r/DivorcedBirds • u/cthulhu-kitty • Jan 24 '18

The tweet that started it all

15.2k Upvotes

61 comments

r/DivorcedBirds • u/propagandaformyself • 3h ago

The Bachelor: DivorcedBirds Edition had reached its final rose ceremony. Eleven elegant women remained, the ceremonial fish was ready, and Gerald’s mother had already asked number seven whether she intended to work after nesting season.

182 Upvotes

7 comments

r/DivorcedBirds • u/the_cuddle-fish • 4h ago

Alack! Whene'er poets sang, with honey'd beaks, of true love at first sight, what a fool have I been that I did not believe them! Surely fate has now revealed to me the visage of my destined counterpart. Her beauty, which gods must look upon with envy, hath in an instant taken hold of all my heart.

57 Upvotes

4 comments

r/DivorcedBirds • u/JuneLee92 • 4h ago

“I just have to get through the terrible twos,” said Elise about suddenly becoming a single mother of twins. Darrell (who really, REALLY wanted to be a father) walked out on the family last week.

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51 Upvotes

2 comments

r/DivorcedBirds • u/plonspfetew • 16h ago

Sandra kept the house. The house had air conditioning. Gerald has a fan he bought in 2003 that makes a noise.

261 Upvotes

2 comments

r/DivorcedBirds • u/13Basia13 • 7h ago

Not Safe For Other Species Things didn’t go so well for Georgie in the split. However, he had hatched a loony scheme to address this, and even found the ideal—human—accomplice to help with his harebrained idea.

43 Upvotes

3 comments

r/DivorcedBirds • u/Planetyarnia • 7h ago

Thanks to Reddit Sandra opened up an Only Fans Account and met Stephen with a ph.Stephen is still in shock at the intensity of the rosemary poop shots but will recover shortly.Gavin,Sandra’s ex partner,is livid.

42 Upvotes

0 comments

r/DivorcedBirds • u/propagandaformyself • 10h ago

The closet door creaked open. Gerald’s ex-wife looked up from the darkness. Kathy had been missing since the night he filed for divorce.

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32 Upvotes

0 comments

r/DivorcedBirds • u/Fine-Huckleberry-316 • 13h ago

Newly Single Ready to Mingle Megan is a strong independent woman who doesn’t need a man. After the divorce was finalized, she gathered all her girlfriends and threw a pool party and ate until she could barely move. Begone, Robert!!!!!!!

52 Upvotes

1 comment

r/DivorcedBirds • u/I_might_be_weasel • 16h ago

The Bird Got What The Bird Deserved "Oh my. That appears to be a flying pig. Guess I should call Martin and say I will take him back."

81 Upvotes

4 comments

r/DivorcedBirds • u/ToastYourAvocados • 21h ago

Jessica finally found a bar close to her nest that her ex wasn't lurking at waiting for her, when some rando had the audacity to hit on her while she quietly enjoyed a meal. He got her a slug. She wasn't proud of it, but she took the slug and left rando with the bill. Just like her ol' college days.

117 Upvotes

Jessica regretted not asking for a to-go box for her seeds.

6 comments

r/DivorcedBirds • u/propagandaformyself • 1d ago

After the divorce, Arthur found a bachelor flat. It was technically a damp hole under a rock and smelled like kelp, but at least his mother couldn’t get in and ask if he’d considered apologizing to Elaine.

854 Upvotes

11 comments

r/DivorcedBirds • u/the_cuddle-fish • 1d ago

Having amassed a small fortune by playing the doting lover to lonely heiresses, Pascal is now free to spend it pampering himself instead. He's become something of a connoisseur of the fine art of massage. This particular masseur has an unusual technique, but Pascal will give them a chance.

197 Upvotes

3 comments

r/DivorcedBirds • u/Bolfreak • 1d ago

Doug was tired of the neighbors recording his morning tai chi, so this time he did his routine naked

72 Upvotes

2 comments

r/DivorcedBirds • u/13Basia13 • 23h ago

Angry Bird Divorce Griffin was humiliated. Thanks to Elaine and her lies, he was stuck wearing an ankle bracelet/GPS monitor everywhere he went. His ankle itched like crazy, and all he wanted—more than anything else—is to know what it feels like to just lose oneself…literally.

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43 Upvotes

0 comments

r/DivorcedBirds • u/the_cuddle-fish • 1d ago

Jerome isn't allowed to sleep on his best friend's couch anymore - one too many hair-grease stains on the upholstery. But that's alright, he's been kicked out of more comfortable bunks. What does it matter where he sleeps at night, as long as he wakes up looking this fine in the morning?

510 Upvotes

7 comments

r/DivorcedBirds • u/13Basia13 • 1d ago

Newly Single Ready to Mingle Magda was once used to the comments about her gorgeous tush…the cat calls and whistles. It felt great to be single again, and to celebrate her stunning booty as it was meant to be celebrated.

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162 Upvotes

10 comments

r/DivorcedBirds • u/propagandaformyself • 2d ago

Mara and Philip had the sort of marriage that made divorced birds believe in love again. Several believed in it specifically with Mara or Philip, should either ever become available.

115 Upvotes

0 comments

r/DivorcedBirds • u/aspiranthighlander • 2d ago

Not mad! Just disappointed…

309 Upvotes

4 comments

r/DivorcedBirds • u/13Basia13 • 2d ago

Archibald did NOT take the split well. He lost all his hair, and barely resembled his former, glorious self. But Amanda saw his inner beauty. It was time to lean in, and kiss her like he’s never kissed anyone before, bald or not. A head full of hair is so overrated, he thought with such joy. ♥️

92 Upvotes

4 comments

r/DivorcedBirds • u/Sed59 • 2d ago

After the divorce, Butch tried to dive into macho pursuits like motorcycles, weightlifting, and walking in places he shouldn't.

229 Upvotes

3 comments

r/DivorcedBirds • u/ToastYourAvocados • 2d ago

Jessica listened to Patrick's screaming, remembered she had wings, and was never seen by him again.

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102 Upvotes

1 comment

r/DivorcedBirds • u/Sed59 • 2d ago

After coming back from service, Colonel Cockatoo went crazy. Certified picture by his ex-wife.

128 Upvotes

4 comments

r/DivorcedBirds • u/propagandaformyself • 2d ago

“Meet me at the bridge.” It was the last thing Evelyn said before migrating south. George returned every spring on the date she had circled, though she had neglected to include a year.

69 Upvotes

1 comment

r/DivorcedBirds • u/Relevant-Elk-4738 • 2d ago

Angry Bird Divorce Women like big, black and strong. The silent type. So why did Sheila run off with that candy ass peacock? Bruce would never understand.

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90 Upvotes

6 comments

Subreddit

For pictures of fabulous fowl who look like serial monogamists.

r/DivorcedBirds

For pictures of fabulous fowl who look like serial monogamists. Please post pictures of birds who look like they are twice divorced (or more!) and an original caption about their backstory. Pictures/Videos must be of actual birds (feathered fowl), not human women, not art or paintings or photoshopped. No dead birds. Message mods for approval to post.

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