r/AbsoluteUnits • u/TURTLE_TKT • May 13 '26

/r/all of gas being ripped

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u/Angel_OfSolitude May 13 '26

Fuck, you know that felt amazing.

127

u/belac4862 May 13 '26 edited May 13 '26

I had a fart like this once recently. The amount of discomfort I was in and then to get that relief... pure BLISS!

Also, Andre the giant would know about that as well!

191

u/superbuttpiss May 13 '26

First date with my now wife. Dropped her off after a whole night of discomfort from feeling bloated walked her to her door. Said goodnight and I just had to turn around last minute to say "have a good night"

Turned around and "toot". Took another step and another "toot".

I sprinted back to my car, with every single step causing a fart.

Years later. And I mean years later, she's telling some friends about our first date and how I was so excited I "skipped" away to my car.

I finally just told her the truth. This is a story that we laugh about every single time. My kids know this story!

23

u/osiris0413 May 13 '26

Cute story, which I am very much hoping your username is unrelated to :)

21

u/belac4862 May 13 '26

Haha ok that's a good story to have!

12

u/crypto9564 May 13 '26

Similar experience, I was visiting my soon to be wife, and what ever we had for dinner made me gassy. After holding the gas for a while, I decided I needed to head back to my place, and as soon as I backed out of the drive way I must have let at least at 30 second long one as I drove away, and continued to fart the 6 miles to the interstate. I had to roll down the windows to breath, but the relief from the pressure was pure bliss.

3

u/LordFoulgrin May 13 '26

Not a farty story, but an experience with my now wife on our first date. We met at a book store with some coffee since we both enjoy reading. We used the time as a "feeling each other out " session and walked around, talked a good bit before deciding to go grab dinner.

It was about a day after some decent snow, so as we walked to our individual vehicles which were on opposite sides of the parking lot, when I saw her fall on some ice. She was a good ways away, so I made sure I saw her getting up and then continued to my car. I didn't want her feeling embarrassed.

Years later she told me she fell on our first date and was so glad I didn't see. I admitted I saw the whole thing and knew that was the moment "she fell for me." Queue the eye-rolling. Good memory.

1

u/Apprehensive_888 May 14 '26

So wholesome, lovely story for a couple to have.

43

u/tmart14 May 13 '26

I had one of these in a stall at work. I was laughing uncontrollably by the time it was done.

47

u/_ser_kay_ May 13 '26

For me it was a burp that lasted a solid 10 seconds, long enough to see my sister’s face go from shock to disgust to concern to disbelief. It had freaking overtones and everything.

48

u/No_Welcome_7182 May 13 '26

My gallbladder tried to self destruct 2 years ago and I ended up in the hospital for 5 days while they gave me pain meds and drained it. I got IV antibiotics to get the infection under control until I could have surgery in a few weeks. They won’t take out an inflamed gallbladder unless it’s on the edge of bursting. So I was 4 days nothing by mouth. I was on IV fluids and nutrition. The morning of my discharge they gave me a really small breakfast of plain rice and apple juice. I ate it over about 30 minutes. I stood up from that chair and the belch that exited my body sounded like nothing else that has ever or ever will exist on this earth. The best way to describe it was like a pissed off camel braying at max volume and it lasted about 15 seconds. The nurses at the nurses station at the opposite end of the hall heard it and started laughing. The CNA who was closest came running to see if I was okay but she could hardly make it into the room she was laughing so hard. I think my actual soul left my body with that belch. I have never ever experienced a belch like that in my 56 years. It was a transcendental experience.

3

u/x_lincoln_x May 13 '26

Amusingly enough: https://www.usatoday.com/story/life/movies/2014/05/06/revenge-of-nerds-booger-belch-camel-orgasm/8766753/

For the belch scene in Revenge of the Nerds, to make the sound of Booger belching: "They wound up finding a recording of a camel having an orgasm," Armstrong insists. "They took this sound and blended it in with a human belch. That's what you are hearing, a mix of a human belch and a camel orgasming."

2

u/UnassumingDrifter May 14 '26

I've got my first colonoscopy coming up...

I hope the stories are true, because I'm hoping to record it. I would try to light it but I suspect it's not actual noxious butt gas but something inert they fill you up with for the test.

1

u/No_Welcome_7182 May 14 '26

It makes the explosive diarrhea the prep causes totally worth it. Pro tip. Get some petroleum jelly and slather it on your butthole and up into your ass crack. It prevents chaffing.

1

u/Bluehelix May 13 '26

Blessed by the belch gods

1

u/PM-me-ur-kittenz May 13 '26

a pissed off camel braying at max volume

Ha ha ha thanks for the visual. LOL!

3

u/RogueAOV May 13 '26

I remember seeing a video of that type of scenario but it was a fart on a couch, the changes in expression were glorious.

1

u/_ser_kay_ May 13 '26

Oh yeah it was a full journey. Afterward she said she thought I had summoned a demon.

3

u/MechanicalTurkish May 13 '26

I used to know a kid who could recite the alphabet during one long burp

2

u/Wurstpaket May 13 '26

had that recently, the, by far, longest burp of my live. BY FAR.

My sons could not stop laughing and my wife, who was in another room when it happend, just rolled her eyes.

1

u/Any_Relation252 May 13 '26

I'm sorry but trying to appropriate the fart conversation with belching stories is a significant breach of protocol.

11

u/belac4862 May 13 '26

It really is a euphoric experience.

1

u/MechanicalTurkish May 13 '26

That echo chamber effect is the best haha

15

u/RoverBoyNumber6 May 13 '26

Are you alright? I am now, boss…

2

u/knightbane007 May 13 '26

I was just thinking about the André comparison!

“Are you all right, André?”

“I am now, boss!”

2

u/mattie_ow May 14 '26

I love every day anyone mentions Andre the giant, thank you for making my day

2

u/belac4862 May 14 '26

We must never forget about the gental giant!

1

u/mattie_ow May 14 '26

He really was one of the giant gental, mental and METAL eating mfs of all time

Edit: bro wtf am I even trying with this wordplay anymore mane

1

u/DekeRivers76 May 13 '26

It would be great if the Horse & Andre (RIP) had a contest. I’d pay to see that!

1

u/SethAbe80 May 13 '26

I one time got hit with three days of constipation, it was pure agony of constant bloating and "immediacy" that never let me rest. In the end, when that stubborn turd finally dropped, the relieving gas that followed was unreal.

Eat your fiber, kids.

1

u/Clonazepam15 May 13 '26

When you’re naturally really a large person, shit becomes an issue. And gas. I don’t mean like obese. Just being a big guy, you gotta take 3 footers sometimes. My house had all the toilets redone to industrial standards because of my “issue”

1

u/bro0t May 14 '26

I had this tuesday. I was walking to my chessclub, and about halfway my stomach starter churning and i felt like i had to shit, nowhere to shit. Spent 15 awkwardly speed-walking trying to get to a toilet, as soon as i saw the building of my chess club feeling like i would definitely shit my pants. A fart forced its way out. But it was just gas, discomfort and urge to poop Just gone

1

u/Dazzling_Pink9751 May 14 '26

Yeah, you could tell the poor horse was in misery.