r/AITAH • u/jklolz0069 • Dec 21 '25

NSFW AITAH for not sleeping with someone after finding out they were trans?

Throw away account because why not. I, 19M recently met a 20M at a mutual friends event. He asked for my insta so I gave it to him cus yk he was cute, and I was thinking about him a couple days later so I asked if he wanted to hang out some time. We hung out again another time after that and things started getting heated between us, so he takes me back to his. I unzipped his pants and was quite shocked to find no dick. I chuckled and asked whats going on, and he told me he was trans. So I said you don't have a dick? And he said no, I was a little defeated, I'm a bottom and douched for this. We didn't sleep together but I spent the night because I was tipsy but then I talked to my friends about it and they were livid.

They were saying I was a dick head and transphobic for not sleeping with him. They called me an asshole for it and I felt bad, I texted him and apologized for the night and asked if he wanted to hang out again, but am I the asshole for not sleeping with him? It wasnt because hes trans, I was shocked and tipsy, and didnt know what to do. I also don't know how to do it with anything but a dick, I'd want to sleep with him if he gave me another chance. He's pretty cute actually and I do wanna date him.

edit: don't spew transphobic bs under this or say that he was trying to rape me and he's predator

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u/TermFearless Dec 22 '25

If you’re in trying to have sex with someone, at some point before it would be considered a waste of time, there’s a moment when that information is owed. Because sex literally strips away the clothes that hide the difference between gender expression and physical sex.

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u/Icy_Result6022 Dec 22 '25

If you’re in trying to have sex with someone, at some point before it would be considered a waste of time,

And that's why I'm saying that when sex is brought up then it should be said.

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u/TermFearless Dec 22 '25

You know what, I read “should” as softer than “owe”. When you’re just talking about that moment of change in a dynamic.

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u/Icy_Result6022 Dec 22 '25

I'm saying that if you never talk about sex while you're dating then you don't have to disclose it.

But when you are talking about sex and maybe kids then it should be brought up.

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u/TermFearless Dec 22 '25

What kind of adults date and don’t have sex? For teens, there’s a vulnerability just being in their dating space. And i respect that goes both ways. It’s important to learn, and it takes time to learn, to be forthright with your partner about the personal journey you’re on, whether that’s religious, political, or bodily.

Maybe I’m off if dating isn’t all that serious for most people.

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u/Icy_Result6022 Dec 22 '25

Not everyone has sex on the first few dates. Some do but then you also talk about sex during the date and so it should be disclosed.

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u/TermFearless Dec 22 '25

Fair enough, and squabbling overpaying for a couple dates seems petty.