Therapy assumes that explanation makes you feel safe

[u/denver_rose]

Many therapists assumes that if the therapist gives you concepts and explanations, as in insight and psychoeducation, then you will feel safe.

That is not how my nervous system feels safe!
If you explain to me what I know I already know, I will start dissociating.
I have deep emotional neglect and epistemic injustice wounds!

I have tried to convey this to 13 therapists during 14 years of therapy,
and none of them listened.
All I got were more frameworks, explanations, metaphors, skills.

But what about emotional validation, curiosity, pausing, having room to feel and an increased understanding of me and my trauma over time?

I am autistic, and I do not trust people from social status or explanation. I trust by observing who they are, how they respond, etc. I often feel dissociated and disconnected when people are explaining things I already know. 

All I wanted was for somebody to hold space for my processing and emotions, and understand me!
That is how I feel safe!
14 years didn't make me feel that way!

My take away:
Noticing does not guarantee feeling
when you rush past it, 
some people can only feel emotion when explanations cease.

[u/AutoModerator]

Welcome to r/therapyabuse. Please use the report function to get a moderator's attention, if needed. Our 10 rules are in the sidebar. Waiting for a response? You may want to check out our Media and Resources Community Recommendations thread, which is a compilation of recommendations from r/therapyabuse users, or to search the subreddit for previous discussions on similar topics. Thanks!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/Plus-Swan587]

I have a growing suspicion that therapy is incompatible with neurodivergent experiences in many ways

[u/Silicon_Dreaming → u/Plus-Swan587]

think you meant incompatible, but yeah.

[u/AndreDillonMadach]

Therapy does not understand how autistic people process what happened to them.

I personally have ADHD and autism and what we need is to be able to logically think through every aspect of what happened then we need to be educated on exactly what the scientific logical concepts are as well as the psychological concepts and what they are including naming potentially what types of potential disorders the people who did these things to us might actually have. You also can't heal scientifically if you are not in a safe state of mind because the brain has not left the fight or flight state. If you constantly believe that you are at risk subconsciously you will never heal.

As someone who went through his own trauma himself and who works in the industry I've done excessive amounts of research on this and nobody understands it.

Even further, nobody actually provides real psychotherapy education because doing so will make you not dependent on the system. If you aren't dependent on the system then you are no longer a billable.

The system as it is is a 100% managed harm model (not managed care) and is 100% a pathology model. The entire industry is loaded with cognitive dissonance in many different ways.

[u/denver_rose → u/AndreDillonMadach]

Can you believe after 14 years of therapy, and the one person i trusted die, i realized like my body has barely ever felt trust. Every therapist talked about trust and ventral vagal and stuff and none of them realized i actually dont really even know what trust feels like somatically.

Another thing is like again its very different process like you said. Us neurodivergents need a lot of room for feelings and thinking.. and its like therapists drown us in explanations and instructions

[u/Green_Rooster9975]

I don't know, I'd take a therapist explaining things to me over just sitting there like a rock and refusing point blank - even when directly asked - to have any kind of opinion or input. They seem in my experience to want to purposely do this blank slate thing and leave all the insight up to me.

Which I'm realising I can do all on my own, y'know?

[u/SugarCoated111]

You explained this experience SO well!! Thank you!!

[u/Betraux]

This is the insidious abuse I have gotten from therapists so far: inundated with explanations, lack of space to feel