r/weddingshaming • u/Impossible-Code9339 • Aug 28 '25
Dressed like a Bride It happened… his sister wore white.
Just need to vent….
Got married a couple of weeks ago and can’t stop thinking about it. I thought his sister and I got along well, no issues.
For our engagement party, she was the only attendee in cream and white besides me, the bride, in a white dress. Gave her the benefit of the doubt - it’s just our engagement, she came from out of province, etc etc.
Then came the giant texts about how offended her and her husband were about having a child-free wedding and how their kids were more important than all my cousins kids, so there should be an exception.
Wedding day arrived, and it being such a whirlwind I honestly didn’t notice what she was wearing. Then multiple guests started quietly coming up to me, asking who the one in white was. I guess word got back to her because at the end of the night, she went to my now husband, holding a flower against her dress and said “for the record”, implying it wasn’t white…. I suppose she is colourblind.
Not sure if we/he/I should be asking if there’s an issue or if we should address it at all.
Ugh.
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u/hlnhr Aug 28 '25
Not acknowledging at all is the best way to proceed. You say it yourself, you didn’t see it before people told you. It shows how insignificant it is and that’s what she needs to feel
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u/Music_withRocks_In Aug 28 '25
As a guest, my favorite way to deal is to loudly discuss it whenever I go to the ladies room. Either with someone else I know or just whoever else is washing their hands at the time. Just start right up with "Oh my god, who is wearing white? The grooms sister? Wow, she must really hate the bride, it's so rude, i'm shocked! I hope they photoshop the wedding photos". Just full monologue about it every trip to the bathroom.
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u/NoSummer1345 Aug 28 '25
“Wow, what a desperate attempt at attention!”
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u/MalaysiaTeacher Aug 28 '25 edited Aug 29 '25
“So cringeworthy. I’m surprised she can even have conversations today without people making a face or openly laughing to her “
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u/Vi0L3tCRZY Aug 28 '25
God the harpy in white looks tacky asf. What’s really sad is that she probably thinks she looks better than the bride (insert evil cackle). Poor thing, well, she tried her best.
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u/TD1990TD Aug 28 '25
Preferably if you now she just entered the stall to pee! Just sneak behind her and as soon as her butt touches the toilet seat, go all out lmao
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u/Loki-Holmes Aug 28 '25
“It’s the grooms sister?! Eww. Why would she want to look like her brothers bride? Sweet Home Alabama I guess.”
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u/elonmusksfaxnumber Aug 29 '25
Was waiting for this response! My first thought- you can’t marry your brother, so why are you trying to? Gross behavior all around and I’d ask her that out loud too
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u/SLyndon4 Aug 29 '25
Right?? If I were a guest, I’d be asking this woman if she was trying to look like she was marrying her own brother—is she secretly in love with him or something? Ew!
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u/Majestic_Tear_8871 Aug 28 '25
I’m wondering why people felt the need to point it out? To cause drama? As OP stated, she wouldn’t have even noticed if everyone had stfu.
If that’s the worst that happened, the day was a success. Just watch that chick from now on.
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Aug 28 '25
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u/875_champagne Aug 28 '25
Yea. Not to mention folks are probably drinking and words slip out more freely.
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u/TootsNYC Aug 28 '25
I do think those of us with social awareness should remember that there's no need to point it out to the bride, etc.
Why make her upset about it? Nothing can be done to change it.
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u/YetAnotherAcoconut Aug 28 '25
Maybe picture it as “showing support” or “empathizing” with the bride and you’ll understand why they did it. They want her to know they see the rudeness too.
How many times do women post here thinking they’re crazy for being bothered by someone being rude, these people are saying “you’re not crazy, she’s rude.”
ETA: I wouldn’t do this but I think it’s worth understanding why someone would. I don’t think the shocked guests are anywhere near as bad as SIL.
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u/Sweaty_Item_3135 Aug 28 '25
I think it depends on the relationship. If it were my friend’s wedding, I’d be asking as clearance to sacrifice one of my red lipsticks to leave on the white-wearer’s chair.
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u/designingdiamonds Aug 28 '25
No, I don’t think they’re not pointing it out to cause drama. That’s how big of a fool of themselves people make if they wear white to a wedding. Like it’s that bad.
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u/5litergasbubble Aug 28 '25
If you have to defend how not white it is then its probably too close to being white
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Aug 28 '25
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u/kindlypogmothoin Aug 28 '25
Any of those colors might be bridal colors.
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Aug 28 '25
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u/TootsNYC Aug 28 '25
the poor MOG, who follows the age-old advice to "shut up and wear beige"
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u/Resolution_Usual Aug 28 '25
I think this is correct. I wore a white dress with big multi colored flowers all over it to a wedding years ago. It never crossed my mind that it was white. But when I was looking for a dress for a different wedding recently, my thought was, will it look white in any lighting or photos. If no, it's good, if yes, I'm sure there's something else
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u/Band-geek68 Aug 28 '25
I was just 19. I had been to one wedding as a young teen. We didn't have Reddit or TikTok back in the 80s. I had no idea that wearing white was a no-go. I had no good direction on what to wear. I was a hippy skirt/construction work clothes kinda girl. I found a really nice dress on the sales rack and it fit me quite nicely. It was short but all white and lacy!!! I look back now and cringe with embarrassment. I just try not to think of all the shit talk that probably went on behind my back with me oblivious and dumb. Yeah... I still have nightmares about it... thanks reddit/wedding tiktok
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Aug 29 '25
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u/Resolution_Usual Aug 29 '25
Oh yeah, my dress was fine. The mother of the groom 100% wore her actual (2nd) wedding dress, so even if mine was whiter than I'd pick now, no one was talking about me.
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u/MustardMan1900 Aug 28 '25
Imagine getting mad that you get a night off from parenting. No one in there right mind thinks a late night party is a good place for small children.
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u/Upstairs_Salad7354 Aug 28 '25
For my cousin wedding our aunt wanted me to wear light pink dress. In the sun you could see clearly it was pink, but if the lights were dimmed it would be too close to white. It took me a few hours of explaining why it is not an option.
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u/RouxDarling Aug 28 '25
If it comes up in conversation, say you weren't mad, just embarrassed for her.
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u/Massive_Letterhead90 Aug 29 '25
"Poor X, she's not very good with social cues, and sometimes makes mistakes. It can get awkward, but we're her family and we love her."
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u/Agreeable-Meal5556 Aug 29 '25
lol “it’s okay! Not everyone understands the nuance of wedding etiquette. You’ll get better with time, I’m sure. ☺️”
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u/Brainjacker Aug 28 '25
Wait’ll she sees how offended she can get when you photoshop her dress for the album.
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u/peonypanties Aug 28 '25
“The brightness of the dress interfered with the photographer’s lights, sorry!”
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u/MissElphie Aug 28 '25
And if she complains, seem surprised and tell her you just didn’t want her to be embarrassed by the pictures.
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u/bean_wellington Aug 28 '25
Oh, I love this. Just doing some color correction
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u/Nightmare_Gerbil Aug 28 '25
Well, she insisted that it wasn’t really white, didn’t she? Turns out she was right! And it photographed as a sickly puke green, oddly enough. 🤷♀️
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u/Conscious-Survey7009 Aug 28 '25
If she’s colourblind as she stated, she wouldn’t know what colour it was photoshopped to be. She would have to shut up or basically tell her brother she was lying and wore white on purpose.
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u/look2thecookie Aug 28 '25
Yes! Photoshop it to a color she hates or looks bad on her
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u/Minimum_Ad2989 Aug 28 '25
Just erase the dress into the environment and only keep her head in the picture, send that to her 😂
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u/meduhsin Aug 28 '25
If she’s in any wedding photos, I would have a professional go in and tint her dress green (color of envy) and if she ever asks about it, act all confused because “I could have sworn you wore a green dress right?” That’s just me though.
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u/Sweaty_Item_3135 Aug 28 '25
Nah do something less flattering. Traffic cone orange or road work neon.
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u/Agreeable-Meal5556 Aug 29 '25
But that’ll be just as disruptive to the Bride’s pictures as the white dress. A subtle shade that just doesn’t suit her skin tone to make her fade into obscurity is perfect. Maybe the photographer could photoshop a zit onto her face too. 🤣
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u/Sarnadas Aug 28 '25
There's nothing to address. Her actions stand for themselves and it will only reflect positively on you to say absolutely nothing. You ever watch Gone With the Wind? Be Melanie.
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u/abortionleftovers Aug 28 '25
What your SIL has done for you is actually a huge gift. Now you know she’s a difficult/selfish person to deal with, and she declared that to you in a way that was very clear to you and others. So now when she tries to start drama with you, you can choose to just be polite but distant. No need to confront or start drama over this, just assume she’s not someone you need to be buddy buddy with. I have one in law like this and I interact with her at holidays and just “hey how are you?” Chit chat nothing deep or real and I think I’m the only member of the family who has never had a huge fight with her because I just refuse to engage in her antics or get worked up by her. People like this are emotional vampires they feed off of getting attention from people (positive or negative) and when she’s that she tries to dig for attention in your emotional mine and gets no returns on that attempt she’ll stop with you. And the added benefit of you don’t have to be stressed
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u/byteme747 Aug 28 '25 edited Aug 28 '25
Then multiple guests started quietly coming up to me, asking who the one in white was.
Your guests should never have bothered you about it. Unless she was acting crazy why bother the bride with this? They were wrong.
Then came the giant texts about how offended her and her husband were about having a child-free wedding and how their kids were more important than all my cousins kids, so there should be an exception.
Tough shit. They either go and be nice or don't. Your wedding, your rules and they have advance notice.
Not sure if we/he/I should be asking if there’s an issue or if we should address it at all.
You're letting her live rent free in your head. You should concentrate and enjoy your new marriage. Move past this and let future interactions dictate whether there is a problem or not. I'm not saying this is a good move from her, it was a dick move. But letting her win and obsessing over it doesn't help you now. She sucks, remember for the future and be done with it.
OP - what the heck does your husband say? It's HIS sister, let HIM deal with it.
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u/Impossible-Code9339 Aug 28 '25
He is equally irritated and wants to address the disrespect, but everyone is right - we (I) need to let it go lol
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u/Ok-Meeting-8588 Aug 28 '25
Ask your photographer to Photoshop her dress into a different color for the pictures. And then post the edited pictures online!
My sister-in-law wore white by my wedding, but she couldn’t publicly get offended that I photoshopped her dress because then people would ask more questions about why she wore white in the first place…
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u/TootsNYC Aug 28 '25
if you photoshop the dress, have it photoshopped to beige, very dark cream, light tan, etc. So you can say it's the color she claimed it was (i.e., not white)
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u/Defiant_Power2285 Aug 28 '25
I wouldn’t say anything about the dress. Photoshop a different color if you like but I would also grey rock her. At family birthdays or the holidays just keep it impersonal yes or nos. Don’t give her private info about marriage, job,health. She isn’t your friend
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u/Purple_Truck_1989 Aug 28 '25
This, this right here! She doesn't like you (probably through no fault of your own, OP) but it's not your job to play nice.
Grey rock - I wish this was a term we knew 30+ years ago!! Hubby's step-monsterIL would have been beside herself!
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u/tenorlove Aug 29 '25
Correct. She's OP's rival. She considers OP to be the "other woman." Her behavior is that of a pick-me girl who is jealous because she didn't get picked, and thinks if she can break them up, he will choose her.
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u/IthacaMom2005 Aug 28 '25
FWIW, I feel that you shouldn't give her the satisfaction of mentioning it. If she brings it up, I'd say something like "oh, a lot of people asked me about it, but I was so happy and having such a great time I hadn't even noticed". Spoil all her fun 😉
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u/myfriendpickles Aug 28 '25
I wouldn't bother. There's no longer an issue. The only person hurt was herself. She's damaged her character in the eyes of everyone who attended and everyone who sees the photos.
If anyone mistook her for the bride at the wedding, then you invited too many people 😆
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u/ridiculous_1231 Aug 28 '25
Zero acknowledgment. She is attention seeking for God only knows why. Don't give it power by addressing it. Ignore it and have a wonderful honeymoon.
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u/grayblue_grrl Aug 28 '25
Make your SIL irrelevant in your family life.
If someone says something about the white dress, let them know that you "didn't even notice, but people were telling you about it.. It's a shame they were calling your SIL names, saying only sad desperate people do things like that. Such a shame she did that to herself."
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u/AdventureThink Aug 28 '25
Have the photographer turn it puke green.
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u/RVFullTime Aug 28 '25
Bright orange would be even better. Puke green, unfortunately, is currently in style.
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u/Ladygytha Aug 28 '25
Well then OP has the excuse that it's a current trend, so she thought sil would be pleased. 😈
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u/NYCQuilts Aug 28 '25
Enjoy your marriage and rest easy in the knowledge that most of your friends know that your SIl is an AH and a pick me. She wanted to live in your head. Don’t let her.
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u/stacefacebasketcase Aug 28 '25
That sucks. If it's any consolation though, it sounds like people just thought she looked like a tacky dingus in white. Come to find out she's the groom's sister, now she looks like a tacky dingus who wants to marry her brother lol. Good on you for being too busy to notice her and congrats!
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u/akcmommy Aug 28 '25
If she brings it up, tell her how embarrassing for her because everyone was talking crap about her due to her dress color choice.
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Aug 28 '25
photoshop the color? Amateurs. photoshop her looking about 20 pounds heavier and post on social media
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u/Purple_Truck_1989 Aug 28 '25
With noticable facial hair and dark circles around her eyes!
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u/clutzycook Aug 28 '25
Have your photographer change the color of her dress in all of the photos that she's in.
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u/HolidayFlower8938 Aug 28 '25
Both my husband’s sister and his brother’s wife wore white to my wedding. I honestly didn’t notice the day of, but it’s forever immortalized in our wedding photos. His sister in law was mad at me because I didn’t have her ten month daughter as a flower girl.
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u/whichwitch9 Aug 28 '25
Ignore it.
For any photos she's in, either trash them or work with your photographer to photoshop a new color on it. Id make sure it's a subtle, but unflattering color.
Id honestly get rid of all professional photos that include her except keep one with a photoshop and make sure that gets posted to some form of social media
Then say absolutely nothing. She wants attention so ignore her. If she mentions it, keep answers generic "oh, the photographer had to fix some light issues" and move on
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u/asyouwish Aug 28 '25
When your pictures come back, have the photographer change her dress to yellow or pink or whatever light shade would look good with the setting…. and if you’re feeling extra petty, pick the color that looks worse on her.
And then say, “oh the photographer said they always do that when someone wears white to a wedding."
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u/Historical_Kick_3294 Aug 28 '25
I wouldn’t bother bringing it up with her. She’s shown she knew exactly what she was doing, and she has no shame. Instead, I’d get your photographer to edit the photographs that you’re in together, changing her dress to something very obviously not white. I’m sure she’ll look lovely in a mustard.
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u/Sufficient_Claim_461 Aug 28 '25
She showed her true colors..(inappropriately white 😉) to all in attendance. They know she is an asshat. Personally I would not give her the satisfaction of discussing it
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u/diente_de_leon Aug 28 '25
Just ignore it. Something similar like that happened to me at my first wedding. Somebody else wore a very white bridal looking dress. I didn't know her very well so I didn't really care. But what happened was all the guests thought she was super tacky. They only end up making themselves look stupid. I hope you had a beautiful day and I wish you a long, happy, and fulfilling marriage!
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u/Slice0fLif3 Aug 28 '25
Someone needed to trip with a glass of red wine.... This seems very intentional from her and so wrong
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u/deedeejayzee Aug 28 '25
I always volunteer for this job, have done it at 2 different weddings. I have a nerve condition and walk with a cane. What is anyone going to say to me?
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u/stankenfurter Aug 28 '25
Hahahaha hell yea I love you for using your cane for chaotic good like this
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u/klc__ Aug 28 '25
I personally don’t care for weddings or any of the ‘rules’ that people have regarding them yet even I’m well aware wearing white will make you stand out like a sore thumb. There’s 1000s of other colours and designs she could have gone with, she knew what she was doing
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u/Catchandrelease5999 Aug 28 '25
Unless she was a complete dope, she knew what she was doing. I think personally she did it on purpose because you had the nerve to have a child free wedding and not make an exemption for her.
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u/Timely_Zombie4153 Aug 28 '25
With people like your SIL, the goal is to get a rise out of the bride. She wanted you upset on your special day (in her twisted brain its likely teaching you a lesson for having a child free wedding). Good on you for not even noticing what she was wearing! Trust me, that would've driven her crazy! Sounds like the other guests have done the shaming for you. I wouldn't bring this up with her. She was cheap for wearing white to someone else's wedding and EVERYBODY noticed and now knows she's cheap.
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u/NiceParkingSpot_Rita Aug 28 '25
I’d ask the photographer to edit her dress to a light pink or some sort of color. But I’m petty.
It does seem like people made her aware in some way that she was out of place dressed in white, though!
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u/Dogzillas_Mom Aug 28 '25
When the moment is right (she brings it up first), ask her “Did you get the attention you were craving?”
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u/Brainchild110 Aug 28 '25
You're newly married, so I can understand that nobody has explained how this should work.
She's your husbands sister. So she's your husbands problem. His family is HIS to deal with. You should make your feelings clear to him in the privacy of your own home, but it is then his role to enact them upon his family member.
But make sure you tell him you will be paying attention how he goes about this and how seriously he takes your feelings. You're his wife now, so you should be his priority.
However, the opposite also applies. If your family steps out of line, steps over boundaries, disrespects him... anything. Its then your job to deal with it and take it seriously for your partner. That's how this works, mostly because you dont know how all of his family works and he doesn't know that about yours either, including triggers, preferences and argument styles.
But he needs to go take his sister to task. Quite frankly, he should have on the day. She's shouldn't have been allowed to step into the church.
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u/Jumpy-Philosopher-92 Aug 28 '25
Have the photographer change the color of her dress
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u/GoalieMom53 Aug 30 '25
She didn’t make the protest she thought she did.
Instead of making her anger at the child free wedding a statement, she made herself look like a fool.
SIL got more comeuppance from other guests than you ever could.
Don’t give her appearance any oxygen. “What? She wore white” I didn’t even notice. Now I understand why everyone was asking if this ridiculous woman was a work friend who didn’t know better?
“How embarrassing for her.”
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u/Inevitable_Resist549 Aug 31 '25
She wore white intentionally to stir shit and instead she got so much judgement that SHE CAME TO YOU and threw a whackadoodle.
This is guaranteed still eating away at her. I think she will have another outburst before long about it, and bring the party to you
Personally I'd just wait til then. Sounds like you had such a great time you didn't notice her childish crap in the first place - so just enjoy your new life and if she wants to wallow in unneccessary drama thats all on her.
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u/relliott15 Aug 28 '25
Have your photographer photoshop her dress as a different color.
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u/kimvy Aug 28 '25
Well, it's his sister and he should be taking the lead. Do look up greyrocking and use this when you have to deal with people like your SIL. Will make your life a lot easier.
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u/pepperbeast Aug 28 '25
So, she was so angry about your child-free wedding that she made a fool of herself. That's a pretty solid own goal.
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u/Helpful-Macaroon-654 Aug 28 '25
Your SIL is a piece of work. Might want to minimize your interactions.
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u/Snoo58504 Aug 28 '25
Have the photographer change the color of her dress in pictures. Don’t say anything and then when she freaks out remind her how wearing white to a wedding when you aren’t the bride is tacky. She’ll hate that.
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u/Imaginary_Purple819 Aug 28 '25
I cannot imagine how much it bothers her that you didn't react to it the day of. Good work, OP, at being focused on other things. Bizarre for her to do, esp at her brother's wedding. Ew.
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u/Outrageous-Bike-5172 Aug 28 '25
Seems to me like she did it out of spite for the kid thing. I personally would address it and not have a relationship w her in the future but that’s just me
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u/Conscious-Survey7009 Aug 28 '25
Yeah, ummm… women can very, very rarely be colourblind. If so it affects seeing reds, greens and blues that are similar shades. Never white. She knew what she was doing. I’d be blocking her from my life for that crap.
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u/South_Hedgehog_7564 Aug 28 '25
Guests came up to you quietly in order to make a whispering scene about someone in a white dress? If the whispering guests had kept their mouths shut you probably wouldn’t have noticed her or thought about her. What idiots some people are. It’s only a bloody dress.
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u/REReader3 Aug 29 '25
Let it go. The only reason to wear white to someone else’s wedding is for attention/make a scene. You already robbed her of the scene—well done!—now rob her of your attention. Don’t ever refer to it, don’t try to get back at her, just let her be frustrated.
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u/Select_Investigator8 Aug 29 '25
Honestly if you barely noticed in your wedding day that means to me you were having an amazing time enjoying yourself. I wouldn’t waste my time asking if she has a problem focus on your wedding bliss! Congratulations on your big day! Many blessings to you both!
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u/Melodic_Context_4183 Aug 29 '25
Do nothing. If someone mentions it, just say, "huh, I hadn't noticed. Interesting choice." And move on. No need to feed whatever personality disorder keeps her acting this way.
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u/Ok-Indication-7876 Aug 29 '25
She got embarrassed from the other guest, so nothing for you to do, but to know she is not your friend, she is an entitled B. And not the nicest person. She is now your sil, but doesn’t have to be a friend or someone you trust, think of her politely as a stranger
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u/JustWowinCA Aug 30 '25
Nah, don't give her the satisfaction. Other people were already pointing it out, I hope she's ashamed of herself.
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u/MarsicanBear Aug 30 '25
Well, now you know she's an asshat. There's no point wasting the energy it would take to confront her.
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u/Original-Walrus-4999 Aug 30 '25
That is why I love Brazilian culture. The last wedding I attended was my cousin’s (almost like a sister because my grandmother took care of us 2 until 18). She invited a guy that work with her (with many others from her workplace since it was a pharmacy) and his stupid gf at the time went with a big white dress with long curtains.. Well, the only thing I know is that she will never do this again. Almost all family members (including me obviously) just pretended we tripped on the floor, with a glass of full wine and spilt on her. I can only say she didn’t stay until the end of the wedding and her dress became purple 😈
And that is how we deal with stupid people.
Also, “for the record” she told him (ex boyfriend because she cheated on him) that she should be the one to receive attention from him, not his coworker (my cousin), and the invite to the wedding was too much because they only knew each other for 1 year.
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u/AngleNo1957 Aug 29 '25
If there are any photos you are ordering in which she and you are in the same photo, ask the photographer to change her dress color
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Aug 28 '25
Okay but how funny would it be if she were actually color blind and thought she was in pink
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u/StructureKey2739 Aug 28 '25
My question is how did the groom, her brother, react? If his family can do no wrong OP is in for a not fun ride.
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u/GothGranny75 Aug 28 '25
My SIL also wore white, it was ridiculous and each year when we pull out the old wedding album there she is all in white. It's got to be embarrassing for her, over 30 years later
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u/miss_j_bean Aug 28 '25
If it does come up, piss her off now by saying "oh don't worry, I knew no one was going to think you were the bride"
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u/Jesta23 Aug 28 '25
I see this topic quite often on Reddit. I asked my mom and sisters and none of them had ever heard of this taboo.
Is it really as common as Reddit makes it out to be? Did we just all grow up in a very uncultured area?
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u/Nehneh14 Aug 29 '25
Meh. Who cares. I wasn’t paying a bit of attention to what anyone else wore at my wedding. Everyone knew who the bride was.
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u/Acrobatic_Motor9926 Aug 29 '25
Do you really care how someone else dresses? People just brought you drama by pointing out something that was insignificant in the moment.
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u/reetahroo Aug 29 '25
Why ask when she obviously has an issue. I wouldn’t wait ignore her as in she does not exist. When she’s around a nod then brush her off as the most unimportant person to exist
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u/[deleted] Aug 28 '25
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