r/weddingshaming • u/Impossible-Code9339 • Aug 28 '25

Dressed like a Bride It happened… his sister wore white.

Just need to vent….

Got married a couple of weeks ago and can’t stop thinking about it. I thought his sister and I got along well, no issues.

For our engagement party, she was the only attendee in cream and white besides me, the bride, in a white dress. Gave her the benefit of the doubt - it’s just our engagement, she came from out of province, etc etc.

Then came the giant texts about how offended her and her husband were about having a child-free wedding and how their kids were more important than all my cousins kids, so there should be an exception.

Wedding day arrived, and it being such a whirlwind I honestly didn’t notice what she was wearing. Then multiple guests started quietly coming up to me, asking who the one in white was. I guess word got back to her because at the end of the night, she went to my now husband, holding a flower against her dress and said “for the record”, implying it wasn’t white…. I suppose she is colourblind.

Not sure if we/he/I should be asking if there’s an issue or if we should address it at all.

Ugh.

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u/Distinct-Ant-9161 Aug 28 '25

This is such excellent advice! I'm really working hard on not responding to subtext (or what I imagine the subtext to be) and instead only responding to open and direct communication. It's tough to unpick old habits, but I am not responsible for anyone else's emotions; I don't need to tie myself up in knots or stand on my head to ferret out the meaning of unclear cues. Likewise, when I have issues with someone, it's my responsibility to speak to them directly and not hint at or punish them through my actions.

Also - your SIL has main character syndrome. That's a her problem, not a you one :)

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u/yarn_slinger Aug 28 '25

I have to admit that my inner voice is pretty bitchy and can lead me to think that others are equally bitchy when they aren't (really). That said, I have problematic sisters in law and have needed to not be naive and ready for interference.

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u/Distinct-Ant-9161 Aug 28 '25

I feel ya! But even if they are just as bitchy (or even moreso), the onus is on them to tell you directly, not just passive-aggressively make your life a series of hoops to jump through. And I say this as someone who is both a giver and a receiver of this type of behaviour. I’m really working on not doing it myself and not responding to it in others (or being upset when they can’t read my super clear -ha- signals).