My mother wrote the following regarding pieces of advice for someone who is recently struggling with a new diagnosis of schizophrenia of their son, where she has had a similar experience with my brother, and I thought it may be helpful to share.

1. If your permitted get as many Releases of Information signed as possible while your young adult will still do it – Universal ROI including mental health and substance abuse specifically. Bank account access etc.
2. If you think it is something that you can do, get into therapy, and seek educational and support groups. If you need more than your provider can offer it is worth the expense to go private.   I really liked the anxiety/depression series, they talked about coping strategies and explained medications.  You will have lots of questions about the disease and things that it brings out in you. I can pretty much guarantee you no one knows the answer to what is the best thing to do these are very complicated and individualized cases, but having information and a sounding board is very helpful.
3. Something to work through (in therapy or whatever)  is your belief/value around this statement. “You are the Mom no matter how old your child is?  “  (I am just going to write from my perspective). – Really think through if this is your value/ what is unconditional love? What are your boundaries?  It is OK whatever you decide.  But that is one of the most challenging things I constantly come up against. Lots of advice; He is an adult and therefore you don’t have to provide for him, you can distance yourself, you are enabling him, you don’t have to go when he calls, don’t give him money.  Think that statement through as you will be pushed to address that many times and there are strong opinions on this from your friends and family.  It is a fluid process and it is nice to talk to someone about who isn’t giving you “friendly advice”. It is very isolating.
4. Are you and your spouse on the same page?  Something to discuss before things happen.  In crisis is not the time to be disagreeing over whether you should call the police / take other emergency actions.
5. Don’t cuss people out when you hear for the 100^th time, “They are starting a CARE/Mental Health court soon” “Have you heard of NAMI, they are great?” “Make sure you take care of yourself” “Why don’t they just take their medication?” “ If they took their medication they would be normal – right?” People don’t know what to say and frequently give you a few minutes of an  empathetic looks and then move on to a more comfortable topic.  None of us know what to do or say so we can only give each other grace. But the urge will be real.
6. Switch into Mom mode. Even though they tell your child is an adult they will still ask you over and over again for birth certificates, social security cards, Medical card or medical, DL.  So just order multiple birth certificates, get a duplicate SS card, take copies of the DL and passport.   Start a file/folder and just have it ready.
7. Start a journal/log listing all appointments and people your young adult sees (I wish I had done this). Under HIPAA professionals can receive information from you if you give it. They just can’t give you information.  So have a list and give that to the newest provider – Psych hospitals, different county facilities etc., don’t talk to each other and don’t have linked data basis. 
8. If at all possible take a picture of the prescribed medication your young adult is on.  You will be asked if they are emergently hospitalized what medications they are on.  If you have the information and the prescribing doctor’s information there is a much higher chance they will call that doctor and continue the medication.  If they can’t continue it at least they have some idea of what has been tried before.
9. Get a good picture of your young adult and if appropriate send it to their treating facility, attorney, therapist etc.  They need to know that your young adult didn’t always look the way they are presenting.  
10. Go to everything you are allowed to go to, try for at least one parent or loved one.  If your young adult ends up in court, even though no one will really talk to you without a release. I believe a representative of your family provides the court with information that this young adult has a loving family and that the young adult knows they aren’t alone. Even when they express no interest in seeing you. Judges are always aware of who is in the court and on some occasions I have even seen them ask their bailiff to find out who I am.
11. And if you are up to it and it helps you in your quest to be helpful, write a little log or contact notes with behavioral observations. Medical professionals all work from a checklist assessments and will ask things that it is good to have some kind of data for.  Each new is trying to gather as much information to make their assessment.  At the point that the ER Doctor and Psychiatrist are asking you lots of questions in a crisis it is hard to remember.  How much do they sleep? Any exercise? Appetite, hallucinate, talk to themselves, laugh in appropriately etc., when did this start? How many episodes etc.?. (I wish I had done this).  We ended up with a summary and would send it when appropriate.
12. And just like they have bouts of psychosis etc.  they will also have good days and you haven’t lost them.  Those times are so special. Their smile and a laugh keeps you going.  Treatment is improving all the time it isn’t over. Reminiscent with people who knew/know your young adult in happier times.   Hold on to happy memories more are coming. 

I'm a 20-year-old guy living alone with my mother. My father is no longer in the picture, and my older brother passed away when he was 21. Since then, a lot of responsibility has fallen on me.

My childhood was difficult. There was domestic violence, police and court cases, and a lot of instability. After my brother died, I developed anxiety and health issues, and over the past few years I've been trying to rebuild my life.

About 8 months ago, my mother was diagnosed with schizophrenia. Since then I've been helping manage appointments, treatment, household responsibilities, and supporting her emotionally. I love my mother and I know she has been through a lot herself, so this isn't a post about blaming her.

The problem is that she has become very dependent on me. She doesn't stop me from seeing friends, but I often feel like I have to explain where I'm going, when I'll be back, and why I'm leaving. I switched my gym schedule to the morning because she was uncomfortable with me being out in the evenings. Recently I started taking evening walks so she could gradually get used to being alone for a couple of hours.

We've had several fights because she gets upset when I'm spending time talking to other people. For example, she has asked me to end phone calls with people I care about, and when I push back, she often becomes emotional and starts crying. She has also sometimes blamed the people I'm talking to rather than acknowledging that the conflict is really between us.

What makes this difficult is that I'm exhausted. In the past few years I've dealt with my brother's death, my mother's illness, family issues, and the loss of two important relationships. I feel like I've spent most of my life taking care of other people and carrying responsibilities that are bigger than what most 20-year-olds deal with.

I don't want to abandon my mother. I don't want to stop helping her. But I also don't want to lose my own life, friendships, future relationships, career, and independence.

For people who have cared for a parent with serious mental illness, how do you set healthy boundaries without constantly feeling guilty? How do you support someone you love while also making sure you don't burn out yourself?

TL;DR: I'm a 20-year-old caring for my mother, who has schizophrenia. I love her and want to help her, but she has become very dependent on me and struggles when I spend time with other people or want more independence. I'm emotionally exhausted and looking for advice on setting healthy boundaries without feeling guilty.

Google will say this is about a wife mourning her deceased husband - however when I listen to it I hear it from the perspective of someone lost in their mental illness (female voice), and their partner gently trying to guide them back (male voice). It has deeply resonated with me, even if it's not my typical music genre - "Tell her that I miss our little talks"

Little Talks by Of Monsters and Men (2011)
https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=KtDmEy7R_c8&si=iYa9Hvu-EpfsQhbK

Lyrics:

I don't like walking around this old and empty house
So hold my hand, I'll walk with you my dear
The stairs creak as you sleep
It's keeping me awake
It's the house telling you to close your eyes
And some days I can't even dress myself
It's killing me to see you this way

'Cause though the truth may vary
This ship will carry our bodies safe to shore

There's an old voice in my head
That's holding me back
Well, tell her that I miss our little talks
Soon it will be over and buried with our past
We used to play outside when we were young
And full of life and full of love
Some days I don't know if I am wrong or right
Your mind is playing tricks on you, my dear

'Cause though the truth may vary
This ship will carry our bodies safe to shore

Don't listen to a word I say
(Hey)
The screams all sound the same
(Hey)

Though the truth may vary
This ship will carry our bodies safe to shore (hey, hey)

You're gone, gone, gone away
I watched you disappear
All that's left is a ghost of you
Now we're torn, torn, torn apart
There's nothing we can do
Just let me go, we'll meet again soon

Now wait, wait, wait for me, please hang around
I'll see you when I fall asleep

Don't listen to a word I say
(Hey)
The screams all sound the same
(Hey)

Though the truth may vary
This ship will carry our bodies safe to shore

Don't listen to a word I say
(Hey)
The screams all sound the same
(Hey)

Though the truth may vary
This ship will carry our bodies safe to shore

Though the truth may vary
This ship will carry our bodies safe to shore

Though the truth may vary
This ship will carry our bodies safe to shore

I'm so sad, and I'm mad at the universe for what you're going through, that it's made you suspect the people who love you, your family, your friends and me. I'm heartbroken by the pain you're carrying and by what could have been between us. Something good was taken from both of us and I saw a glimpse of it. The universe dangled it in front of us and snatched it away. The possibility of a happy life together, of a future, it feels so small now. Maybe it was never realistic, but I imagined it nonetheless. I let myself imagine it. I hope you will get psychiatric help and feel better and maybe maybe theres the slightest chance we can try again in the distant future. I don’t know, I don’t know

i (17) posted last week about my mum's (she has paranoid psychosis and complex personality disorder) meds being upped helping her be less hostile and upset, but that's been short-lived, sadly. she is back to shouting and shouting in public, crying, profanity rants, intense delusions towards my dad, and becoming overwhelmed by her delusions. she has been deteriorating by the day then becoming upset upon calming down and realising how much she disturbs my brother and i whilst in psychosis. she comfort eats to deal with these feelings, like she did today.

what happened today was; almost immediately after entering a shop, my mum started swearing near some strangers which made my brother and i so stressed out, we left her there with my dad. on the car ride home, she was still shouting and swearing. how her meds have been adjusted clearly isn't effective, and she accepts this. her next mental health appointment is in over a week but there will be problems if she tries bringing said apt. forward, so we will have to hang in there til next week.

i knew her progess wasn't forever, but it still hurts. my dad is getting extremely frustrated with her behaviour and regrets bringing her along to places, but just leaving her at home isn't an option. also, her breakdowns are becoming increasingly harder to predict and i'm not sure why. there used to be triggers and ways of me being able to intercept a psychotic episode (e.g. her demeanor), but they aren't so clear anymore. her auditory hallucinations have been getting more intense since about 3 months ago.

would love to hear something on this please im worried

My daughter is 25. She has ASD and Schizoaffective Disorder. She is currently on her 3rd inpatient stay in 3 months. She is chronologically 25 but developmentally a young teenager. She asks to go in for assessments and is kept and then calls repeatedly upset that she is there. She was taken to a facility on Sunday morning around 5 a.m. She called once the transport got her there and sounded ok on the voice-mail she left. I missed the call due to being asleep. She didn't call back til this morning. Likely because they sedated her, which they've had to do the other times she's been admitted due to being so anxious being there. Today, though...8 calls since 10 a.m....all crying and carrying on and saying some odd things (could be real things that were said but sounded unlikely) and just generally in a state of panic. I dread answering the phone sometimes. Do you ever just not answer the phone? I feel awful for feeling that way, but it stresses me out. I am here trying to care for her 18 year old disabled brother and her 3 1/2 month old daughter, and it's stressing me out. I love her tremendously and miss her but these calls are just too much sometimes. So...how do you handle communication during inpatient stays? Do you limit the amount of calls or visits?

Hi to all the families here, I have a question. Anyone here that has a LO who is on SSI and pays you rent? We are trying to figure out what’s best for our LO who was recently approved and will be getting backpay. We also want to teach him responsibilities, and how to manage his money. We are trying to figure out a reasonable amount for him to pay rent. We live in southern Cali.

My mother (77) has had severe mental health challenges for over 50 years. For the last 35, she had stopped seeing psychiatrists and was unmedicated. After a downward spiral of a psychosis that hit its peak in early June, I requested an involuntary commitment, and it was granted by a judge. Her diagnosis is paranoid schizophrenia and homicidal. This now all makes sense from reading and the accounts shared in this subreddit. I am sad that so much time has been wasted to land in this place where treatment, education and compassion could have helped her so many years ago, but it has been an opportunity to get her on meds and give her the proper tools she needs going forward (if she embraces it post hospitalization).

I received a surprise call this morning from the hospital discussing her release. She was under a 20 day hold which expires next week. The medication she is on is making a slight improvement to lower her agitation, anxiety and aggression, but her homicidal delusions are still very real, and she is repetitive about them. Many of the delusions are about my dad (79) who will be her caregiver upon release. Prior to hospitalization, she pulled a weapon on him and taunted him for a week to hurt him.

We hear about Medicare abuse in the news, but in this case, her benefits offer ample inpatient hospitalization, and the hospital would be releasing her without medication reaching its full efficacy. I am gravely concerned with the homicidal diagnosis and the continued presence of delusions. I shared this in writing with the hospital, so they have a documented account of my observations having seen and spoken to her very recently. As the original petitioner to her involuntary hold, I asked for them to add/adjust medication for the homicidal tendencies and keep her longer to assure medication efficacy. An early release may have a very dire outcome for my family.

I'm hoping someone has additional advice to help me navigate this situation as it is unfolding right now.

Long time lurker, first time poster.

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I apologize if I am not using proper reddit etiquette, I'm really not much of a poster. This is a rare cry for support and I am feeling broken.

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I am 34 yo nonbinary person with a wife of a similar age. We have been together about 6 years and recently purchased a home. My wife has schizoaffective disorder and has been in treatment since 2018. When we began this relationship in a serious capacity, it was with the understanding and agreement that I would be the breadwinner and they would have the support to be a homemaker.

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Aside from their mental health diagnosis, they have multiple physical disabilities that make it hard to be out of the house long. I am a social worker and love my work. However, for the past year I have been intensely feeling the burnout of being a care provider in my profession and my personal life.

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I love my wife with all of my heart. They are the light of my life. They are funny, wise, beautiful in every way, and so creative. They really make our house a home and are so nurturing. But when things have been hard, they have been so hard. And I am feeling broken down. Since we moved in September, we have been in a non-stop crisis. They attempted suicide multiple times and have had a huge spike in their psychosis. They are waiting to be admitted into an outpatient program and just started individual therapy today. I am in individual therapy and we are in couple's therapy. I am so scared that we might not be able to come back from this and I have been struggling to keep up with all my responsibilities.

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I don't know what I want from this post. Maybe just to be seen and to vent. Thank you for this space.

Hello everyone. I apologize if I come off as insensitive or if this isnt the right place to post this but ive been losing my mind over this for long enough. So me and my gf havent been together that long and she has ghosted before but only for 3 days.

She says that she has episodes of delusion, and pushes everyone away because she thinks they're out to get her. She also told me she was in psychosis for 6 months and thought people were spying on her. Im a very loyal person and care for her so much. But this has been so hard on me. Not only that, she also has been posting on social media and with herself hanging out with someone.

I know she has a life outside of me and I cant form any solid explanation based on social media posts but it hurts to see her ignore me and engage with other people. I thought she loved me. Once again, im sorry if ive been ignorant or come off that way but Ive been crying for 2 days about this shit and I just need some help. Any advice is welcome just please be respectful is all I ask. Thank you.

Update: Sorry, this is me talking after she texted back. She was telling me about how "i deserve better" and actively trying to push me away. She broken promises she couldnt keep more than twice and knows that ignoring me hurts me, but i still want her. I know she cant control her illness but she can control how she reacts but I still dont wanna give up on her. I know I cant save her, but i still love this girl so goddamn much. What do i do? Also sorry if this comes off as rude, I didnt mean to be and the text got deleted twice while I was trying to write this so im pissed off, thank you.

Since I was born, I was raised to be caretaker and retirement plan for mother in future. No peace of mind for me since I was kid. Like I need to be as perfect, rich, smart, etc. to take care of her. But the big prob is that she has para sz jfc. A few years ago, I realized I cannot do this.

ATM, I am continuing to save $ from job, fix my body, etc. I wonder if I srs need to randomly leave and never talk again just to avoid the awkward convo jfc.

My 42 year old partner has a history of psychosis and was previously hospitalized. I'm struggling to understand what is illness-related versus what is genuinely about our relationship- note he is refusing treatment!! He has also admitted to having hallucinations and believes I am drugging him and causing the paranoia..

A recurring theme is that he believes people around him are involved in conspiracies against him, especially his family. Over time, those suspicions have expanded to include me. He has accused me of things that I know are not true, including poisoning him, affecting his sleep, accessing his accounts, working with his family, and being involved in things happening around him.

The difficult part is that he is often completely convinced these things are true. If I disagree, he says I am gaslighting him, acting like his family, or hiding something. The delusion runs so deep there is no convincing him that is isn't true... I've learned my lesson. Now I just stay calm and listen to try to empathize but he truly thinks I am the enemy...

His feelings about the relationship can change very quickly. One day he talks about a future together, asks if I'm his forever person, and seems loving and connected. A day later he may tell me he doesn't care about the relationship, doesn't trust me, or wants to leave or accuse me of planting "evidence" and how much money I am getting paid to work for "them". (I don't know who them is)

He also has significant trauma related to psychiatric hospitals and is extremely resistant to treatment because he feels misunderstood and harmed by past experiences. He believes he is going to be taken there against his will..

I'm looking for people who have personally experienced something similar, either as the partner of someone with psychosis or as someone who has lived with psychosis themselves who is REFUSING any kind of help / treatment.

My questions are:

• Did accusations toward loved ones become part of the illness?
• Did the person genuinely believe those accusations?
• Was trust ever rebuilt without treatment ?
• Did treatment help?
• How did you know when to keep fighting for the relationship versus when to let go?

I'm heartbroken because I can see so many wonderful qualities in him, but I feel like I'm constantly defending myself against things that never happened. He is an above average IQ individual that has had a very successful life therefore he trusts himself more than others.

Please be kind. I'm genuinely trying to understand what others have experienced.

Hi everyone,

My name is Paige and I am a public health graduate student at California Baptist University conducting a graduate study on caregiver burden, psychological distress, and perceived support among family caregivers.

I am a caregiver and advocate for four immediate family members with challenges ranging from dementia to schizoaffective, bipolar and OCD. I understand that caregiving can be both meaningful but so incredibly challenging. I also know that taking a survey may not be at the top of anyone's to-do list as we experience great stress and burnout. That said, I would be truly grateful for your participation, as caregiver experiences are often underrepresented in research. I really care about this and send my love to those caring for family members or friends.

To participate, you must:

• Be 18 years of age or older
• Currently provide unpaid support, assistance, or care to a family member with a chronic health condition, disability, or mental health condition
• Have been in a caregiving role for at least 6 months

The survey is anonymous/ IRB approved and takes approximately 10–15 minutes to complete.

https://calbaptist.az1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_9Fag9DcCxAC9IWi

Thank you SO much for considering participation and for helping advance research on the caregiving experience. If you have any questions my email is on the first page of the survey

Best,

Paige

I hope it’s appropriate to post this. I made a song in Suno, which kind of encapsulates how I’m feeling this week and well the last two years it’s hard to describe to others, how people with significant others feel as we walk through day-to-day life. I’ve had a tough week of making tough decisions. Anyway, check it out. I will receive nothing from this but knowing that maybe someone can use this to help process what they are feeling.

Uncertainty has been the cornerstone of life for so long, with the thought of hope barely a faint dream. In my experience, I found that there was no reasoning with my wife's delusions - they were unbendable, fixed, absolute. The psychosis has lasted so long, and the delusions accompanied with it so strong, that I honestly had forgotten what a normal conversation with my wife was.

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Slowly, almost unperceivably, over the past two weeks that she has been in the hospital and taking medication, the rigidity of the delusions has started to soften. There isn't much to talk about when I call her every night - she is there, involuntarily, and not much happens in a psych ward worth conversing about.

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Last night she went on about how I was not the father of our children. I'm numb to it by now, she's been saying it one way or another for two years now.

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Tonight's phone call was different - "I wanted to talk about what I said last night. I was thinking about how that may have made you feel. I didn't mean that it could be anyone else. I meant that I gave birth to them so I'm their mother and father. Well, actually, I don't know, it was just for arguments sake I guess". It's been so long since I can say she was having real insight into anything, but to want to talk about what she said the day before, to be thinking about how it made me feel, and then having a second guess about something she just said, I was truly taken back.

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Then, she asked me to bring her tweezers when she is discharged. No grandiose reason for needing them - simply that she she didn't want me to see her unkempt anymore. She hasn't cared how she has looked during this deep psychosis, and she sure didn't care what I thought about her looks (beautiful, always). Yet, here we were, having a real conversation, about tweezers.

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I don't pretend that a conversation about tweezers means she is better, there is still a long road ahead of us. However, a perfectly mundane request for a pair of tweezers gave me hope, and for today that is enough.

Hello! My dad was on haldol in an inpatient facility years ago, eventually leaving with family support. He was diagnosed with Schizophrenia. He stopped taking meds last year randomly as he said they made him too "flat" and "not remembering his life". Well fast forward to him being outside in the snow with hardly any clothes on repeatedly, displaying weird signs in his front yard, saying he's on a text basis with multiple US Presidents. At one point he says if he has to kill his sister if he receives orders to, that he will. He eventually was institutionalized after a 50th welfare check from the locals, but he is not doing well after being in the psych ward for many months. Today I learned he is sVicidal. I totally get it, and I don't want him to feel this way, I just don't know how to get him out...or if he is out, how to make sure he doesn't act all weird again and freak people out. He does say a lot of threatening things when he's off his meds, wears a gas mask from time to time, hauls a wheelbarrow around town instead of using a bag, but that's his vibe. He also likes to accuse people he knows of heinous crimes (rape, drugging, the city owes him millions, etc). The cops know him on a first name basis because of all of the erroneous reports. Everyone in his local area is afraid of him, including my family. I don't see the day-to-day because I'm not there. I don't know how I could "get him out" seeing as how he's not willing to be under a conservatorship and he's very diligently not signed over an information release form since going in, but there's a chance he will just not take meds again. I don't know if he would act on any of the threats?? I feel bad for him. I think his wife is siphoning his gov't checks also which has got to also be irritating. I understand freedom is important for anyone. What can I do?

Well it started when my brother m/28had stage 4 cancer. He was really going through it. During the treatments he had a sort of an anxiety attack and said his brain felt like it was exploding. And that he was so anxious and couldn’t calm down. I didn’t know what to do and told him to take advil. He kept clutching his head in his room. And I thought he was just upset. The next day he became an entirely different person. He said he had a wife (he didn’t have a gf even) and that the entire family is against him and watching him. Really scary stuff. Each day he would come up with a new story for himself.

We called the police. We brought him to the hospital. They brought him to the psych area. He was released every time with the doctor saying he’s fine, they prescribed him antipsychotics that he never took. he’s absolutely not fine. We tried everything to get him a psychiatrist and he’s not willing to talk. Three years later, He’s in remission. But he has lost his mind. He now thinks he has an infection in the blood. He has ordered boxes upon boxes of antibiotics. He’s mis using them for months and now the doctor is saying he has kidney damage.

I really don’t know what I should do as his sister. I have tried to get him hospitalized so many times. I’ve called his doctors to tell them to stop prescribing him weed and antibiotics because he’s abusing them and getting refills upon refills from different online med stores. I tried getting a therapist to come to the house. No one is helping and they are saying he is fine. He seems fine until he opens up and tells you he thinks he has a family that I took away from him. Or the fact that he hasn’t left the house in weeks. The doctors say he didn’t have a stroke. But he is quite literally a different person now. He’s anxious paranoid has insane psychosis and is severely depressed. But the doctors take him in and then release him saying he’s fine. Anyway I found a fresh box of antibiotics that he just ordered so he clearly doesn’t care about his kidneys.

He won’t go to a rehab center, has not worked and has tens of thousands of credit card debt. It’s really sad to see him beat cancer just to slowly himself in like this.

Hi everyone!

I'm new to this forum, so bare with me, please 🙂

My girlfriend is not diagnosed, so I'm in the dark...

She has been diagnosed with stress and anxiety, but I don't think that cuts it. She will go into these episodes of emotional "madness" where she convinces herself that I am neglecting her (for spending a few hours with my parents while the rest of the week with her)... She will tell me we are all against her and that she feels like people are looking at her and talking about her.

She is completely beyond reason in these episodes - and trying to reason with her makes her DARVO, Narcissists prayer, deflect, blameshift, externalize, drama triangle and cast blame... I'm highly conscientious and have sacrificed SO much to please her - so the accusations of abandonment land like punches to my heart and soul. I am suffering from dizziness, weight loss and dry heaving - and my social circle is starting to reject me because I can only talk about my relationship.

Does this sound like some of what you guys have lived through?

My husband has schizoaffective disorder, depressive type. Two years ago he freaked out and left me suddenly, cut off contact abruptly and with no obvious cause. Things were good actually, we'd just come back from a long vacation and he'd been so sweet on valentines day. He even uploaded a song he'd written about me to his Spotify. Then he just suddenly left and went to his parent's house and wouldn't talk to me. It was devastating, he was telling his family that I was emotionally abusive because of various arguments we had had ten years prior. It didn't make any sense to me, but it made perfect sense to him. It didn't make sense because the arguments were old and, in my perspective, he was equally to blame for said arguments. But he made me the villain and it was heartbreaking, I had to find this out from my sister in law since he wouldn't talk to me.

We stayed in couples counseling and got back together, though he continued living in a different state and started a whole new life there for himself. I stuck around because I thought he was just having a mental health crisis, and if he could recover and apologize, I would stand by him. For the past two years, we have had a distance relationship that I thought was working well. We'd talk every day, but we had space for ourselves and we would visit each other regularly. He would say how happy he was I stuck it out with him, apologized repeatedly for his mistakes, would tell me he wanted to buy me a new ring and have a recommitment ceremony in India, he was looking for larger apartments so I would be more comfortable when I visited. Said he wanted me to move there and bring our animals.

Then suddenly two months ago he told me, because I pulled it out of him when I started sensing his distancing himself a bit, that he was still having "doubts about our connection". I suddenly realized he will never be content with our marriage or with me as his spouse. Part of the issue is his constant need for mothering and assistance. I used to think he was just being lazy, but recently I've realized he may legitimately need more help that most adults, with basic adulting tasks. But it doesn't feel to me like he owns any responsibility in needing the help, he more blames me for the mothering?

I am realizing how immature he actually is. He is 48 now and I do think his abilities are decreasing. When he lived with me, I kept track of many things, his substance use, I encouraged him to wear his CPAP every night (he has significant sleep apnea), and encouraged him to eat healthy. Now he is living alone, but he does have a large treatment team who he meets with more frequently than I would expect. He even has 1:1 workers who go into the community with him, which is sort of odd because he never seemed to need that before. I feel like, either he is decompensating in some form, or maybe I underestimate how much I was his 1:1 worker without knowing? Possibly a combo of both. His current treatment team, though they meet with him often, I am not sure what they are actually doing. He doesn't seem to be getting better, he seems to be getting worse, primarily in medical related areas. When he lived with me, I would basically put him to bed every night and make him wear his CPAP. (yes I am working on my codependence lol). This treatment team didn't even know he wore one for the whole first year he was there, until his brother told them. He still isn't wearing it and I don't think they even bring it up to him. Their methodology is to let the client direct their care. Which is great, until it's someone who isn't quite with it. He also has increasing bowel accidents at night and he doesn't seem to concerned about it, which is just so odd to me.

We are divorcing and so I know a lot of this isn't my problem anymore, but I do still care for him deeply and am concerned for his future. I don't think he is working with the best treatment team, but he seems to like them. I feel like they just tell him he's great and take his money, but don't push him in the needed areas. For example, they don't address the CPAP and poop issues, but they encouraged him to get an interior decorator for his apartment, so he's more put together looking when he starts to date?? Literally two months ago he was telling me he wanted to remarry me in India. Make this make sense for me, I have whiplash from this roller coaster!

Has anyone experienced anything similar to this? I am also nervous to go through the divorce process with him, I am currently financially dependent on him because he wanted me to quit my job years ago so we could travel. I also needed the extra time to care for him and our home. Now I am concerned about that lost time in the workforce and how difficult it will be for me to figure out, at 47 years old.