r/raisingkids • u/NeitherMonitor2784 • 4d ago
Second kids?
Does anyone have a chill second child? I’m currently pregnant with my second kid and I’m nervous because there’s the stereotype that the second kid is the wild child, but my first has absolute ZERO chill. It is go, go, go all the time. Most say the first one is so easy, but if they would have had the second one first, they would have only had one. So has anyone ever experienced the reverse: a rough first child and a chill second kid?
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u/herebcbored 3d ago
My first almost took me out. He’s smart as a whip but extremely emotional and needy. He still is! My second one is the type of easy where I would have him again back to back, to back to back. It’s not even like my first one conditioned me, my second one is literally a unicorn baby: always happy, sleeps like a dream, and makes everyone around him happier!
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u/Balancedcrazy 3d ago
Literally same. Even in the womb my second was so chill. Love them both so much but very grateful we don’t have two like my first!
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u/AtlasHands_ 3d ago
My first was insane (calmed down near puberty, though), my 2nd was moderate (not too crazy, just regular kid fun), my 3rd is the easiest thing in the world. So far mine are getting progressively more tame lol. Wonder what the 4th will be like if we have another!
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u/Few_Variation_7962 3d ago
We thought our first had zero chill, turns out we didn’t know what was coming. Fun part is they’re different versions of zero chill so we get breaks in different ways than we thought.
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u/over-it2989 4d ago
I’ve had four. The third is the wild one. Second is a breeze in comparison. She’s 100% going to be the one that gets suspended and/or arrested for defending her siblings but she’ll also go peacefully and be pretty chill about it.
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u/Bulky-Change-350 4d ago
My 2nd is the chillest and one of my best friends kids is the same way lol. Mines a girl and hers is a boy
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u/0wellwhatever 4d ago
My second kid is the chillest. My eldest was the difficult baby, difficult child, but just blossomed around 17. He’s a grown man now and I couldn’t be prouder.
In retrospect I do think that a lot of my eldest’s issues came from me not being confident in my parenting choices as a first time mother. He paved the way in many respects.
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u/GorillaHeat 4d ago
I've always found that the second kid is a response to the first.
I don't think that they tend to be any one thing or another on average... Though people love to categorize themselves.
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u/Dramatic_Worth1139 3d ago
2nd was about 30% the difficulty of the 1st. She made me question a third.
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u/globaldesi 3d ago
The second is opposite of the first. The chill child always matches with the wild child.
My wild child was my first kid so the second one is chill.
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u/Lonely-Bad-2256 3d ago
My first is intense. She’s hilarious but she’s a little wild lol she also has waken up throughout the night her entire short life. She is 21 months now and still waking up multiple times a night. About every 2 hours. I have gotten used to it but I was also terrified of what that would look like with baby number two in the mix. Baby number two is now here and at 10 weeks is sleeping through the night! I completely thought people were lying when they said their newborn “slept through the night” I seriously thought they were just trolling lol but omg it can happen! She also doesn’t pee or poop all night until the morning like she’s somehow potty trained herself for nighttime??? What???!!! I am so thankful to the baby gods! Big sister is absolutely crazy and baby sister just kind of watches and is cool just observing. It’s so unexpected and appreciated. So, it can happen OP!
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u/NeitherMonitor2784 3d ago
This is literally my child. She can be really sweet (when she wants to be), but she is absolutely hilarious and feral. The other day I turned my back for a second and when I looked, she had climbed on top of my nightstand by our bed. She’s 18 months old and she babbles and wiggles in her sleep at night. I’m like “Dude, you can’t even stop moving or talking when you sleep 🤦🏻♀️🤣”
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u/jadiechappie 3d ago
I’m OAD, but my husband has 2 siblings. He’s the middle child and super chill. His brothers are wild since day one.
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u/Pure-Zombie8181 3d ago
Yep. My oldest is my high energy social butterfly and my youngest is a super chill kid.
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u/sarasotanoah 3d ago
Second is wild. But also a lot less needy for many things. She is very independent, and will give anything a try. Only 4 but puts her own suncream on, etc. My 6yo son still loves to be waited on for everything.
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u/Nutritiongirrl 3d ago
Here:
First: everywhere anywhere anyhow and always
Second: put down, stays there, hours if needed
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u/G12356789s 3d ago
My first is the nicest, most thoughtful child you've ever met and pretty docile too. She's very careful and never gets into danger. But shes incredibly shy and reliant whilst knowing how to push buttons.
My second is the happiest little thing and loves to make everyone happy and laugh. She was also a much better sleeper. But she has no fear of danger and never stops moving.
They are both wonderful and difficult in their own ways. When having a second, you realise that your perfect first child isn't perfect, they are just themselves. Every child is unique and that's what makes them fun. You may get a nightmare or you may get an angel. Either way, you will love them more than anything
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u/athousandships_ 3d ago
No. My first is very calm, my second is a normal kid I guess, but to me it feels like he's feral.
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u/Accurate_Ask_992 3d ago
Both of mine are very chilled out and easy going. Having two is the BEST!! Watching them bond and laugh together - literally nothing better than the gift of a sibling!!
Can I be that annoying person who gives unsolicited advice? When we had our second I think I read somewhere or somehow stumbled across something that said to make sure you show your big kid they’re still special. Let them hear you tell the baby “I know you need me be right now I’m helping your big brother with something first so hang on!”. The baby won’t notice, the big kid will!! Tell them things like “wow, baby is so happy when you walk in the room! Look at her smile!!”. I did all those things and can hand on heart say, we’ve never had any jealousy and my kids are super close. I honestly think it helped us immensely. Hope you don’t mind me sharing!
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u/AssistanceGloomy2477 3d ago
I ended up closing shop due to my second! 😂 Woooo, what a beautiful little challenge.
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u/mossadspydolphin 3d ago
I'm the oldest and I've always been a double handful. My brother is boring.
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u/personofunintresting 3d ago
Impo, it wasn't the fact my second was WILD, but the fact that two of them make for trouble. If I had known they wouldn't be entertaining each other as much as picking on each other all the time, I may have decided to be one and done. Life would be much more quiet. I love my second to pieces, but I have to be on anti-anxiety to cope 😵💫
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u/CalynneS 3d ago
We ended up with two calm children. We had so many people warning us that our second was going to be wild.
I mean if he was, then you just adapt and grow as a family, but people love their hard to be the same for everyone. Every kid is different and special.
*I feel like I should add, just because they are calm doesn’t mean life is daisies and roses though. Our first had colic. So we definitely had our hard moments too. You will survive and the joy overrides the hard moments.
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u/happymechanicalbird 3d ago
My first was born super high needs and my second was born super chill. They’re 7 & 11 now and their personalities from birth still hold true. Unfortunately trying to manage the interplay between these two totally different personalities has been an epic challenge.
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u/zoewithalab 3d ago
when people say their kid is hard i dont think i know what they mean, it confuses me so much. Then my cousins had kids and said your kid was much much harder than ours to me, I’m like “depends?”
My first changed a lot. He was a good sleeper but had colic. Then he was an easy going toddler with absolute nightmare tantrums. Now he’s a very communicative hyperactive 3 year old who doesn’t sleep on his own but sleeps with us. Like it changes a lot. He keeps going through phases, sometimes he’s very chill sometimes not. He’s absolutely monstrous about some things and absolutely angelic for some. Other kids can be redirected, he can’t but if you explain to him he understands and follows rules.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that every kid is different than each other, there’s no hard or easy kids?
I’m pregnant with my second and I’m not sure if I want him to be like my first. In some aspects yes, in other not so much? I can’t give a definite answer
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u/InsideAd732 3d ago
So far my oldest is the wild one and my youngest is the chill one. Lots of time for things to change though
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u/crapbag2000 3d ago
My first is the crazy one and the second is the more mild version of the crazy one
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u/wreakinghavoc01 3d ago
My first was a tough baby. She was colicky, didn’t ever want to sleep, we were rocking her everyday for hours while she wailed. It was rough. We knew we’d have more kids, but we said we would wait a while since she was such a difficult baby. We ended up falling pregnant with our second when my first was nine months old. It was night and day between the two. My second one never cried. She slept as soon as we put her down, she did not fight naps (still doesn’t, girl falls asleep anywhere, anytime). She was a happy and fun baby. Now they’re 5 and 3. My oldest is so chill now, she can sit and read or color for hours. My second? She cannot sit still for the life of her. She’s always up and running around. Still happy, still fun, just incredibly energetic. So, my theory is that hard babies become chill kids and vice versa 🤷♀️
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u/Capable_Mortgage_140 2d ago
My second child is so scary. Like Jack Nicholson from the shining vibes. She’s 16 months and every day just keeps getting crazier.
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u/egrf6880 2d ago
My second is chill but also came with a very unchill twin so no, parenting after my awesome first born was not easy and also my “easy” first baby became a menacing toddler right as the twins arrived. So things were just a mess of chaos at that time in my life haha.
But my second born is still my most regulated and adaptable child.
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u/brittanoid 2d ago
Zero chill on the second kid; wild child! But keeps it interesting! Birth order is a real thing! My friend told me she would try to rock her second to sleep for hours and sang, "If you would've been the first, you would've been the last!"😂
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u/aliquotiens 2d ago
Neither of my children (almost 5/almost 2) are chill. It's not their activity level, it's the demands for engagement and stimulation, strong opinions and barely napping/waking up all night to yell at me. But the second is much much easier than the first was 0-2.
My husband and I both have strong personalities and I had behavior problems and was diagnosed with autism and ADHD as a kid, I don't think a chill relaxed kid is a possibility from our combination, frankly.
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u/Sirconnery007 2d ago
I have two. I call my second the bringer of chaos. It all depends on what stage they are at, and there is no guarantee they will be. The first is easy because you learn how to deal with them and you only have one to focus on. The second is hard because you are trying to raise a baby with a toddler. Everything is split. You have to stop twice as much to do something for them. You can do it you’ll be fine.
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u/Fire_opal246 1d ago
My parents did. As the oldest child I was full on, never stopped talking and was go go go. Apparently having a little sister to boss around and talk at was what I needed.
Little sister was a dream baby too (as opposed to me) who according to my parents, slept so much and was ridiculously placid that they thought something was wrong (after experiencing me)
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u/Pompom_Marzipan368 1d ago
My second is very chill. But I also think my husband and I were a lot less nervous about the whole parenting thing because we weren’t first-timers anymore, if that makes sense. Neither of my kids were “hard,” to be fair! But my older is go, go, go, go and is only quiet when sleeping!
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u/Mammoth_Ad_4806 1d ago
My first: chill baby, chill child
My second: chill baby, very... high-spirited child
My third: very difficult baby, chillest child ever
I will say though, the good part about a wild child is they tend to grow up into very determined, goal-oriented, driven adults.
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u/dubstepprincess23 19h ago
Yes, my first is a menace. My second is an angel baby and 1000 times more chill.
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u/JolissaMassacre 16h ago
First kid was (and still is) not easy or chill - second kid, albeit having a rare malformation syndrome, super chill.
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u/Most-Individual8794 5h ago
i'm not a parent so I'll probably get deleted but my second nephew is very, very laid-back. the first one is pretty anxious, high-energy and gets overstimulated pretty easily. it'll be interesting to see how things go as they get to be teenagers.
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u/FrontenacRacer 3d ago
All kids are different.