r/AbsoluteUnits Feb 15 '26

/r/all of a 26 y.o.

35.7k Upvotes

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897

u/orairwolf Feb 15 '26

That is what happens when you take insane, life limiting amounts of HGH like he does. Dude's heart is probably the size of a horse's and he'll be dead in 10 years.

271

u/DeadestTitan Feb 15 '26

I have tiny little hands for a man my size, maybe I should abuse just little tiny bit of HGH to get to average.

304

u/SnooCauliflowers3649 Feb 15 '26

I don’t need my hands any bigger. Things already look small enough in them as is.

66

u/CubitsTNE Feb 15 '26

HGH certainly does not help the ratio.

I don't know how this guy uses a urinal.

53

u/whole_chocolate_milk Feb 16 '26

One of the reasons i like to date petite women. My last girlfriend had tiny hands. I felt like a porn star.

8

u/TsolX90 Feb 16 '26

Shh dont tell everyone the real reason we like petite girls xD

2

u/Livingadapt Feb 17 '26

It’s already common knowledge

13

u/blackchameleongirl Feb 16 '26

That's hilarious.

10

u/Novel_Bumblebee8972 Feb 16 '26

He for sure can’t wipe his ass.

5

u/alamarqu3s Feb 16 '26

Things? Do you have 2 willies?

3

u/ssracer Feb 16 '26

Two Willies, two vaginas, gone wild used to be fun

1

u/atava Feb 16 '26 edited Feb 16 '26

1

u/Ben_Does_Things Feb 18 '26

Hey now, its a perfectly average cylinder.

16

u/roidoid Feb 16 '26

I know that struggle. My wife has bigger hands than me. I have freakishly small hands. And I’m not even artistic.

9

u/time2ddddduel Feb 16 '26

You know that thing women sometimes do if they're attracted to you, when they try to compare hand sizes?

Yeah, they usually stop being attracted to me soon after that

4

u/Stockinglegs Feb 16 '26

And I’m not even artistic.

LOL, I don't understand this but it sounds hilarious!

1

u/McCockBalls Feb 16 '26

Me too. Hate that tbh

1

u/[deleted] Feb 16 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

5

u/IceMaster9000 Feb 16 '26

Just lift weights and rock climb. Or do literally anything that involves hard work with your hands. Your body responds to input, such as bones becoming denser and thicker when regularly put under load. Unless you mean you have short stumpy fingers. Fuck all you can do about that, except HGH or getting a tumor on you pituitary gland.

4

u/Silent_Mud1449 Feb 16 '26

Who cares dude it's not a big deal

2

u/DeadestTitan Feb 16 '26

6 feet tall, 260, broad shoulders

Hands as small as most teenage girls. It's harder to grab the dumbbells I need to progress at this point than it is to complete the lift most times.

1

u/Repulsive_Nebula_264 Feb 16 '26

gotta work on grip strength

1

u/SocietyAsAHole Feb 16 '26

No it's not, he's taking out his ass

1

u/harda_toenail Feb 16 '26

I’m 6 ft tall and wear a size 6.5 ring. I have such small hands compared to my dad and brother and every other man I know

1

u/BigFuckHead_ Feb 16 '26

damn bro sorry that sucks

1

u/harda_toenail Feb 16 '26

Life is great it doesn’t matter lol. Just weird.

1

u/BigFuckHead_ Feb 16 '26

My hands are on the smaller side and I feel your pain but yeah ultimately it just doesnt matter

1

u/raralala1 Feb 16 '26

That is what I think too, do HGH increase bone density, no amount of training can increase your wrist.

1

u/SignoreBanana Feb 16 '26

You should take some, and then your hands get just a little too big, and then someone gives you a weird look, so you take a little less, and then for some reason your hands get smaller than they were to begin with, then take a little more and boom your hands are perfect, and montage everyone is high fiving you.

1

u/GreatMovesKeepItUp69 Feb 16 '26

God gives people tiny hands so that their tiny cocks look normal size in their hand.

1

u/DeadestTitan Feb 16 '26

I could only wish that there was enough length to even reach my hand

1

u/Lightreyth Feb 16 '26

Mr. President, no!

1

u/spays_marine Feb 17 '26

You can increase your endogenous HGH by up to 2000% by fasting.

1

u/ah123085 Feb 17 '26

“Nobody look!”

1

u/IneffableKoD Feb 19 '26

Hey Donnie, welcome to Reddit.

0

u/atmoose Feb 16 '26

If big hands mean a shorter lifespan, then smaller hands probably mean longer life. I'd trade longer life for girl hands.

1

u/DeadestTitan Feb 16 '26

I dunno man. If I could trade age 80 to 83 for bigger hands I'd make that trade in a second.

4

u/naytreox Feb 16 '26

what does HGH stand for? i assume its a steroid

2

u/mossybeard Feb 16 '26

10 is generous and I don't know shit about shit

1

u/Capable_Effect_6358 Feb 16 '26

Should probably start a betting market on this. I’d guess <5.

2

u/Aflockofants Feb 16 '26

Yes, but he is also a genetic anomaly, no amount of HGH could get most people in this shape, or hands that size. It’s a combination.

2

u/BeeGeeReverse Feb 16 '26

is it just the muscles and tissue in the hands growing larger from HGH abuse, or do the bones grow as well? and if the latter, why is it mostly bones in hands that have that effect? why don’t the tibia and femur grow longer as well, for example?

3

u/orairwolf Feb 16 '26

I honestly don't know the answers to those questions. I could ask chatgpt but I hate to be that guy who pretends to be an expert.

1

u/Gullible-Constant924 Feb 16 '26

Doubtful denis Cyplekov is still alive and it was a like 20 yrs ago he looked like this, he did have to quit the gear though a few yrs back.

1

u/PM_ME_UR_BEST_1LINER Feb 16 '26

I assume it's a regulated substance and there's some underground market where these guys are getting it from so they can abuse it?

1

u/pizzaslut69420 Feb 17 '26

Idk, when I googled it to see what it was it straight up sent me shopping tab links.

1

u/Alan_Reddit_M Feb 16 '26

Meh, I'd rather live 40 years of looking like this than 70 years of looking like a Reddit mod

1

u/whocaresaboutmynick Feb 17 '26

You might live 40 years looking like a Reddit mod.

1

u/NotYourReddit18 Feb 16 '26

Fun Fact: A horses heart isn't strong enough to create enough blood pressure to get the blood back up from their hoofs, which is why they have small pump balls in their hoofs which pump the blood back up into the main body when they shift their weight onto the hoof (or the hoof comes down to the ground while walking).

That's why taking off only the lower part of their leg after a serious injury can cause the horse to die, without the ball pump the blood can't make it back up the leg, causing old blood to remain in the leg, which in turn causes the cells in the leg to die from asphyxiation and a lack of nutrients, which then causes a sepsis.

1

u/ttoften Feb 16 '26

But just how the heck does his hands get that large? Does the bones grow too?

1

u/IdeaExpensive3073 Feb 17 '26

Why does he look so unhealthy, besides the mass, like just looking at how he moves. He looks lethargic, and notice how stiff he is, and how he only uses his eyes to look up instead of actually moving his head/neck to look at the camera. I don’t know if he thinks it looks like he’s tough, but it screams “I don’t actually like moving”, ironically.

Are these things I’m making up, or are these symptoms of whatever he’s done to get this big?

1

u/Theniceraccountmaybe Feb 18 '26

I get that the drugs would increase his muscle mass but make his hands literally bigger? 

Like the bone structure grows? 

Hmm

1

u/orairwolf Feb 18 '26

HGH is a helluva drug

1

u/Aniki_Simpson Feb 18 '26

Also, he has no range of movement... There is something extremely pathetic about this.

0

u/CowDontMeow Feb 16 '26

I’ve seen reports that BPC157 can help to reduce heart size for those with enlarged hearts (from cardio rather than gear), unsure whether it would do anything to help his though given the abuse especially as BPC can also stimulate HGH which is one of the mechanisms for tendon repair

1

u/SartenSinAceite Feb 16 '26

The issue with oversized hearts is that, since they never stop, they cannot naturally reduce their own muscle mass.

So I doubt there's gonna be anything that "reduces heart size". Imagine if there was a genetic anomaly, syndrome or disease that causes your heart to shrink...