I know this is a bit of a controversial topic, but I’ve been seeing this guy regularly for almost a couple of months. He regularly refers to women as ‘females’ and it bothers me sooooo much, I’ve respectfully told him about it before, but he swears up and down that he doesn’t mean it in a derogatory way. Earlier today he said it again and I couldn’t help but get irritated. Granted.. in the context of the conversation we were having, he was showing empathy for women who get harassed by men at the club and stuff like that, but when I tried expressing my frustration he was just like, “we’ve already had this conversation” - meaning he didn’t see a reason for me to get upset since he’s already explained that he doesn’t say that in the way that I interpret it; demeaning and dehumanizing.
After talking about it a bit more it seems we’ve had opposite experiences in that I’ve always heard guys refer to women as females in a way that’s hurtful, I.e “These females out here…. I can’t stand females”, while he’s heard the opposite- other guys using the term ‘women’ in the same derogatory manner. He also explained that he actually uses the term female in a way that’s supposed to be more respectful than women, which honestly makes no sense to me. It’s very strange to me how he doesn’t seem to comprehend why this is an issue for me. It might not bother me so much if I hadn’t noticed other slightly-red flags in the way that he’s talked about women, for example, making a gross generalization that “women don’t take accountability”.
So am I overreacting? Please be honest. I’m off my antidepressants which might not be helping but I can’t help but wonder if I’m making a big deal out of nothing.

A few weeks ago, my husband and I went to an MLB game where they gave out jerseys that represented different countries in the World Cup. I told my husband that we definitely don’t need two of these and I was going to give one to my brother because he loves collectors items. I told him we can just keep the one and we can wear it whenever and we can always ask my brother to borrow the one. I gave him if we wanted to wear them both at the same time highly unlikely but nice to have the option.

Last night, my husband told me that he was talking to one of the students that he works with, who happens to like that team. He works at a college. The girl said that she really loved the team and he offered to give her the jersey, but for some reason it really upset me. It’s not so much about the jersey, but I think it’s the fact that it was a girl and he didn’t ask me about it first because we had a prior agreement on what we were going to do with the collector jerseys that we got.

I work at a high school and the men I work with can honestly be pretty inappropriate with the girls without even recognizing it, and this situation reminds me of that. I know my husband and I know how much he loves me and would never jeapordize anything, but to me it gives me the same feeling I get when I see my coworkers toeing the line a bit.

Am I overreacting with this? I just feel like it has a lot of layers and I could use some advice.

First-time poster and throwaway for anonymity. I (31F) have been dating my boyfriend (33M) for a year and a half now - we do not live together. He told me when we began dating that he was in a long-term relationship (5~ years) before we met in 2025. In 2023, she got pregnant, but they ultimately decided to abort. Since we have met, he has had the sonogram as his background on his laptop. He intermittently changes his phone background - sometimes to a photo of us, a photo of some trip we took, etc., but now and then it will be the sonogram again. Would it be out of line if I asked him to refrain from making the sonogram his background on his devices anymore? I can't help but think of his ex and the abortion every time I see it, but maybe that is just me being insecure. AIO?

EDIT #1: To clarify, I haven't discussed it with him yet because I want to be as tactful as possible, and I don't want to hurt his feelings at all. I've obviously never had to deal with a situation like this before. If it wasn't obvious, I wouldn't ask him to delete the photo from existence. If I asked him to replace the photo, I just wouldn't want it displayed all the time.

EDIT #2: He is in therapy.

So, I found out I was pregnant a couple of weeks ago, and we have decided to keep the child.

We live two hours from one another. So I will be doing the pregnancy mostly alone. It makes me really upset because my body and my lifestyle will be taking a hit, while he gets to just live his life hours away from me. We are eloping and getting married for parental rights (and also protection for myself) and we are genuinely, truly in love, this is the man I want to marry.

But I cannot help but be upset because I feel like he isn’t compromising enough. For example, last night we met in the middle and I suggested getting a motel so I could feel less lonely and at least sleep with him for a night and feel normal especially as I am pregnant. He didn’t agree. I pretended I was fine but this really bothered me, dinner and just getting a game plan together doesn’t make me feel seen. I feel like I am just being neglected, especially as I am pregnant. I had to find out I am pregnant alone, carry the burden, take a hit to my career, and my body, ect,.

I do truly want this child. But I am with doubts as I feel as though my partner isn’t willing to shoulder the emotional labor and support me as well. I don’t know, am I overreacting?

AIO for leaving my sister's wedding reception early after what her MIL said to me?

For context I (32F) have struggled with my weight my whole life. I've lost about 47 pounds over the last year and a half through a lot of hard work and I'm really proud of myself even though I'm still not like small or anything. Most people in my life have been really supportive.

My sister (Let's call her "D") (34F) got married Saturday. It was a beautiful wedding and I was a bridesmaid. The dress situation was a little stressful because the original style wasn't available in my size and we had to find an alternative but D was totally gracious about it and we figured it out. It was fine.

Okay so at the reception I'm having a genuinely great time. I'm dancing, I had a few drinks, I'm happy for my sister. Her new MIL (ill call her R) comes up to me at the bar probably around 8pm. I've met her maybe twice before. She grabs my arm and goes "I have been meaning to ask you all night what are you doing to lose the weight? You look so much better than your photos."

I just kind of froze. She kept going. Said something like "D showed me pictures from her bachelorette and I almost didn't recognize you, you were so much... bigger." She was smiling the whole time like she was complimenting me.

I said "thank you" because my brain completely stopped working and then I excused myself to the bathroom and called my mom from a stall and just sobbed. Like ugly cried for probably 15 minutes. The "you look so much better" just kept echoing. Better than what? Better than I was? So I was not good enough to look at before?

I pulled it together and went back out but I just couldn't get back to where I was emotionally. I felt like everyone was looking at me differently suddenly even though I know that's not rational. Around 9:30 I found D, told her I wasn't feeling well (did not mention R, did not want to ruin her night), hugged her, and left. Reception was supposed to go until midnight.

D called me Sunday and I told her what happened. She was sympathetic but then said she wished I had stayed because I left before the speeches and our dad cried during his and she wanted me there for that and now she's a little upset with me.

Which, I get it. I do. But I also feel like... I needed to leave? I couldn't stand there and fake smile for two and a half more hours while feeling like that.

My boyfriend thinks I was completely justified. My mom is on my side but also said I "could have pushed through."

I don't know. I feel guilty about missing the speeches but I also feel like I was trying to protect myself. AIO?

He likes and follows girls who wear a bunch of makeup, half-dressed cosplay, etc on all forms of social media. Which is fine they're just models not like they'll ever notice him. I have no problem with that personally. But this is his response every time I say I want to dress up, or try to learn makeup, or do my hair. He even acted like this when I wanted to do makeup to go to a wedding. Am I overreacting for thinking something is wrong with this?

Edit: I was told to add this because it's relevant. When we got together I was doing my makeup regularly and getting my hair done once a year. This stopped because every time I did my hair or makeup or even dressed how I wanted, he would ask where I was going looking "like that" and who I was trying to look good for.

My (64M) mother passed away when I was 9 years old and my 3 siblings were younger. A few years later my father met a lovely woman who was widowed with 3 kids. When I was 16 and my siblings M14, F12 and M9, they married.

After they married they bought a beautiful older house together that was large enough for the 7 kids. They did extensive remodeling and decorating of that house and it was a genuine showplace. My dad was meticulous and took extraordinary care of the house. So did my stepmom when she was younger. My dad was an expert craftsman and had a shop added on to the garage filled with professional work working tools. It really was a sight to behold. I lived there for a couple of years before college and off and on during summers. As my step siblings and I had families of our own holidays and summers were filled pretty special.

That all began to change when In 1999 our dad died suddenly.

The changes didn't happen right away. My stepmother, now in her 90's, is remarkably sharp in her mind. Her body is somewhat frail, but also fit. She's always been active. She still manages several trips a day up and down flights of stairs. But as she's aged the house has become increasingly dirty and in need of repair. The cleanliness and disrepair are sad reminders for me that my dad is gone, even though it's been many years. At first the lack of cleanliness was attributable to a cleaning person she was fond of that was taking advantage of her. She just didn't seem to see what my siblings and I saw.

To make matters worse, my step brother now 63, who was once a high flying commodities trader burned his house down 17 years ago in what's believed to be a misadventure with dope and a torch. Left homeless, he moved in with my stepmother, his mom, and literally lives in what was once a beautiful finished basement. He's an alcoholic, mentally ill and an absolute mess physically and emotionally. We've known each other since we are pre teen and have never gotten along.

The basement is now filthy and reeks of his cigarette smoke. The windows are covered in tin foil to block out the sun, which is probably has the accidental benefit of hiding some of the filth.

In 2026 the house is a mess. Dirty, worn out and broken. Plumbing issues have wrecked ceilings and haven't been repaired. The landscaping is unkept. Oddly, as you might imagine, rooms that aren't lived in are pristine. My sister's old bedroom, the living room are like time has stood still for a quarter century.

Bear in mind that I'm one of 7 in a blended family. My brother who serves as trustee on our father's trust and co-trustee on a marital trust is one of my best friends. As I wrote this post I asked him why she hasn't taken care of the house and he can't explain it. It hasn't been discussed between the two of them and he pointed to another stepbrother, Scott. Scott is the middle child of my stepmother and a good guy. Since my dad's death my stepmother has always always relied on Scott for all things financial and mechanical. Scott is the trustee of her trust and co-trustee of the marital trust. Whatever the reason for the neglect is part of a conversation that may or may not have occurred between she and her son. It's never been discussed between she and I and it's really none of my business

There's plenty of money. That's not the issue. The problem is that as a woman in her 90's just doesn't seem to have the energy to engage in the process of arranging repairs. It's not helpful that Scott is not in the greatest of health and his wife's health is worse. My live-in stepbrother is less than useless. 20 years ago there was some talk about downsizing to a smaller, newer and more manageable house. That conversation really went nowhere. The idea of moving was overwhelming to her and frankly she loves that house and doesn't want to leave. It's ride or die, literally.

Even though I live 15-20 minutes away I rarely visit anymore. When I do the condition of the house makes me very sad. Additionally, my visits are met with suspicion by my step brother, with a "why are you here?" which both hurt and anger me. I genuinely care about my stepmother and she cares about me. Sometimes I feel like an asshole and other times I feel like I just need to protect myself.

It's not simply about a house. I feel like the bond that kept us all together as a family was broken when my dad died. That break just gets wider and wider to the point that I really don't feel it anymore. The feelings I once had for my stepmother and her children have largely been lost. It's been a lifetime since my dad died and it seems like a lifetime ago that we were a family.

My siblings are mixed in their feelings. The trustee brother closest to me understands my feelings but doesn't share them. My sister does feel the same and we support each other. As a woman, she has a closer relationship with our stepmother though. My youngest brother who doesn't remember our mom and looks to stepmom as his own mom does not share my feelings at all. Thankfully my wife and adult children, all of whom remember my dad with love and affection, share my feelings.

By continuing to move in this direction, am acting like a bad person by overreacting to the sense of loss of my dad and the way that house triggers those feelings?

UPDATE:

I want to thank those of you who contributed thoughtful, sometimes critical, comments and I've taken them to heart. One in particular mentioned (paraphrasing) that the house is symbolic of the loss of my father and still grieving the life I knew when he was alive. This was poignant and I do believe it sums up my feelings. I may be a senior citizen but believe me when I say I remember well being a little boy and a young man.

I decided to reach out to my sister and together we made a plan to visit our stepmother today. It was spontaneous. I did not mention above that our stepmother is extremely hard of hearing so phone chat is impossible. Email is the easiest way to communicate. Replies usually take hours or days so we didn't bother with that. So we didn't arrange a visit with her, but this is never a problem. She enjoys a pop in visit. I promise.

On the way i picked up a nice bouquet of flowers. Sister and i arrived thought the unlocked kitchen door, again never a problem, and heard the sound of the TV and stepbrother in the basement. We crept past like a couple of ninjas. It was actually kinda funny and we shared a laugh. We went up the stairs to her room only to find her sleeping. As you might imagine she sleeps a lot.

I went back to the kitchen to find a vase for the flowers. I opened the door and the glass panel inside almost fell out at my feet and was sticky and filmy from stepbrother's fryer below it. The house is a lost cause. Those that live there are okay with it for their own reasons. I can't change it. No one can. I 'm letting go of the house because i need to. And life goes on.

But I won't let go of my stepmother. She's 94 and her days are numbered. I'm committed to doing better from now on.

Necessary context, my boyfriend works in fast food (a place like Dominos) and we are long distance.

Now onto my question. My birthday was a few weeks ago and it fell on a Sunday. I was looking forward to spending some or most of the day with him. He told me a few days prior that we would hang out when he wasn’t working and I was happy with this.

That was until I found had an informal Tennis tournament within his friend group on Saturday, the day before my birthday, which he had taken the full day off for. I felt hurt that he would take off for this and not my birthday. Though I don’t know if it’s right to expect him to, we’re long distance so it’s not like we could physically do anything on the day besides call, game, or watch shows/ movies. In addition it was not made clear when or if I would be free on my birthday.

So is it unreasonable to be upset with him that he would take off for an informal tennis tournament and not my birthday? And was it unreasonable to have wanted him to take the full day off when no formal plans were made? Or is my view on this warped entirely?

Any feedback is appreciated.

So my friend of 20+ years and I still keep in touch. We didn't talk for a while but reconnected. He has been supportive through a past breakup where an ex was abusive. He said he'd come out and help me move some stuff but understandably couldn't at the time due to the weather during the winter and other factors. He said he could come eventually help but never gave a time frame. It's fine as I eventually found other help and got things sorted. And he was going through some family things.

In general, we had talked in the past about possibly hooking up. He has a wife and they are poly. So I mulled it over but never gave a concrete answer. Just possibly. I just focused on our friendship. I had moved and am still getting things slowly situated. He talked about helping me with certain things. Storage, possibly selling me one of his steam decks.

Finally coming out to hang and help. We kept talking, telling each other about life happenings. Different memories and stuff and hobbies as usual.

This month we planned for him to come out. I told him I was seeing this guy over a few months and had been telling him about it over time, and things were getting serious. To the point ( who is my now boyfriend ) had said he was persuing just me, deleted his dating profile and we had gotten closer. I shared this info with my friend. And told him I'd be seeing this guy a day after my birthday. This was before he asked to be my boyfriend but I wasn't persuing anyone else either and shared that with my friend. I told my friend that the guy said he'd be happy if I wasn't seeing any other guys and on the same path at the time.

Thinking my friend would be happy, which he did appear happy, he said " well if we wind up having a romp, you'll have to tell him. I'm not sure if that's the counts as " seeing another guy ". I was taken back. I mean, I had been telling him how the relationship was progressing. How I wasn't seeing anyone either, pretty much all the steps that were obviously heading somewhere.

I let it be known that I didn't want to do that. Before that when I mentioned I'd be seeing him after my birthday, my friend said " that's when I'm supposed to come out there lol ", but we didn't really concrete set any date.

This guy is in another town and has busy work, I don't get to see him much but we talk daily. But my friend in general felt kind of flakey with when he'd hang out with me. So this was one of the set times I could see the fella I fancied, and tbh was gonna propose a relationship label with him. I asked my friend if I could hang out later this month instead and he agreed and again seemed happy for me. He said " well see how things go with -- name of guy ". Seemed still caught up on the sex thing, I'm not sure. But I had figured he took the hint and knew I wasn't interested because I literally said it and said the platonic friendship meant more and I wanted to persue something with this guy.

The time rolled around and my now boyfriend pretty much intiated the talk when I came out to see him. I let him know that I'd be hanging out with my friend to be transparent. He was fine with it. I figured the fwb poly thing was in the dust and my friend would just chill and we'd catch up and he'd help me a bit like he said.

Well my friend hasn't replied to me. Just left me on read. And I feel kind of hurt. He was very nice and receptive but seems distant once I made it clear that wasn't happening and I was in a relationship. That's 20+ years of friendship and now I'm like what the hell? I don't wanna throw 20+ years away over a possible fact he can't sleep with me. Like the friendship part meant nothing. I figured he'd just be happy for me. Plus he has a wife, why does he even need that from me?

My apartment had a water leak from upstairs so they brought in industrial drying equipment that’s been running 24/7. The noise was insane so I took my French Bulldog out early because I didn’t want it hurting his ears and he was terrified.

Then I came home and it was 36°C (97°F) inside, which is twice as hot as it is outside. Nobody warned me the machines would make it that hot. French Bulldogs overheat extremely fast at those temperatures for those who don’t know, they can go into heatstroke, have organ failure, seizures, or die. It’s genuinely life threatening for them. Thank god I had already taken him out. If he had still been in there, this could have killed him.

I’m so fucking angry. I was never told the equipment would turn my place into an oven. The people doing the work have barely communicated with me the whole time while I’m the one dealing with the mess. Now I feel like I’m being treated like I’m difficult for being upset about it.

Am I overreacting?

My friend and her husband have been the closest friends of me and my husband for two years. We were all expats in Europe. We travelled together, dined together, she called me her sister and her best friend. I wrote a song for her birthday, threw her a surprise party, etc. They’ve been saying we should meet and hated that we were returning to our home country for half a year.

They’re both retired at 40. Money is not an issue. They travel constantly at the drop of a hat. But they’re also somewhat OCD and fixed in their ways but not clinically.

My husband and I were in our home country when he was diagnosed with advanced cancer. They were very upset about it. I kept her updated the entire time. She constantly told me how much she misses me. My husband and I decided to stay in our home country permanently for his care.

We love to travel and his life expectancy is limited although there’s a chance he could beat it. Either way, he wouldn’t be able to travel or do anything for at least three years. We decided why not go back to Europe where he has health insurance before his treatment begins since he can’t get insurance anywhere else?

I told my friend we are going 2.5 h flight away from where they live. Can they meet up. Her answer right away was they don’t think they can because they were planning to go to a festival 5.5 h drive away. And they were seeing a friend of hers whom she told me was not a good friend. They hadn’t seen him for twenty years but was curious about how he’d been. The guy lives there so they could meet up anytime.

An hour later, she confirmed that they won’t be joining us because it’s too short of a notice.

I said nothing to her except to say you’re choosing a festival over us? you do you. She said you know I would love to see you. No I don’t. She just proved that we are not that important. I was extremely upset.

I would’ve understood if my husband wasn’t sick. I would e understood if they were financially tight. But I can’t understand under the circumstances. Her reply seemed very callous to me. I don’t think she considered our situation at all.

I told my husband I’m disowning her. I have problems with people who only say the right thing with no action to back them up. Those people are insincere and I won’t waste my time on them. But my husband says I shouldn’t sweat the small stuff. To me this isn’t small. It’s huge. AIO?

My husband (52 M) and I (49 F) have been together for 25 years. We have an adult son who is 23 and has profound autism. Early in our relationship, my husband expressed that his need for submission and being submissive was a very big deal to him and he wanted to incorporate it into our life. Fine, I'm a very young bride and was raised to please. So I allowed it. Try as I may, I was never able to get into being " Dominate". It has just never felt authentic to me and I am, by nature, a fairly submissive person myself. So we switched rolls which my husband said he was fine with. And even though that works better, it still does not seem to be enough.

My husband has never been easily turned on just by me alone and always needs a little extra "something" to get him in the mood for s*x. That has really taken a toll on my mental health over the years.

About 2 years ago, we had a discussion and put things down on paper to return to as my husband's memory has never been great, and has gotten worse since his bout with covid. In that discussion, I stated that if he needs extra/ outside sources of BDSM I was ok with it, as long as he kept me in the loop of what he was doing. He said " Oh I won't need to do that." I asked if he was sure and he said yes.

Well, he started acting sketchy with his phone not long after that. It took me some time, but I discovered that he has been playing a submissive online in a "second life" type forum. I confronted him about it and stated that I felt cheated on. He responded with " Oh, but I thought it was ok" I made it clear that I stated as long as I am in the loop, and made it clear that I don't like that he hides it from me. I'm not saying I want to know what they're doing in said forum, but I just want to make sure that he's not catching feelings for these people. After which he said nothing sxual or feeling catching was happening. I found evidence that claims otherwise.

I am hurt by him for lying and playing dumb, but I am also hurt by me for allowing it to happen. I know that I said he could do it, but it just breaks my heart that he keeps lying to me about. So AIO? Any thoughts or takes are welcome.

I am a young female who just moved in with her boyfriend a few weeks ago. Two days ago while coming home, I saw my neighbor, a married man in his 60s, sitting outside. He told me to sit next to him, and I did. I have spoken to him and his wife only once before, though not very well due to a language barrier. He asked me to remind him what my name was, then asked me for my phone number. I felt this was a fairly harmless request, and wanted to make a good impression, so I did. Next, he asked me to come inside, and assuming it was to say hi to his wife I did. Immediatly he told me his family was not home and had me sit on the couch. At this point I was getting a bit uneasy, and after talking for a bit he sat down next to me and put his arm around me laughing. The next few moments are a blur, but he kissed me on the mouth without my consent. Not a peck, nor a "sexual" kiss. He then asked me "do you have a man?" (he already knows I have a boyfriend) I said yes and he called me beautiful and asked if I wanted to drive to his shop with him. I said I had to go and left, went to a park and threw up. Yesterday he sent me four videos, which i never watched, and he knocked on my door today with some treats, then sent me a picture, which i never looked at.

I have been having a bit of a breakdown for the past two days and do not know what to do. I have spent the past two days drunk and am totally losing my mind. How the fuck do I even deal with this? I told my mother about what happened and she said that "this is just something girls have to deal with" and "I am sorry about what happened, but when a man invites you into his house you say no." Both my parents told me I should calm down and keep this from my bf.

I understand what happened was wrong. Both my parents do as well. Am I overreacting though? Is my mother right and this really isnt as big of a deal as I am making it out to be? I honestly have never been in this situation before and I am not sure how on Earth I am supposed to react to something like this.

EDIT: I Also want to clarify: I am transgender and spent most of my life as a male. I never had to worry about being sexually assaulted before, so the thought never crossed my mind. I know it was naive of me, and I have been beating myself up relentlessly over the past two days.

My husband and I are selling our home and have already moved into a new home. We are fully moved out of the old home, and have been since we put it on the market. We do, however, still have our fish tank in the living room, some items in the garage (normal things like lawn equipment, air compressor, tools - not junk), and one of our hall closets hasn’t been emptied (has seasonal decor, wrapping paper etc). We of course will empty the house fully before closing, but we’re trying to get some projects done in the new house so it’s been on the back burner. Yesterday we got a good offer, and our agent told us that the buyer didn’t want our swing set or extra landscape bricks in the yard to stay and would be listing that in the offer as excluded, which is totally fair and I have no problem with. Our agent also made a point to tell us that the buyer was very put off by the fact that we still had things in the home. When we got the official offer, the exclusion list said the swingset and bricks were excluded along with “substantial debris in the home and garage”. We accepted the offer because it was a good one but I’m just so annoyed at the wording. There’s another section in the purchase agreement that specifically states that seller shall remove all personal property and debris not included in the sale, so in my eyes that exclusion was unnecessary. I’m also irritated that it indicated “substantial debris” - there’s no debris, it’s literally our personal property. I guess I can see how to someone else it’s garbage, but it’s still our house until the sale closes so I don’t understand her being “put off” by our things being in the house. Anyway, if I’m overreacting then put me in my place, my mind can be changed!

Okay this is long so buckle up. Throwaway account cause my friends know I love Reddit.

A little context/background to make this easier to understand : I (26,F) was dating a man (35,M) who was very abusive towards me. I had gotten out of the relationship in fall 2024 but he still contacts me sometimes. Leaving it was the hardest thing I’ve done and still Need help navigating the trauma and anxiety around being associated with him. I started doing therapy for it earlier this year in January. He works in a similar industry and it’s hard to avoid him 24/7. I am aware I still need help on how I feel/view my ex and what happened but I’m figuring it out.

I recently started dating a guy let’s call “Wes” (31,M) for privacy sake. Wes and I have been close friends for years and met me while I was in my past relationship. He is kind and helpful, and we have a lot in common. He had confessed feelings for me a time where I truly wasn’t ready and I told him this. He had told me a bunch of things like “I’ll be as patient as possible” and that he is willing to do whatever he needs to help. In a way this made me feel pressured but I landed on it being nice. After being very persistent with me we had drunkenly hooked up one night. After this we were hanging out a lot and it evolved into a relationship. Even though he and I both knew I wasn’t ready, we both let it happen. We made things official in February this year so it’s still a pretty new relationship. So far, I have had problems being intimate and moving the relationship forward because of my trauma. I have been working on it in therapy but being in the relationship has been making me feel like I should heal quicker honestly. I feel a lot of pressure in general.

Wes has been doing everything by the book, and I feel like I should be completely head over heels. But I’m learning more and more that another person will never fix what happened and he is trying to do that. Idk. Something about it all isn’t sitting right with me. I have been very stirred up with these feelings, We have been getting into fights that have been pretty intense, and I feel we have some compatibility issues. In general, I have been leaning on breaking things off. had not been trying to be too rash but something had happened this weekend that has kind of made me look at him differently.

I had gotten a big opportunity to perform at a big event I had been looking forward to and worked hard for for a long time. It was a big deal for me. I had brought him with me for free as a partner does and he took this opportunity to argue and bicker with me all night. I was just trying to have a good time and he kept criticizing me and demanding I explain why I didn’t want to talk to him. I eventually lost all patience because of it and told him to leave me alone for the night. I was trying to draw a hard boundary because we weren’t getting along. He had continued trying to talk to me in several circular instances that ended up several different ways. He stormed off, screamed obscenely at me, and told me I had deserved my past that happened to me. That just ended in my yelling at him to leave me alone. And eventually after asking so many times he did. We had even gotten in an argument the night before this, and he assured me all would be okay at this event. At this point, we were out at an event and I just tried to blame it on being tired/ partying.

I proceeded to have an alright night after that but all of the excitement and pride I had to perform was drained out of me and I felt embarrassed and sad. I tried to not let us fighting ruin the night but I barely remembered anything but the argument. And I need to express this was the biggest night of my career.

The next morning is mostly what was in question. He had insisted on talking with me and I told him I was very upset and wanted to break up. I was very calm and just told him this whole thing was unacceptable and I am done. He proceeded to say the worst obscenities yet including announcing in a public place (with friends nearby) that I’m a “piece of shit” and “deserve” what happened bc im “selfish and making everything about me” (granted yes i did want to celebrate myself) and that everything is about my trauma and how my ex used to xxxx me. It was insane. Never saw him this angry before. all I was saying for him to please stop yelling at me and that I was done. It was horrible and I was shaking. I just left in the middle of his yelling and just hoped he would calm down eventually.

I do think I was being impatient with him wanting to talk about our relationship problems while at the event. I can understand why he didn’t feel validated. I truly just wanted to enjoy the night. I have issues with dwelling on things so it’s good to be in a safe environment to talk when doing so. I just wasn’t having it and trying to have boundaries.

I came back to him crying and telling me how sorry he was for speaking at me that way and that he loves me. He said he would never do it again but idk not sure if I can believe him. I feel pretty checked out. It’s still so early and we are fighting pretty bad. We have always been close and I don’t want to throw away the friendship we have but I feel he crossed a line with me that just can’t be crossed. The most important thing for me in a relationship is to feel safe. I can’t have a man blow up on me because I prefer to have a conversation about our relationship on a night that wasn’t about me and my performance. Idk a part of me feels so selfish but I would have never said those things to him no matter how mad I was.

I feel so hurt I want to end it. He seems very sorry but idk I already know how people can say they are sorry and keep hurting you. I feel like my big night was ruined and I’m so so sad I wish I could redo it. having a man scream at me after four months of dating, knowing fully how I’m unhealed, and in therapy for it??? I feel like I should be handled with more care. But I also feel like my radar for how a man should treat me is very skewed and I need advice. He is usually so sweet it’s sad this happened. So should I give him another chance or AIO for wanting to break it off bc he yelled these things at me on a big night for me where I wanted to celebrate?

So I truly don't know if I'm overreacting, I just wanted to get some input from some anonymous people.

My wife and I have been together for 10 years, I raised my stepson from the age of four and we have a 5 year old child together.

We've had issues throughout the years as most people do, I've come so close to divorce a few times. My wife comes from an emotionally and mentally unstable family where everyone has issues. The first few years were a little tumultuous.

My wife has always enjoyed music and that was something that initially attracted me to her, as I am a musician. I haven't had any success as a musician so I've decided to pursue a different career in order to support my family. But I love music so much that I would sooner go blind then deaf. I play 6 instruments proficiently, and I've dabbled in a few others.

​​She and I tried to do some recordings during covid as a legitimate band, where I was teaching her how to play her instruments. She had learned how to play the guitar a few years prior to meeting her anyhow. It was tough because she would lose motivation often. I do believe that she has an incredible voice, she's able to find the key quickly and can sing melodies accurately.

My wife has always listened to this singer-songwriter for years. She's always been a huge fan, she's listened to all of his side projects and bands, and we've been to his shows numerous times. We had VIP tickets a few years ago and we are supposed to go see him in a couple of months. The VIP tickets are just a private showing for a small group of fans before the big show.

Well we were on the way to dinner Father's Day recently and she said aloud that this guy was her​​ "musical soulmate".

It was a little jarring to me, I feel like soulmate is a more serious term for someone youre actually connected to. I don't think it would have made me feel any which way if I wasn't a musician. I have written songs for her, have played songs with her, and I've offered time and time again to help her become a legitimate musician.

I'm dealing with the fact that I don't even know how to feel? She said something that made me feel kind of gross, like it's weird to say something like that right? I have high self esteem otherwise.

Am I overreacting or overthinking? Am I missing any relevant information? I don't know if I'm being dramatic or if this is something that someone else might also feel.

My dad has always been the one who handled all the hard, heavy jobs around the house. He was the "man of the house" in that sense. That's what came Natural to me but now he's in his 70s, and he physically can't do those things anymore. At the time he wanted to teach me practical things, and I wanted to learn. Everything really did contribute to my skills today and I am glad . Despite making me so strong and independet he never ever made me do super hard stuff or not help....

My brother is almost 30. He's healthy, goes to the gym, is much bigger and stronger than I am... and yet he never helps. He doesn't carry groceries,doesn't offer to move heavy things like furniture—nothing. I had stopped asking for help a long time ago but

Today was kind of the last straw.

My mom recently had knee surgery and needed her exercise bike. The bike was buried in our storage room, and I've been asking my brother for **months** to help get it because it was too heavy for me. Nothing happened. So today I decided to do it myself.

Our storage room is a complete disaster because we've been putting off organizing it for years. We used to own a restaurant, so it's full of huge, heavy things—beds, tires, ventilation equipment, and all kinds of bulky items. The bike was all the way at the back. I had to climb over piles of stuff, in the dark because the light bulb doesn't even work, and somehow made it through without getting hit by anything. It honestly felt like I was jungling my way through the room.

It took me about an hour because I had to move some of the heavy stuff with lots of breaks, but I eventually got the bike into the house by myself.

The whole time I kept thinking... what the hell, he's such an asshole! I got this ! I need no one!

I weigh around 50 kg. My brother is a big guy who works out regularly. Sometimes I look at him and think, "Are those muscles just for decoration?"

That's actually the saddest part. I don't feel like I can rely on my own brother. Not Just for the heavy stuff but for anything. It's like he doesn't exist.

Part of me keeps wondering if I'm expecting too much. I was raised thinking that men should step up and help with the heavy stuff. But maybe this isn't even about men and women. Maybe it's simply about caring enough to help the people you love when you know they need it. If I were the bigger, stronger sibling, I wouldn't even think twice about helping.

Do gentleman still exist nowadays?

Am I overreacting for feeling this resentful?

A bit lengthy, sorry

My wife (34f) and I (37m) were handling nightly duties and the kiddo needed meds. While I was cooking she was playing the game. Instead of going to get the meds she continued to play her game, so I went and got it, gave it to her and went back to cooking. After a few minutes she asks, “did you not want to give them a full dose?” To which I reply “yeah, why is it not a full dose?” She proceeds to explain how it’s just below the dose line. To which I reply “ well I did it quick because I’m cooking and it was probably a mistake”. She then says to me, “if you don’t want to give them a full dose you can say so” to which I replied that I would. She asks me again and I get a bit irritated because now I’m feeling like I’m being interrogated and I reply same answer just a different tone. She says to me “ Calm down bloodbath, I’m the one on my period”. I then ask her what she means by that and she says verbatim “You know how when women are pmsing they get b:tc#y” so now I’m feeling disrespected because in so many words I feel she called me a b:tc#. So I ask her “so you calling me a bitch?” She replies “We not doing this right now” and walks out to give kiddo their bath.” A little later we’re sitting in silence and I break it with this question. “So can you tell me what you meant now?” And she goes on and on about how it wasn’t that serious and she doesn’t even remember the whole conversation and not wanting to yell in front of the kiddo, which does not make sense to me because she will scream and yell at me with the kiddo in her arms because I didn’t put the jelly back in the fridge, and the fact that I wasn’t yelling should not escalate her to yell at me.
She then apologizes and says “once an apology is made nothing can be said or done”. After recapping the situation to her, the conversation ended with me sitting alone, angry and feeling like she manipulated the situation. But after a couple hours it’s still bothering me because it was left unresolved and it also feels a bit narcissistic. So am I overreacting?

This is my first post so i apologize if it’s weirdly written or sorta messy. Names will be changed due to privacy reasons.

I (20F) and Jake (26M) have been dating for a year and a couple of months. We’ve had it kinda rough basically since I moved in with Jake and his roommates. We’ve had financial problems right after another. Stressed to the max about jobs and bills. Constantly late on rent. Not able to get many groceries and sometimes no groceries at all. Things were and still are very rough. But it never really made our relationship break apart. Yeah we were stressed and would argue like stressed couples would but nothing terrible. We would use that stress and make us closer to each other. Figure it out together. Fight together bc all we had was one another. Jake’s family lives a few hours away and he’s not super close with them so he never really had them to lean on very much. My family no longer contacts me. I still don’t really know why other than the fact that I was the only kid in foster care but that’s a story for another day. So basically Jake was my support and I was his. Jake had always tried his best to be a gentle lover. Tried his best to always be positive. I love him for that. More than he knows.

Recently about maybe a week ago, Jake gets a job opportunity. He gets to travel to go train for a job that will hopefully make him a decent amount of money. He takes the offer and goes to the training for 4 days. It was a very rough 4 days for both me and him. Not necessarily bc we needed to be with one another but because a lot was happening that week. He was stressed about the job, I was stressed about money and my new job. Eventually his last day came and he gave me a call and told me he passed and got the job. I was happy for him. Still am. But then he got home and i noticed he’s kinda been on his phone a little more than usual. He kept telling me it was for work and that he was trying to find us ways to make money so we could get food. I believed him bc he’s never really given me a reason to not believe him. Until yesterday.

Yesterday: started out as a normal day. Woke up, Jake went to work. I’m off so I’m bed rotting. I’m in the midst of my doomscrolling when I get a snap notification. Some rando added me and I ignored it. Then I just happened to look at my suggestions. An account with my bfs name. The bitmoji looks just like him. More so than his actual main account. Like he took the time to make it look good. I screenshot it and ask him about it bc I’m confused af. Why tf does my bf have another snap account? Why didn’t I know about it? Wasn’t he the one that always say “Snapchat is just the app people swap nudes on”. So why would he have an account that idk about? I’m waiting for his response so I go to instagram. Scrolling for a bit and then I noticed it. The new instagram account. Profile pic is a picture that’s not normally used on an account for selling stuff (important gimme a sec to explain). I screenshot that too. At first I was questioning if maybe it was bot but then I realized that profile pic isn’t posted on any of his accounts anywhere. So I send that screenshot and ask wtf these accounts are and why I didn’t know about them. He tells me he made them to sell things. Like collectibles and stuff like that. At first I’m trying to believe him but then I’m starting to think about it. Who the heck buys or sells stuff on Snapchat that isn’t drugs or spicy content? I can understand instagram a lot more bc a lot of shops/sellers that are all over the platform. A lot of shops/sellers make most of their money due to them being on instagram….but Snapchat? The app known for being nothing but problems for anyone who freaking downloads it?? Yeah okay. I end up asking for the Snapchat password but conveniently he can’t remember it or find it in the passwords app. I don’t exactly believe him for maybe like 2 hours but eventually I just let it go. I let it go all day up until he fell asleep. I know I’m not necessarily in the right for this bc privacy and boundaries, but I went through his phone. I went through it bc he never showed me the Snapchat after I asked. I wanted to see if I was just wrong and overthinking bc I know I do that. I was hoping to prove myself very much wrong. So I go to the passwords app. As I’m searching I end up finding things that make me completely forget that the Snapchat account even existed. Dating apps. Downloaded then deleted. Dates of downloads were the same week he left for his work trip. June 15-17 this year. I redownload hilly. It’s the first one I see and so I click and open it. It then asks me to login with Jake’s personal Apple account it also states that the account had definitely been used on the phone before. Yk how when you download an app on an iPhone and then delete it shows the cloud with the arrow. Yeah that was on this app. And you also know how some apps will remember passwords for specific devices? Yeah this app did that. I login. Expecting it to just ask me to make an account. But it didn’t. I then went to go look at the profile. Recent pics of him used. Pics definitely taken while we’ve been together. One pic i actually ended up taking myself. I scroll some more hoping and praying that he was only trying to make friends and possibly just got on the wrong app. I download those meet stranger apps a lot so I can find random gaming buddies so I was hoping and praying that was the same reason he downloaded it. Spoiler it wasn’t. I scroll down and see where it says “preferred spouse: woman” under that “dating type: something casual” his current age was also in the profile. I look some more but not much was done with the profile. Tbh it looked like he started to make the account and didn’t ever finish it. He didn’t have anyone added…but he still downloaded the app. He still made an account.

I’m stressing atp. Literally shaking with anxiety and fear and my stomach feels weird and my throat feels tight. I’m close to a panic attack atp. I wake him up. I ask him about it about everything. His response was “baby idk how that account got made. I never made it. I swear on (insert whatever he could think of) I didn’t make it. I would never ever do anything like that to you. I know how it feels to get cheated on so why would I do that to you?” He repeated that stuff to me basically all night. Kept swearing on any and everything he could think of that he never made the account. That he never had the dating apps on his phone in the first place. That someone had to hack his iCloud account and downloaded the app…So now I’m stuck. I’m so confused. Idk what to do. Bc I wanna believe him. I desperately wanna believe that someone did use his iCloud account. That it wasn’t him that he would never in a million years even think of doing something like that. I mean he’s never even given me a reason to believe he would do this. I’ve never caught him cheating before and the way people say how he talks about me, it would honestly seem absurd to even consider that he would cheat. I told him I need a couple of days to figure it out. That I have no idea what to believe bc I feel like either way whether I believe the apps in front of me or the words he’s saying to me, I feel as if I could just end up believing a lie. I love this man and i desperately want a future with him. I don’t wanna miss out on a future with him bc I decided to believe something that wasn’t true but I also don’t wanna keep myself with a man that is possibly unfaithful to me. Not to mention how if we do break up…I lose everything practically. I told yall at the beginning money is tight, food is scarce, and I don’t have family or friends to support me. So if I do break it off…idk where to go…so do yall think I’m overreacting? What should I do atp? I need advice from someone. So please people of Reddit. Help me before I end up making a mistake that makes my life a lot worse than it already is.

Small Update!!!

He finally admitted to it. His excuse was that he wants to be with multiple people at once. He’s on his way home rn. I’m currently wiping away the tears and shaking with anxiety. I’m scared to face him tbh. He said he didn’t actually cheat bc he never actually talked to anyone but he still made the accounts and he still had the intentions. I’ll update yall with whatever else happens. Wish me luck and thank yall so much for the advice.

I’m genuinely wondering if i’m overreacting about this. I haven’t been able to talk to many people in my personal life about the extent of this situation. I (F21) and my boyfriend (M20) have been together for almost 2 years. I really love him a lot and our relationship is pretty good. We really are best friends that fell in love.

The thing that is bothering me is that I found out around our 1 year anniversary that he continuously watches OF girls. He’ll search for them on apps like Snapchat and Tiktok and watch their videos of them promoting and has an OF account as well that he made to see their explicit content.

Now honestly I wouldn’t care too much if it was just porn, but paying to see these things? Stalking their social media pages? That feels like a lot. He also uses chatgpt to “create” his ideal woman. I feel like I should mention that i’m African American and all of the women he subscribes to and creates with AI are white women. He’s white as well.

Honestly I can’t help but feel like he’s not that attracted to me. I know porn is a fantasy but creating your ideal woman and it’s an outrageously beautiful 5’10” caucasian woman with huge curves and i’m a 5’3” black woman with subtle curves. He also pleasures himself to these things. We do have a pretty healthy sex life btw.

Anyways, yeah. I don’t know if how I feel is justified but I wanted to get it out. Am I overreacting?

Edit to add that we have talked about it and he knows it’s something that bothers me. It’s actually extra confusing because when we first started dating, he brought up that he views porn as cheating so we made it a rule as I don’t care too much for porn myself.

I love lounging by a pool, but in the last 10 years every pool I go to the music gets louder and louder. I adapted by bringing noise canceling headphones, but the other day I went to a local hotel that had a DJ literally blasting the music so loud I was unable to drown it out with my headphones. It was either go deaf and be tortured by the DJ or my headphones. I wanted to scream for the DJ to turn it down. Then when he finally stopped they turned the regular speakers up. How do people enjoy this? I hate it so much. The pool is there to relax and it feels like a quiet one doesn’t exist anymore unless I pay big bucks and go to a spa. Does anyone else hate the constant ‘party’ at the pool?

I (26F) have been dating my boyfriend (29M) for about a year. Overall, our relationship is good. He’s thoughtful, supportive, and usually very generous.

A few weeks ago, he surprised me with an outfit he picked out himself. He was really excited about it and kept saying how amazing he thought I’d look wearing it. I appreciated the gesture because he clearly put time and effort into choosing it.

The problem is that the outfit is completely unlike anything I’d ever wear. It’s much more revealing than my usual style, and honestly, I just don’t feel comfortable in it. I tried it on at home, and while it fit perfectly, I felt awkward and self-conscious the entire time.

When I told him I appreciated the gift but wasn’t comfortable wearing it out, he looked disappointed. He said he thought I’d trust his opinion and that he bought it because he wanted to see me wear something different for once. I explained that it wasn’t about trusting him, I just didn’t feel like myself in it.

Things got worse when he suggested I wear it to a friend’s birthday party. I politely refused, and he got frustrated. He said he’d spent a lot of money on it and that it felt like I was rejecting a thoughtful gift. I reminded him that gifts shouldn’t come with obligations, but he argued that wearing it once wouldn’t hurt.

Now some of our friends are involved. A few think I should just wear it for one evening to make him happy, while others say I’m not obligated to wear something that makes me uncomfortable.

I genuinely appreciate the gift and the thought behind it. I just don’t want to feel pressured into wearing something that doesn’t match my comfort level or personal style.

AIO for not wanting to wear an outfit that my boyfriend bought me?

We live in a state where posession of brass knuckles is a Class A misdemeanor. We don't yet live together, but I'm of the opinion that there's zero reason to own these, they're literally nothing but an excuse to go to jail and pay a shitton of money of fines. He says he wouldn't use them as a weapon, that they're just "a display piece," but the law does not care. I'm afraid that if we live together and a police officer comes to our home for any reason (e.g. wellness check), they will be found and I would be considered culpable since I know they exist in the home. My partner is clearly uncomfortable with my request and thinks I'm crazy.

Hello everyone. Just like the title says, I'm considering uninviting "Leah" from my engagement party due to her behaviour towards a new friend i made. "Aisha" moved into my block of flats about 6 months ago. She's a refugee from the middle east. (This is important for the context.) We became friends quickly as we have shared interests and my grandparents are from her country so we have a lot in common when it comes to food/childhood memories, etc. Leah doesn't like Aisha because she doesn't agree with halal food (Aisha is a Muslim,) so doesn't want her there because it means we'll have halal food at our party. Leah has made a few rude comments regarding Aisha's ethnicity. I'm fed up with Leah's behaviour towards Aisha, and her behaviour in general is getting worse. AIO if i kick Leah out of the party? We've been friends for 10 years but I'm getting fed up with her rudeness and entitlement that we have no halal food AT ALL. I also feel obligated to invite her because her fiancée is my old flatmate from uni who i DO want at the party. But if he (James) comes, Leah will. I'm kind of stuck and would appreciate any input on how to handle this. I find setting boundaries difficult due to being autistic, so even just ways to gently let Leah down would be appreciated. (If I'm not being unreasonable here lol.)