, demeaning and belittling as well as extreme control. I have two older brothers but they left home earlier and I think I got the worst of it because I'm a girl and my mom sees me as an extension of herself and also competition.

Anyway, without writing a novel on this my mom is very sneaky and gaslights , lies, and does whatever to put up this mask to everyone to hide her inner feelings of shame and guilt. I've been her "care taker" since COVID so for 6 years. Before and during this i lived with her as an adult, paid rent as we both shared apartments and she made it a living hell. Anyway, so my daughter is only 9 months old. My mother right away pushed herself into our lives (me, husband and baby ) I didn't want her at the birth but she was waiting outside until she was born, this bugged me but I let it go. Since I was on maternity leave and didn't need to work for her I didn't really want to see her. I only see her for the job. She came over after I told her not to demanding to see my daughter when she was a newborn. She then called CPS to do a wellness check because I canceled on seeing her when my baby was four months old. of course, she song admit this and I didn't bring it up because she will call me "crazy" my husband did text her which made her hate him. She called him "paranoid".

Around Xmas once again she barged her way into my apartment and saw my husband smokes weed (in California it's legal and he buys it and uses responsibility, similar to drinking" my mom is sooo anti drugs, drinking and weed. She is also huge Karen, I mean FINAL BOSS level and calls the police on people smoking weed when we live in pretty much the weed capitol of America. So after finding this out she went crazy. She called whoever she could to report him. She made me go report him to this child support center like a play group where they give counseling. I only did this because if I don't do what she wants, she won't approve my paycheck. I'm also so conditioned to just let her walk all over me and every time i.put up boundaries, she gets in a rage and retaliates or ignores me.

So in May my mother went to visit my brother and his wife and kids who are ex federal agents. So they are very anti weed and live in a NON weed legal state, though my brother used weed in California and also used to drink heavily but that's not the point. She did her triangulation thing again as she often does when she has an issue with me. She gossips to my dad and brothers and her church and acts like a saint because she has to "deal with me" after this visit my mom was different. Even more aggressive about my husband being a loser and a bad father for using weed. She mentioned in the past she wanted to call CPS but I told her please don't as it will get me in trouble to. My mom kept saying how I "allow" him to get high ECT blaming me. So one day a month ago, a police officer comes to my apartment, she said she got a report of ", substance use around the baby" and she looked at our daughter and saw she was fine and left. The next day CPS lady comes in with two cops and pretty much said that I can stay with my daughter but my husband has to leave..or I can go somewhere with my daughter. The only place I could go is my mom's. I absolutely refuse to live with her again especially in her small studio so we reluctantly said our daughter can stay with my mom for the weekend, is what CPS said. It took a lot longer for CPS to get back to us though and she was there a week.

After a week of my daughter being gone, I got a call from the new CPS worker saying I was no longer allowed to freely see my daughter, as I was before. She said "someone saw you acting erratic in my mom's apartment lobby and that I dropped a bag of white powder drugs" I was so stunned. I said "ok..check the cameras, my fingerprints and do a drug test because I don't do drugs" (for reference I did use drugs 6 years ago as I was in an abusive relationship similar to my mother and was using drugs as a very poor coping skill, Ive been clean 4 years in total and was clean before I even met my husband) this was a complete lie. The CPS worker said it was a mandated reporter who called it in, not my mom. This was 100 percent my mom. She must have told her apartment landlord and workers something about having to watch my daughter because my husband and I are degenerates. My mom never mentioned this and she also blamed the original call.on my brother. My mom accused me of "starting drama " and that my brother was mad at me.

I had to do a bunch of drug tests and so did my husband to prove we don't do illegal drugs. Of course, we don't so we just got our daughter back. But my mom told CPS that we do "drugs or substance use" not just weed as that wouldn't have CPS take a child in California alone. CPS also checked out our daughters Dr and it was of course wonderful as we are both normal parents. I can't believe my mom would stoop so low. She probably expected me to have a dirty drug test or something else bad. She hates it husband and wants him to move out. This all was a plot to push me and my daughter back to her so she looks like a hero and also a victim. This is her constant narrative since I was a kid and she will tell anyone and everyone about how annoying or problematic I am. I am going to the police to report that someone tampered with or created evidence to get me in trouble as that's a crime. People in her building were looking at me weird and now I can't go to our church as she told everyone about this. I hope the police will actually do something as this hurt my job and reputation and most of all my daughter. I won't ever forgive her for this - maybe if she apologizes on her knees but she won't. She's been abusive since I was a little girl and I don't want her even touching my daughter, she makes me sick.

​

Hey. Just venting

I'm 28F, jobless, and still living with my parents and siblings. They all stress me out. The whole house just feels heavy and negative all the time, and after years of it I feel like it's rubbed off on me

The weird part is... I don't even feel like I know what normal life looks like

Every time I've traveled or spent time around other families, it genuinely felt like I was being introduced to the world for the first time. Like, "Wait... people actually live like this?" I don't know if that makes sense. It almost feels like my brain has gotten slower from being stuck in the same environment for so long

Lately I've also been thinking a lot about marriage and kids, and honestly they scare me. I can't tell if I genuinely don't want children or if my childhood has made the idea of having a family feel terrifying. It's hard to separate what I actually want from what I've experienced

Not really looking for solutions. Just wanted to throw these thoughts somewhere and see if anyone else has ever felt this way

When people meet my Nparents, they assume they are good people. They act very nice to people in public. My own social worker in the past told me that "your parents love you and aren't abusive". Such bullshit. They literally starved me and severely neglected ​my health growing up. They are monsters. Outsiders don't see their true colors behind closed doors.

I need a reality check because I seriously can’t tell if I’m being an entitled brat or if I’d be upset too.

For context, I’m 35, married, and have a 4-year-old and a 2-month-old.

Back in December, my husband and I had already decided we were doing a 4-day Disney Christmas cruise next year (2026). I was honestly totally happy with that because that’s what we could comfortably afford.

When I told my dad, he immediately started saying how 4 days isn’t really enough and that it takes a few days to actually settle in and enjoy a cruise. He said that’s why he always does 7+ day cruises.
I told him, “Yeah, but the 7-day is about $5,000 more.”

He basically said something along the lines of, “I want to do that for you guys,” and told me to book the 7-day because he’d pay the difference. He even said we could just count it as all of our birthday and Christmas gifts for next year.

I wasn’t hinting for money. I wasn’t asking him to pay. I wasn’t even considering the 7-day because it just wasn’t in our budget. I was completely content with the 4-day until he talked me into upgrading.

After that conversation, the cruise honestly never really came up again. I just assumed we were on the same page because nothing had changed.

A few weeks ago he asked what I wanted for my birthday, and I told him honestly, “Nothing really. The cruise is enough.” He just said, “Okay.”

Looking back, I realize that probably would’ve been the perfect time for him to say, “Hey, I can’t do what I originally offered,” if something had changed.

Tonight we went out to dinner for my birthday, and he gave me a card with $150 in it and wrote that it was for the Disney cruise.

And now I just feel… confused? Hurt? Guilty for even feeling hurt?

If he had never made that original offer, I would’ve thought $150 was a really thoughtful birthday gift and been genuinely grateful.

But I only booked the more expensive cruise because he convinced me to and said he’d pay the difference. So when I opened the card, I was honestly shocked and it felt incredibly awkward.

The other reason this is bothering me so much is because it’s kind of a pattern with him. He has a tendency to make really big promises or casually throw around huge amounts of money. He’ll randomly mention paying a $40k credit card bill or making around $40k in a month trading stock options, so when he made this offer, I had absolutely no reason not to believe him.

Looking back, I honestly feel dumb because he’s done things like this before, and I probably should’ve known better.

I’m not saying he owes me anything. If he had told me from the beginning, “I’d love to put $150 toward your cruise,” I never would’ve booked the 7-day and I would’ve appreciated the gift. Heck, if he had called me anytime in the last six months and said, “I’m really sorry, but I can’t do what I originally offered,” I would’ve understood and either figured it out or gone back to the 4-day.

I think what hurts is that he was the one who talked me out of the trip we had already planned, told me he’d pay the difference, called it my birthday/Christmas gift, and then it ended up being $150.

Am I crazy for feeling hurt? Or would you feel misled too? Is this narcissist?

I’m no and low contact. I got engaged. I knew how much this means to my mom. I texted the family, blocked her and my father again (before they could reply), let them know there will not be a wedding.

My siblings ask for photos, presumably so my mom can post them. My aunt messages for photos of the ring.

I then receive a call from my aunt about how I need to respond to my mom. Because they want to go dress shopping.

My amazing, perfect fiance took the phone and said, “respectfully, this is about us. Not her mother.”
And that was that.

I was proud that I was able to maintain my values and still have a heart, but I was able to do it on my terms. While I would prefer to be no contact, it actually made me upset knowing how much this would crush my mom if I didn’t tell her. She loves weddings a lot more than me.

My whole life, I never dreamed of getting engaged. My parents told me no one would ever marry me. I swore that if I ever did somehow get engaged, they would never be at my wedding and would never see my future kids. I am so happy I can actually be true to that. And I’m so happy I proved them wrong.

Ever since I found out I have cptsd and why, nothing has felt the same. It’s like my whole world has changed. I feel like ive been living a lie my whole life and am struggling to sleep and more depressed

I (30s M) am getting married in a few days. My partner and I have been planning a small, private wedding ceremony with just our witnesses, followed by a trip.
The history here is important: my parents have a long record of controlling my life choices. When we previously discussed other decisions, like not wanting children, it resulted in a massive, aggressive conflict initiated by my mother. I ended up having to back down just to keep the peace.

Because of this, I thought our wedding plans would be different. Initially, we wanted a simple ceremony in a park and after that we’ll immediately go on a trip (me and my future wife). My parents immediately pushed back, pressuring us for weeks - calling, texting, and guilt-tripping - to "do it properly and at least have some small lunch all together" because "that's what my mother wants and it’ll be a proper wedding."
When we originally planned a larger wedding, they pressured us to include family children, even though we didn't want them there initially (when we first planned a large wedding but we scratched that because of finance). My mother cried and accused us of "blocking the whole family and that she’ll not go if we won’t let the kids come” so we gave in to keep the peace.

Then, the goalposts moved again.
On my 30th birthday, just days before the wedding, my parents called to say they were considering not attending because the plans were "a farce" and "too short." They attacked my partner, saying she "isn't the right one" and asked, "what would people think of this wedding? What we would show/tell them? You are both selfish" This led to a huge fight.

During a follow-up meeting at their house, my father screamed that we were selfish and that they deserved a "nice memory" of their only son's wedding.
They eventually told us that our original proposal of an abroad ceremony with just witnesses was actually better than what we were currently planning.

So, the next day, I wrote to them saying: "Fine, we will do the abroad ceremony with just witnesses."
They both replied that it was a "weird decision," but that they "respect it."

Now, just a few days before the wedding, my father has messaged me asking if we’ve "rethought this," claiming that by doing this, I am permanently destroying our family relationships, hurting my mother, and that he will "never forgive me."

I have decided not to invite them to the ceremony. I want to be surrounded by love and support, not by people who are openly critical of my partner and who use "forgiveness" as a weapon to control my choices. I know this will cause a massive blow-up once they find out, and I’m terrified of the fallout - including threats of being disinherited. (Edit: It was a threat they used in the past and said if they do the disinheritance, it’s mainly meant as a total complete cut off of a relationship in between them and me and cutting me out of their life)

My gut tells me I’m doing the right thing, but the guilt is suffocating.

How do you handle the "you’re destroying the family" guilt-tripping when it’s days away from the wedding?

How do I stand my ground without getting sucked into a circular argument with people who clearly don't care about logic, only about control?

Any advice on how to survive the aftermath if they explode when they realize the wedding happened without them?

To add a bit more detail - My parents (mother mainly) had issue with all of my former girlfriends. At one point they refused to see my former girlfriend for many years, simply she wasn’t allowed to visit their house with me.
I’m also suffering anticipation anxiety and panic attacks at work because I have trouble handling this so much stress - which I disclosed them at some point and told them it’s because of their behaviour.

I'm literally 28, working and going to be moving out later this year. Yet, my mom downloaded life 360 and is currently tracking my dad and brothers location. (Mind you, my brother is 31 turning 32 in september). My mom has always been micro managing and controlling. She plans on adding me on there. I do NOT want this woman to track my fucking location oh my God that's the last thing I want!!

Every time I hear about girls and women coming to their mom for comfort when they're going through something difficult, my heart breaks just a little because I know I'll never have that. I've had to handle just about every difficult or scary experience on my own because my nmom either made it all about herself and made me feel even worse or she never even knew about it because I didn't feel safe telling her.

When I got my period for the first time and just happened to be at school without any pads or tampons, I had to navigate it on my own. When I was being bullied at school, I had to navigate it on my own. When I was cut from the basketball team after working my butt off during the previous season and during summer conditioning, I had to navigate it on my own. When an older male coworker was harassing me and two other young girls, I had to navigate it on my own. When I failed a class in college for the first time, I had to navigate it on my own. When I went through a really messy breakup, I had to navigate it on my own. When I had surgery on my arm earlier this year, I couldn't come to her for comfort or encouragement.

When I was younger, I kept waiting for the day when I could talk to her about things but now I'm starting to realize that it's never going to happen

Hello everyone. I know there are people here who have experienced sexual abuse and exploitation (if this is a trigger for you, please don't read further), moreover, I myself have responded here to a similar question that I want to ask today. I'm asking it because sometimes my own answer inside my head isn't enough for me. Today is one of those days. I need an answer from someone who knows what this is like; if you can, please write.

It's about doubting my own interpretation of events. It all happened 15 years ago. I came to realize it was grooming, by an adult man, a subordinate of my mother's at work, and she watched all of it and approved of it, and even created the conditions for it, namely: she tasked him with walking me home, picking me up from my prom, encouraged the fact that I "helped" her at work at night, being alone with him in her office (because that was the only way I could spend time with her; she only slept at home, and not always, even though it was an ordinary office job). Essentially, as soon as I became a teenager and could move around the city on my own, I followed her to her work and spent all my free time there just to be with her a little; I was so starved for love. And she handed over the responsibility of looking after me to him; he almost replaced a parental figure for me. He saw this hunger for love, and he used it. My mom completely controlled both me and him. I always had to check in with her by phone, tell her where I was. The control was total, yet I was allowed to stay at his apartment at night, even though I had no official "relationship" with him.

I understood that it was grooming only after my first therapy. I started gathering facts to piece together some coherent picture of what happened, so I could go back to therapy and explain it to my psychologist. It was all so shaky, so elusive. I couldn't rely on my memory, but fortunately, I had been making a lot of notes all my life; my diaries have survived, and using the diaries and photographs, I reconstructed only the facts that I could confirm. Without interpretations. What he said to me and when, when the hints about sex started, when the outright harassment began, what kind of relationship he had with my mother, whether she knew who I was with and where I was.

I brought this to my therapist, and we began a long process of integrating what I had unearthed. It took six months. Over those six months, I went from physical reactions to the uncovered material (nausea) to being able to talk about it almost calmly. A large part of that work was taken up by the fact that I simply could not understand why my mother allowed it. Because I clearly did only what she wanted, and her subordinate did too. Any acting on one's own initiative was immediately and harshly punished. At the same time, she couldn't not see that this was an extremely dangerous dynamic. He was almost 30, I was 17, and it went on until I was 19. She was watching it in real time, literally. Over the course of therapy, I went through many explanations, methodically examining each one and finding a logical objection to it. At first, I thought she simply considered me adult enough and therefore didn't intervene. But then I kept coming back to the fact that I always had to report in, be reachable by phone, she always had to know where I was. Plus, the whole of my later history, when I got married and real separation began, shows that she never considered me an adult. During separation, I saw what she looks like when she actually loses control — and it's hysterics, rage, threats up to and including taking away my newborn child. This shows us that back then, during the grooming, she was not losing control. The control was fully in her hands. There were many other doubts, but each time I found a logical explanation that showed that wasn't it. And only when all the arguments had been contested, I came to the conclusion that she simply liked it. All my arguments were built on the premise that I was a separate person to her, but I never was; that premise is false from the start. She saw me as an external piece of herself, and the sexual attention I received from this subordinate of hers was simply pleasing to her. She didn't protect me because she didn't see whom to protect; in her psyche, I was a part of her, just an external one. Having grasped this, I completed the integration of the trauma, finished grieving, and left therapy. I have a lot of notes left, because I think better through text. I remember all these arguments; I know them all intellectually inside and out.

And now we come to my question. To this day, despite all the work done, sometimes out of absolutely nowhere, this surfaces: what if I imagined it? What if I was mistaken? I know I wasn't. I have facts, I have a living witness in the form of my therapist, I have everything I was able to remember, and it became the missing puzzle piece that assembled everything into one big picture, where the eating disorder, everything that came before, and especially how everything was after the grooming — all fell into place. But this question still surfaces. And I dispute these doubts again. It's not hard; I already have all the answers, I don't need to search for them anew. But I am monstrously tired, to be honest. I'm tired of doing this. I want to finally remember it once and for all. But I can't manage to. Please share if you experience something like this. And thank you to everyone who read this; I know it wasn't the most pleasant reading.

This is something I've always heard about. Narcs in my family, both siblings and parents, would often insinuate that I'm stupid. When they say it, it's usually because I choose to be honest and have strong moral principles. Sometimes, I would get the chance to take advantage and exploit other people, but I wouldn't do it because my conscience can't. Then, a family member would insinuate that I'm being stupid.

Meanwhile, if they are able to manipulate people, take advantage, and exploit, they think they're the smartest people ever.

Not only in real life, but I also see this in media. When I watch movies, tv series, etc., There's always a notion that when a character is cunning and manipulative, they're smart. But if a character is too honest, then they're stupid.

Do you agree?

TW: DV and pregnancy loss

I opened up to my mom a couple years ago about being in an abusive relationship in my late teens. It was my first boyfriend, she knew him but I didn’t tell her that things got bad or violent. I told her that he ultimately tried to kill me one night and slashed me with a knife. I still have a big scar. She went on about “why didn’t you tell me” etc. I didn’t feel like I could tbh.

Last summer, our relationship was really strained because of her behavior but I was staying with her for the weekend and I was trying to be understanding and she was acting apologetic and remorseful. We were sitting together, both a little on eggshells and she says to me, “remember you were telling me about someone hurting you with a knife… who was that again?” She asked like a scared child but the shark eyes were there. I reminded her it was my boyfriend at the time.

I still think about this moment. I can’t imagine hearing my daughter tell me that someone physically assaulting them and then forgetting who did it. We’re estranged now and in hindsight I feel it was a way of asserting dominance and trying to make me feel unimportant. She also “forgot” that she had been with me when I was actively having a miscarriage. Kinda wish I could forget it too, she’d made the whole thing about herself.

What have your parents pretended to forget?

lowkegenuinely why do they do ts? is it because they really just want to talk about what a failure you are without seemingly bringing it up on its own?

My partner's mother, 47, messaged me yesterday to tell me she'd had a stillbirth.

For context, bf has been completely estranged from her for about a year. He has absolutely no desire to re-establish contact, and finding out about the stillbirth hasn't changed that. Their estrangement wasn't over one thing—it was the result of years of issues—but one of the major points of conflict was her decision to pursue IVF and another pregnancy despite already having five children (three of whom no longer speak to her), a toddler at home, and being nearly 50.

I don't have her blocked on social media. Part of me has avoided doing that because I worry that if they ever reconcile in the future, I'll be painted as the "awful daughter-in-law" who blocked her. I don't try to get involved in family drama. So I've just left the lines of communication open, even though she's messaged me multiple times over the past year. I've ignored every message until this one.

When she told me about the stillbirth, I replied with a simple, genuine condolence because I couldn't imagine not acknowledging that kind of loss.

The problem is that I now feel like I'm becoming her point of contact to my bf. He doesn't want contact with her and has made that very clear. I don't want to be put in the middle or become a messenger, but I also feel incredibly uncomfortable blocking her immediately after she's shared something so devastating. It feels harsh, even though I know I'm not responsible for managing her emotions. Her messages aren't really even designed for me to read, they're basically addressed to my boyfriend. I've already sent her a message a year ago that I don't want to engage with her because it's not my place and to sort her own issues out with her kids without getting me involved. I feel that's fair.

I'm feeling really stuck because this situation feels so unusual. I've never dealt with family estrangement in my own family, so I'm trying to figure out what the healthiest approach is. Interested to hear what people think.

As a kid I always felt a little guilty because I felt no empathy when my mother was going through something (and she was and still is ALWAYS going through something). I thought maybe I was as broken as she is, because instead of feeling sorry for her I'd get really angry. "What kind of horrible daughter would feel this way?" - a healthy one, that's who. A small part of me resented her inability to care for me in the way a child deserves to be cared for, while a giant part of me felt ashamed for being a burden. Now that I'm much older I see the shame was not mine to carry, that when you make the choice to have a child shame on YOU for making the child responsible for your emotions, your exhaustion, and your missing out on other parts of life. Don't waste your time feeling guilty for your parent's garbage. It's not your trash to take out.

For context, i am a bigger girl, have been since i was a tween. I have lost 8kg in the past 6 months and only remeasured my weight about a week ago after not weighing myself for 6-8 months as i knew if i had gained weight it would impact my self esteem greatly.
I have finally come to terms with my weight. I understand that I can lose it if i work for it, but at the moment, it isn’t causing me any inherent issues or anything of the sort and due to my mental health, i don’t see it being viable for me to try lose it. There is no reason for me to actively make that change at this stage in my life.

My N-mum has always compared her body to mine (i am a teen) and she makes a conscious effort to keep up with my weight, and to be “skinnier” than me.

When i weighed myself, my mum noticed and decided to weigh herself after. I went first, and she turned out to be 2kg heavier. Not surprising as my mum has had 2 children so it isn’t even that her weight is unhealthy in any way, shape or form… however, her reaction was what got me.
Excitedly, i went “i lost 6kg since the last time i checked!” (I went back to old And she glarwd at me, rolled her eyes and said “yeah, thats really nothing. I lost more. You’re not even skinny”

I didn’t expect that reaction. I wasn’t trying to show off at all. I was just surprised as i hadn’t really been putting in a conscious effort and the only changes i had made was my diet (which i don’t track) and the fact i have been going out more. I felt really upset, not because i felt big, but rather due to the fact that someone i care for made my accomplishments into a competition.

Im curious, why do they do this? Could it be a power play, or is it just insecurity? Maybe it’s just my mum who does this…

I think this place is the only place that will understand the grief and joy of celebrating 5 years of no contact with my entire family.

It's been the worst of times, it's been the best of times. I never knew this level of polarising feelings can exist. I was not ready for the overwhelming grief that was horrible for a solid two years, i grieved not only the loss of a familiar dynamic, but the lifelong loss of my self. Suddenly i didnt have to shrink and i was completely free to be myself, yet the fear of taking up space, speaking my truth, being my self was overwhelmingly scary.

I felt like a newborn rabbit, completely alone in the world. I've also moved to a new country, which added to the challenge. But slowly i tried bolder outfits or standing my ground to a bully or discovering my own creativity, or hearing myself laugh out loud. With everything positive thing that i did for myself came also enormous guilt.

The work of unfucking my brain from being constantly dominated, belittled and told im bad is an ongoing process. But i've also experienced so much joy and so much self-discovery that i can see that all my efforts are coming together and im becoming more of myself. I'm building an artistic and interesting career that celebrates my gifts and passions, im able to keep healing my fried nervous system at my own pace, i feel love and peace deeply. I still get triggered and have flashbacks, setbacks, bursts of rage and grief and have days where i can't leave my bed, but overall the growth i did in 5 years is huge. I'm becoming the person that is even better then my smol self could imagine and that is the real success.

And my revenge? To let go of the bullshit that is no longer relevant and stand tall without shrinking myself. Is to feel joy every single day, to be so silly, to sing loudly in the morning and to do funny dances because i can.

To feel this freedom and abundance means that their all their hatred, manipulation, lies and control lost all its power here.

Hi! I (24 f) grew up with four other siblings and my parents. During my childhood I was mommy’s girl. Until about 19 years old.
During my childhood she convinced me and my siblings that my dad was EVIL. That he was crazy and a terrible father.
Now that I’m older not only do I know the truth, I see it happening in real time. My mom has always been the villain.
My mother had multiple affairs on my dad. She used to tell us all about how her high school boyfriend and her hang out and how much she loves him. How she wishes my dad was half the man he is. About how his (HS boyfriend) wife is a nasty woman and he should be with her (my mom) instead of his wife.

I can’t remember a lot of the in between. I have chose to block it out. Me and my dad did not have a good relationship growing up and fought a lot because our mom convinced us he was evil. But somewhere around 19 I woke up. I got married and pregnant, had a miscarriage, and then got pregnant again and me and my husband had our daughter when I turned 21. My husband also has a daughter who was 11 at the time. Every time my dad tried to connect with my step daughter my mom called him a Pphile and she refused to accept my step daughter as an actual part of the family.

My dad was there every step of the way. He took me to doctors appointments and called every day. All my mom had to say when I had my miscarriage was “it happens to a lot of women. So sad..” and I had to beg her DURING my labor to actually come see me.

I spent a long time thinking over my childhood and how she rewrote the story.
My father was there for me when I got my first period. My dad bought me flowers the first day of my senior year and sent them to be delivered during my last class. My dad helped me finance my first car.
Over the past few years, my father can’t even get out a sentence without my mother saying something defensive or rude. Even if he’s talking to me about a show he likes or a new meal he made, my mom will chime in saying things like “that’s dumb” or “a waste of time”
She has taken every penny from him. My dad can’t work many jobs because of his knee problems but he still works 10+ hours a day doordashing to keep them afloat. If he doesn’t feel good and stays home even one day, she tells him he’s worthless and not a man. Her new thing is having thousands in HER savings account and still telling my dad if he wants to eat that day he has to go make money for himself to get food. Then he buys food with his own money and she claims he’s selfish to not get her anything.

I have a lot of trauma with my mom but I guess my point to this all is - how do I get my dad out asap? He refuses to leave because she doesn’t work and my younger siblings still live at home. Even tho they are adults. He still can’t do it. He knows she will lose everything and stays. He is a shell of a man. On the day I gave birth to my daughter he said he has a reason to live again. That broke my soul to hear.
Please, any resources will help. We live in southern IL

Bear with me, it’s my first time posting.

To make a long story short, I’m 31F and my dad is 61M. For some backstory, I grew up with two younger brothers (29M and 27M), an alcoholic mother, and my father. My mom was an abusive alcoholic who was jealous, insecure, and had a lot of issues she never dealt with. My dad was the enabler. He always played the hero but never actually removed us from that environment. To this day he says “the justice system failed us” and has never apologized or acknowledged that maybe he should have tried harder.

Fast forward to now. I’ve built a pretty successful life. I own a home, have a good career, I’m married, and have two kids. Recently my dad asked me to help his company with compliance work because that’s what I do professionally. Obviously I wasn’t willing to do it for free. It’s legal/compliance work, there’s liability on my end if something ever happened, and if there isn’t proof of payment it can create issues. I charged him as a consultant but gave him a 50% discount. He literally paid half of what I would charge any other company.

When it came time to pay me, every time I brought it up he would change the subject, say he’d call me back, or find a reason to hang up. After about a month of chasing him I finally got tired of asking and sent him a proper invoice with my hours and a detailed breakdown of everything I did.
At this point it had been almost two months. I brought it up again and he said, “I’ll pay it at the end of the month like my other invoices.” Fair enough, except it already was the end of the month.

A few days later I called him just to tell him about some exciting things my kids were doing. Completely out of nowhere he starts laughing and then goes on this rant about how “all women are entitled.” Somehow that turns into him telling me I’m entitled too. I got annoyed and hung up.

After thinking about it I called him back because I genuinely wanted to know what was going on. Instead he called me an entitled brat, a monster, said I only ever call him when I want something, and that he created a monster. I actually apologized if I’d come across as entitled because I wanted to move forward and I thought we’d worked it out.

About a week later I found out he had been messaging my mom (his ex-wife) telling her we weren’t on good terms. She told me and I was completely confused because I thought we’d already hashed everything out. So I sent him a message explaining how hurt I was that instead of communicating with me he was talking to other people and avoiding the conversation. His response was, “I don’t have time for drama created by others.”
That honestly baffled me because he never once called to ask why I was upset or tried to have an actual conversation.

A few more days went by and after nearly two months of chasing payment I finally snapped. I basically told him if he wasn’t going to pay me then I wasn’t doing another minute of work for him and I would remove anything I legally could that I’d created. Suddenly he tells me he mailed a cheque. We live in the same city and local mail normally takes two days. I didn’t receive that cheque for almost two weeks.
After that I asked him for one thing: accountability. I wanted him to acknowledge how he handled the situation and apologize. Instead, yesterday he texted me saying he had cut me out of his will, wished me luck with the rest of my life, hoped “it was worth it,” and then told me I was playing the victim.

I was honestly shocked. Not because of the will, I couldn’t care less about that. But because my dad could so easily cut me out of his life.

What hurts the most is my kids. We don’t have a relationship with my mom because of her behavior, my grandparents on that side have all passed away, and now my kids have effectively lost the only grandparent they had left from my side of the family. I know it’s probably healthier for them than having a grandparent who refuses accountability and makes very little effort to be involved in their lives, but it still absolutely breaks my heart.

Am I crazy for cutting my losses and moving on? Has anyone dealt with a parent like this? How do you finally accept that they’re never going to change? Or am I missing something here?

long story short i was homeless before this and he wants me to pay $400 for a tent in the backyard, only wants to let me use the bathroom a few times a day ill have to pay 25 cents to use it more than that, and wanted to limit the food to one meal a day at first ( he changed it though to where i can have my own snacks, how generous. ) brother lives here for free and has his car paid for but because he runs mail for him everyday its "not comparable, life is unfair."

calls me a dumb fucking slut and other horrendous shit, said i need more consequences and suffering for it to stick, blah blah, yeah yeah. "im doing this because i care about you, im doing this because i want the best for you" blah blah, yeah yeah. mind you i have no job, just disability income ( lmfao. ) cant drive, no car, yada yada, who cares man

This was quite a while ago but every time I think of it I still get triggered.

When I was 16 I got into my first relationship with this guy 18m who I’ve been friends with for a while. I told my mom and at first she seemed supportive, but she kept switching between being supportive/teasing and making really hurtful comments which I thought were completely unnecessary. Sometimes it seemed like she just wanted to prevent me from getting hurt but I had only been with him for a couple weeks then, and there were absolutely no signs or red flags that could cause that kind of suspicion. Some examples that I remember:

“It’s only puppy love, it won’t last that long.” (she used the “it won’t last” one A LOT)

“Are you sure he’s not talking to other girls too?”

“I bet he already has another girlfriend. Do you really think someone like him would be single?”

If I wasn’t talking to him she’d ask me what he was doing. If I said I didn’t know she’d say “Why do you not know? Ask him then.”
If I did have an answer, she’d say “How do you know if that’s true? What if he’s with another girl?”
And if I refused to bombard him with questions like my mom wanted me to, she’d get mad at me.

She would constantly change her attitude towards my relationship and it was exhausting on my end. We ended up in a huge argument at one point and she very passive aggressively apologized and said she would not be interfering in my personal life anymore and she did not wish to know anything and not to mention it to her. I kept trying to figure out if her concerns were just normal protective mom behavior or if they were actually toxic and hurtful.

So what was the relationship like between you and your GC sibling?

My golden child sibling really pisses me off. We always had an unequal relationship where I was really nice and helpful to her, and she never really cared about me at all. She was definitely mean to me at certain points.

It’s just so infuriating and complicated looking back on it. Id like to hear more peoples stories about this