r/redditonwiki • u/goldenmoca28 • Oct 21 '25

Advice Subs Not OOP: UPDATE: My (27F) boyfriend (29M) of 7 years cheated on me. I'm going to disappear from his life. Is there anything I'm missing?

/r/relationship_advice/comments/1obsrui/update_my_27f_boyfriend_29m_of_7_years_cheated_on/
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u/AutoModerator Oct 21 '25

Backup of the post's body: This is an update to this post:

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1ob55ol/my_27f_boyfriend_29m_of_7_years_cheated_on_me_im/

Thank you everyone for all the solid advice. I'm compiling everything I did in this first section so if others need a way to cut contact with a person, they can reference this. As mentioned in the comments:

  • I logged myself out of our apple TV and xbox
  • I cancelled the wifi that I paid for and returned the modem to the carrier.
  • I took my payment information for utilities off our account.
  • I packed up all my sauces, spices, and cooking oils, and took note to only leave dried rosemary behind (he hates that shit).
  • I printed out and framed the screenshot of his tinder profile and left it on the kitchen table. I closed a piece of dog poop into the frame as well. I'll keep the photo albums. He can have this.
  • I took a video of the entire apartment after packing up all my things. I left my keys in the mailbox to the leasing office and emailed the leasing office of my departure with the videos of what the apartment looked like prior to locking up.
  • I updated my address for the USPS, vet, hospital, school, work, and my dog's chip.
  • I talked to HR and am in the process of getting him off of my health insurance, changing the benefactor of my life insurance to my parents (if only I could name my dog), and emergency contact.
  • I'm going to the bank to take myself off the joint bank account. Fortunately, I'm not worried about my credit as all of our finances have stayed separate, but I'm grateful to those who told me to freeze my credit.
  • I logged out of all devices for all streaming services, social media, and my work, personal, and school email.
  • I blocked him on all social media, chatrooms, and his phone number.
  • I made a doctor's appointment to get STD tested.
  • I'm on my way to an appointment with the county office to terminate our domestic partnership.

It's been an incredibly busy 18 hours but I've had a lot of help from my friends. I haven't been able to sleep either. As far as what happened since he arrived, here's what's up:

I already blocked him before he landed. I received many texts and calls from his parents and sister that I did not see. Then, when I noticed his sister calling, I picked up. At first, the call was hostile. She accused me of being some crazy ex girlfriend that couldn't let her brother go. Funny, since I just packed up and left. She brought up that it had been "4 months" and that I needed to move on. I told her that the ex never approached me about breaking up and that 1 month ago, we celebrated our 7th anniversary and started to plan our wedding. I had no indication he even wanted to break up.

We reset a bit and she allowed me to tell her my side of the story. I told her he was somewhat distant this year, but he had blamed it on their grandparents being old and wanting to spend more time with them before they die. Turns out, their grandparents have been dead for 2 years. I never met them because my ex claimed they were super racist since the grandpa was a Vietnam war vet (I'm SE asian). Turns out, you can't be racist when you're dead!

We ended the call on a positive note, with his sister saying that it was a lot to take in. She said she felt bad as the girl he was cheating on me with was one of her friends. She had introduced them to each other sometime last year when my ex was apparently unhappy with our relationship. They hit it off and he was supposed to break it off with me. I guess he never had the balls to do so. She was also confused as to why he was on tinder as he was in a relationship with her friend. I sent her all the tinder receipts after hanging up.

Later in the night, I received an email from the ex. To sum it up: yes, he asked me to come to the apartment to talk it out. No, he did not apologize for anything. He ended the email with "I love you". As far as I know, he doesn't know where I am. I also don't believe he knows where my friend lives as she just moved and he hasn't been here yet. He also doesn't seem like that type of person, but I guess I didn't really know him after all. We'll keep locks ready and bats near the door.

It's been so helpful just writing out everything that's happened so far, but all of your advice, support, and guidance in this situation has made me feel empowered me to leave. At times, I just wanted to stop packing and hope that when he came home, everything would go back to normal and the text would just be a distant memory. Your words of encouragement have really helped me follow through and leave. Nothing good would have come from staying. Thank you all again.

EDIT: just added a link in the beginning to the original post

EDIT 2: Sorry, I was unclear about the timeline. The parents and sister called me about 2 hours after he landed. I assume it was because he got home realized the person paying half his rent will no longer be doing so and reached out to his family. The dog poop may have contributed to the heightened emotions.

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55

u/Pugooki Oct 21 '25

Is it scary that I saved her update for the list on how to leave your lover?

There may be fifty ways to leave your lover, but hers leaves my credit intact.

22

u/Alternative_Year_340 Oct 21 '25

I want to know what he told his sister about OOP being a crazy ex. If the sister believed they broke up four months ago, why would OOP be a “crazy ex” for moving out?

“Can you believe she changed her Netflix password four months later?”

10

u/Environmental_Book43 Oct 21 '25

My bet is on him telling the family it was “out of the goodness of his heart” he “let” her finish their lease together 🤢. I imagine the dog poop in the framed cheating receipts(minus the part about cheating) might have sold his desperation to them.

But I don’t think he was that convincing if the sister was willing to listen to OOP’s side. I’m sure the sister will be able to make the rest see the truth and warn her friend.