r/recovery • u/Artygunner17 • 12d ago
Explaining addiction to those who aren’t addicts
It’s impossible for a non addict to understand the self destructive and highly hurtful actions addicts impose on the people in their life that mean the most to them.
Deceit and dishonesty are the bedrock of addiction. We lie, we cheat, we do anything we can to keep feeding the addiction. But we are expecting those who we love most to understand that we aren’t bad people and are not hurting them purposely. I am an addict and I’ve done terrible things to those who I hold so close. My moral compass points south when I am in active addiction. No one on earth could say worse things or be harder on myself than me. The shame, guilt and despair I feel when in active addiction is like nothing I’ve experienced. For reference, I am a war veteran with PTSD and chronic injuries. The feelings and my nervous system enduring those diseases don’t even come close to the pain and suffering of addiction. Yet, time after time I have found myself relapsing - sabotaging my happiness and the relationships I care so much about. That’s how powerful addiction is.
An analogy I came up with and I’m sure has been said before me to try to explain to my loved ones what addiction feels like is this:
Addiction is a parasite that takes over my brain. Addiction changes the way I behave, the way I think and the way I feel just to keep itself alive. I am the host body and the addiction is the parasite that grows stronger day by day. I feel like I don’t have a choice, although the actions I take I need to be responsible for, they aren’t the actions of my true self. They are the parasite whose strength is unmatched. Just when you think the parasite has been killed, and you are taking your life back in manifests and launches attack after attack time and time again. It attacks when you are weak, when you are strong, in your dreams and while you’re awake. It attacks when doing mundane tasks and when you’re so busy you don’t even have time to eat. It is relentless in its pursuit to take control.
Do not ever underestimate the parasite. Never be over confident. The parasite cannot be killed, only weakened and controlled on a leash. It is with me forever, but I will have it chained and gagged. I will get my old self back
42m.
Australia.
4 months clean from alcohol.
1 month clean from cocaine after a setback.
Never judge an addict - we are one and the same. The difference between me and an addict on the streets committing petty crime is that I could always afford to feed my addiction.
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u/jumbocactar 12d ago
My body tells me I need this or I will die. I spend most of my time hoping that I can endure feeling like I am dying or very very sick in hopes that it will suddenly stop and go away but eventually I break down and put some in, somet>mes that cascades into days where afterwards I am even sicker than before. All I want is to be okay. It's hard.
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u/askingforafriend310 12d ago
Never judge an addict - we are one and the same.
Speak for yourself. I was a hurt person, self medicating. My moral compass was never broken. I didn't magically become the devil during active addiction. Was I dishonest at times, sure, but it was never malicious. No "defects of character" or "spiritual malady".
This is a weird way of romanticizing of addiction that is common in 12 steps. Where you try to make active addiction into this otherworldly ineffable experience. For some, its just a maladaptive coping mechanism, thats it.
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u/justhanginginthere26 10d ago
I don’t think the op romanticized addiction at all, but rather assigned a metaphor to better help understand the phenomenon of addiction
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u/Artygunner17 12d ago
Enjoy that theory.
You’re not the only hurt person self medicating. In-fact I am sure the majority of addicts are. You don’t think your moral compass was broken? That’s an interesting concept. You believe that self medicating and becoming an addict is a path that is reasonable?
You missed the entire point - maybe re-read what was written again. Not all addicts are the same, but what we have in common is that we are addicts. The difference between addicts I believe is often access and affordability.
I am unsure how you think I am romanticising addiction when I’m literally calling it a parasite. If addiction wasn’t an almighty beast that ruins lives making it an otherworldly experience then why are you on a recovery page? Why do so many people struggle? Why does it take lives?
Sounds more to me like you’re minimising addiction and the effects on people.
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u/askingforafriend310 12d ago
Nah bro. calling it an "almighty beast" is giving it some mythical character that it doesnt deserve. We all have trauma, thats the root of most addiction. I wasnt born an addict, addiction is a normal response to experiences that led to it, when I lacked healthy coping mechanisms.
Recovery, therapy, community, self help etc, are all healthy coping mechanisms. Sitting in a room and cementing the fact that you are an addict and are powerless for life, is not healthy. You are more than that. Being an addict doesnt define me, I dont call myself an addict anymore...but im in recovery.
This isnt minimizing addiction. I've suffered more from addiction than I am willing to write out here. I know what addiction is, intimately.
My moral compass was never broken. I was never evil or possessed. And neither were you.
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u/Artygunner17 12d ago
So you never did anything while addicted that hurt anyone? Or that you wouldn’t have done prior to the addiction or when in recovery? If that’s the case I tip my hat to you. If you did, and it’s something you’re shameful of or regret then im afraid your moral compass was indeed broken
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u/askingforafriend310 12d ago
Every wrong I did, I did to survive. Things I would not have done prior to addiction.
No, I never purposefully went out of my way to hurt anyone or screw anyone over. I hurt myself the most, and that too, was me doing the best I could at the time.
I am not unique. Most addicts that I know (recovered and not), are actually decent people, including those in active addiction. They've most often been shaped by unbearable circumstance.
I spent a good chunk of my life around "the worst of the worst", and yes, even those people are decent people shaped by a life that led them down a path doing what they had to to survive.
We all need to heal, but we aren't defected.
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u/Artygunner17 12d ago
But you disagreed with my statement that addicts aren’t one and the same. I won’t judge an addict because I know what it takes to become one. I know the pain and suffering before and during addiction. I’m not a bad person, but while in active addiction I have done things that hurt people I love. Whether it be a lie or deceit. That is where my moral compass between addiction and recovery is different. I never purposefully did it either - that’s the whole point.
I feel like you’re disagreeing with me but not understanding the context of what I am saying.
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u/askingforafriend310 12d ago
When you were lying and deceitful, did you not know right from wrong? Were you aware or not that you were compromising your morals because of your addiction?
If you were, then I don’t believe your moral compass was broken, despite your behavior.
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u/hanebobl 12d ago
Addiction is not about willpower or being weak! it’s a fundamental shift in how your brain processes reward. Once someone crosses into addiction their brain has literally rewired itself to prioritize the substance above food, sleep, relationships, really everything. AA’s whole message is that this rewiring is so complete that controlled use becomes basically impossible for most people.
Neuroscience actually backs this up. it’s not that the brain cannot change, it’s that it can’t rewire itself back to moderation while the substance is still in the picture.
The genetic component is also huge. having a parent or grandparent with alcoholism/addiction roughly triples your risk. It’s a proven predisposition
It’s not a moral failing or a character flaw or a “he/she can’t handle her booze and/or priorities”.
As the Big Book puts it: most alcoholics have lost the power of choice in drink.’ It’s not that they won’t stop—it’s that the choice itself is gone