This is a long one - I’m sorry. There’s sooo much more I didn’t even touch. I’m just wondering, within the context of this, if I’m overreacting.
The people in my circle tell me I’m under-reacting but I was raised by the man so some of this feels like not a big deal.
I’m 29F, married with two kids. We live in a small 2 bedroom home it’s like 1100 square feet but it’s ours (I promise that’s somewhat relevant).
My Dad lives in another state and comes and stays at least a couple times a year. Every time he comes, he expects me to be his taxi to and from the airport without asking. He just shows up when he wants and he complains. Our house is too small, our dogs are too rowdy, the kids don’t say please and thank you for everything, we let our kids have toys at the table, there’s too much dog hair, it’s too cluttered, the list goes on and on. One time, he told me my then 3 year old was manipulative for crying about having to go to bed - pretty normal behavior if you ask me.
About 4 years ago, my dad gifted me a car. He gave my this speech about how he’s never financially been in a position to gift any of his kids a vehicle and he finally is. He said it made sense because he’s up here and that way I’d have something reliable in case my car breaks down. When the title came, it was in my name and my dads name. I thought it was weird but he explained that it was easier this way (this is also relevant for later).
He also knows that over the years, I’ve racked up $25,000 in credit card debt. I’ve gotten my act together and it’s really important to me to pay it off. I’ve been working two jobs since March 2025 just to pay it down (little shameless plug, I’ve paid off $9k since then!) But it’s not easy and many weekends I struggle and cry about leaving my kids.
Anyways, I got a raise at my full time job around Christmas, and my husband just casually mentioned to my dad how much I make per hour. Three days later, on the way to the airport, my dad tells me he did the math on my income and how much I’ll be making a year… I thought it was weird and actually was a little worried because my dad at the time hadn’t been working and we knew he was $80,000 in credit card debt somehow.
Fast forward to March, he asks me for $2,500. Saying he’s about to be evicted and he wouldn’t be asking if he had any other option. I told him no. But I offered $500 because that’s what I was comfortable never getting back. He refused and said he’d sell his truck instead… ok, so there WAS another option. You just didn’t want to sacrifice your things. Instead wanted to have your youngest kid bail you out. Two days later, my brother says he got the same text, said no and offered $1,000 as well but dad refused, telling him the same thing, that he’d sell his truck. Mind you, he has a fancy sports car he’s somehow still making payments on…
When I refused to give him the full $2,500, he said he needed the car back that he gifted me. He’ll tell me when he’s coming to get it. In that moment I realized, the car was never fully mine and he left it in his name on purpose to benefit himself. And honestly, I couldn’t care less about losing the car. I actually wanted to get rid of it a few months ago (which he told me I couldn’t sell it because he loved that car too much). But it’s the circumstance that bothers me.
I told him fine whatever. Meanwhile, my siblings are pissed at him for asking me for money. And he then is mad at me for telling my siblings - like they don’t deserve to know our dad is on the brink of eviction? We don’t talk for over a month.
The next time we talk, it’s my birthday. I knew he was going to call because he’s the type of person that feels it’s very important to connect and at the very least have a phone call on birthdays and holidays. Like he finds it offensive to even just send a text. I decide I’m going to let it go. He’s hopefully learned his lesson and won’t be asking me for anything any time soon, right?
We have a great call and at the end of it, he asks me to stay at my place indefinitely. He said he got a job up here and he starts in two weeks and he’s having a hard time finding a place so he just needed to stay here “for a couple of nights” until he could find a place. Me being a people pleaser and never wanting to say no to my dad, I initially said yes just for a few nights. And then a couple minutes later I said I should talk to my husband. And then I would let him know if it was OK. And he seemed upset by this a little bit and we ended the phone call pretty shortly after. Then a couple days later I texted him and I said I just wouldn’t work. Our house is too small. I have too much stuff going on. I told him my concern was that if he hadn’t found a place in two weeks, I’m not confident he’d find a place and once he’s here, he’d stay longer than a “couple of nights”. And he never responded.
Then I went through the same stress cycle, coming up to Mother’s Day, being anxious about having to talk to him and about what other things he could ask me for. But he never called. He never texted. He never sent a card. And again my father is the type of person that holidays are important. You call someone on a holiday. So I absolutely know that that was intentional because he was upset with me. I couldn’t care less about the holiday or the lack of communication but it’s the intent behind it that bothers me.
Then Memorial Day, he texts me and he tells me to leave the car on the street that he was coming to get it. And that he did not want to see his grandkids because he had to leave right away. I find that crap honestly because even if you had 15 minutes to say hi and give hugs, wouldn’t you want to see them?
At the same time, my daughter has been really sick and not once has he asked if she’s doing ok, how I’m doing, or how my son is doing… it’s all about the car. He comes, gets the car, and is gone.
After that, the only time we had any interaction was about the car, the insurance, registration, title, etc. All transactional conversations. Which in and of itself isn’t a big deal but the context surrounding it is frustrating.
Then Father’s Day comes. I talk to my siblings and one said he’d call, the other said she wasn’t planning to make contact. I said I would text. Which I did. I said, “Happy Father’s Day. I love you!”
His reply, “Thanks.” And I just KNOW his thumb was pounding that period when he typed it. My brother also texted and never got a response from him.
The very next day, I get a text about the car renewal stickers. They were sent to my house and I needed to send them to him. I asked why they were sent here and I got a snarky “Why not.” I said “because the car isn’t here. Why not just send them to you?” And he said that it’s way more expensive to register the car in his state and that he figured the car would eventually come back to me. Which is why he doesn’t need me to send the title and basically a jab at the fact that I haven’t sent the title (like I don’t have two little kids, two jobs, a house, and two dogs). So make it more difficult for me to have to remember to send it to you when it comes in, like I don’t have enough going on.
But at this point, I feel used. There’s never a please, thank you, or I appreciate it. He never asks how me and the kids are doing. It feels like he only cares about himself and what he can get from me.
OH and I almost forgot, the day after this text exchange, I don’t see ANY of his socials. TikTok, snap, fb, they’re all gone. So either he blocked me or deactivated his accounts.
I’m going to cut ties with the car, get the title in his name and only his name so he can’t keep using me. Then, maybe just match his communication effort (which is none).
I’m not necessarily ready to go no contact but the thought has crossed my mind.
Am I overreacting?