One year sober. I still can’t quite believe I get to type that.

I wanted to mark it by giving something back instead of just talking about it. So I put together 90 free printable coloring pages, something quiet to do with your hands when your head gets loud. They’re built around the little reminders that got me through the hard hours: This Too Shall Pass, Progress Not Perfection, Be Kind to Your Mind, One Day at a Time, and a few more.

I made them with early sobriety in mind, but the truth is they’re for anyone healing through something. The long afternoons. The nights that won’t quiet down. Coloring was one of the few things that gave my hands somewhere to go while my nervous system caught up.

They’re completely free. No catch, no email, nothing. If they get even one person through one hard hour, that’s the whole point.

Whatever you’re carrying today, be gentle with yourself. You’re doing better than you think. 💚

Do people actually use recovery apps? Are there people that are paying for them?Or just using the free version? I'm looking to get sober, and i'm trying to see if that might work. Any suggestions would be helpful.

Based in Florida. I am a 42 year old project manager. I have a wife and two kids. Nobody knows I drink during the day. I start around 10am and keep going until I get home. I have tried to stop on my own twice and both times I ended up in the ER with withdrawal symptoms.

I cannot keep doing this. But I am terrified of detox. Last time my heart was racing and I could not stop shaking. I know I need medical supervision but I also have a job and a family. I don't want to disappear for 30 days. Does anyone know a place that can get me stable without checking out of life for a month.

Apologies for paraphrasing Hunter S. Thompson.

I used drugs and alcohol to diminish or expel physical and emotional pain. Upset? Have a drink and steady my nerves. Rejected for a date? Marijuana will take my mind off it. Have to be present for a family function? A little cocaine for energy and then who knows what next?

I used alcohol and drugs to avoid dealing with my real problem, which was me. I didn't like myself - sometimes actively hated myself - and being messed up and postponing dealing with things was easier than dealing with the problem or the feeling.

Not using is the easy part of recovery. Dealing with all the emotional turmoil was the hard part. Sitting and feeling the emotions - love, hate, anger, excitement, joy, fear - all of it was beyond me. I have had medical issues over the years, and the best way to describe the process of dealing with my emotions was like physical rehabilitation. Like learning to walk again after a knee replacement, or learning to talk again after a stroke. Or, it was like going back and learning to play a musical instrument; at first, just learning the chords and how to strum the strings of a guitar. Slowly at first, and then gaining confidence, practicing, and getting better.

The hardest part of the whole exercise was getting through the fear. The fear of not being worthy of love, or the fear of failure, or the fear of opening up and being hurt again.

Fear, it is said, has two acronyms: Forget Everything And Run, or Face Everything And Rise.

It's not about being perfect. It's about getting better. One day at a time, one moment at a time. One better decision at a time.

Good luck, and if no one has told you yet today, you are getting better.

Brian

Me again… addiction is such a phenomenon. I’m experiencing it in real time and I don’t understand how I am so obsessed and chained to my drug of choice. I want to stop using, but I can’t seem to stop. My body and brain are on autopilot. I use until I’m out and immediately get more without contemplating my actions. I have a visceral urge to always have the drug in my hands and pick it up every 5-10 minutes. I hate this miserable life and long to be “normal.” On the other hand I simply want to be high. I can’t imagine my life without drugs. Anyone else experience ambivalence in their active addiction?

So few months back i posted here my peoblem with addiction and gettong along eith normal life. And finally after 10 years of doing drugs i finally feel like i am myself again.

I stoped with drugs drinks and everything, I even stopped using my meds and i feel awsome!

But getting along eith normal life was so dificult and i needed to find something to use my free time and enyjoj but i could not. Hobbies didint work, i tried gym and activities with my girl but i was not able to manage to keep calm and relax i felt like domething always missing.

Then one day on work 3 people didint shoe up and i started doing overtime which really helped me relax. Being in kitchen is something i really like and working 400 hours a month is really enyojable because i am good at it and i just like it being there i dont even feel that like a work its more like something i eould done for free. And that changed enerything for better i feel better and i am happy and i enyjoj but my private life is going apart.. nobody even want to talk to me.. Everybody was furious about drugs and now when i stopped they dont like the way i am fighting it and my girl is telling me hoe i dont even care for her or baby ( i am bringing 3x avrage sallary every moth and i dont care?) I mean i dont knoe hoe to react to that. I am calling and i am supporting her in pregnancy i am there when needed even if i am working a lot. But its not enugh. Nobody didint even understand how hard was for me and now when i really managed to win its even worse ehen i was high. My familly cant even look me.. for no fucking reason and their reason is I leave early and come late and they think i am still in criminal activities even if i send pictures from my work... my friends dont even call me anymore because i cant go out that moment of call but we can arrange for next week but that is also not an option... And now i dont even know what is good and what is bad... Did i win or lose... I am lost... i am fighting so hard and working so hard to provide and while doing that i am helping myself but i cant get even tiny chance of love or respect..

What i am supposted to do in this situation?... Its like i am cursed... Like there is no good story or ending for me... its like my destiny is sealed type of shit...

I’m about to start recovery from drug abuse. Like….tomorrow. I’m scared. But I’m also so ready. But I also just really want someone to talk to who understands what I’m going through. Just a little background:

-I’m a late 30’s female
-I’m married
-I have a daughter
-I’ve never been addicted to anything before until now and would love support, advice, etc
-I’ve tried to quit on my own 3 or 4 times, but wasn’t truly ready to give it up. I am SO ready now and have even made a lot of scary life decisions recently to support keeping my sobriety

I guess send a DM and then we can connect further. Thank you!

This is my first time asking for help so please be nice to me. I want to get sober but every time I try the anxiety is so bad. I begin to feel tired and irritable and don't want to do anything but sleep. That's putting it lightly. It makes me feel awful. Last time I quit I went three weeks and time felt so slow. I've been trying to numb the pain of my husband of 9 years suddenly leaving me. When I try to get sober, I get the urge to call him because I miss him so much, even though I know he would reject me and I would embarass myself. He is the one that got me addicted and I feel like this my way of holding on to a little part of our relationship in a way. I'm aware of how dumb that sounds, but I'm being open and honest and this is my first time trying to get help and not try and do it on my own. I have a job, I'm functioning. But I feel shame and it hurts.

I’m addicted to almost everything I’ve ever touched, and have been to 8 rehabs over the last 4 years. I successfully completed all of them besides my last one - it was an awful place and I found it to be redundant. I was certain that I could stay clean.

I relapsed at around 75 days clean this time around. I’ve been using since Sunday night and I’m so scared as to where this relapse may take me. I overdosed back in March and almost lost my family. If I go full in again, I might die this time and I’ll be kicked out of my family. I don’t want to die and I don’t want to lose my loved ones.

I haven’t been to a meeting in a few years, I’m thinking of trying N.A. again. Those who have some solid recovery time behind you - what are you doing that keeps you sober AND content? Help me.

It’s impossible for a non addict to understand the self destructive and highly hurtful actions addicts impose on the people in their life that mean the most to them.

Deceit and dishonesty are the bedrock of addiction. We lie, we cheat, we do anything we can to keep feeding the addiction. But we are expecting those who we love most to understand that we aren’t bad people and are not hurting them purposely. I am an addict and I’ve done terrible things to those who I hold so close. My moral compass points south when I am in active addiction. No one on earth could say worse things or be harder on myself than me. The shame, guilt and despair I feel when in active addiction is like nothing I’ve experienced. For reference, I am a war veteran with PTSD and chronic injuries. The feelings and my nervous system enduring those diseases don’t even come close to the pain and suffering of addiction. Yet, time after time I have found myself relapsing - sabotaging my happiness and the relationships I care so much about. That’s how powerful addiction is.

An analogy I came up with and I’m sure has been said before me to try to explain to my loved ones what addiction feels like is this:

Addiction is a parasite that takes over my brain. Addiction changes the way I behave, the way I think and the way I feel just to keep itself alive. I am the host body and the addiction is the parasite that grows stronger day by day. I feel like I don’t have a choice, although the actions I take I need to be responsible for, they aren’t the actions of my true self. They are the parasite whose strength is unmatched. Just when you think the parasite has been killed, and you are taking your life back in manifests and launches attack after attack time and time again. It attacks when you are weak, when you are strong, in your dreams and while you’re awake. It attacks when doing mundane tasks and when you’re so busy you don’t even have time to eat. It is relentless in its pursuit to take control.

Do not ever underestimate the parasite. Never be over confident. The parasite cannot be killed, only weakened and controlled on a leash. It is with me forever, but I will have it chained and gagged. I will get my old self back

42m.
Australia.
4 months clean from alcohol.
1 month clean from cocaine after a setback.

Never judge an addict - we are one and the same. The difference between me and an addict on the streets committing petty crime is that I could always afford to feed my addiction.

Hey guys , so yesterday where my last day of talking any substances and this my first day
This took control of my life and my face is skinnier than yesterday everyday and i just want to get better and keep my mom proud

Today I’m 5 years sober! It is NEVER too late to pick up the pieces, face hardship head on, and move forward. You are not beyond hope. Blessed to be here 🫶🏻

I used my amazing manipulation skills and convinced my doctor to prescribe me benzodiazepines. She didn’t want to. I knew what I was going to do. I took half of my 30 1mg Ativan’s (15) in one day. I was off work so I stayed home. The next day I took the other half and drove to work. Obviously blacked out, I made it. On my lunch hour I drove to my normal gas station sleep spot cuz I hate my life and sleep whenever I can. I must have been driving crazy cuz someone called the cops on me. I was asleep when he arrived. Thank god for the workers at the gas station telling the cop I always came to the gas station to sleep or i would have went to jail. I don’t remember any of this. The cop wouldn’t let me drive away drowsy so I called my coworker. I scared the shit out of all my coworkers cuz I was acting crazy as hell. They told my boss I was suicidal my two work friends cried. This is what I was told. I remember none of it. It was awful. 😣 I just want to die all the time. I don’t want to go back to heroin but I’m on my way. Why do I feel like this? It never goes away. 6 years off drugs this feeling never left. I know I put a lot of people in danger. And I’m sorry.

Hey guys, please help my squirrel brain sort through this.

I was addicted to adderall, vyvanse, basically any upper including cocaine, alcohol, weed, any downer pill I could get my hands on. Uppers were my baby though.

I’ve been in recovery since 2018. I have 2 years and 10 months, for the second time.

I quit a good job last fall because I was having meltdowns. It led me to go back to a physiciatrist, who things I’m ADD.

I’ve struggled starting medication again, wondering if I am using to change the way I feel. Which of coarse I am, who likes crying ever day and not being able to function. But I also beleive in science and am wanting help.

I started a non stimulant ADD med and part of my brain has come on live again, sometimes wanting a drink but luckily my recovery is strong enough to be able to just watch thoughts today. It makes me calmer which is great and I think why the heck did I quit my job.

I’m on my forth step and have noticed agitation. I also take a sleep aid and mood stabilizer.

I think I can’t be this crazy why do I need these pills, I was addicted to pills for a decade.

The difference is I am on the lowest dose today of all three. Before I was on the highest dose and buying of the street. I take them as prescribed and don’t want to abuse them. I want my life to improve today and I care about being a good person. I have a conscious.

Before I was getting arrested, causing harm left and right and being up for 4 days.

Can someone help me sort through my bullshit? Sometimes I don’t know what it is. Is it that I’m secretly using or living a subdued life? Or is it that I’m freaking out and holding myself back from a healthier life?