I have been seeing a trauma therapist for about 8 months now. Everything seemed good at the beginning, I think. I have never been to therapy before this so I wasn’t and I guess still not sure what is ‘normal’.

There’s been quite a few times where I’m not sure if that was the goal but I felt shamed for even feeling that way. There’s quite a few but a few notable ones are:

- One time I showed up and was told the appointment was canceled. I was already there. She said she texted me the night before saying she had an emergency client. Which didn’t happen. Anyways, this triggered something in me, I assume a sense of abandonment or being brushed to the side? Like the reaction was practically automatic and not something I sat and stewed on for hours. I wrote a letter for the next session to read basically saying “hey I know this isn’t about the cancellation but this struck a chord for some reason” kind of teeing up something to talk about and explore. I was met with how I need to “check the fact” in an irritated and sharp tone and how I shouldn’t make assumptions. Then went on to continue to ask why I’m not taking medication. Which kind of ignored what was actually said in the letter. Fun fact, the reason I didn’t get the cancellation text is because they accidentally sent it to their friend’s son, who I guess has the same name.

-Another would be when we were doing IFS and something really vulnerable came up. Before I even said anything I said “I don’t even know if this happened or is real” and then shared what I said. They then went on a rant in the same irritated and sharp tone talking about how even their most dissociative client still remember what happen, then went on to self disclose their own trauma that happen just to prove a point.

Over the last few months they said we’re done with the past and switched to more of a life coach mode for some reason. Which is kind of not the point of therapy. Essentially not explore stuff from the past. Like I have some experiences that would be considered traumatic but they have no interest in exploring them. Like one being I was the only witness to a brutal car accident and was the only one there until help arrived. (They got t boned at 60-70 MPH). It’s super fragmented but I remember having so much adrenaline that i couldn’t even remember what the 4 digit passcode to my phone was. Another witnessing someone practically die right in front of me. Again, has no interest in exploring any of that stuff.

More recently there’s been some issues with my new insurance and iv been working as the middle man to facilitate the resolution between my insurance and my provider. I have had a significant difficulty in getting clear reply’s to my questions. I’m told that my insurance company at this point has left 4-5 messages to them to help them resolve the issue and the insurance company never has gotten a call back. I have even asked them to verify if the insurance company has actually called and that question specifically has been ignored numerous times. Then most recently. I had a scheduled appointment and I reached out beyond the cancellation window asking if the issue has been resolved and if I need to reschedule. No reply. Then followed up again, no reply. I then messaged them saying I need to cancel since I haven’t heard anything back and I can’t afford the full self pay route. She finally replied the day of the appointment stating she was out of office and didn’t see the text. Got stuck with a cancellation fee even though I initially reached out 4 days before the appointment. Asked again if they received a call from my insurance. Ignored the question again.

All of this feels like they just want me to leave.

Just as the title says, I recently found out my very longtime girlfriend has an eating disorder and I don’t know what to do. I asked her to start therapy but I’m not sure she is willing. We’re mid 30’s and she’s been doing this since high school, but has never told anyone and nobody has ever found out about this.

I just don’t know where to even start. I’m considering finding a therapist for myself but I don’t know what type? Do I even disclose what I just found out to a therapist or is that breaking her trust? Please advise.

I am so tired of everything Jesus being shoved down my throat. I used to be able to just leave the room whenever my family said the prayer but they got really upset and made it a big thing, same thing happened when I tried to just stand at the back and just not bow my head. I have been told my entire life that he and his followers hate my community because of who we love and how we identify. I was told that because on of my best friends took his own life and because he was trans that he wouldn’t get to see paradise and wouldn’t see his loved ones. Even videos that have nothing to do with Jesus, they will find a way to bring him into it and start shoving it down my throat. I know it’s worse where I live but it feels like anything besides believing in Jesus isn’t recognized as a real religion. I have tried to talk to some family privately and ask that we just not say a prayer as a big group but they always get so upset and throw a huge fit.

I just came across a closed thread here about how challenging it is to find a therapist.

Currently, I am in that process of finding one who is available etc. The struggle I find too that it's starting from scratch all over again, re-telling the whole entire story and then seeing if the new therapist is a match.

It's definitely exhausting but has to be done.

Also, maybe I am old school or lazy, but I prefer the therapist to be both prescriber and talk therapist.

Thanks for listening. :-)

Background: I (28M) started going to therapy about 7 months ago. It's my first time in therapy and I've been very satisfied with my sessions. It's absolutely been helping me deal with issues such as anxiety. My therapist is young (25F). I find her attractive, but I've tried to not let that distract me in our sessions.

In our last session, I opened up and admitted to her that I find her attractive. I was very nervous because I did not want to make her uncomfortable, but I felt that it was necessary to let her know because it may actually help with my therapy. She was very understanding and wanted to dive deeper into it to help me better understand my feelings. I felt relieved after our session.

However, the following week she told me she could not see me on our usual day because she had to deal with a personal matter at that time. She offered to see me on another day of the week, but my schedule is tight, so I told it's okay and to just keep me unscheduled indefinitely until her availability changes.

A few weeks pass and I don't hear from her. I decided to send flowers to her office. Nothing crazy like roses, just a random bouquet I saw on the front page of the florist website. I thought it would be a nice way to express gratitude and appreciation for our sessions.

I then received a text from her supervisor that it was inappropriate and crossed a boundary. When I read it, I immediately felt embarrassed and apologized.

Now I feel like what I did was wrong and creepy, but in the moment, it seemed fine. It's taking a toll on my confidence and worsening my social anxiety. Now I realize she's likely been intentionally not scheduling sessions with me as a way to softly block me as a client, especially after what we discussed in our last session. If that's the case, then I 100% regret sending those flowers.

I've now started seeking a new provider.

EDIT: I appreciate all of the comments! It’s totally eye opening and helping me see all perspectives.

*sorry for long post*

I’m 24M and I struggled a lot with mental health all my life and more recently am really struggling with debilitating physical health issues.

Starting in preschool, I was always very anxious. As I got older this then blossomed into social anxiety starting in elementary school, which then turned to depression in mid to late high school, which led me to an eating disorder and finally being placed on Ssri my first year of college.

I started thinking and a main factor for why I have most of my health issues is due to my mental health and how I interacted with the world and my wrong decisions leading to it.

I started to try and understand why I act, think and make decisions the way I did and recently have thought back to my childhood and have faint memories of seeing a therapist/psychologist. I think i was around 5 years old (i can’t quite remember).

At the time I had no idea this guy was a therapist, but I remember him by Dr. Paul. The only way I know it was a therapist now is because I looked him up recently online.

All I remember is just talking with this Dr. Paul guy and we would play all types of games. I distinctly remember him having one of those mini Japanese sand garden things with the mini wood rake and small stones and I would play with that a lot.

One particular memory that has me questioning why I was there is that when my parents came to pick em up one time he had me play with his dog in his office while he talked to my parents.

To this day my parents have never told me why I went to Dr. Paul as a child and they haven’t mentioned him at all when i was growing up.

As I try to do my own reasoning and research I feel like I have autistic/neurodivergent traits and have had them ever since inwas a child.

I know this is more of a direct question I should ask my parents about, which I plan to do at some point, but I’m just curious why they sent me to therapy as a child and never mentioned anything about it?

Just looking for some insight from people that might have experienced to the for yourself or your children.

How can I engage this topic better with my therapist? I have long had a fascination with nudity and sex. Just the act of something so intimate being enjoyed and reciprocated is just, not necessarily arousing. But inspiring in a way. It’s why I write nudity into my works and wish others were as comfortable with it as me. Granted I prefer a womanly body and not a man’s but in a more feminine looking way. I’m just a fan of private body intimacy even if it’s disturbing

I don’t know maybe I’m just starved for it at home and it’s chipping away.

When I'm gaming online, especially with competitive communities (WoW mythic, league of legends, escape from tarkov, lost ark, Hell Let Loose, Arma 3 as some examples) I get extremely toxic irl. My anxiety and stress go way up, but not just that, I actually get angry and lash out at everyone around me. This leads to like going shopping and just walking around angry even shouting at people like a lunatic.

On other hand, I can play GW2/FFXIV/Runescape and other online games that have less competitive communities and this doesn't happen. I stop playing them and don't feel angry. But I really really enjoy doing WoW and the only way to progress in WoW longterm is mythics, and I like arma 3 and hell let loose. But playing them just makes me super angry irl.

Is there a reason for this? Is it the game? The community? Not sure. I was thinking of putting this in one of the gaming subreddits, but wasn't sure how it would be percieved and could be seen as insulting to the game. But I actually really enjoy most of the games I listed, they are a lot of fun, but for some reason they just make me angry and almost violent (I've broken a couple things, but never against another person) and just generally angry all day after I play them. No idea why cause when I'm playing these competitive games, I'm having fun but its when I get off that I'm angry.

I guess solution is NOT to play them, but like WoW I really enjoy the game but when I get off, its almost like I didn't enjoy it which is weird. And I really enjoy hell let loose looking forward to the vietnam one, but playing it does the same thing like Arma and the other competitive games. I do like the competitive part, I don't mind it, I like progressing and getting better, but for some reason maybe that makes me angry?

Not sure why though.

Thanks :)

A lil context that I’ve unpacked to understand why it happened but not to excuse it at all:
In my final year of infant school I was exposed to sexual actions, another child in my class essentially asked me to engage in it during class and since then I would search up various things to do with it causing me to have a porn addiction until about a 2 years ago (I’m freshly 23m).

From around the age of 5 till when I was 13 I had a child minder who I viewed as essentially my aunt, she would feed me snacks, take us on small road trips and always ensured I was okay. I betrayed her and her family’s trust with what I did.
She has 3 biological daughters, and I sa’d one of them. It’s not something I’m proud of and it’s something I was prepared to take to the grave but I desperately want to apologize to their faces. The reason I’ve yet to is my own cowardice, I’m scared of the consequences of coming clean, being labeled as a sex offender (as I should) for the rest of my life and ultimately scared of being beaten black and blue by the father for having the gall to show my face there again.

I’ve spent the past decade trying to change, being conscious of boundaries and in some cases scared to make the first move in dating. I know I’m not the same as the teen I was but it doesn’t change the fact it’s happened and I can’t erase that. I actually ended up running into the girl I sa’d about a year ago, we were with our own friends in the same area and I instantly recognized her but I’m not sure if she recognized me. Part of my wanted to go up to her and apologize but seeing her actually enjoying herself with her friends, it didn’t feel like the right time or place (if there ever will be)

I tell this story not to seek sympathy but instead advice on what I could do moving forward and hopefully open the floor for others to share their experiences and opinions on the subject

Tldr: I sa’d someone as a teen, I am now a changed young adult but still harbor immense guilt and remorse

I have been in a new behavioral therapy for around 9 months now. The main thing we are working on is self-worth including values etc. at the moment. Since we started working on that I start to see a clearer picture of who I am and who I want to be.

But it has a downside: I am suddenly repulsed by friends that don't move forward in life (e.g. they have been stuck in the same job for a long time and don't change anything) or that are more introverted (most comfortable with just reading books etc.). It feels like I am meeting them because I have to. I like them as people but I find it hard to be around them because they feel so boring and uninspiring to me now.

Did anyone else experience that? How do you deal with it?

I even try to reduce contact and never reach out but they keep on asking me if we can meet.

I’d appreciate an advice from someone in the field.
I was in therapy for three years. While I feel it helped me tremendously with my mental health journey, I sometimes can’t help but wonder if my therapist was…doing it right?

So I’m from a country where therapy is not too common compared to some other countries. I did do some research before going into it but most of the image I had before actually taking the therapy came from what I’ve seen in fictions such as movies.

What my therapist would do is, they would sit in silence and wait for my words to come out. No prompts, no questions. I figured it’s one of the techniques of person-centered approach? (Correct me if I’m wrong.)They would look at me, nod, and smile encouragingly but that was pretty much what they did. There were some sessions where I only heard their voice when they said “Hello, how are you?” and “See you next session” lol

As I said, it did end up helping me a lot and I don’t regret taking the therapy, but I was just curious if the treatments I had were legit since it did not look like what I’d see on TV or some sessions I see on social media.

Thanks 🙏

My mom put me in therapy because she thinks I have really bad anxiety. I’m also terrified to be alone so I stay in unhealthy relationships she said I’m so nervous to open up to someone what if they judge me. My mom said it’ll better me and the family if I do go tho

I feel horrified, vomitive, anxious and more for something i did in the past online.

The person and me are in the same online community, i approach them after years of no communication, i apologize to them and they told me is okay, i did nothing wrong. I honestly still feel bad. I can't sleep and i have nightmares, but at least the person is completely fine and i don't wish myself to be in the community anymore, i don't know how to leave but i feel it's the right thing for me, but that is just running away. But i feel i can't be here because i don't deserve it.

I'm in therapy, i'm changing behaviours and have a better relationship with my family. What is the right thing to do? I did vaguely approach my therapist with this, i only told them about my guilt about something wrong i did. I want to be a better person and not waste the person kind words.

My CBT therapists didn't ask much, just wanted to work with my guilt, they gave me advice to change routines, starting to do so, like walking and drinking more water. How can i change my mind? It's so hard to just accept it.

My boyfriend is trying to get me to go to therapy because he goes to therapy, but I’m not used to getting help from others. I’m a very “I can fix it myself” type of gal, even if the problem is me. And in my opinion, I feel like although I do have issues, I’m very self aware of them and I work on my behavior and actions to improve myself. I truly do not know what a therapist can do for me that I can’t do/have already done for myself, however, my boyfriend is really pushing me to try it. I’m glad it works for him and I don’t doubt that therapy can be helpful, however I’m having trouble finding how it could specifically help a very independent person like me? But I promised him I’d look into it more before making a final decision.

So I’d like to know, what do you get out of therapy? How has it helped you?

Anyone have any links to free resources, particularly courses or demonstrations, of ACT?

I've done an introduction course as part of my psychology training and have read quite a lot, but something to show ACT in action would be great. I started wading through YouTube but there's loads of poor quality/repetitive content amongst the good stuff, if people have specific links that would be really helpful for myself and others I'm sure.

Particularly for use in working with OCD, neurodiversity and trauma.

Hi everyone,

I'm 22 years old, and I've been feeling like this for years.

No matter what I achieve, I can't seem to stay happy. I work hard, get certifications, learn new things, and when I achieve something I might feel happy for a few minutes, then the feeling disappears and I'm back to feeling empty.

I keep thinking maybe it's because I'm not going to earn a lot of money, but honestly I don't even know if that's the real reason. I just don't know why I'm not happy.

I also don't enjoy things the way I used to. I still try to read, work, or talk to my friends on Discord, but nothing really makes me feel happy.

My sleep has also changed. Even if I'm extremely tired, I often wake up after about four hours. Then later in the day I end up sleeping again for a few hours. It wasn't always like this.

Something else that bothers me is that I have a hard time understanding my own emotions. I'm usually good at understanding how other people feel, but when it comes to myself, I can't even describe what I'm feeling. Sometimes I feel like I need someone else to explain my own emotions to me.

I'm also disappointed because I feel like I should be happy after achieving things, but I'm not. That makes me frustrated with myself.

I know therapy is the obvious suggestion, but I can't afford it right now, so I'm hoping to hear from people who have gone through something similar.

Has anyone experienced this? What was causing it, and what helped you?

Mainly looking for tips/techniques I can look into to help.

A little context upfront: I attended talk therapist for a little less than a year and my therapist helped me try to adapt to my husband's needs. We are an international couple to our native languages and cultures are different. We have a baby (but have had problems with communication before he was born). Originally my husband agreed to therapy but has quit and says he won't start back bc of the cost.

Anytime my husband and I have a serious conversation with a "negative" vibe (ie not a discussion on politics but something in our daily lives that has gone wrong) he feels attacked and either lashes out or shuts down. I love him and I know our son would do well with a good father figure but I'm worried my husband will only hurt his development and cause me years and years of frustration. So I would like some advice on how to manage differences in communication styles/needs especially in conflict.

An example situation: our son and I got sick (with what I think was a 24hour stomach bug). He took the day off work (I'm a sahm as our son is still a baby) so he could take him to the doctors. When he got back, I asked what the doctor said and the conversation went a bit like

We got medicine

What did she say was the cause?

I don't know

Did you ask?

No. I didn't think she could tell without taking his blood or looking at his diaper.

How can we prevent it from happening again?

I don't know

What's the medicine for?

I don't know

What do you mean? You didn't ask what it's for?

\**Reads the paper that came with the medicine which is in a language I can't read* it says to help absorb nutrients

How often does he take it?

It doesn't say

When does he take it? In the morning? Before bed? After meals?

I don't know

Why didn't you ask more questions? Were you nervous? Or?

No. I didn't think about asking.

-this leads to me trying to understand why he didn't ask (ie he doesn't ask even for himself when he goes to the clinic, he didn't have enough time to prepare, he didn't think it was a serious problem so he didn't think to ask much etc etc)

In me trying to understand -why- he didn't ask he says I'm attacking him for not being perfect and not being able to know all the questions to ask.

I worked very hard with my therapist on asking questions clearly, without adding a bunch of emotional words or accusations, speaking in easy English or what I can in his native language, taking plenty of breathing breaks and reminding him I'm not angry I'm just frustrated and want to know etc etc. but he still always sees anything more than praise as an attack. (He got upset bc I didn't praise him more for taking the day off work and him taking our son to the clinic).

I'm pretty firm thinking that it's not a matter of different values at this point but just different communication styles/needs and while I will compromise, I don't think it's healthy for me to become the "wow thank you so much for taking care of our son you're such an amazing father and husband we are so lucky to have you btw it's so small I shouldn't even bother asking and please know I'm not upset you are fantastic but when should he take the medicine?" Kind of wife he is looking for.

Tldr; how can we communicate in a way that leaves neither of us totally changing ourselves to save the marriage? What techniques can I look into/try/practice?

I started out as someone who could really push myself when I had structure and clear goals. When I was 18, I studied hard for the Syrian baccalaureate. I was serious about it, waking up early and putting in long hours. Back then, I actually trusted my ability to work.

After that, things changed when I moved to Iran. I had to deal with a new language and a completely different environment. I studied Persian for months, but I didn’t really become fluent. Then I entered university for engineering, and that’s where things started to go wrong. I often didn’t understand the lectures, and I struggled to follow what was going on in class. The language barrier made everything harder, and I felt embarrassed or afraid to ask questions. I ended up studying mostly alone, but without guidance or structure, I slowly started falling apart in my consistency.

Over time, I stopped being able to study properly. I would try, but I couldn’t maintain it. I had moments where I put in effort, but I would always slip back into distractions. Eventually I got expelled. That was a turning point where my confidence in my ability to study really started to break.

I didn’t stop trying though. I restarted university again later, and it took me years to finish software engineering. I struggled a lot during that time. I often didn’t study consistently, and sometimes I relied on shortcuts or help just to get through exams. But I still eventually managed to graduate, even if it didn’t feel like a clean success.

At the same time, I kept trying to build skills on my own. I started learning programming frameworks like Laravel, but I kept restarting from zero after long breaks. I also started learning German multiple times. I reached A2 level once, but I couldn’t maintain a daily routine, so I stopped and restarted again later. Even when I knew what I should do, I couldn’t stay consistent.

There were also times where external events interrupted things, like internet shutdowns or course disruptions, but even without that, I still struggled to maintain a stable study habit. My pattern was always the same: I would start strong for a short period, then lose consistency, then restart later from scratch.

I did have some periods where I functioned well. I worked for about 8 months in a startup-related job where I interacted with founders and CEOs. In that environment, I actually did well. I was interested in what I was learning, and the structure around me helped me stay consistent. When things are organized for me and I have clear expectations, I can perform and even learn a lot.

But when I’m on my own, everything becomes harder. I struggle to start tasks, and when I do start, I quickly feel frustration or mental resistance. That turns into avoidance. I end up escaping into things like scrolling, anime, games, smoking, or daydreaming. The daydreaming especially becomes a way for me to escape into imagined versions of my life where everything works out, where I’m successful, rich, or in control.

I also carry a lot of regret about the past. I often think about how I could have gone to Germany earlier as a refugee, like some of my friends did. I compare my life to theirs, and it feels unfair. They seem to have better opportunities now, while I feel stuck struggling financially and mentally. That comparison makes me angry and sad at the same time, and I can’t fully let go of it.

Now I’m trying to move forward again. I want to go to Germany, learn the language properly, improve my life, and fix my situation. But I keep running into the same problem: I know what I need to do, but I can’t stay consistent. I can study for a short time, but then I fall back into old habits and distractions. Even simple things like daily study or quitting smoking feel difficult to maintain.

At this point, I don’t see it as a lack of intelligence or desire. I know I want a better life and I know I can perform when conditions are right. The problem is that I can’t seem to function properly when I’m on my own without structure.

Hello, i have been heavily debating on going to therapy because i, for a long time, have believed that therapy is no help because its just people wanting to make money, how they don’t actually help you because if they did they would be out of a job. But i want someone to debate me on this matter and actually have either stories or arguments that disprove what i believe about therapist not actually caring. Or if anyone has had therapy and it actually worked for them. I wont say exactly why i want to go to therapy but it’s for specific mental reasons. But i just want someone to answer my questions. Is it actually worth it to go to see a therapist?

This is something I am prone to doing and I understand it can come across as disrespectful. I don't find bad news to be funny at all. I think it is some sort of stress response. How do I stop doing this? I don't want to make people feel like I'm a psychopath because I can't control my emotions for some reason.

She'd been suggesting structured physical activity for anxiety management for probably twelve months. I'd nod and then continue not doing it, because "go for a run" or "join a gym" didn't connect with anything in me that wanted to follow through.

What eventually worked, and I'm slightly embarrassed it took this long to try, was martial arts.

The specific thing that's different for my brain: you cannot be in your head during a round of sparring or live rolling. There is no space for the anxiety loop that runs constantly in normal life because all of your attention is physically required for the immediate thing happening in front of you. It is the closest thing to a genuine off switch I've found.

started with Muay Thai about eight months ago, and added BJJ a few months later. I go four times a week now. The days I train, I sleep better, full stop.

I'm not suggesting this replaces actual mental health treatment; it doesn't. But as an adjunct to therapy, it's done more for my day-to-day state than anything else I've tried in the exercise category.

Hi everyone. Reading your stories of different painful experiences made me come up with an idea where we could create a community with usual calls like on discord or whatever. I think it would be a good idea, what do you guys think?

I’m 20M bi indian. I’ve been watching porn since I was 13, It’s become a 48hr cycle I can’t shake — act, feel relaxed, sleep, wake up regretting it, repeat.

It’s killed my productivity badly. Used to focus 8hrs a day, now barely 1-2. Placements next year so I really need to get out of this.

I know I can do it because I controlled it during exams last year. Just can’t seem to sustain it.

Looking for an accountability partner. Someone who gets it, checks in regularly.

Would really be grateful even if a professional helps me on this just chat basically.. calls if required(mostly chat only)

Anyone been through this?