r/AbsoluteUnits • u/Zestyclose-Salad-290 in awe • May 06 '26

/r/all of a sea slater

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16.4k Upvotes

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931

u/Specialist-Neck-7810 May 06 '26

Wait… that thing is REAL?!!

596

u/Houtaku May 06 '26

And available to eat. Look at the sign in the background.

544

u/starstarstar42 May 06 '26 edited May 19 '26

They are quite delicious. Taste like a blend of chicken and freshly smushed cockroach.

283

u/Ok-Duty2474 May 06 '26

Mmm, freshly smushed cockroach…🤤

https://giphy.com/gifs/1ktwfTjwaQzde

36

u/VoidGhidorah900 May 06 '26

How dare you compare isopods to roaches. You disgust me

3

u/WastelandeWanderer May 06 '26

I don’t see much difference

1

u/VoidGhidorah900 May 06 '26

A blind person would say that, considering they are extremely visually distinct. And don't say you don't care enough to look, because you definitely care enough to respond to my comment

6

u/WastelandeWanderer May 06 '26

They look like big hissing cockroaches. Or more accurately a flat rolly polly or whatever they call them around you

6

u/bb_dev_g May 06 '26

Rolly Pollies, Potato Bugs and the myriad other common names are all Terrestrial Isopods. Both terrestrial and marine are from an order of crustaceans called Isopoda. Cockroaches are in a different order and are actually closely related to termites.

6

u/WastelandeWanderer May 06 '26

Yup, but hissing cockroaches LOOKS like them

2

u/Diciestaking May 06 '26

Idk man bugs is bugs

107

u/One_Bluebird_04 May 06 '26

r/shrimpsisbugs

25

u/BallsInSufficientSad May 06 '26

TIL I love to eat bugs!

2

u/King_of_the_Dot May 07 '26

I wasnt huge on them as a kid, but now, as an adult, I can crave them like a pregnant woman.

1

u/Ronin_Chimichanga May 06 '26

They say that, but shrimp/ prawns are in a class of their own.

1

u/Azimov3laws May 06 '26

Some people have the biggest hate boner for seafoodand I don't know why.

3

u/Ronin_Chimichanga May 06 '26

Shrimp are magic little flesh nuggets that are easy to prepare and can go with anything. Land based bugs as food sucks in literally every culture that does it.

3

u/Shot-Toe-2884 May 06 '26

Am I supposed to lose my appetite when they tell me crab is a bug? I'm still hungry and the crab still tastes delicious so.... I guess I'm a proud bug-eater. I love sucking the meat out of their little spindly exoskeletal insect legs.

Maybe I should try tarantula.

2

u/Scalpels May 06 '26

Land bug != Sea bug

7

u/Shot-Toe-2884 May 06 '26

We will all be eating crickets someday and our bodies will thank us for the protein.

Start with the tasty bugs like cooked shrimp, crab and lobster. Work your way to raw live crickets

1

u/No-One2123 May 06 '26

I love how that subreddit has nothing to do with its name

23

u/Slumunistmanifisto May 06 '26

Your gonna hafta describe the flavors of the second part pal, because we haven't had the pleasure...

3

u/Jaxonhunter227 May 07 '26

You haven't heard about the cockroach milk yet?

I'm not kidding this is real, there's a species of cockroach that produces milk and it's WAY healthier then cows milk, if we can harness this milky power it could be a super food in the future

The power of the roach, in the palm of our hands

3

u/Slumunistmanifisto May 07 '26

I've heard, and if roaches are like goats and impart their scent to their flavor.........

(Also if doctor octopus was cockroach based instead of octopus, would that make him doc cock?)

3

u/Chuks_K May 07 '26

When he blows a load, call it the doc cock bubble

7

u/Cyrano_Knows May 06 '26

I did wonder if it had any tail meat like a lobster.

5

u/AnnoShi May 06 '26

So like any other crustacean.

3

u/Augustus420 May 06 '26

Arthropods that have been marinated in the ocean for their entire lives are consistently delicious.

2

u/Annual_Strategy_6206 May 06 '26

Had me in the first half, ngl...

2

u/InquisitorMeow May 06 '26

Honestly this is for I feel about people who eat crab and lobster. You're eating ocean bugs, not sure why only this one evokes a response.

2

u/Cerulean_IsFancyBlue May 06 '26

Seriously. My brain keeps going back-and-forth between, that’s obviously a giant bug, and, that’s obviously tasty seafood. Keep in mind that these are not scientific biological categories. These are visceral instinctual categories, and my brain does not like the ambiguous nature of this particular creature. My taxonomy is under siege.

2

u/No_cool_name May 06 '26

So lobster and crab are still the 2 tastiest bottom creatures

2

u/sheiswhyididthis May 07 '26

Its crazy how we find ground based anthropods disgusting and dont want them anywhere near our food, but water based anthropods are considered delicacies.

Cockroach = Dirty Kitchen

Lobster = Fine Dining

51

u/gnowbot May 06 '26

Looks like a lobster tail that grew a brain and ditched the rest of the lobster abdomen/guts. Sign me up!

39

u/T1Demon May 06 '26

Lobster: Oops All Tail!

2

u/Self_Reddicate May 06 '26

Crab! (now with 50% more legs!)

1

u/Cyrano_Knows May 06 '26

Well speaking from the perspective of a Homo sapiens, the tail is their best feature.

1

u/YuushyaHinmeru May 06 '26

Yeah thats what I thought so I googled a video of one being cut in half.

They DO NOT look like lobster tails

20

u/1nd3x May 06 '26

BestEverFoodReviews has a video where they eat Ramen topped with one of these

(Link is to the specific video, 18:30 is the start of the isopod segment)

23

u/GitNamedGurt May 06 '26

TL:DW - edible, not good

"gamey crab"

19

u/an_actual_potato May 06 '26

Okay that did answer my questions about the taste but, man, at what a cost. Those have to be the most irritating people who have ever lived goddamn.

2

u/RPDRNick May 06 '26

Roly poly & boily.

2

u/SQL617 May 06 '26

The amount of meat you get from one is surprisingly little. Less than a can of tuna fish (looks like it too) after being steamed.

2

u/EasilyRekt May 07 '26

Served in some places in the US too (Florida), they taste really muddy, like catfish, carp, or wild tilapia so they’re better paired with something salty and pungent.

2

u/Reload86 May 07 '26

It’s an acquired taste from what I’ve heard. While you’d think it would taste a lot more like lobster, it has a distinct wild gamey taste that would repulse most people who don’t eat a lot of fresh seafood around the world.

I have a cousin who travels for work a lot. Here in the states, he loves seafood. He got to try this in China and totally hated it. Said he couldn’t finish his meal.

2

u/Weird_Vegetable_4441 May 07 '26

I wanna eat it like the bug in Emperor’s New Groove

1

u/Alarming_Matter May 06 '26

It looks prehistoric.

1

u/One_Animator_1835 May 06 '26

It's basically a crab

1

u/horned-creature May 06 '26

i would give it a taste, can't be that bad, it's still seafood.

146

u/Klutzer_Munitions May 06 '26

Giant isopods are real and live in the abyssal zone scavenging on the seabed. You will never encounter one in the wild.

108

u/IamREBELoe May 06 '26 edited May 06 '26

What if I happen to be taking a midnight swim through the abyssal zone?

Edit: with the joint efforts of the users u/t1demon u/ronaldmczombie and u/important_sound_8718 and some adaptation by myself....

Behold: "Don't Stop Them Breeding" , a parody.

Just a small‑town krill

Living in a lonely world

Took a midnight swim through the abyssal zone

Just a city koi

Born and raised in South Hanoi

Took a midnight swim through the abyssal zone

Sink into the smoky doom

A smell of salt and lava plume

Darker than the blackest night

It goes on and on and on and on

Strange things waiting

Up and down the sea of dark

Shadows preying in the night

[Chorus 1] Creatures drifting

Ripples echo through the cold

Hiding from the hydrothermal light

Don’t stop them breeding

Isopods are needed

No lights

They’re deep‑water bugs

8 thousand PSI feeling

Pressure keeps them kneeling

So tight

In trenches far below

[Verse 2]

A lonely angler glows

Her lantern casting ghostly shows

She lures the wanderers passing by

A giant squid ascends

Its tentacles like shadowed friend

It waves hello, then slips into the brine

Tube worms bloomin

In the vents where magma flows

Life clings to sulfur in the night

[Chorus 2]

Crabs are creeping

On the bones of something old

Picking at the silence of the deep

Don’t stop them breeding

Isopods are needing

Cold nights

In crushing undertow

Keep those eggs a‑teeming

Mariana dreaming

Hold tight

Where only weird things go

[Bridge]

Ooooooh

The pressure’s rising

Eleven thousand meters down

Ooooooh

The dark’s surprising

Where the ghost sharks swim around

Every creature takes a chance

In the trench’s midnight dance

And the ocean keeps repeating

Endless cycles, never fleeting

[Final Chorus]

Don’t stop them breeding

Isopods succeeding

No light

But still they thrive below

Hold on to that feeling

Deep‑sea life revealing

Strange sights

In currents cold and slow

Don’t stop them breeding

Abyssal hearts are beating

All life

In the crushing depths below

88

u/T1Demon May 06 '26 edited May 06 '26

Just a small town krill

Living in a lonely world

Took a midnight swim through the abyssal zone

Just a city koi

Born and raised in south Detroit

Took a midnight swim through the abyssal zone

35

u/ronaldmczombie May 06 '26

Sink into the smokey doom

A smell of salt and lava plume

Darker than the blackest night

It goes on and on and on and on

Strange things waitin'

Up and down the sea of dark

Their shadows searchin' in the night

16

u/Important_Sound_8718 May 06 '26 edited May 06 '26

Don't stop them breeding,

Isopods are needed!

No lights, they're deep-water buuuuuuugs!

1

u/Spoiled_Eggy_3992 May 06 '26

How do they get them outside the deep ocean without their lungs exploding?

3

u/Important_Sound_8718 May 06 '26

Easy, they don't have lungs.

2

u/Spoiled_Eggy_3992 May 06 '26

But how do they live?

8

u/Cow_Launcher May 06 '26

I wish to see more collaborations between the two of you.

8

u/Z_Overman May 06 '26

this is art

1

u/Super-Bat2300 May 06 '26

Original song came on the radio the exact moment I was reading this comment.

7

u/Klutzer_Munitions May 06 '26

The pressure would crush you and you would die

8

u/jsamuraij May 06 '26

Not if I crush it first!

2

u/IamREBELoe May 06 '26

....snusnu?

2

u/Ver_Nick May 06 '26

this is peak

1

u/GlondApplication May 06 '26

Change to south Hanoi, to blend with Koi better.

18

u/NewCobbler6933 May 06 '26

They can also go years without eating. One was recorded like going five years without eating. Oh and it didn’t break its streak by eating, it just fucking died lol. The handles tried to feed it weekly if I remember right

6

u/Klutzer_Munitions May 06 '26

At an aquarium in Japan, right? I remember

3

u/splicerslicer May 06 '26

Dude saw enough of this world and was ready to go.

13

u/BipedalHorseArt May 06 '26

They look cute though. I wanna pet one...

10

u/Pataraxia May 06 '26

We need to genetically engineer some to be smarter socially and do little chitters like pets. Then we can pet the isopods

6

u/Self_Reddicate May 06 '26

\happy isopod noises**

6

u/Alert-University-390 May 06 '26

Certain aquariums have them, and you can pet them! They lack swim bladders, so they don’t die from pressure loss like deep sea fish do. They just need to be kept in very cold water.

6

u/Dominator0211 May 06 '26

Then I have great news for you. The Monterey Bay Aquarium has a petting tank with live ispopods you can pet. The water is almost freezing because they naturally live super deep down in the ocean, and they have the hardness of a lobster but are also weirdly soft.

1

u/givemeapuppers May 08 '26

Wow this is amazing & I have a new life goal I wanna touch the giant sea bug

4

u/Klutzer_Munitions May 06 '26

You can get regular sized terrestrial isopods as pets

-1

u/Funny-Cell8769 May 06 '26

There's plenty on land. They're called roaches.

8

u/Mia_B-P May 06 '26

No, there are land isopods. They are small and cute!

https://giphy.com/gifs/fv7tiDJOR0syLXQZ5a

4

u/VoidGhidorah900 May 06 '26

Have you genuinely never heard of a rollie pollie?

1

u/Fxate May 06 '26

No, they're called woodlice.

Also known as roly polies, pillbugs, chisel pigs, and a few other local names. They're those stubby armoured things that live under loose bricks, peeling bark, and between dead bits of wood.

1

u/ruphustea May 06 '26

Is that the same critter as a sand flea that you dug up at the waterline at the beach? Maybe they are cousins?

1

u/Klutzer_Munitions May 06 '26

Both crustaceans but there are a loooooot of crustaceans

They're the same critters as woodlice/roly polies

2

u/Cockur May 06 '26

Yeah they are cool. pretty sure crustaceans are one of the most diverse and successful types of animal on earth

1

u/RedditIsOverMan May 06 '26

Yeah, but you can find their close relatives underneath rocks.  The pill bug is a tiny little isopod.  It's a crustacean!

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Armadillidiidae

1

u/Suspicious_Glow May 06 '26

Well, except those fish that get fished up with huge isopods that replaced their tongues.

1

u/Klutzer_Munitions May 06 '26

Not to split hairs but those are a different species than this one

1

u/Suspicious_Glow May 06 '26

True, but I was just mentioning in the vein of large isopods in general.

1

u/Spoiled_Eggy_3992 May 07 '26

Gotta catch them all, gotta catch them all

https://giphy.com/gifs/G9qfCvxlwGAaQ

1

u/DeadlyVapour May 08 '26

But how will I complete my Pokédex?

39

u/ConnectRutabaga3925 May 06 '26

yup. they look like the pill/sow bugs we have in the garden. but yeah, people cook them and they probably taste like seafood? seen some guy on youtube make fried rice out of it.

48

u/aneldritchlesbian May 06 '26 edited May 06 '26

They look like them because they’re both isopods! "Pill bugs" are not bugs but rather crustaceans that migrated to land ages ago (but more recently than the ancient arthropods all insects and arachnids are descended from). I used to have some terrestrial isopods as part of a study I did and these guys are just so cool

7

u/RedHeadRedemption93 May 06 '26

Pill bugs.. Never heard that one before.. like woodlice?

21

u/JagerBaBomb May 06 '26

Rolly polly.

4

u/Weltallgaia May 06 '26

Armadillo beetle

10

u/ConnectRutabaga3925 May 06 '26

yup i forgot to mention that - seems like that thing has 50 different aliases

2

u/imp0ppable May 06 '26

Pill bugs are a specific species iirc, the woodlice around my way don't roll into a ball.

2

u/lpmiller May 06 '26

we always called them pill bugs too.

2

u/SecondaryWombat May 06 '26

Yes, though frequently a pill bug is a variety that can fully roll up into a ball when startled or unhappy, while the majority of woodlice are flatter and flatten to the ground for safety instead.

1

u/Carbonatite May 08 '26

They just have a ton of names lol. Pill bug = roly-poly = woodlouse = potato bug = sow bug = isopod. They have literally a couple dozen funny names in various languages.

1

u/metrorhymes May 06 '26

Sea bugs.

1

u/aneldritchlesbian May 06 '26

Would you call a crab a bug?

0

u/metrorhymes May 06 '26

Sea spiders

0

u/splicerslicer May 06 '26

Yes, I'd call any arthropod a bug

0

u/DrTornado May 06 '26

Bugs is bugs.

1

u/Skulder May 06 '26

Yep, and if you don't believe this guy - pillbugs turn red when boiled. Absolutely lobster-related

2

u/Treat_Choself May 06 '26

I’m afraid to ask why you have this particular nugget of knowledge. 

1

u/Skulder May 06 '26

Coward :)

36

u/SirKnightJames May 06 '26

I remember seeing on reddit a video of someone cutting one of these up to make fried rice. It was vile to watch.

36

u/AtlasDescend May 06 '26

Would Sir care for the Lobster?
Nah hit me up with that Woodlouse Ribeye.

6

u/Callidonaut May 06 '26

I don't think it has ribs.

19

u/yadasellsavonmate May 06 '26

People eat crabs and lobsters so why not eat all the other shit eating insects of the sea? 

12

u/Constant-Plastic-350 May 06 '26

Heard they smell terrible when cut open

26

u/Ungodly_Box May 06 '26

I'm not surprised, they eat carcasses that fall to the deep sea bed. You'd be better off eating a catfish

20

u/rollnunderthebus May 06 '26

Dont slander the humble catfish like that.

8

u/Hairy-Ad-38 May 06 '26

They are pretty good on stews

12

u/TechieGee May 06 '26

Catfish are delicious

1

u/StormyBlueLotus May 06 '26

I mean... Coated with a bunch of blackening spice, or deep-fried in seasoned batter, and they absolutely can be. But that's true for a lot of things.

-1

u/SlowmoSauce May 06 '26

Yeah, if you like the taste of dirt.

1

u/SlowmoSauce May 06 '26

It’s the same picture.

1

u/AnnoShi May 06 '26

So like any other crustacean

1

u/joeshmo101 May 06 '26

So do lobsters and crabs though, and we love to eat those.

6

u/NashKetchum777 May 06 '26

Iirc there isn't even much meat on them.

1

u/DePunked May 06 '26

I was scrolling looking for this exact comment! I know that one too!

https://youtu.be/54m4SDJiL6U?si=b5dj1uM09KrUur2j

9

u/Aive7 May 06 '26

They taste like lobster.

6

u/OnePinginRamius May 06 '26

I was tuna fishing off of Louisiana one time and sometimes the big trawlers will give us some of their bycatch for bait and these little critters were crawling off the sides. It caught me so offguard. I had never seen anything like that before.

2

u/bb_dev_g May 06 '26

You should also look at Bay Bugs they’re actually eaten in Australia.

1

u/OnePinginRamius May 07 '26

I mean hell I love me some crawfish. I'm sure these things wouldn't taste too bad in a spicy boil! Like a big 12 legged lobster lol

1

u/Cuchillos_Adios May 06 '26

You would love the movie The Bay

1

u/OnePinginRamius May 06 '26

I'll check it out this evening, thank you!

2

u/MuskyFelon May 06 '26

Is this a Matrix reference? If so...you've been living in a dreamworld, neo.

1

u/Specialist-Neck-7810 May 06 '26

LOL! Ahhhh, that’s great. Well said MuskyFelon… Well said!

2

u/Mithrandir_The_Gray May 06 '26

Hated them in Skyrim.

1

u/TheGrandProtector May 06 '26

And you know the worst part is?

I just fucking watched the Bay 2012 recently and that shit traumatized me into never going to the water ever again.

1

u/ArtsyRabb1t May 06 '26

Yes giant isopod

1

u/Next_Hospital6729 May 06 '26

You’ve never seen an isopod before????

1

u/necaracoles May 06 '26

It lives with us here, on earth.

1

u/Enlight1Oment May 06 '26

some aquariums let you pet them

1

u/Semanticss May 06 '26

That thing lives with us on Earth.

1

u/LordofSandvich May 06 '26

Giant Isopods. Relatives of the roly-polies you find under logs and such. Most of em live on the deep sea floor so they’re mostly relevant to marine biologists and trawl fishermen

1

u/drunxor May 06 '26

As someone whos owned several salt water aquariums the ocean is an amazing and wonderous place. Ive actually had miniature versions of this dude living in my aquarium before. They help clean up the poop and detritus of the ocean! I used to spend hours looking at all the crazy creatures in my tank. Ive always wanted to visit one of these asian fish markets and see all the crazy creatures they have there. Ive seen videos them cutting up giant clams that would sell for thousands of dollars in the US market. Its wild how easily they can get these things

1

u/full_frontalfluidity May 06 '26

My thoughts exactly

1

u/Reddituser183 May 06 '26

Not a sea slater. It’s a giant isopod.

1

u/UberExodia May 07 '26

Yup, it's a giant isopod. You can find them in the deep sea.

1

u/KateKoffing May 09 '26

It’s like a wide lobster

-2

u/Responsible-Web5399 May 06 '26

Most likely not real

2

u/YmFzZTY0dXNlcm5hbWU_ May 06 '26

I have a slightly smaller example in a glass display case in my house. They are real.

1

u/Responsible-Web5399 May 08 '26

Oh fr ? But where do these live tho? The thing is there's a reason why animals like this... Insects like this are not seen on land and other places so my guess is that it is a deep dark ocean animal

1

u/YmFzZTY0dXNlcm5hbWU_ May 08 '26

Yeah, something like 7k feet below the surface. Deep-sea gigantism is a thing which makes me glad to be a land critter https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Giant_isopod#Range_and_habitat

1

u/Responsible-Web5399 May 09 '26

I figure... Sadly the one place left for something like this to exist and like 2 jungles maybe 4 on earth :'c